A/N: Alright, lemme begin by saying that the Plot Bunnies have quite literally popped out of nowhere to attack me for the SECOND time this evening. Actually, its not so much out of nowhere as I've been snooping around the WPBA forum a little too much - and a plot bunny just happened to be lurking there. Anway, this is the madness that results.
Disclaimer: I don't own SGA or any of the characters from the show - however I do own Evelyn Baker. This is as much a change for you as it is for me - but I hope you like it. Oh, and don't take this personal - it's all in good fun, right? Oh, and Laura Cadman fans - I hope I did her alright, tho she may be a little different.
Revenge of the Scots
"That is it!" Evelyn Baker finally shouted in shock and dismay as she was pinched for the umpteenth time that day. "I am Scottish people, not Irish – Scottish! I do not wear green on St. Patrick's Day – I wear orange!" She was seething in rage, unable to do anything as those who ran around in green, wearing shamrocks among other things, pinched to their heart's content.
She was not the only one, she saw now, wearing orange instead of green, and she found herself suddenly surrounded by people in green. She felt as though she were on a ship – getting seasick and watching everything turn green…
Bathroom. Now.
Evelyn had to brave a few more pinches before she could get into an empty hallway and dash for the nearest bathroom. She hadn't had even one drink, and already she was nauseous enough to have drunk a keg of ale – not that she had ever drank that much in her life, let alone at once. She shivered as she remembered past St. Patrick's Days – it was the only day of the year she loathed – short of April Fools day. Whoever the brilliant genius had been to think up a Fool's day, ought to have been shot and quartered for a prank – same with the saint who thought it was a good idea to wear green and go around pinching people who didn't.
And apparently they had never heard of a place called Atlantis either. It was bad enough being in a work environment – and putting up with it until the shift was over, but here in Atlantis, everyone was on an island for Pete's sake. Okay, so it was a floating city, not that it made much of a difference since an ocean still surrounded it. Still, one would think these people had never heard of the Scottish wearing orange instead of green.
Evelyn wiped her face and looked up just in time to find a woman dash in, wearing orange as well.
"So much green…" the woman moaned, rubbing her eyes, before looking at Evelyn in surprise. "Oh thank god, you're in orange."
Evelyn handed over a washcloth to the woman, who looked like she needed it. "Here, this should help. I hate this holiday over all the others." The woman accepted the cloth and nodded.
"Yeah, the pinching I can handle – it's the greenness that is overwhelming."
An idea suddenly occurred to Evelyn, and with it, a smile lit up her face. "We should totally revolt and start pinching people in green!"
The woman looked at her as though she were nuts. "You're kidding right? They outnumber us – easily. How are we possibly going to stage a revolt?"
Evelyn snickered. "Well, that's actually the easy part – we start a new tradition on the day after St. Patrick's day…we'll call it Revenge of the Scots day."
The woman pondered it for a moment before lighting up in a grin of her own. "I bet we could get Carson Beckett to acknowledge it – he's Scottish."
Evelyn's grin turned to a frown as this new train of thought entered. "I bet Carson doesn't get pinched as much as he should – because of his way with needles."
"True, but that doesn't mean he doesn't get enough of the Irish pranks and what-have-you. You know what? I'm beginning to think this could actually work." The woman shot a grin over to Evelyn. "When we leave, seek out the Scots, and we'll pull our first Revenge of the Scots day. Orange will finally have its victory over green."
"Alright, sounds good, I'll make my way down to the infirmary," Evelyn added, seeing that the woman was about to leave. "Oh, and you are…?"
The woman turned around briefly, her face lit up in an ominous smile. "Laura Cadman, marine; we'll have our revenge yet."
Evelyn shook her head as the two of them emerged from the bathroom to confront the onslaught of green once again. Wordlessly they split up, Evelyn heading for the infirmary – taking the long way around in order to avoid getting pinched, Laura seeking out the victims in orange.
Evelyn arrived at the infirmary a few minutes later, peeking beyond the doors to see what she was up against. Posted firmly within view was a sign: "Pinch-Free Zone" hastily written in Carson's scrawl. Feeling slightly more comfortable, Evelyn entered and watched as a nurse looked up in surprise.
"Is Dr. Beckett around?" Evelyn glanced around the infirmary to find no doctor in white.
"I'm afraid not, he always takes his leave this time of the year. Is there something I can help you with?"
"No thanks, just…" Evelyn realized the nurse was wearing orange instead of the traditional green and grinned. "…You don't happen to be Scottish yourself, do you?"
The nurse nodded, looking a little confused. "Yes, but why?" Evelyn quickly filled her in on the plan and the nurse nodded quickly. "Oh, yes, I've treated some pinching injuries already, and I'll pass the message on." The nurse winked conspiratorially before Evelyn dashed off once again – this time to Carson's quarters.
