You millions, I embrace you
This kiss is for all the world!
Brothers, above the starry canopy
There must dwell a loving Father
Do you fall in worship, you millions!
World, do you know your Creator!
Seek Him in heavens
Above the stars must he dwell
It was a smoldering day.
The Third Child, Shinji Ikari, was lying calmly on his bed. The apartment was quiet; Misato was still at work, and Asuka had been gone for days. This only added to Shinji's current state of mind: loneliness and utter confusion. Flashbacks from the previous day reminded him, in ways he didn't want to remember.
Ayanami.
Rei Ayanami.
What was she to him now? What was this 'Rei' in the first place?
The faces of those 'other Rei's' flashed quickly in the boy's mind as he stared blankly at the ceiling. He contemplated her, images of the dull-eyed, blue haired girl flooded his mind.
Ayanami.
"There's a feeling about her. Almost as if…" Shinji carried on in his thoughts, now swaying towards that of nostalgia. An image of his mother's grave, laden with a single ivory lily passed by his conscious. "…my mother. Rei and my mother."
The gleam of the naked light bulb above him shone in his concentrated eyes.
"What are you doing with them? Father…"
The youth was out of the apartment now, back in the Evangelion facilities. The boy stood before the enormous Eva Unit 02, it's crimson paint gleaming brightly.
He stared at the Eva, brow held firm in contemplation.
"Where have you disappeared to…Asuka?"
He looked to his feet. But what can I even talk to her about?
Seconds passed. Could I talk about Ayanami with her?
Shinji escaped to the outdoors, coming to stand at the edge of a lake. The whitish sun was in sunset view, still visible above a collection of mountains. Added to his line of vision was rubble and one crooked telephone poll, its wires hanging low and scattered.
All of my friends. Toji. Kensuke. All of their homes have been destroyed, and… now they've left.
Shinji was at the extreme edge of the man-made lake, waves lapping around him in a slow, continuous rhythm.
Friends… I have no one left I can call my friend.
The remains in the lake were that of past battles, of the Angels and Eva's. Large mounds that once were buildings towered out of the water as if they were meant to occupy that space, as large rocks; still, tranquil and dark.
I can't go see Ayanami again. An image of one of the dying dummy plug Rei's flashed across his mind's eye.
I don't have courage to face her. His right hand, relaxed at his side, slightly twitched in dismay.
I don't even know how to talk or act around her now… Shinji's hand clenched and unclenched bit by bit, quicker and quicker as his mind raced in fear.
Asuka. Misato. Mother. What can I do? What can I do?
He stared at the sun, eyes searching for something across the orange atmosphere. Then, softly, a melody caught ears.
A song…being hummed. It was close by. But who was humming this? It was a familiar, gentle tune.
Shinji turned to his left. Beside him, 20 or 30 yards away, in the waters was a boy about his age. The boy was perched on an angel-like rubble formation, sitting on the head portion of the mound.
His flaxen hair was soft and beautiful, not much longer than Shinji's. The tendrils were scattered about his head, yet were styled with order. His skin was many shades lighter than Shinji's own, practically porcelain. The boy was gazing out across the water, waters tinted amber by the sun's magnificent rays.
And he smiled, a sort of smirk-y smile, as if he were invincible. Yet, his confident expression was calm.
And he continued to hum that melody, softly, quietly and fondly.
Shinji lost himself in it, trying for the life of him to identity this song. He had certainly heard it before, but where?
"The song is good," said this boy.
The sudden lack of melody brought Shinji back to reality. He returned to staring at this boy, listening to him now. Out of habit, he uttered a, "Huh?" before realizing what had been said to him.
"Singing brings joy and revitalizes the Human soul. I think that song is the highest achievement of the Lilim culture, wouldn't you agree, Shinji Ikari?" He turned, staring directly at Shinji. Crimson eyes bore through Shinji as if he were made of glass.
"How do you know my name?" asked Shinji.
"Everyone knows your name." He said this in a half-giggle. "I don't mean to sound rude, but you're rather ignorant of your own position." He still smiled. His smile seemed to increase when he turned to face the brunette.
"Oh, really?" A question burned on Shinji's tongue. "Who are you?"
"I'm Kaworu. Kaworu Nagisa. I'm like you, one of the selected children, the Fifth Child."
