The Random Megaman Parody Show: Third Strike
By: Metal Sonic EX
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Megaman series. Nor do I own anything else that they might choose to make fun of.
Once again, we rejoined the cast of RMPS, already in progress. "…ooooooooooooooo!!" The straps spontaneously came undone. Data plopped out of his chair and looked at MSX. "Must… gnaw… feet off… Can't… right now… Spent all my energy… screaming…"
MSX raised an eyebrow and snapped his fingers. "Congrats. It's season three! You've all got enough energy for a while and you know your lines. So, take your places and let's get this show on the road!" X sighed. "We'd better be paid for overtime this time." MSX smirked. 'There is no overtime…"
Everyone glanced at each other. "I've planned it so that, if anything, you'll be finished early, drastically reducing your paycheck!" MSX began laughing like the maniacal bastard that he is as everyone reluctantly got into position. "Clyde! Prepare the letters!"
Clyde opened a box labeled, 'Giant Letters'. "Letters ready!" MSX rubbed his hands together. "Lights…" Clyde turned on the lights. "Camera…" Clyde turned the camera on.
"Antigravity machine…" Clyde turned the massive machine on and the letters began floating. "Action!" Clyde karate-chopped a plan of wood. "Smartass…" Clyde pointed to himself. "No food for a week." Clyde lowered his head. "And… action!!"
Season Premiere
A Parody of Star Wars
By: The Classic, X, Legends, Zero, Battle Network, and ZX series
(A.N. My original parody of Star Wars sucked, So, to condone, I've done the unthinkable… I've parodied the entire series.)
(As the prologue pops up, the words gradually fade into the distance and draw closer to a planet. The camera then changes to the planet's surface where aliens are running for their lives, screaming as the letters begin to crash into the planet. All this happens as the Star Wars theme is playing.)
Big Bird - This show today is brought to you by the letter…
(Big Bird gets crushed by a giant letter E as the music scratches.)
Zero - It's something… elsewhere… elusive…
X - Well, I just farted. That's probably it.
Zero - Oh… OH! God, man! What did you eat a skunk or something?
(Time passes.)
X - But, Master Yoda said I should be mindful of the future.
Zero - Well, Master Yoda is a 3-foot-tall little green man with bad feet.
(Later, a cannon drops from the ceiling and turns to the control tower. A droid holds up a sign that says, 'Surprise, mo-fos!' seconds before the control is destroyed.)
X - You were right about one thing. The trade negotiations were short.
(X smiles and Zero punches him in the mouth.)
Zero - Never make humor in my presence.
(In Alia's palace…)
Alia - The signal's being jammed. That can only mean one thing: Intergalactic Idol is on.
(On Naboo, Zero sees Hyenard and shrugs. He then sits back as he is run over.)
Zero - Why were you banished, Jar-Jar?
Hyenard - Me-sa make big caca on royal banquet.
(X and Zero stare at Hyenard.)
Hyenard - It's a long story.
(Underwater, X looks at a gigantic fish.)
X - Aw, shit, man. Look at the size of that thing. We're fish food!
(When power goes out, Zero turns to Hyenard.)
Zero - If we weren't underwater, I'd push you out the window.
(In the base…)
Mysterious Guy - This is my apprentice, Darth Balls. He will find your lost ship.
Zero - I sense a disturbance in the force.
X - I do too.
(X and Zero both look at Hyenard.)
Hyenard - Me-sa sorry. Me-sa like-a taco grande. -farts-
(Then, Hyenard is walking around on Tatooine. He suddenly steps in a bucket marked 'Dewback Shit'.)
Hyeanrd - Ohhh… icky icky goop!
(Later, Colonel, who is holding both arms at mid-torso, talks to Infinity Mijinion.)
Colonel - What do you mean, 'naked'?
(Mijinion beeps.)
Colonel - My ball bearings are showing? Oh dear.
Axl - Mom, you say that the biggest problem in this universe is that nobody helps one another. That and there's too many Mexicans stinkin' up the planet.
(When Hyenard gets his hand caught in the pod racer, Iris comes over with an axe and chops it off.)
Iris - You are freed. All is well.
(During the podrace, F-Zero music begins playing as Axl gets into another race with Captain Falcon. Then, Axl wins the race.)
Berkana - My place is here. My future is here. You must go. And if you ever see one of those Wookie bastards, kick them in their soft squishy parts for me.
