Author's Note-I felt like fooling around with Emmett, so I wrote Ways To Piss Off Emmett Cullen. Hopefully, I'll be able to write at least 50, but if I can't, I'll write as many pranks as I can. This is in Alice's point of view, when she goes into "evil pixie mode". It might be in other people's point of view later, but for now, Alice rules this story!

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, or some of the pranks. Some of the credit goes to 50 Pranks on Carlisle Cullen by Lennon Drop!

Prank #1

Alice's POV

"Emmett!" I called sweetly to my big bear brother. He was currently doing his best choking my husband in a wrestling match. Jasper had won the last ten rounds, but Emmett kept on calling rematches. I was in "evil pixie mode" right now.

He grunted in response as Jasper threw him into a tree. The tree snapped cleanly in half. I felt sorry for it. "Rematch! I want a rematch!" Emmett whined. Jasper laughed and said he couldn't take a defeat.

"EMMETT!" I barked. He flinched and looked at me with his puppy eyes.

His bottom lip jutted out in what he thought was a cute expression. "Forgive me?" he whimpered.

"Gotta work on the puppy dog face, Emmett," I advised. "But I'm only a messenger. Rosalie wants you for something." My eyes twitched in what I pretended was discomfort and embaressment. Jasper raised his eyebrows at me as he picked up my new emotions.

Emmett looked at me as if Christmas had come early. "What did she say?"

"She said..." I gulped to show fright. "She said to meet you in the living room." I knew what was in the living room, and it most certainly was not Rosalie.

Emmett trotted off eagerly to look for Rose, and Jasper and I watched him. Our eyes were trained on the bulky figure as he pulled open the door to the living room, took one look, and screamed like a little girl. He turn tailed as if a bull were chasing him and ran into the woods shrieking, "AHHHHHHHH!! MY EYES! THEY'RE SCARRED FOREVER!! AHHHHHHH!! HELP ME!!"

I was laughing my head off as Jasper gazed at me strangely. I held up a finger to say "wait a moment".

Not too long later, a very confused Bella and a very amused Edward came out of the house. "What happened?" Bella asked. "And what was that horrible screeching sound we heard?"

Edward read my mind and burst into fits of laughter. The two of us were rolling on the ground in hysterics. Jasper and Bella stared at us funny, then looked at each other. I heard Bella tell him in a whisper, "Okay, they've officially lost their marbles." Jasper nodded in agreement.

I stopped snorting long enough to choke out the story. "I was passing by the living room when I saw something that gave me inspiration to taunt Emmett." Bella blushed furiously and stormed to my side to try to shut me up. Edward stared at her naturally swaying hips in a daze. Jasper leaned over and smacked Edward upside the head. He snapped out of his trance and would have blushed if he could. "I told Emmett that Rosalie was waiting for him in the living room while he was wrestling my Jazzy here. So off he totters to have some fun with Rose, but instead of seeing a seductive blond in the room, he sees Bella and Edward making out!"

I started laughing again, and Jasper joined with Edward. Bella just blushed like...well, Bella.

Rosalie came back from hunting just then. "Why are you guys laughing? Why is Bella blushing? And WHY is my husband running around in the woods screaming, 'AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! HELP ME!! MY EYES ARE SCARRED!! I HATE YOU EDWARD!! I HATE YOU ALICE!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!'?"

I chuckled in delight. "My prank worked then?"

"I guess so, whatever your prank was," Rosalie said, looking as if she wanted to strangle me.

Later that night...

"So Emmett, where were you all afternoon? I was worried for you," Esme drawled as if it was no big deal. Inside, she was seething with worry.

Emmett immediately got a scared look on his face. He looked at me, then at Bella and Edward. "I was...um...uh um...nothing...hunting...uh..." I was laughing so hard inside, I would have wet myself if vampires could. More like screaming about how he couldn't watch his brother and almost-sister show passion for each other. Hey, he was the one who helped Jasper tease Edward about being a 107-year-old virgin.

"What was that?" Carlisle asked, amusment laced in his fatherly tone. I already told him the story as soon as he got home from the hospital.

Emmett excused himself and ran to his room. Esme and Rosalie watched him go with suspicious and confused expressions on their faces. They were the only ones that didn't know the story. Rosalie asked Esme, "Has he been on vampire meds?"

Rose swept into her room and announced loudly, "Emmett, I demand that you answer this question. Why do you hate Edward and Alice?" A high-pitched scream was his brilliant response, and everyone, even Bella, heard the bedroom door break in Emmett's haste to escape. The whole family ran upstairs to see Rosalie holding Emmett by the collar of his shirt like a mother dog holding her puppy by the scruff of its neck. "Now, Emmett, explain." Rosalie icily demanded. Emmett gulped and started to speak.

I slipped out of the room to plan my next move.

Author's Note-How was it? Do you want me to continue with Prank #2? REVIEW PLEASE!

THE FOLLOWING IS ONLY FOR PEOPLE WHO LIKE BXE FLUFF AND CAN STAND ROMANTIC MOMENTS! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

Okay, for those of you who don't understand, Emmett went in and saw Bella and Edward kissing fiercely. Bella was straddling Edward's hips and he was moaning, (not so innocent seeming) perfect time for Emmett to interrupt! Of course, Alice saw everything, so she picked the exact right time, when the two were most passionate. XP. Evil pixie.