"You're the Fifth Child?" Really? So this was the Fifth Child. "Um, Nagisa-san-"
This made Kaworu giggle. "Call me Kaworu, Ikari-san."
"Ikari-san?" Shinji half-smiled, blushing at the honorific. "Oh no, you can call me Shinji."
Kaworu grinned, eyes closed. He opened his eyes, looking back at the sun, that wicked smile still spread across his face. "The Third Child, am I right?"
"Huh? Yes…"
"Hm…"
Shinji joined Kaworu, staring once more into that sunset, back in thought.
"They're probably anticipating my arrival."
"Huh? Who?" questioned Shinji, looking to Nagisa-san.
The Fifth Child stared at Shinji, with that smirk still carved into his lips. This caused Shinji to blush profusely.
"Them…" the flaxen haired one pointed to the large establishment behind them. "What is it called…NERV?"
"Y-Yes?" Whatever Shinji said in conformation always came out sounding like a question.
"We should go then." In what seemed to be one movement, Kaworu stood up and leaped towards the strip of land Shinji was on.
Kaworu stood beside his new friend now, bent down in a bow.
How…how could he jump so far? Shinji couldn't believe how effortless Kaworu's action seemed. And now he was bowing to him like this. Shinji's cheeks were scolding hot. He was being impolite not bowing first.
"It is a pleasure to meet you, Shinji." Kaworu stood up, that smile gleaming.
"Oh n-no, the pleasure's mine!" Bowed Shinji multiple times.
Hm, I'm going to enjoy this. Kaworu was looking down at the frantic Shinji, who was blushing and bowing like crazy. The Fifth Child's smirk increased.
They were now in the locker room. Both boys walked toward their own lockers, and, incidentally, Kaworu's was right next to Shinji's.
Oh no! Shinji thought, his embarrassment increasing. He opened his locker casually, back turned to Kaworu as he opened his own.
Slowly, cautiously, Shinji removed his white button-down shirt.
"Hello," whispered Kaworu seductively in Shinji's ear.
"Ahhheeee….!" Shinji screamed, holding his crumpled shirt to his bare chest, fearing molestation.
Kaworu giggled as the brunette turned to him flustered and angry.
"Wha-what did you do that for?" huffed Shinji.
"You seemed so tense, I just wanted to help you relax." Kaworu advanced, Shinji's back pressed against the cold metal of the lockers.
Kaworu simply smirked.
Oh lord, what that smirk was doing to Shinji now. Being there, enclosed by Kaworu and the lockers…it was an enjoyable yet dreadful situation. Even though the brunette's back was frozen by the metal, his front was surging with lively warmth, emanating with such warmth he felt a bead of sweat trickle down his brow. He felt choked in three places: his throat, his chest and in between his legs.
Why there? He thought. Of all places why was that springing to life, wishing, craving for the warmth of the boy before him?
Oh, how he wanted nothing more than to be….wait, what was he thinking? Why gay thought's, now of all times? As many other youths, Shinji, too had questioned his own sexuality; this little encounter only proved to confuse him more.
Kaworu stood back, smiling with a 'hm' or two. He returned to undress himself, leaving Shinji to himself.
Shinji breathed deeply, going back to undressing then to dressing in his Eva suit.
"I-I think we should get ready," he said in embarrassment, face colored crimson. He went back to facing his locker only to give his mind, and hormones, a rest.
"Okay," Kaworu said. He began to unbutton his own attire.
As Shinji pulled on his own outfit, he couldn't help but peek at Kaworu.
Kaworu was bet over himself, only in his whiter-than-white boxers. He had a nice body, thought Shinji. Supple skin, hairless body aside from his head, and possibly…down there. Down there was probably the best…
Oh, give it a rest, Shinji… The brunette thought, scolding himself. But he just couldn't help but every other second to stare at the other boy, scolding himself each time he peeked.
All the while, unbeknown to the other, Kaworu noticed each glance and stare.
Shinji, Kaworu and Rei were in for synch testing.
The Fifth Child was being closely monitored, for he was new and was most likely to be uncoordinated.
Surprisingly, Kaworu's mentality was more in harmony than that of the other's ratio's, even Rei.
"Take it down 0.3 more." said Ritsuko.
"Yes sir," said Hyuga.
"Are these data read-out's correct?" said Commander Fuyutsuki.