Axl - I promise, I'll come back and free you, mom. Actually, I'm lying. I'm going to enslave thousands of people and kill a thousand more under an assumed name. And now that I'm not a slave anymore, I'd prefer that you didn't touch me.
(After the drones return, Sigma drives off a cliff and doesn't reappear. The camera looks to the bottom of the cliff where Sigma is now a large blood splatter. Then, the scene changes to the interior of a spaceship.)
Axl - I made this for you. -hands Iris a bag with a turd in it- I made it from corn, chick peas, and crayons for texture.
(Time passes.)
Iceman - I sense much fear in you.
Axl - Maybe I'm just afraid of being shouted at by a big-eared green midget.
Zero - He is not dangerous. I mean, it's not like he's going to grow up, turn to the dark side, put on a big, black helmet, create a Death Star, kill you, and chop off his own son's hand while using the force to strangle random people, right?
(Zero and X slowly turn to face the camera.)
Clyde - I make you bombard general.
Hyenard - General?! -sounds of bowels releasing-
Clyde - Oh, Jar-Jar! Not again!
(During battle in base, an aircraft is shot down.)
Random Pilot - Why is this base built on the edge of a cliiiiiiiii-drags to crash-
(In hangar, doors open to reveal Sigma.)
Sigma - I require a dramatic entrance. I need my smoke machine. Where is my smoke machine?
(A droid sets a smoke machine right next to Sigma.)
Sigma - Okay, close the doors. Start again, start again.
(The doors close for a second then open up again, revealing a puff of smoke. Sigma steps out of the smoke.)
Sigma - Much better.
(Sigma is cut in half and falls to his death.)
Sigma - Oh balls!
(The shot goes to Dynamo and Vile.)
Vile - So, what's it like working on the bottom floor?
Dynamo - Eh, not bad. Nothing eventful ever happens, though.
(Suddenly, Sigma's halves hit the ground right next to the two men, splattering blood everywhere. The two guys just slowly back away. Then, Clyde lifts up the bizarre sphere.)
Clyde - PEACE!!
(Suddenly, the sphere explodes.)
MSX - Cue Episode Two!!
(As the words disappear into the background, they eventually crash into the International Space Station.)
Astronaut - Houston, we have problem…
Random Guard - I guess we were wrong. There was no danger after all.
(The ship explodes.)
Random Guard - Well, I can't be right all the time. -whistles-
(Iris walks into the building and X sees Iris.)
X - Seeing you alive brings warm feelings to my crotch.
(The elevator doors open.)
Hyenard - Obi? Obi!
(X stares at Hyenard.)
X - You're still alive? Then… what happened to the 'package' I sent you?
Hyenard - What?
X - Nothing.
(The shot goes to a forest where an Ewok walks towards a small brown package on the ground marked 'To Jar-Jar Binks'. He touches the package and it explodes, rocketing him into space. Then, X jumps to the window, hits the glass and falls down.)
Random Guy - Would it kill you to open a window once in a while?
(Time passes and X converses with Megaman.)
X - Why do I have the feeling that you're going to be the death of me?
(They both turn towards the camera and a silence follows.)
Protoman - You wanna buy some death sticks?
X - You don't want to sell me death sticks.
Protoman - I don't wanna sell you death sticks.
X - You want to go home and rethink your life.
Protoman - I wanna go home, rethink my life.
X - And you want to let your wife out of the basement.
Protoman - Nope, don't wanna do that. She's a real bitch.
(A little bit more time passes.)
X - Jar-Jar, I'm sure you have much to do. I don't want to hold you up. By the way, how'd you get such a high-powered political position?
Hyenard - Me-sa sucky sucky long time.
(Later, X is asking questions about Jedis.)
X - Yes, little Billy?
Little Billy - The planet was made of cheese and somebody ate it?
X - Good answer, Billy. Now let's get an answer from someone who's not a total retard.
(Moments pass.)
Megaman - I don't like sand. It's cold, it's coarse, and it really stings if it gets in your eyes.
(Megaman pulls out a handful of sand from his pocket and throws it in Iris' face.)
Megaman - You see what I mean?
(Later, X watches as hundreds of Michael Jackson clones line up.)
Alien Guy - Magnificent, aren't they?
(After some interesting crap happens, Megaman and Iris return to Tatooine.)
Berkana - Fanny, is that you?
(Megaman farts.)
Berkana - Fanny! It is you!!(
After some more interesting stuff happens, Bass, or Mace Winodw if you prefer, walks up to observe Hyenard talking on Iris' behalf.)
Bass - Who the hell put him in charge?
