Prologue-Craig's Introduction.

It seems to me that my entire life has just been a waste of time. As a child and teenager, I never really cared about school, friends, or anything for that matter. As I reflect back on these times in my adulthood, I still don't care for anything. But it sometimes seems to me that my utter disregard and carelessness for, well, everything, has taken a toll on me over the years. I ended up sharing a small, one bedroom apartment with my old friend Tweek. We both currently work at his parent's coffee shop. Tweek serves the customers, while I clean up the place in various ways. I don't care for my work, but I've come to face the fact that, while we all don't care for certain things, at some point in our dreary lives we're going to have to do them.

My name is Craig Tucker, and I don't give a shit.

Chapter One-HALO®.

It was a boiling day in the town of South Park, Colorado, which is rather unusual. At this point in time, I was seventeen years of age, and attended South Park High School every day. I always referred to school as a place where society tries to flay their children into shape. I know, I got that from a Pink Floyd song, but it is true. I didn't let the heat bother me, and therefore I was walking home today instead of catching a ride. My feet burnt and sweated in my old, worn sneakers.

I don't care for the heat.

I arrived home at my usual time, 3:30 on the dot. My mother inquired about school, but I ignored her question and walked up the stairs to my room, where I shut and locked the door. I plopped down my backpack and walked over to the television and XBOX 360 setup. I turned the console and TV on, and began a game of Halo 3 to forget about the things I didn't care about. But alas, not ten seconds into the game and the flashing reminder at the bottom of the screen appeared:

"BigBoned wants you to join an XBOX Live party."

I opened the invite, and saw the extended version, which stated that he also wanted to play Halo. I scrolled down to "Reply" and pressed A. I grabbed my chat pad, a little keyboard that you could attach to the remote, and typed out, "I don't care." I then pressed Start and continued my game. But another ten seconds in, and:

"BigBoned sent you a message."

I opened the message, and it said, "BigBoned sent you a voice message." I went to "Play Voice" and pressed A. I heard Eric Cartman's angry voice through my headset saying, "JOIN OUR HALO GAME, YOU FUCKING WHORE!" I sighed and went back to the list of messages I had received. I found the invite, opened it, and went to "Accept". I hesitated, and then pressed A.

A few seconds later and I was in their party and ready to play. I looked at the members of our party, and found that I was playing with BigBoned, ImDaMan (Clyde Donovan), BroFlo (Kyle Broflovski), hellokitty123 (Leopold "Butters" Stotch), coffeeee (Tweek Tweak), OrangeJacket (Kenny McCormick), and Love2Spooge (Stan Marsh). I greeted everyone with a "Hey", and we began our game. The seven of us and a random person from somewhere in the world formed one team, and eight random people formed the other. I heard the three beeps as our match begun. I took a deep breath, and began.

I was no longer Craig Tucker. I was now iDontCare, a Spartan warrior who spent his whole life obliterating aliens. I looked around me, and noticed that everyone on my team was huddled against a corner, doing nothing.

"What the hell are you guys doing?" I spoke into my headset.

"Camping," said Stan, "It's a strategy. We stand here and wait for the enemy to come to us."

I thought about it, then spoke in a slow, measured voice, "Fuck that."

iDontCare ran away from the rest of the blue team and towards the other end of the map. Once he got close enough, he zoomed in on the enemies and saw that they were all camping as well. iDontCare ran towards them, firing the whole time, and annihilated every person on the red team.

I heard fifteen people, all saying, "Whoa!" at the same time as eight messages came up on the left of the screen, each saying, "iDontCare killed…"

I repeated this strategy until the fifteen minutes was over. My team had 120 points. The other had zero. All the points had come from me.

We entered a new match with Clyde as our party leader, meaning he got to choose the next map we should play on.

"What map should we play next, guys? Van Halen?" Clyde inquired.

"You mean Valhalla?" I replied.

"That's what I said. Van Halen."

"No, Valhalla. Like the mystical place. Not the band."

"Ah, okay." Clyde said, then paused. "Van Halen it is, then?"

I sighed at Clyde's retardation, then said, "Fine."

In the middle of that match, Cartman brought up an idea.

"Hey guys, wanna go to Stark's Pond tomorrow?"

I heard almost everyone say "Sure." But Stan, it seemed, had other plans.

"Hmm, I don't know, dude," stated Stan. "I have a date with Wendy tomorrow."

"So bring her along, fucking faggot!" Cartman snapped.

"Alright, I will. I'm sure she'll enjoy that."

"AND WHAT ABOUT CRAIG?" Tweek inquired.

There was a moment of silence. I sighed, then mumbled,

"Okay."

"Alright then, it's settled," Cartman said. "We'll meet at Stark's Pond at ten AM. Bring your own lunch."

We played a few more rounds of Halo, and then I went to bed. But I didn't sleep. I never sleep, because I don't care about it.