"All of the test systems are operating correctly, sir," said Hyuga.
"The Magi confirm that there are no data errors," said Maya.
"It's incredible that he can synchronize with Unit 02 even before we've reconfigured the core. He's amazing," said Fuyutsuki.
"But this isn't possible…" said Maya.
"Nevertheless, it's happening," said Misato. She was standing firm, glaring down at the children, contemplating Kaworu.
Maya looked to her.
"We must accept that fact and investigate why it is so."
It was now after testing, and Kaworu was at the edge of the top of one of the escalators in Central Dogma.
As the escalator rolled up, he saw Rei Ayanami.
She was startled at the sight of him.
His hands were in his pockets, a smirk upon his face. "You must be the First Child, am I correct?"
Rei glared at him.
Unfazed by this, Kaworu continued. "You're Rei Ayanami…"
Her glare was constant.
"You are the same as I am."
Rei said nothing.
"How interesting that both of us have ended up in the same form as the Lilim for life on this planet."
"Identify yourself," said Rei finally.
"Me? I am the Fifth Child. Kaworu Nagisa. Pleased to meet you," bowed Kaworu, then held out one hand as if to shake hers.
Rei simply walked passed him heading home.
Before she went out the door, she was stopped by Kaworu's words.
"What will you do when the time comes, and your own existence is put into question?"
Rei stood there, then left.
Shinji sat alone, right outside of Central Dogma, listening to the song Kaworu had been humming earlier when he had met him. It was Schiller's Ode to Joy. Took him long enough to figure it out. Luckily he had the song. Couldn't get the darn thing out of his head.
Oh, how Kaworu had influenced him thus far. He'd known him for only a short time now.
"Hello," smirked Kaworu entering from Central Dogma.
"Huh?"
"You weren't waiting for me, were you?"
Shinji took out his headphones, and blushed lightly. "Well, no, not waiting anyway."
Kaworu walked toward Shinji, bending over him. "So, what are you doing for the rest of the day?"
"Well, usually when tests are over I'll just take a shower and go home."
Kaworu smiled at him.
This made Shinji stutter a bit. "But, I-I really," he looked down. "…don't wanna go home these days."
"The fact that you have a place where you can return home will lead you to happiness. That is a good fact."
"You think so?"
Kaworu smirked again. "I want to talk to you some more. May I come with you?"
"Huh?"
"To the shower, I mean. Aren't you going to go to the shower?" Kaworu asked.
"Y-Yeah?" Shinji blushed.
"Or do you mean no?"
"N-N-No, I don't mean no."
Suddenly, they were sitting side-by-side in the showers. A large TV screen was spread on the wall in front of them, different images of mountains and NERV's symbol were splayed across it.
Shinji felt extremely awkward. He was sitting naked right next to Kaworu, who was also naked with a tub of water.
He looked to the Fifth Child, who's head was cocked back with a smile.
Shinji, "Hmed…" softly in dismay.
"You are extremely afraid of any kind of initial contact, aren't you?" Kaworu began. "Are you that afraid of other people? I know that by keeping other's at a distance, you avoid a betrayal of your trust, but while you may not be aware of that, you mustn't forget that you must endure the loneliness. Man can never completely erase this sadness because all men are fundamentally alone."
The second Kaworu's lecture had ended, he placed his right hand on Shinji's left. This startled the brunette, making him gasp and look toward Kaworu. Both hands were in the water, and Shinji couldn't help but feel jittery.
Then the lights when out.
"I-It's time," said Shinji.
"Time to go?"
"Y-Yeah. I have to go to bed."
"With me?" asked Kaworu.
Shinji gagged on his words. "No! Y-You have your own room, t-that they gave you, I-I mean!" Shinji's heart beat a mile a minute now. Going to bed with Kaworu was first thing on his mind, and the fact that Kaworu had made a comment on the subject made Shinji choke and hurt all over.
"Okay," Kaworu stood.
Somehow, Shinji kept his eyes focused on Kaworu's face and nowhere else.
Kaworu stared forward with focus. "You know pain is something that man must endure in his heart."
Shinji blinked.
Kaworu turned to the brunette smirking. "And since the heart feels pain so easily some believe life is pain."
Again, Shinji blinked.
"You are delicate like glass, that is, your heart is."