(During the Jedi battle, Vile gets his head cut off. Wily, AKA Count Doodoo, shakes his head.)
Wily - I told him to keep his head.
(Just then, Dynamo walks in.)
Dynamo - I'm back. They didn't have Sprite, so I got you… -notices fight- …Sierra Mist…
(A droid explodes nearby and Dynamo runs for cover. Then, as Iceman flies to the ground, he draws his saber.)
Iceman - Kick your asses we have come to. Cry for mercy, you bitches shall.
(Before Iceman fights Wily, he puts down a beatbox and turns it on.)
Iceman - Let's dance.
(Iceman begins jumping around wildly.)
Wily - Holy shit!!
MSX - Cue Episode Three!!
(This time, the flying words fly into the sun, creating a massive solar flare. Then, as the ship flies by the body floating in space, the pilot turns to him.)
Gay In Space - Baaaaaaaaaaaalls!!!
(Mijinion shocks the bug drone and it flies off of the wing. A ship flies into its' path and blows up. People are shot into space, floating next to the guy who's already floating.)
Guy In Space - Well, at least I've got friends now. You guys like playing dominoes?
New Guy #1 - Yeah.
New Guy #2 - Sure.
Guy In Space - Man, I wish I had some dominoes.
(Then, Mijinion pwns some robots.)
Mijinion - 10000101111110101100. Bitches.
(A.N. This means pwned.)
(A random person comes in and begins laughing as he sees Mijinion flying away from flaming drones.)
Random Guy - Damn! You just got your asses kicked by R2-D2!!
(During battle with Wily…)
Wily - Excellent. Twice the power. Double the fall. Doublemint. Doublemint. Doublemint gum!
(Just as battle ends…)
Megaman - Allow me to introduce you to a lady. Her name is Payback.
(Megaman cuts off Wily's hands.)
Megaman - Payback's a real bitch.
(Then, Megaman frees Data.)
Megaman - I shouldn't. I shouldn't book hotels regularly when I can go to and name my own price for hotels!
(A gnome suddenly appears.)
Gnome - Good idea! Blap!
(The gnome spontaneously explodes for no reason. Then, moments later, X and Megaman swing into the doorway.)
X - Wait… where'd the other guy go?
(Suddenly, Data falls past the door and his screams fade. His screams then increase again as he falls the same way past the same door. After the fourth pass, X reaches out and pulls him into the door.)
Data - Well… -slicks back wig- That was weird.
(Later, Megaman is talking with a politician.)
Megaman - Excuse me.
(He walks over to a shadowy figure which is obviously Iris.)
Megaman - STOP FOLLOWING ME!! -smacks Iris-
(Megaman returns to the politician.)
Megaman - Now, as you were saying…"
(Later that night…)
Megaman - You die in childbirth.
Iris - It was only a dream.
(An awkward silence follows. Later, while talking with Iris…)
Iris - Why, for once, can't you wash the dishes?
Megaman - Don't ask me to do that!
(A Wookie commander stands up and shakes his arms in the air.)
Wookie Commander - We're Wookies!!
(The crowd begins doing the same.)
Wookies - Wookies!!
(A Wookie grabs onto the side of this large tank-like machine and knocks on a small door on the side.)
Random Guy - Who is it?
Wookie - -growls-
Random Guy - Oh, Fed-Ex? I'd better get it.
(A droid opens up the door and the Wookie grabs him and throws him onto the ground.)
Random Guy - Hey! You're not Fed-Eeeeeeeeexxxxxx!!!
(Later, in the hangar…)
Megaman - Come on. When have I ever let you down?
X - There was that time when I jumped off of Aunt Margery's shed.
Megaman - Yeah, but…
X - Then, on top of the water tower.
Megaman - Yeah, but still…
X - Then, there was the Sears' Tower.
Megaman - You're a real dumbass when it comes to height, ya know.
(After brief battle with Juno, AKA General Beavis, he jumps into a tire.)
Juno - Hi ho tire! Away!!
(The tire rolls away without Juno.)
Juno - Argh. I didn't mean it like that. Come back.
(Megaman is talking to Bass.)
Megaman - I believe that the Chancellor is the Shit Lord.
Bass - If this is true, our worst fears have been confirmed. He's now eligible for the Shit Lord discount at K-Mart while he still have to pay full price!! However, thanks to the wonderful prices at K-Mart, even if something's not on sale it's still a terrific bargain! Thanks, K-Mart!
(Bass smiles and gives a thumb's up.)
