Disclaimer: It would seem I do not own Invader Zim.
Betaed and Produced by: Zim'sMostLoyalServant
Gaz Dreams of Genie
"Gaz Membrane was bored and irritated. This was her normal state of mind, only alleviated by her precious videogames and a steady supply of junk food. Daughter of one of the most wealthy and respected men in the world, and his favored child to boot, one might ask why? Was it because her intelligence made it difficult to enjoy life, seeing the inherent hollowness and shortcomings of a materialistic and frankly borderline too dumb too live state of human civilization?
Or, more likely, she was an apathetic brat who never exerted herself save in pursuit of pleasure or vengeance, given the choice. Or is vengeance also a pleasure?
Anyway, at the moment, young Gaz once more found herself reluctantly giving a degree of attention to her older and less favored brother's ramblings. As usual, the more he talked, the more she resented waiting for him to be done…"
Seeing no end in sight, she interrupted his recount of the latest object of his obsession, which was currently resting on the kitchen table they were sharing. She noticed he was applying a raw steak to a swollen half of his face.
'Heh, wonder how that happened; maybe I should have paid a bit more attention… Nah,' Gaz thought before speaking.
"Are you serious, a magic lamp? That's crazy even for you," she snapped. The lamp wasn't even gold or something valuable she might sell for a videogame. It was a bottle, like from one of those bad old TV shows Dib watched for Cold War subliminal dumbing-down of the masses. It was tacky – make that with a capital T, Tacky.
"Gaz! Do you really think someone would go to all that trouble to guard a fake?!" Dib exclaimed, dropping the steak as he raised his hands in exasperation.
"Meh," Gaz answered.
"So, what do you want with it? Going to wish to be less of a loser? Nowhere to go but up at this point, I guess. Or let me guess, kill Zim?" she asked.
"First of all, Djinn can't kill with wishes. They also can't affect free will directly, or raise the dead. Zombie or otherwise, apparently.
"Secondly, I'm not going to use it. It's Swollen Eyeball policy to seek out these things for secure storage. Djinn wishes always come back to hurt the owners. Not to mention they are notorious for rewriting reality. Evidence supports that the world as we know it is the 23rd version of reality wished into existence and not reversed.
"So it's a danger to literally the entire world!" Dib explained.
Gaz knocked the bottle off the table with a backhand. It shattered with a crash. Dib blinked, and then leaned over to look at the pieces over the table.
"Hurray for me, I saved the world or something," Gaz muttered.
"Ahhh! Gaz! Destroying a Djinn's bottle is even more dangerous than actually using wishes!" he ranted, jumping out of his chair. Her eyes snapped open, not in response to his usual "we are doomed" panic, but him grabbing her shoulder.
"Quick, we need to lacquer your head with myrrh before-!"
"Security!" she yelled, summoning her automated dolls.
Later:
Gaz was happy, which meant she was sitting at her spot on the couch, playing her Game Slave, and had a box with a mostly-eaten pizza next to her. It was dinnertime, and since her father was both out and apparently too busy to check in via hover-screen, it meant ordered pizza. No pretense of a family dinner as her father demanded; something about such social rituals being supported by science as building positive interaction skills.
Much to her frustration, she was jerked out of her much-coveted zone when she reached for the final piece of her perfection. Picking up the soda can, she immediately felt it was far too light. Peering into the hole confirmed the problem – empty.
Still holding the Game Slave, she got up and walked into the kitchen. She didn't think Dib was back yet, but just to make sure, she counted the sodas to make sure he hadn't gotten any ideas.
'Well, guess he still has some respect from the last lesson,' she thought, having confirmed no one had taken a soda. Her father never did – orange juice went best with toast, and for all other purposes water, tea, coffee, or red wine were his choices. If a soda had been missing, there would only be Dib to blame.
Shutting the fridge, she revealed the presence of an intruder.
"Greetings, mere mortal! I am Azie, genie of the bottle you broke. So three wishes, chop-chop," the genie proclaimed.