"It is?" Shinji sheepishly, face red.
"Yes. This is worth earning my empathy."
"Empathy?"
"I'm saying I love you," smiled Kaworu.
WHAT?
Kaworu loved him?
In what way?
The same way Shinji was falling for Kaworu?
Or in a friendly way?
What way?
What way?
WHAT WAY?
Shinji was staring at the ceiling yet again, only this time it was not a naked bulb he was staring at. It was a covered florescent, an unfamiliar ceiling. This time, the light was shut off.
This was Kaworu's apartment.
The Fifth Child was in his bed while Shinji was on the floor. The lights were out but the two were still awake, wanting to talk with one another.
Kaworu's hands were behind his head, and he still had that sly smile carved into his lips.
Shinji's hands were on his stomach.
This was, somehow, a comfortable silence.
"I think I should sleep on the floor," said Kaworu suddenly.
"No." Shinji was calm now, and looking towards his friend. "I'm staying at your place. I'm fine. I'll be okay on the floor."
Then there was a lull of awkward silence, Shinji still looking in the direction of the flaxen one.
"What did you want to say to me?" asked Kaworu.
After a second or so, Shinji replied. "What?"
"You wanted to tell me something, didn't you?"
He redirected his gaze to the ceiling. "So much has happened…since I came here. Before this, I lived with my teacher. It was calm and boring in those days. I wasn't really doing anything. But I was fine with that. There was really nothing that I had to do."
"Did you hate dealing with people?" asked Kaworu gently.
"More or less. But I didn't really care as much. However, I really hated my father." Why am I telling all of this to Kaworu? Why am I so calm now? Shouldn't it bother me?
He blinked, looking to Kaworu.
Kaworu looked at him with a smile.
Shinji gasped a bit, his face coloring.
He giggled. "I think I may have been born just to meet you, Shinji Ikari."
Shinji's heart beat faster now. Why was Kaworu being so nice to him? No one had ever shown him such kindness. His feelings began to well up so much that he began to cry.
Kaworu gasped. "Shinji?" He sat up, causing Shinji to turn away.
The brunette sniffled and wiped his eyes constantly, trying to make the tears stop.
"Shinji…" Kaworu said calmly. He reached down towards Shinji, pulling the other forward to face him, clenching Shinji's wrists so that the boy wouldn't hide himself anymore.
Shinji's face looked so sad as the tears fell down his reddened cheeks. He stared up at the crimson orbs for a second only, turning away and closing his own eyes.
"Shinji, please look at me."
Before his mind could think, he had opened his eyes, staring up at Kaworu.
Suddenly Kaworu's lips were on his own. Shinji's first thought was to push the youth away, but the feeling was so delicious, he just melted.
Kaworu's hold loosened, and then tightened suddenly in his own desperation. He went to kiss both tear-stained cheeks, silencing Shinji's sniffles and small gasps.
"Don't cry." Kaworu smiled at Shinji, taking one hand back then stroking the brunette's left cheek with the side of his index finger. "It makes me sad when you do it. Please, don't cry." Kaworu placed his arms around Shinji, embracing him. "I'll comfort you."
Not himself, but not truly caring if he lost himself now, Shinji didn't resist.
This allowed Kaworu to do as he wished. Kaworu placed his lips over Shinji's pinkish ones again, licking his bottom lip playfully before entering the wet cavity. While licking and sucking around Shinji's mouth, he sniffed the boy, putting the flaxen-haired boy deeper into his own lust.
Shinji touched Kaworu's stomach, his hands coming to rest on his hip area, pulling at the pants that covered up the area he craved now more than ever.
Shyly, he placed his hands around the sides of Kaworu's hips. His hands advanced, with slowly building confident. Eventually, they came to rest over Kaworu's growing budge. Unsurely, slowly, he began to run his fingers down the strain of Kaworu's pants. With every passing stroke, the arousal underneath bulged out further.
Shinji himself was at half erection. He was fighting mortification with all his might, lust winning the battle for now. His pants were tight as well and wanted to be touched. In his own desperation, he fondled the boy upon him more, making himself needier.
This action caused the fair-haired one to moan slightly, as the tension began to mount. Unbearably, he went on slowly, kissing and nibbling down the tanned boy's neck, going down to his chest. He pulled up the shirt, going to lap at the hardened nipples. The strain built up in the nubs, hardening terribly at the wet touch of Kaworu's graceful muscle.