Megaman - Uh, what are you doing?
Bass - Publicity. We just made $500. C'mon, kid. I'll buy you a beer.
(After Bass is thrown out of the window, Data sits back.)
Data - Filthy nigger.
MSX - Gasp! Comical racism relief! You must be punished!! -zaps Trigger-
(Elsewhere, Dynamo is sweeping up in a building.)
Dynamo - Whew! Am I glad to be working in an office! No more falling body parts for me!
(He sees Bass flying toward him.)
Dynamo - Hey, is that a shooting star or…
(The body crashes through the window, and lands in front on him, as the head snaps off and knocks him down.)
Dynamo - Boss? Can I be moved to a different floor, please? Pretty please? OH GOD, I THINK IT JUST MOVED!!
(Time passes.)
Prometheus (formerly Data) - …and we will have peace. I get a hard-on just thinking about it. Thanks, Viagra!
(Prometheus holds up a pill bottle and smiles.)
Prometheus - We just made another $500. I'm buying you two beers.
(During the Jedi killing spree, several clones enter a bathroom where a random Jedi is sitting in one of the stalls.)
Random Jedi - Oh, come on! Not like Elvis!
(As Yoda leaves, two Wookies converse.)
Wookie #1 - Well there goes Yoda. By the way, did you catch last night's Friends episode?
Wookie #2 - Yeah! I can't believe what happened to Phoebe!
Wookie #2 - I know!
(Later, X and Megaman enter a building.)
X - Not even the younglings made it.
(Someone coughs.)
Little Jimmy - I'm alive, Master Kenobi.
(X kneels down by the hurt kid.)
X - Are you in pain, little Jimmy?
Little Jimmy - Yes.
X - Do you want me to make the pain go away?
Little Jimmy - -cough- Yes.
X - Okay. -snaps his neck- As I was saying, not even the younglings made it.
(In weird room…)
X - I must see the truth.
(X turns on the camera and a fat stripper begins dancing on a pole. Seconds pass before he turns it off.)
X - I cannot watch anymore.
(Later, X talks to Iris.)
X - I'm so sorry.
(A silence follows.)
X - Well, I'm off to kill your lover. I'll tell him you said 'hi'.
(After X leaves, Prometheus walks up.)
Prometheus - Get a medical capsule. Immediately!
Elpizio - Um, I'm not a doctor or anything, but I'd say he's pretty well boned.
(Prometheus uses the force to fling Elpizio into the lava.)
Elpizio - Uh… one medical capsule coming up right away, sir!
(As Darth Hater, Grey's table moves up. However, he falls forward and onto his face. He stands up, then learns about Iris.)
Grey - Yeeeeeeeesssssss! Wait! Um… Nooooooooooooo!!
(At the funeral procession, a guy walks up.)
Random Guy - So, a priest, a rabbi and O.J. Simpson walk into a bar when…
(All around him, people are crying.)
Random Guy - Y'know, maybe this isn't the best time.
(Elsewhere…)
Random Guy - Thank you. Oh! Can we keep the midget, too? He's so cute!
(Iceman looks pissed.)
Iceman - Fuck off, you can.
MSX - Cue Episode Four!!
(As the episode starts, the words fly past an armada of alien saucers.)
Alien - My God! The earthlings knew of our coming! We must retreat! We can't deal with this kind of firepower!
(As the Storm Troopers bust down the door, everyone begins pointing at everyone else while going 'Zap! Zap! Zap zap!' In the middle of the gunfight, C-3PO and R2-D2 walk across the hall.)
Random Storm Trooper - Hold your fire! It's the droids!
(When they pass into the next room, the gunfire resumes. Later, the droids land on the desert planet.)
Colonel - What makes you think that their are settlements over there?
(Colonel walks past a sign that says, 'Settlements Over There'. In the large vehicle, Infinity Mijinion wakes up in a scrap heap. He looks around and beeps.)
Shaded Figure - Who are you?
(Mijinion turns around to face a heavily-armored robot. He beeps some more before the robot tilts its' head.)
Vectorman - Name's Vectorman and I shouldn't be here. Damn Master Chief.
(Later, an old man takes off his hood.)
Old Man - Come on out, little friend.
(The old man begins laughing in a creepy manner as X walks up and stabs him with his saber.)
X - Now it's safe to come out.
(On the Death Star, a Pantheon is talking trash. Grey walks up and uses the Force to strangle him.)
Grey - You piss me off.
(In Mos Eisley, Vent walks towards the bar.)