"Heh," Gaz remarked, looking at the genie. She had that exotic look genies tended to have in the stories – dark wavy hair down to her waist, and dark eyes with eyeliner in a pretty and delicate face, her upper figure shown off by a green silk and gold vest. And below the waist, her form gave way to one of those vaporous tails, also green.
"Any rules?" Gaz asked. The genie frowned; clearly, she had expected more of a reaction. Pouting, the genie snapped her fingers, making an old-fashioned chalkboard appear in the air. As the genie began to talk, writing appeared on the board.
"Well, okay then. Rule one, no wish can actively affect freewill-" she began, before the kitchen door slammed open.
"Dolls, horrible… AHHHH!" Dib grumbled, stumbling in before screaming at the sight of the genie.
"Quiet, I'm busy," Gaz told him. She was already dismissing the new up and coming Game Slave as her wish. Too small. Perhaps to be head of Game Slave Incorporated so she could be the first to try every cool game?
Dib was oblivious to her thoughts, and grabbed her by the shoulders.
"It's true! Gaz, the curse of the Djinn, you have to-" she punched him in the face.
"That's twice in one day. Sometimes I wish you were never born," she spat at him. Dib's eyes opened wide in horrified shock and the genie sighed, snapping her fingers loudly.
"Granted," she said as a flash of white light erupted.
XXX
When the flash of light died down, Gaz was surprised to see that she was now standing in a room she didn't recognize. Looking around, she saw that it was composed entirely of metal, save for a window off to the side, and was bare of anything except a small bed and a dresser. More surprisingly, was the fact that the door-looking panel on the other side of the room were marked with the same face-like symbol that was on all of Zim's technology.
"What the…?" she muttered in confusion. Walking over to the window to try and get a better idea of what was going on, her eyes widened in surprise at the sight that greeted her.
She appeared to be high up in a tower overlooking the city. At least, she assumed it was the same city she lived in; much of it was in ruins, some of which were still on fire, judging by the pillars of smoke climbing into the sky. More shockingly were the Irken ships zipping about while several giant robots walked among the rubble.
"Huh," Gaz said as she processed what she was seeing, "I guess that freak really was protecting the world from Zim. Go figure."
Leaning her elbow against the window while looking out over the city, she noticed she wasn't wearing her usual attire. One eye opened wide enough to be seen in her irritation that her look had been messed with.
She was clad in a gray, long-sleeved jumpsuit with a big zipper down the front, her feet covered by cheap looking boots of the same color and her hands in matching gloves.
"Ugh," she said, running her fingers together. It was clearly artificial, even more so than most of the other students' clothing; it felt both itchy and uncomfortably smooth. Like rubber laced with sand?
"Whatever – no wish messes with my look. Where did that genie go?" Gaz grumbled. The door-sized panel in the wall opened at that moment, revealing it was, unsurprisingly, the door.
She watched disinterestedly as a cheap-looking Irken robot rolled in on treads. It was missing some plates, and even with them would have looked like a poor fusion between that ancient Sci-Fi movie her brother and father both actually liked, if for vastly different reasons, and Zim's usual half-assed inventions.
Its chest had the letters OVERCU printed on it in red over the Irken crest. An obnoxiously loud and cheerful voice erupted from its featureless head of twirly things.
"M.P. Worker G75-39q07453920q8, you have not deployed for your shift on time. I will escort you to your post, and then you get the privilege of the Chamber of Punishment for our Master of the Earth's amusement!" it announced to her.
"Meh, back off, I'm busy," Gaz brushed him off. Kneeling, she opened a drawer in her dresser, finding only another folded jumpsuit. There had to be a reset button or summoning for the other two wishes somewhere, she thought. Only to be pulled back with a cry as cold metal arms bear-hugged her.
"Come along now, G75-39q07453920q8 – there is no later when Zim is in charge. Only now and sooner, and or else! Zim rulez!" the robot cheered, almost choking Gaz as it rotated on its base and left the room with her.
In short order, Gaz found herself being carried down a broad street of the city. She could see columns of other humans attired exactly like her, and massive trucks bearing the Irken mark and the phrase "Zim Rules" on them.
She couldn't see much of the city itself though; the roadway was lined with billboards and screens.