As he feasted on Shinji's chest, the brunettes self-control was waning quickly. He laid his hands upon the other's firmed buttocks, cupping the round cheeks with his palms. "Ka-Kaworu. The pants…get rid of the pants!"
This was pure torture. The groan uttered by Shinji was so primal, so incredibly filled with lust that Kaworu thought he would finish right on the spot. He went to Shinji's hips, undoing the pants and pulling down the boxers. There he fondled Shinji's testicles, again and again, eliciting panty moans from the boy. He held onto Shinji's left hip, while undoing his own trousers, rubbing his member with his fingertips.
Once they were wet and coated, he placed them at Shinji's entrance, lubing the hole then entering. Shinji gasped, a throaty moan joining the gasp soon after.
Kaworu pumped two fingers in and out of the orifice in slow motions, stretching the opening. His pace quickened, adding another finger to prepare the entrance. Once he felt that his actions were sufficient, he removed his digits, the brunette gasping. Kaworu smiled in his mind, happy with the predicament.
"Shinji..." Kaworu whispered. "I'm going to begin." With that being said, he positioned his shining member at Shinji's opening. He traced the head around the opening, circling it before pushing it in slowly. "Let me know…if I hurt you," said Kaworu, entering gently.
Shinji's body twitched with tension. "I-I'm fine…" he moaned, trying to relax around the member entering his body. It felt good, but uncomfortable. Once adjusted to this new sensation, pleasure took over his being, muscling clenching around Kaworu's penis.
Kaworu panted at the hot muscles massaging his cock. "Shinji…" His pace quickened.
Shinji felt completely spent by the entire ordeal. It was completely incredible, and he wanted to release but held himself back just a bit longer. He began thrusting into the flaxen-haired one as the other boy thrust into him. He let his head tilt back ever so often to absorb the shock of pain and pleasure, holding back every other second to come so quickly.
Their stride quickened, and Kaworu's head bobbed as they lunged their hips into one another.
"Ka-Kaworu…I'm gonna…"
Kaworu hit the brunette's prostate, causing Shinji to clench hard around Kaworu.
Shinji felt his muscles spasm, his bones weaken, and soon his body collapsed onto the floor, covered in sweat.
He huffed.
Kaworu huffed. He lay next to Shinji now, moving the hair out of both of their eyes. He clasped his hand to Shinji's, like he had before in the showers.
A cold shower next to Kaworu didn't sound too bad at that moment. However, their bodies would not allow.
"I love you," Kaworu stated; his breath, his respiration almost back to normal as he turned to the brunette.
Shinji stared at him. He saw crimson eyes. He saw love and passion. He saw Kaworu.
And Shinji didn't cry.
It was the next day now. Misato was with Ritsuko. The room was dark, the only source of light was the burning NERV symbol glowing on the wall behind them.
Misato had been investigating the Fifth Child now for some time, and this was her last chance. If Ritsuko didn't know who or what he was, there was no hope. Misato held her arms together over her chest. She was behind Akagi-san, who was slumped in her chair.
"It's you again, how surprising," said the monotone Ritsuko.
"I have a question for you." Misato was serious. Normally, she would sound this way, at least, while she was doing her job.
"Our conversation is being monitored, you know?" Ritsuko sounded bitter.
"I don't care. The Fifth Child, what is he?"
Ritsuko kept her gaze on the floor. "He is probably the last Angel."
He didn't want to. Kaworu didn't want to leave, but he had to.
Shinji had fallen asleep since. The brunette was still on the floor, naked, and covered in the two blankets from the previous night.
Standing clothe-less over his partner, Kaworu admired Shinji as he slept. As sinful as Lilim are, they look childlike during slumber. He reached out, smiling like normal, as he stroked a few of the locks on that boy's head. So innocent…
Kaworu stood back up, looking out the window that was on the other end of his room. Still, he had no clothes on. It didn't matter to him, he had no concept of nakedness to begin with.
He smiled.
The sky looked picturesque that morning. Azure depths painted with cotton ball clouds. And the sun, round and full, was high in the sky. It was noon. How long had they enjoyed one another?
The Fifth Child turned to the Third who was still just as soundless on that floor.
