We all know that Yuki Sohma's whole life has been plagued with nothing but ANGST. He has now decided that he HATES everyone… but the Juunishi aren't giving up without a reason why!
Did You Get My Message?
"Yuki, why do you hate me?"
"Because, Shigure, you're a smelly dog. Dogs roll in their own crap and eat out of the garbage. Plus, you write crappy porn novels. I could write a better porn novel than you."
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"Yuki, why do you hate me?"
"Because, Kyo, you're a stupid cat. Cats piss in the house and break things. Besides, I've always hated you, ass hole. You suck at martial arts. Haven't you ever watched Tom and Jerry?"
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"Yuki, why do you hate me?"
"Because, Kagura, you're a frickin' pig. Pigs roll around in shit and mud to bathe and for fun. And because you're annoying and need meds."
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"Yuki, why do you hate me?"
"Because, Momiji, you're a mindless rabbit. Rabbits never go away. The population is much too high. Also, you're irritating and need to learn when to shut up."
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"Yuki, why do you hate me?"
"Because, Hatori, you're a sea horse that's supposed to be a dragon. Sea horses are lame and only say 'meep' and dragons are mythical creatures. You also suck at being a doctor and your voice sounds like a rapist's."
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"Yuki, why do you hate me?"
"Because, Hatsuharu, you're a stinkin' cow. Cows are fat and slow and all they do all day is eat grass and take shits. Why don't you move to California? Happy cheese comes from happy cows and happy cows come from California, right? Has anyone ever tried to milk you? I bet that was a pervy sight."
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"Yuki, why do you hate me?"
"Because, Ayame, you're a slimy snake. And you're albino. Snakes eat rats and other small things. I also think you suck at making dresses and should get a job that isn't so feminine. And a haircut."
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"Yuki, why do you hate me?"
"Because, Kisa, you're an idiotic tiger. Tigers are supposed to be scary, and you're not. Tigers also remind me of crappy Jackie Chan movies."
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"Yuki, why do you hate me?"
"Because, Hiro, you're a stinky goat. Goats always smell like shit. Haven't you ever been to the zoo? I also think you're a stupid little brat that likes to run his mouth because you like to think you know what you're talking about. Shut up for once. Gawd."
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"Yuki, why do you hate me?"
"Because, Ritsu, you're a stupid little monkey. Monkeys are so dumb that they throw poo at each other and sometimes eat it. I also think you should stop wearing girl's clothes and maybe you'll get a girlfriend. You and Ayame should go get a haircut together."
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"Yuki, why do you hate me?"
"Because, Rin, you're a horse. Horses always act like they're better than everybody else because they can jump over hurdles and stuff. You suck. It was funny when Akito pushed you out the window. Go join the haircut club."
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"Yuki, why do you hate me?"
"Because, Kureno… who doesn't?"
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"Yuki, why do you hate me?"
"…"
"Oh, so you only hate animals?"
"Yes, Honda-san. I despise animals."
POOF!
I… oh never mind. I'm sorry for insulting your favorite characters.
But that was fun!
Thank you to Justina, who made up the happy cheese comes from happy cows. I know that part of that is on the California Cheese commercial, but they don't say HAPPY cheese on that. I mean, who says HAPPY CHEESE aside from me and Justina? DO YOU?
The title is from the Jason Mraz song 'Did You Get My Message?' which really has nothing to do with the story, but that's the song I was listening to at the time.
So… review if you like. Arigato!
I'll give you Happy Cheese if you review!