One flashed "Impending Doom: 2, Everyone Else: DUMB".
That was an exception; most featured Zim. One with Zim standing dramatically, holding a plunger next to a filthy looking steel toilet. Caption: CLEAN TOILETS FOR ZIM.
Another showing him squinting out: ZIM IS WATCHING. And another with him stuffing his face with snacks: ZIM IS EATING!
One with him flexing nonexistent muscles: ZIM IS MIGHTY!
And the most popular showing him in what was unmistakably a military dress uniform, Irken red, with a cap adorned with the Irken symbol. It was clearly padded to make him seem to have broad shoulders and a steel chest. That alone would make it look ridiculous, but to cap it off, the thing was practically covered with medals.
It read simply: ZIM RULES… THE EARTH!
"Does he do anything besides put up signs?" Gaz asked. She jerked as the robot zapped her with an electric charge.
"Why yes, he also RULEZ!" the robot cheered. Grumbling but little more than annoyed, Gaz noted with interest a gap in the signs coming up on her right. A screen floated over the gap, bearing a very familiar face.
RISE ABOVE WITH MEMBRANE! The screen bearing her father's image declared. And yes, her father in person was addressing a small crowd.
Turning her attention to the robot, she noted a cable sticking out of its torso. Slipping one arm free, she grabbed the cable and pulled it out. Sparks erupted, and true to Zim's tech, it immediately went to suck. Releasing her, the robot held up its arms in a dramatic pose and rolled off.
"HALF PRICE ON PRUNE JUZ ISLE 5! HALF PRICE ON PRUNE JUZ ISLE 5!" it declared as Gaz ran through the traffic to the small assembly.
"…And that is how those of you who pass these three horrifying tests to become my new interns can escape the life of Irken slaves to serve a slightly more dignified and infinitely higher purpose, for REAL SCIENCE!" the Professor announced from his podium before stepping down.
Plowing through the crowd of losers, she reached him, a bit surprised his usual security detail was absent.
"Dad!" she called. Turning to face her as he stepped off the stage onto a floating platform, he cocked an eyebrow.
"…Ah, yes! Reproduction #1, Gaz. Have you been enjoying your life as a meat processing slave?" he asked. Gaz was stunned by the question, but asked one of her own.
"Are you working with the Irkens?! What happened to your whole 'friend of the world'-"
"And enemy of Santa!" he interrupted.
"And that, thing?!" Gaz demanded.
"Well, when even my superior genes failed to produce an exceptional and civilization-mindful offspring, I lost any hope for humanity. If my genes at best can only produce an apathetic videogame junkie with psychotic tendencies… well, there didn't seem to be much point in disputing that humanity deserves to be enslaved.
"Maybe if I had had some insane but well-intentioned child with a large head I could have found the motivation. But, as it turned out, the Irkens offered me a job and cloning technology that both gave me a means to produce an adequate heir, and rendered you obsolete.
"And here is your escort," he told her. A massive robot hand grabbed her entire body and lifted her away. Membrane watched the Ultra-Mega Enforcer of Doom carry her off.
XXX
Gaz stood in a round, sterile-looking white room. She couldn't even see the door anymore.
"Stupid robot," she grumbled. Then Zim's voice came over the unseen intercoms.
"SO, IS IT ON?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN MAYBE?! OH, IT'S ON!
"HUMAN SLAVE! YOU HAVE BROKEN THE LAWS OF ZIM, AND THEREFORE YOU MUST FACE THE WRATH OF ZIM!
"BUT SINCE YOU ARE HEARING THIS RECORDING, ALL CHAMBERS OF TORMENT ARE UNAVAILABLE FOR USE ON YOU AT THIS TIME!
"BUT DO NOT DARE HOPE, FOR NOW YOU FACE, THE CHAMBER OF MODERATE ANNOYANCE!
"ITCH, STINK PIG! ITCH!" Zim laughed.
Gas jets turned on, covering Gaz and the room in orange powder. Sure enough, she started to itch like crazy.
"FEAST ON SQUIRREL!" Zim proclaimed, as about a dozen of the small mammals were dropped around her.