"Shinji…" He sat on the floor next to Shinji admiring him pleasantly.
After a short while, Kaworu stood and went to his dress. He went to Shinji once done, and kissed his left cheek. "Come to me, Shinji…in 1 hour," he whispered. He felt conflicted, but, he had to leave. He just…had to. He went to the front door, looking back at his sleeping lover. "Shinji, I'm sorry."
The door closed behind him without a sound.
It had been a half hour since Kaworu had made his exit.
Shinji awoke, sitting up and rubbing his tired eyes. He had had a wonderful, crazy dream about Kaworu. Kaworu had flown about his dream, on dove-like wings. What a silly dream. He thought. Kaworu…an Angel.
"Kaworu," he voiced, expecting the other to reply.
But there was only silence in the apartment.
"Kaworu, where are you?" He looked about, putting his hands out to bring himself up, one hand landing on a folded paper. "Huh?" He took it in his hand.
"しんじ"(Shinji) read the hiragana on the outside of the note.
"F-For me?" Could it be from Kaworu? Maybe he was called back for testing…
He opened it. "Huh? Sorry…but why?"
" ごめんなさい"(Gomen Nasai- I am sorry)
Scrambling to stand and to put his clothes on, Shinji headed out in a panic to the NERV facility. He had to find Kaworu. He knew he was there. He had to be.
Kaworu was before Unit 02. His fists were pocketed as he stared up at Unit 02's face, thinking.
"Does one who is born from Adam encounter the many trails man has faced? Why is that?"
He thought a moment. An hour must have passed by now.
Kaworu smirked. "It is time. Let us go Adam's dark shadow, servant of the Lilim." With that said, Kaworu stepped foward, floating upwards into the air as he stepped off the ground. Shinji, I am sorry. Please, forgive me, Shinji.
Unit 02 began activation.
Alarms rang loudly in the central command center.
Hyuga reported to Misato that Unit 02 had activated suddenly.
"That's impossible!" She yelled. "where's Asuka?"
"She's in room 303, I've confirmed it!"
"Who the hell is piloting it?" yelled Misato.
Maya looked to Katsuragi. "It's unmanned, the entry plug hasn't even been inserted into Unit 02!"
Unmanned? And the Fifth Child isn't there? Misato grimaced. Could it be…?
Hyuga looked 20 years older at that moment. "AT Filed detected around Central Dogma!"
"Eva 02?"
"No!" said Hyuga. "The blood pattern is blue, it's definitely an Angel."
It was the Final Messenger, the 17th Angel: Tabris
Her eyes went wide then. "It's an Angel?" Misato calmed a bit. "Then Ritsuko was…"
Kaworu could now be seen floating at the center of Unit 02, Unit 02 floating down at the same speed as Tabris. That God forsaken smirk was on his face as he advanced down the Defensive Layers.
Back in Central Dogma, the reports about the 17th Angel were getting worse. If the Angel were to pass all the way through to Terminal Dogma, Third Impact would be not too far behind. That had to be prevented at all costs.
"Evacuate the area," commanded Ibuki. "Seal all shutters and bulkheads surrounding Central Dogma. We've got to buy ourselves more time."
The computers put out warnings that all personnel were to evacuate the area.
"God have mercy." Ibuki looked worried, sweat upon his brow. "SEELE has sent an Angel to us."
Gendo Ikari was in his seat as usual, hands clasped and his face resting upon them. "The old man wants to advance his schedule, using us a his tools."
Another report came in. "Unit 02 has penetrated the Central Layers. The target has penetrated the Secondary Layers as well, sir!"
Gendo, cool as ever, let the commands role. "Send Unit 01 into pursuit."
"Yes, sir," said Misato.
"Under all circumstances, the last Angel must be kept from entering from Terminal Dogma."
Kaworu kept to his plans, descending further into the abyss down to Terminal Dogma.
"No, No NO!" he beat his fists on the control panel of his Evangelion. "I won't believe that Kaworu's an Angel! IT'S A LIE!" Shinji was all suited up, sitting in the pilot's seat of Unit 01.
He held back his tears as Misato spoke to him through the speakers of Unit 01.
"It's a fact, Shinji. You must accept it." Misato was calm and cool. "Prepare for combat, do you understand?"
Shinji huffed, catching his breath. He brought forth the note Kaworu had left him. Gomen Nasai.
