I'm not a bad boyfriend. I loved Kurt, really, I did. Just as quickly as I fell in love with him…well, I guess I fell out. I never meant to hurt Kurt. He's so sweet and kind…he doesn't deserve me. Everyone swore we'd be together forever. Nobody could see either of us hurting one another. Maybe that was part of the pressure; being half of that couple. Maybe that was why I started having eyes for other people. Whatever the reason, it was out of my control, anyway. You can't pick who you love. I didn't pick my last boyfriends any more than I picked David Karofsky.
"I'm just saying, they could at least give me my money's worth when they pour my coffee," Kurt scoffs as he takes a sip of his latte. We sit at our usual table at the coffee shop. I laugh and roll my eyes. Kurt smiles and I see my love for him emulated back at me. Who would've thought how quickly the love could disappear?
"You're ridiculous," I chuckle, sipping my coffee and smacking my lips. I look around the place absently. The mindless chatter of Kurt and I is replaced today by an awkward silence. Little did either of us know, it would be the first of many. The bells on the front door jingle, and Karofsky saunters in by himself. He sees us and walks over.
"Hi, Kurt," he says timidly. I look at Kurt. All the hate, the disdain, the fear he held for Karofsky has melted away. You could tell by the way he smiles.
"David," he says politely, nodding. "Where's Santana? I thought you two were an item now?" Karofsky clears his throat and shakes his head.
"Nah, I broke up with her. I couldn't…pretend anymore," he says. I smile at these words. I was so proud of him for taking steps toward acceptance. He reminded me of myself when I first made the discovery that I was gay.
"Does that mean you're ready to come out?" I ask him. He glares at me, and embarrassment overwhelms me. I blush. Then he shakes his head.
"I'm not ready for that," he admits. I smile, and pat his arm.
"It's okay. This is your decision. Come out when you're ready." He smiles, nods, and walks away to get in line. Kurt smiles at me.
"What?" I ask lightly.
"You're too nice. After all Karofsky did…I mean, I forgave him, too…but not to the point where I'd ever give him advice." Kurt laughs it off like a joke, but I can hear a serious underlying truth to his words.
"He was confused…he still is. If things were different, I wouldn't be so sympathetic. But I feel for him," I say. My heart skips a beat when I look over at him standing in the coffee line. He looked…cute. That was the first time I felt like I had a crush on David. I quickly push the thought out of my mind, and turn back to my boyfriend, whom I adored. He leans over the table and plants a kiss on me right there in the coffee shop. Normally I wouldn't mind, I'd kiss back. But today, I hesitate and pull away, looking around to see if anyone saw. I see the hurt in Kurt's eyes.
"Something wrong?" he asks. "Coffee breath?" I shake my head.
"Nothing's wrong," I say absently. The truth was, something was wrong. But at the time, I couldn't put my finger on it. I couldn't understand why I was in such a funk. I assumed it was just a mood, so I shook it off. I didn't realize how quickly things with Kurt and I would spiral.
"You've been acting weird, lately," Kurt says. I hear the concern in his voice. I smile, but my eyes don't smile with my mouth.
"Sorry. I'm just in a mood. It'll pass soon, I promise," I tell him, and I thought it was the truth. Kurt was satisfied with that answer. He reaches across the table and grabs my hand in his and squeezes. I don't pull away, but I don't hold his hand back. I just let my hand lie limp on the table.