"NOW, KETCHUP IF YOU CAN!" His voice cackled as she was sprayed liberally with yellow mustard.
"SKUUUNNNK!" He bellowed as one of the creatures was dropped down in front of her, its face in her ear as a robot hand held it. Before she could blink, the hand squeezed the skunk, spraying its stink in her face.
Recoiling, she did not notice another hand reach down behind her, until it grabbed the lower back of her jumpsuit and jerked her in the air.
"AND NOW STINK FACED HUMAN, LISTEN TO THE GLORY THAT IS ZIM!"
"Once, long ago, in a reproduction manufacturing facility, a young Zim was born to an unsuspecting universe," a voice droned out what Gaz quickly realized was Zim's autobiography.
"A loser talking about their life? This will take awhile," Gaz moaned, folding her mustard-coated arms as she hung from her wedgie.
XXX
The door to Gaz's room slid open and she was punted through it with a yell. The thoroughly annoyed girl hit the opposing wall with a Fwap and slid to the floor head first before falling forward onto her back.
"Now it's time for a horrible night of sleep before you have the privilege to slave another day for ZIM! Zim rules!" the robot cheered, before slamming the door shut. The closing door plunged the squalid room into darkness, until a light clicked on.
Gaz snapped up and turned to the bed, where an antique-looking stained-glass electric lamp floated over Azie. The genie was lounging on the bed, vaporous tail split into a mockery of crossed legs.
"This new world sucks," Gaz remarked, picking herself up.
"My goodness, scanned aright that could be seen as a compliment to your brother. Not quite so useless if this is what he's blocking, is he?" Azie snarked.
Gaz's usual frown deepened. She was not about to admit that – she would just have to make a point of keeping a closer eye on Zim. She could care less about him ruling over this lousy planet, but making her a slave crossed the line.
"Whatever, I wish to undo my first wish," Gaz told her. Smirking, Azie lifted her right hand and snapped her fingers. A flash of light erupted, making Gaz stumble as she rubbed her eyes. She realized she did not feel the gloves on her hands.
Pulling her hands away, she blinked the spots away and saw she was in her room. Her real room. And a glance down showed she was styling again. She pushed aside her irritation at the genie lounging on her bed to look out the window.
"Yeah, that's the lousy excuse for a city I know," Gaz admitted.
"You're welcome. And while Dib is back, I took the liberty of him not recalling yet what you did to the lamp. To give you some breathing space on your one and only remaining wish," the genie said. As she spoke, she lazily drew the number one in the air with her tail, leaving the number hanging in vapor for a moment.
Gaz frowned and went to her desk, backhanding the doll parts off of it. Opening a drawer, she drew out a pen and then a clean piece of white paper. Sitting down, she began to scribble away.
"Whatcha doing?" Azie asked, floating over Gaz to look down at the paper.
"If you're going to twist wishes around, I need one that can't be twisted. Especially as I can't unwish this one," Gaz answered, making her list.
"So, you're making a list of potential wishes and then thinking about what I could do to backfire them," Azie yawned. Gaz paused in her writing for a moment, and then resumed her list making.
Azie rotated in the air, her face hanging down in front of Gaz's, her black hair covering the paper. She wore a thoughtful look, despite being upside down.
"It won't work. You are not the first to think of it, you know. It's not about lists, or even thinking to get a wish that doesn't bite back. You are free to try, of course, but kid, you don't have what it takes," Azie said somberly.
"Tch, so what? I don't make the wish and you bug me forever?" Gaz asked.
"Of course not forever, silly! Just the duration of your mortal life," Azie laughed, spinning back to an upright position. Still laughing, she poofed up a book and lay back down on the bed. Grumbling, Gaz continued her list of wishes and how they could backfire.
Three Hours Later:
Gaz snapped the pen in half, letting the mess fall to the floor. The pen was dry anyway. Azie snorted under the book covering her face and snapped upright at the sound.
"The wine is in the mail!" the genie shouted. Blinking, she saw Gaz watching her from the desk chair, eyebrow raised. Crossing her arms, the genie frowned.
"Oh yeah, you. So, ready to try and fail?" Azie inquired.