Vent - I'm ready for anything.
(He promptly trips.)
(In the bar, Harpuia yawns as a Pantheon rants on about Jabba. He is about to shoot it when Hyenard breaks down the door.)
Hyenard - Me-sa so happy to see you all!
Harpuia - On the count of three, we shoot together.
(On the Death Star…)
Grey - Proceed with the operations.
Omega - What?!
Grey - Yes, it would appear as if I'm a dick, wouldn't it?
(Later, as X runs off, Vent closes the door, then screams as it crunches his foot. Then, the group find themselves in the garbage chute.)
Harpuia - Try and brace it with something!
(Harpuia picks up Roll.)
Roll - Not me, dumbass!
(As the group runs in front of Storm Troopers, they all stop.)
Storm Trooper - It's them! Blast 'em!
(Harpuia spins around and is suddenly in a redneck getup.)
Harpuia - Just like ma pappy used ta tell me: Never trust Whities!
(Harpuia gives a retarded redneck yell and begins chasing them as they runs away. Then, X finds himself in a battle with Grey.)
X - Stunt double!
(Phantom, dressed as X, walks into the room. Grey swings the saber and cuts Phantom in half. He then prods the clothes with his foot.)
Grey - You still alive?
(X blows a raspberry at him and runs off.)
(As Death Star is being attacked, Harpuia lets out a asinine remark.)
Harpuia - Come with me. I feel like saving my own ass.
(A few minutes later, Harpuia lets another one go.)
Harpuia - Here! Have a health dose of 'getting your ass kicked'!
(Dynamo peeks inside a room of the Death Star and slowly walks in.)
Dynamo - Okay… Everything's completely normal here. It's not like the reactor in front of me is going to explode or anything.
(The missiles hit the reactor and the Death Star explodes. Then, as the audience cheers, Vent slowly leans back to Roll.EXE.)
Vent - Well, this ending sucked.
MSX - Cue Episode Five!!
(In the introduction, the flying words tear through a Covenant ship. The Master Chief runs to the window and watches as the words fly through the Halo.)
Master Chief - Where the hell did that come from? And what does it say?
(On Hoth, Vent is on an unusual creature.)
Vent - What's wrong girl? You smell something?
(Vent turns to his right as Protoman.EXE, dressed as a yeti, roars in his face. They exchange screams for a minute or so before Vent falls to the ground, unconscious. Maylu walks up and places her hand on her hip.)
Maylu - True, his breath is bad, but with Orbit gum, look how white his teeth are!
(Protoman.EXE smiles before dragging Megaman away. Then, the scene briefly changes to the hangar.)
Roll.EXE - I'd rather kiss a Wookie!
Harpuia - I wouldn't if I were you. They tend to get a little… violent…
(In the cave, Vent uses the force to get his lightsaber which he cuts his feet off with.)
Vent - -screaming in pain- Why did I just do that?!
(In the Imperial ship, Grey sits in a pod as Omega walks up.)
Grey - What is it, General?
Omega - The rebel fleet is…
(The pod closes, then opens up again after a second.)
Omega - The rebel…
(The pod closes, remains closed for a few seconds, then begins to open again.)
Omega - The…
(The pod closes, then opens a few inches before closing twice. The pod then opens and a silence follows.)
Omega - The rebel fleet is…
(The pod closes as Omega throws up his hands and walks off. Then, after the long battle on Hoth, Harpuia flies into an asteroid belt. After navigating through it, he flies through a giant ring.)
Harpuia - What the fuck was that?!
(Master Chief looks up and watches it fly off.)
Master Chief - What the fuck was that?
(On Dagobah, Vent prepares to land.)
Vent - I'm gonna start the landing cycle!
(A wing breaks off.)
Vent - I'm gonna start the crashing cycle.
(On the Imperial ship, Omega walks in and stops as the door closes behind him. Next to him is a sign that says 'When entering room, stop and let door close behind before continuing.' Then, the scene changes to Dagobah as Vent walks up to Iceman.)
Iceman - Help you I can.
Vent - I don't think so. I'm looking for a great warrior. Not someone who's been exiled from Sesame Street.
Iceman - Watch your ass you'd better.
(On the Imperial ship, Grey tries to call Prometheus.)
Grey - What is thy bidding, my master?
(Some random old man screams.)
Old Man - Oh my God! Edna, come quick! That crazy boy from down the street is on TV!
Grey - What?!
Old Woman - Oh, he's gotten so big!
Grey - What… No! Where is Darth Hideous?