She hesitated just outside his door before knocking on it. There was just something vaguely wrong with the idea of Carson hiding in his quarters during St. Patrick's Day.
"What do you want?" The groggy, but thickly accented voice demanded from the other side of the door.
"To get rid of the green," Evelyn replied, chuckling slightly as the door opened to reveal Carson's confused face.
"You want to get rid of the green, do you? And how do you propose to do that?"
"By starting a Revenge of the Scots day, in return." Evelyn replied with a smirk. "I thought we could have it tomorrow, to pinch anyone not wearing orange, or something. It'd be a way of getting back at those who wear green."
Carson mulled it over a minute. "You mean to let the Irish pick on us this day, and tomorrow we…"
Evelyn nodded, watching the grin come to Carson's face. "I've talked with the nurses in the infirmary, and they're alright with it. Do you get a lot of 'pinching injuries' during St Patrick's day?"
Carson sighed but smiled anyway, "Aye, we get a fair share – usually nothing too serious, except watch out for McKay and Sheppard, they're the ones usually out on the prowl."
Evelyn nodded, but was secretly glad that Ronon deigned not to wear either the traditional green or orange. If Ronon got involved in pinching…well, she was just thankful that he had thought it beneath him to do something as feminine as 'pinch'.
"So, are you in for Revenge of the Scots day?" Evelyn inquired, watching Carson struggle to contain his amusement.
"Aye, count me in lass, and my nurses – we'll wear orange everyday this week if we have to." Carson chuckled before letting the door close once more and Evelyn went to round up some more of the orange-clad people.
By the end of the day, she and Laura had reconvened over the evening meal to swap information. Between them both they had managed to find nearly every Scotsman in Atlantis and then some – even a very hassled-looking Zelenka had proclaimed he was in no way connected with the Irish, and that the shamrock he wore was to prevent against the pinching he'd receive otherwise. And of course, everyone could see Sheppard and McKay coming a mile away – as they positively radiated green. It had been a grand day, and all that remained was for tomorrow to come – a day that all Scotsmen would look forward to in getting revenge against their Irish counterparts.
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When Evelyn awoke the next morning, it was to the sound of her alarm clock ringing its sad little bells in frenzy. Taking pity on it, she turned it off and climbed out of bed, wearing her orange pajamas. Recalling what today was – or would be – she pulled out the brightest orange clothing she could find, and it was bright. It almost glowed in the dark it was so bright.
She took a quick shower and donned the bright clothing with cheerfulness that only sweet revenge could bring. Truth be told, she was looking forward to seeing what kinds of things would be happening today – since most of the Irish folk had managed to find a small stash of alcohol. And while alcohol was mostly forbidden, there were the few occasions that it was allowed. Not that anyone ever took moderation to heart, such was the result of wearing bright orange coupled with monstrous hang-over headaches that would go on to pester the Irish.
Evelyn smiled broadly as she thought her door open and was pleasantly surprised to find that someone had taken it upon himself or herself to install orange lights, rather than the blue. How they managed it was beyond her, but it created a nice ambience that Evelyn thought rather suited the usually blue city. Orange and blue – not a speck of green to be seen but for the discarded paper shamrocks and the occasional hat or two.
It was not until she entered the mess hall that Evelyn grimaced at what had to be the most horrific sight in Atlantis. She had heard of massive parties that had taken place in the deepest recesses of Atlantis, but this – this was down right ridiculous. The entire mess hall was covered in orange, literally, with streamers hanging down from the ceiling and the walls coated in the bright orange paper. It hurt her own eyes to look at it, and she could not imagine what it would do to someone with a headache.
"So, you think it's enough to get our point across?" The familiar, fellow conspirator voice of Laura Cadman came from behind her, and Evelyn turned to smile.
"I think they'll get the message – if not sooner, than later." Evelyn glanced at the walls once more and whistled appreciatively. "It's gonna be a miracle if no one gets fired for this."
Laura merely waved her had, as though banishing the thought. "The only time anyone is fired is because they did something incredibly stupid a number of times. And then it's usually because they were stupid in the first place and didn't deserve the spot they were given." Laura recalled one particular scientist who had not been very optimistic and had been told none-too-politely that he could either stay, or leave and complain to anyone who would listen to his bickering. Laura had wished he had been fed to a wraith, but that would have defeated their whole purpose of being in Pegasus Galaxy.
Evelyn, however, did not know any of this, much less of some scientist called Kavanagh, and so it passed blissfully over her head as she picked up a tray. It was early enough that most people were still asleep, but she wanted to hang out and watch the reactions of the others who got up to find bright orange everywhere.
"I can't believe we're actually doing this," Evelyn said as she took a bite of her eggs.