"I have gone over every wish worth making and there are at least five ways each you could make it come back to bite me.
"Ruler of the country? It gets invaded and defeated.
"Ruler of the world? Revolution or aliens invade.
"Filthy rich? I'm a criminal whose case just got busted wide open.
"Get my father's company. It turns out Dad broke all kinds of laws and the company is actually bankrupt.
"Ruling at all video games? You trap me inside video games as the player avatar.
"You've been putting people into nightmare worlds for a long time, and I only have a little time before Dib or his lousy Eyeball friends decide to interfere," Gaz ground out. Azie floated over to the scowling girl and propped an elbow on her head.
"Well kid, why not just go with the best potential payoff and hope for the best? Or maybe make the wish about someone else? That way, even if it backfires-"
"No way! First of all, these are my wishes – I am not going to waste them on some whiner. And for just picking it, I don't have any wishes left to undo…" Gaz retorted, before trailing off. She smiled and Azie frowned, taking her elbow off Gaz.
"Hey, I know what you're thinking, and I can't grant more than three wishes a head. Period," Azie told her.
"In that case, I have the perfect wish. I wish I could grant wishes myself; then I can make sure they turn out like I intend. Make it happen," Gaz commanded, smirking.
Azie stared at her for a moment, and then snapped her fingers. Gaz was still smiling as she blacked out.
'Showed that jerkass loser,' she thought, as darkness overtook her.
XXX
Gaz woke with a groan; eyes shut against a throbbing headache, she propped herself up on an elbow. The elbow sunk into a soft cushion, much softer than her bed. And what was that smell?
Gaz opened her eyes, and really let them open, wide enough that most people could see what color they were.
She was sitting in the middle of a large room covered with brightly colored cushions adorned with tassels. Three golden lamps hung down from the ceiling, emitting faint pink smoke, the source of the smell. The room itself was round, with curved pearl colored walls, and no door.
Looking up, she saw a vent of some kind above her, covered with a very solid looking grate. Its holes looked too small for anything bigger than a mouse to squeeze through.
"Nice digs, but whoever abducted me is in for a nightmare," Gaz growled. Getting to her feet, Gaz felt something off and looked down at herself.
Her eyes now nearly bugged out. She was older! And even curvier than that stupid genie, to boot. While never taking much pride in her appearance, she could imagine using it to torment more fools as they…
Wait, the outfit looked just like that stupid genie's?
"Azie!" she screamed.
As if in answer, the walls faded out, letting her see through like it was a dirty window. A familiar scene, the kitchen?
"Of course I won't wish for anything! Wishes made with a Djinn lamp always backfire!" Dib said. Blinking, she took only a moment to realize his gigantic appearance was due to her being small. And she recognized the steak he was holding to his stupid giant head.
She was in the lamp, which had been on the table. And then a new voice spoke – familiar, but different.
"Well, I'm just glad you're alright! Whatever would the Earth do without its brave defender?" A younger, purple-haired Azie laughed.
Jaw dropping, Gaz pinched a lock of her now longer hair, and saw it was a rich shade of black now.
"What is going on here?!" she screamed, running over to the unseen wall to beat her fists and bangle-laden wrists on it.
She railed at it, only letting up when she fell to the cushions on her knees, watching Dib leave. The purple-haired Azie watched him go, then laced her fingers and rested her chin on them, smiling at Gaz.
"Hello Gaz, like your new living space?" the Djinn asked.
"I did not wish for this! Get me out of here you &%*!" Gaz roared.
"Not really a word you should throw around dressed like that. Ah well, uniform comes with the job. Personally, I think even when I get the curves again I'll cover up – just nice to have a choice after four hundred years in a silk two-piece and transparent pants.
"As for your wish, now you can grant wishes. Just like you wanted!" Azie cheered.
"I didn't want to take your place!" Gaz objected, punching the wall.
"Meh, it wouldn't have mattered anyway.
"You see, if you had listened to your brother before, you would know that when a person breaks a genie lamp, they are given three wishes to escape replacing the genie.