He held back a sob or two and went to find Kaworu.
The crimson Eva and the flaxen- haired Angel were still on their way to Terminal Dogma.
Suddenly he sensed someone. Kaworu looked up, still descending with the Eva. "Shinji, you are late."
Not far behind was the violet Eva.
Shinji choked a bit, two or three tears escaping him. "Y-you betrayed me. You betrayed the trust I placed in you." His eyes narrowed in anger. "You betrayed me just like my Father did!"
Kaworu made no comment about the 'betrayal' Shinji spoke of. He continued on. "I have been waiting for you, Shinji."
"Kaworuuu!" He went after him.
The Angel smirked.
Shinji was first to make a move, clasping hands with Asuka's Eva. The two pushed back and forth, neither giving up.
Tabris stood back, his hands pocketed as he watched the display before him.
"A-Asuka, I'm sorry," groaned Shinji.
Both Eva's pulled out one Advanced Progressive Knife each, preparing to stab each other.
"The Eva Series was born from Adam, born from man's antithesis, and yet the Lilim will utilize that which they hate most of all in order to survive." Kaworu spoke out loud to himself. "I do not understand."
Unit 02 shot forward, it's knife catching Unit 01's right hand.
"Kaworu stop! Why is this happening?" Shinji tried with all his might to keep the red Eva at bay, while fighting with Kaworu and his feelings.
"Your Eva's and I are composed of the same matter. Born from Adam, I can synchronize with it easily if there is no dominate soul. And Unit 02's soul is now hiding itself, thus Eva 02 is mine!"
Shinji's knife slid off of Eva 02, heading straight for Kaworu.
"No!" Shinji yelled, his tears returning.
Kaworu did not flinch, his AT Field blocking the blow.
"You have your own AT Field?" asking Shinji in wonderment.
"Yes, at least, that is what you Lilim call this thing." Kaworu was still smirking. "This is the light of my soul, a sacred territory in which no one may intrude. Aren't you Lilim even aware that your so called 'AT Field' is merely that wall that encloses every mind that exists?"
"I don't understand what you're talking about!" screamed Shinji. Just then, Unit 02 stabbed his chest. Clasping the wound, he groaned, and then screamed, forcing himself at Eva 02, making a clear stab at the other's neck.
And down they went, their knives still buried in the Eva's. Terminal Dogma was seconds away now.
This is mankind's fate. Thought the Angel. He looked to Unit 01, thinking of the pilot within. The thread f Human Hope is spun with the flaks of sorrow. He paused. Shinji, I am sorry.
Then they were on the ground floor. The scene around the Eva's and Angel was murky and dark. The opening they had entered from was merely a black hole. The ceiling looked like that of a nebula, mauve, magenta, wispy with stars, and cosmic flare.
The ground was sandy, stalactites of white stand about the place. The remaining expanse was black.
Shinji groaned, his eyes tightly shut as he tensed his body. Blinking, he looked around. "Oh, Kaworu! Don't do it, Kaworu!"
The Angel looked at him, with regret. But he turned, floating still as he headed for Heaven's Door.
"No! Don't do it...AGH!" Eva 02 had clasped Shinji's left ankle, not letting him go.
Kaworu advanced. With a mere move of his crimson eyes, the lock was opened. Heaven's Door was opening.
It was as if time stopped, like Shinji's mind was in a twilight zone. He screamed, thrashing about at Eva 02.
His conscious played a song in his mind. What was it? It was familiar…calm…soothing.
Freude, schöner Götterfunken,
Tochter aus Elysium
Wir betreten feuertrunken,
Himmlische, dein Helilgtum!
He fought.
Rei Ayanami was high above as Tabris approched Adam.
Adam lay out before the Angel, hands nailed to the red cross behind him. His white body glowed with a heavenly radinance. His face was circled in violet, an inverted triangle adorning the center. Several eyes, in two odd rows, went down his face.
He was much larger than Rei and Kaworu, bigger by 100 fold.
And his legs were missing, the remaining fragments hanging like threads.
"Adam, that from which we came. Must one who is born from Adam return to Adam, even though it will destroy man?" Kaworu's eyes narrowed. "Wait, this isn't…Lilith?"
His eyes went back to normal. "I see, I understand now. The Lilim, Lilith!"