Laura grinned, swallowing before replying, "Well, it's all thanks to you, really. I've been here long enough dealing with the insanity of St. Patrick's Day, and finally we have a comeback." Laura suddenly fell silent, instead pointing towards the door to the mess hall.
Evelyn watched with anticipation as the door opened and the unsuspecting person walked through. For a brief moment, it looked as though they had not noticed anything unusual until they scanned the room.
"I-it's orange! My eyes!" The poor marine dashed back out into the hallway, as Evelyn and Laura collapsed into laughter.
"Now I'm sure he'll understand where we get the whole 'green sickness' thing from," Evelyn managed, as she wiped tears of laughter from her eyes. Laura could only nod.
The rest of the morning passed as such, with people moaning and groaning about the color orange being everywhere. Evelyn had to hand it to the person who had managed all this within the wee hours of the night – or was it the morning? The best part, however, came at noon, when everyone was collecting at the Gate room to stare at the Stargate. Whoever had pulled off this prank had gone slightly too far, what with spray-painting the entire Stargate orange. How they had managed to get spray paint from the Daedalus was inconceivable, and even Doctor Weir could only stare at it in mild shock.
"Who did this?" She inquired of those who stood in shock – Evelyn included.
No one responded, but no one needed to, as the effect was stunning – even for someone who might have done it while half asleep. Evelyn felt a tap on her shoulder and she turned to find none other than Lt. Colonel Sheppard, behind her. Self-consciously she straightened her shoulders, but she was amused to find that he was smiling.
"I gotta say, this is probably the most well thought-out prank I've ever seen." And with that, the colonel was gone again, leaving Evelyn with her mouth hanging open.
"Close your mouth, girl, you don't want to catch any Pegasus flies in it, do you?" Laura's playful voice came from beside her, and Evelyn managed just enough effort to close her mouth. "I suppose you haven't actually met the infamous Lt. Colonel Sheppard, and his band of merry pranksters." Laura grinned at Evelyn, who smiled hesitantly back.
"I suppose we should begin tearing down the orange now?" Evelyn finally stammered out.
"That would be an excellent idea," said a voice just behind them. Laura and Evelyn both turned to find Elizabeth Weir gazing at them with amusement. "I must commend you two on pulling together such an elaborate prank just a day after St. Patrick's Day. Particularly the Stargate."
"Oh, well, um, I didn't mean for this to go so far, I didn't really expect anyone to do more than wear orange…" Evelyn stopped as Dr. Weir held up a hand.
"Relax, just so long as this is cleaned up by tomorrow. I'd have the person who spray-painted the Stargate clean it off again though before tomorrow." And with that, Elizabeth walked off, smiling as though she was used to seeing Atlantis in orange.
Evelyn could only stare after her in shock until an arm around her shoulders brought her back to the present.
"Welcome to Atlantis, newbie, a place unlike any other." Laura waved her hands in a flourish, indicating the entire city before walking off. "I'll get started on the mess hall, if you go find Carson."
Evelyn nodded and went to seek out Carson, going first to the infirmary. She almost did not recognize the infirmary when she arrived, and that was in part due to the fact that she was nearly blinded by the bright orange of the interior of the infirmary.
"Carson?" She hollered into the infirmary, deciding to let him come to her, rather than the other way around. A hand on her shoulder made her jump, but a pair of sunglasses was placed over her eyes, which was enough to cut down the blinding orange. She did not have to ask, as Carson's smirk said it all. "I'm guessing no one's going to want to bother you any more," Evelyn said with a smile.
"Aye lass, they just have to brave the Scot in me just like I have to brave the Irish in them. But don't worry, this is just temporary – apparently Elizabeth wants this to be cleared by tomorrow."
"Good," Evelyn replied, gazing into the infirmary to find that only a few nurses were staffing, and they also wore sunglasses. "Well, I think we taught them a lesson about St. Patrick's Day, huh?"
"Aye that we did. That we did," Carson muttered as he returned to his infirmary, although Evelyn kept the sunglasses on for the rest of the day. When the day ended, Evelyn was very happy to see the orange struck down from the walls. While she could not get enough orange wherever green was present, an entire day of orange was almost too much. It had been fun, but her eyes hurt and she could not imagine what the rest of the populace of Atlantis was feeling.
As Evelyn climbed into her bed, she sighed and recounted the adventure. If she had had it to do all over again, she still would have done it – only she would have relished it more. She drifted off to sleep, looking forward to next year's St. Patrick's Day – only because it would mean another day of Revenge of the Scots.
A/N: Okay, I know it was long, but it didn't work right when it was cut down - too short or something. Anyway, I look forward to hearing your comments - and I plan on doing a back story for Evelyn Baker sometime in the near future (as in the next week or two at most).