"Most try to wish they never found the lamp or something. But they hardly ever succeed. You see, the key to breaking the curse of the lamp is to use the wishes selflessly. If the breaker makes even one truly selfless wish, both will be free to go.
"Really, you were doomed the moment you decided to destroy the bottle. On the bright side, I now get to fill a Gaz-shaped hole in the world."
"You won't get away with this! Dib is paranoid about sandwich meat, and my father is a genius! They'll figure this out, and then it will be a nightmare world for you!" Gaz screamed. Azie inspected her nails with a smile before answering.
"No.
"You saw that the power of a Djinn can reshape reality. It can make a world that never was and now never will be, yet was all the same. They won't miss Gaz because all evidence says there never was a Gaz. They know Azie was born the second child of Professor Membrane – why, the Professor has extensive records of the event, and it is something he actually chose to witness in person even.
"Your life, your role, it is and in a way always has been mine.
"And what a life! Not only having the protection and patronage of an incredibly powerful father, but an older brother who would literally take on forces beyond most humans on my behalf. After all, he went to such lengths for an ingrate like you, imagine what he will do for his nice sister," Azie practically swooned at the possibilities of the mortal lifetime ahead of her.
"You… you… you!" Gaz sputtered.
"I grow bored with this. Enjoy the napping; there really isn't anything else to do in there. Thanks again for your life," Azie said as she tapped the bottle.
Gaz screamed wordlessly as the walls went pearl again, left with nothing to stare at other than her own strange refection.
XXX
Gaz yawned and pushed the pile of pillows off of herself. She had tried tearing them up or setting them on fire with the lamps, to no avail. The lamps could not be broken or removed from their chains, and the cushions were indestructible.
So, reluctantly, she had fallen into Azie's advice, napping as much as she could.
Napping, sulking, and plotting revenge was really all she could do. She had already figured out there were exactly 73 cushions, and how many of each shade.
Unable to tell time, she had to content herself with what she would do when the lamp was rubbed. Getting someone to break the bottle was a good strategy. And then she could hunt down Azie and kill her, Dib too for bringing that lamp to the house in the first place. Convincing her father of the truth would be simple enough.
And of course, failing breakage, she would make whatever loser rubbed the lamp's wishes blow up in their faces in ways Azie had never imagined.
Deciding that was enough plotting for now, Gaz walked over to the other side of the lamp and decided to try and take a nap on top of the cushions this time.
Yes, she was bored, but it wouldn't be long now until she was out wreaking havoc with wishes and seeking her rightful vengeance.
Outside:
The Swollen Eyeball agent stood in the elevator, watching as the descending rooms counter reached triple digits. At 103, it stopped and he stepped forward to let the system scan him. In response to an affirmation, a small door opened in the elevator door. Just the right size for the package he was holding.
Placing the package in the opening, he pulled his hands back before the door clamped shut and the elevator began its ascent. He gave a sigh, looking at the hook in place of his right hand.
On the other side, an unwashed agent opened the package, seeing the lamp inside amidst packing peanuts. A scanner confirmed its nature, and then it was released and placed in a larger box that a foam gun filled up, then in a larger box filled with still more foam. And then a larger box with giant packing peanuts…
At last, a large crate full of straw was nailed shut and loaded onto a forklift, allowing the unwashed agent to label the crate, EXPIRED CHEESE! And then the crate and cart receded down the aisle of identical mislabeled crates, reaching far into the distance under flickering florescent lights.
XXX
"And so we conclude the strange case of Gaz, a sister, daughter, gamer, and jerk that now never was. And so we must ask, what is the moral of our strange tale of doom?"
"Be careful what you wish for?"
"Don't be selfish with wishes?"
"No. And so the moral is ... do not break magic genie bottles/lamps. And so, to ensure you do not dwell on dubious Aesops, we conclude our program with two minutes of a genetically modified chicken playing the trumpet while wearing a blue cowboy hat."
Cue the chicken.
AN:
And so… that is done. If you like this, you should check out Zim'sMostLoyalServant for more Zim fics. This was written from one of the many interesting Gaz-centric story prompts offered by the aforesaid writer. And there are plenty more ideas he has up for the writing.
I hope you all enjoyed it.