Just then, Eva 02 fell though the wall opposite Lilith and Kaworu. Unit 02 collapsed upon itself backwards, falling into the LCL lake below, the wall it fell through crumbling around it.
In emerged Eva 01, waking in a crooked-like fashion.
Tabris glared back at them.
Moving clumsily, Eva 01 advanced, reaching out with one fist, grabbing Kaworu.
"I thank you, Shinji. I wanted you to take Unit 02 from me. Otherwise, with her, I might have lived much longer," said Kaworu, firm in Shinji's grasp.
"Kaworu, but why?" he said in despair. Shinji looked forlorn, holding back the urge to blubber like a child.
Tabris smiled at him, causing Shinji to cry.
He couldn't hold it back now. With his free hand he held his forearm to his eyes, quieting himself.
"Shinji…don't cry. I'm…sorry that I put you through all of this. I wanted to comfort you, even though I knew it would hurt you in the end. Can, you forgive me?"
All was quiet.
"If you can't, I'll-"
Shinji sobbed loudly now. "Kaworu, of course I can, Kaworu. I just…"
"Have to kill me now? I know. It was not meant to be. I was not mean to stay with you, you live. " That smirk was still in his lips. How could he be smiling at a time like this? He was literally 'Knockin' at Heaven's Door' now. "Shinji, I want you to live. So, please kill me."
The brunette gasped. "No! I-"
"Listen. It is my destiny to live forever, thought my survival will bring final destruction to the human race. However, it is possible for me to be killed. And whether I live or die makes no great difference, in truth, death may be the only absolute freedom there is."
Shinji's tears momentarily subsided. "What are you? Kaworu….I don't understand what you are talking about, Kaworu."
"This is my wish," said the flaxen-haired one. "Please, destroy me. Otherwise, you will be destroyed. Only one life form can be chosen to evade the destruction and seize the future. And you are not the existence which should die." He smiled a rather innocent smile. Tabris then directed his gaze to Ayanami, smiling half-heartedly at her. He then continued in his speech. "You need the future, it is what you live for."
Shinji cried again, his body shaking in emotional deterioration.
"Thank you Shinji. My life was meaningful…because of you."
The chorus continued in Shinji's mind. What did those lyrics translate to? What did they mean?
Shinji held his head low, sobbing in a more calmed manner now.
"Kaworu, I…loved you, too, Kaworu." He paused, the words and tears coming at rapid speed. "I didn't get to say it that night, but, I love you, too, Kaworu."
Shinji paused for a while, completely motionless.
After his contemplation, he took action.
Kaworu's head fell into the lake of LCL, and it was over.
It was evening. Misato and Shinji were on the edge of the man-made lake. The waves were always more choppy at night, breaking against the edge of the land they stood upon.
Shinji was sitting, his arms around himself. Misato stood by like a protective mother.
The couple was staring off into distance places and times.
The silence was cut by Shinji's words. "Kaworu said…that he loved me. I've never felt…such kindness before. He was like me…and…he was like Ayanami. I loved him, too." His words became sad after that. "Kaworu should have survived. He was much better that I am. Kaworu should've survived, not me. He deserved to live."
A moment or two passed. "No. The one who deserves to survive is the one who has the will to make it happen."
Shinji went quiet, staring off at that angel mound that was among the water. Just yesterday, had it been? Kaworu…happily humming that song.
Kaworu…
Kaworu Nagisa…
"He wished for death. He ignored his will to survive, and chose to die for a false hope. Your survival is not a mistake, Shinji."
"Misato, how can you be so cruel?"
"Shinji, you were meant to live. Don't question it. If it wasn't meant to be, you wouldn't be here now." With that Misato left Shinji to his thoughts.
He relaxed, admiring the angel mound more and more. He saw Kaworu perched on it, staring off into the distance.
Humming…
Smiling…
It may have been momentary, but it was real. Shinji was happy, not smiling happy, but in some odd way, he was satisfied.
Instead of dreading this moment, he let it all go.
He cried.
He smiled.
He was happy.
Kaworu made him happy.
つづく
Fly me to the moon
And let me play among the stars
Let me see what spring is like on Jupiter and Mars
In other words hold my hand
In other words don and kiss me
Fill my heart with song
And let me sing forever more
You are all I long for
All I worship and adore
In other words please be true
In other words I love you