Old Man - There he goes ranting on about the Force and all the hubbajubba!
Grey - Damn you both!
(Grey stands up and the transmission is cut.)
Grey - I'll try again later.
(In Iceman's hut, Vent converses.)
Vent - I'm not afraid.
Iceman - You will be. You will be.
(Vent looks at Iceman.)
Vent - Yeah, what's a baby gonna do to scare me?
(Iceman begins laughing evilly, making Vent raise an eyebrow. Later, as Iceman goes to use the Force, he closes his eyes and grunts. He farts, then the ship begins rising.)
Vent - Ew…
(On the floating city, Lan acts like he's about to punch Harpuia. Then, he gives him a left hook.)
Harpuia - What the hell?! You're supposed to hug me!
Lan - I know. I just don't like you.
(In a room, Grey begins dancing as he deflects the bullets. Then, he grabs the gun with the Force.)
Grey - We would be honored if you joined us.
(Vile walks up.)
Vile - I'm back again, bitches! Hahahahaha!
(As Harpuia is lowered into carbon freeze, he speaks his last words.)
Harpuia - Going down. Bottom floor: I'm gonna fucking kill you all!
(During fight between Vent and Grey, Grey begins to talk.)
Grey - Only your hatered can destroy me. Either that or strapping me to a chair and forcing me to watch every aired episode of The Teletubbies. In Spanish.
(Dynamo, who is in a full-body cast, looks around, them rolls out in an electronic stretcher. There is a mop attached to the far end of it. He sighs just before Megaman's hand falls on him. Then, he lets forth a series of muffled screams before flipping over the side and falling out of the city.)
Grey - No, Luke. I am your father. I had nice hot sex with a girl named Padme. I became a Jedi. I rocked everyone's socks. I'd kill the infidels, come home, and have more hot sex with Padme. I also know for a fact that you were conceived in the back of her dad's pickup truck!
Vent - No! That's impossible!
Grey - Look in your heart! You know it to be true!
Vent - No, I mean it. It's impossible. I've never been in a pickup truck.
Grey - You haven't? Whatever… Anyways, come with me. It is the only way.
(Ventlets go of the pipe and falls down.)
Grey - Or you could be a stupid ass and kill yourself. Whatever works for you.
(As the ship flies away, Vent turns to Roll.EXE.)
Vent - You know, I really hate the ZX series.
Roll.EXE - I know, but they're the next series up. Wait… Aren't you…
(A silence follows before Giro walks in.)
Girouette - Is it time to start pwning some ass? Yeah!
(Giro does a cheesy pose and walks out.)
Vent - God be with us.
MSX - Cue Final Episode!!
(As the ZX portion starts, the flying letters head to Earth.)
Random Guy - Mister President!
Bush - What? Is Saddama still alive?
Random Guy - No, sir. Giant letters are heading for Earth
(Bush looks out of the window as the words fly towards Earth.)
Bush - My God… It's some kind of alien language…
(Actually, sir, it's English.)
Bush - Even worse! Prepare the super top secret laser beam.
Random Guy - We don't have a laser beam.
Bush - We don't?! Dang! Very well. Plan B. Take off every Zig for freedom!
(A bunch of small, TIE Fighter-like ships fly out of the top of the Washington monument and fly into space. They are promptly destroyed by lasers fired from the VI in Episode VI.)
Bush - Well, I'm outta here! Good thing I saved that exit strategy for something important like this!
(After being chewed out by Grey Giro faints and falls apart.)
Grey - The hell? Did he just… Whatever…
(Inside the base, Colonel steps back.)
Colonel - Oh my. Look at this, R-2. He's got a penis for a head. How silly is that?
(Suddenly, Hivolt flies in.)
Hivolt - Dude! Jabba's smoking a bong! Hurry your asses up!
(He flies off, leaving everyone else looking confused. Then, as a bunch of Galleons sing in a foreign language, Roll.EXE and Vent exchange looks.)
Roll.EXE - We're screwed.
Vent - At least you have a series! I just have two games!!
(Time passes.)
Colonel - The great Jabba wants to know why he should pay you fifty thousand.
(Roll.EXE, in disguise, holds up a cabbage.)
Colonel - Because she's got a cabbage!
(Jabba begins freaking out.)
Jabba - Jabba no wanna cabbaga!
(As Vent falls into pit, a large monster appears from behind a metal door.)
Vent - Damn… That's some RE3: Nemesis shit right there.
(As Vent kills the monster, Serpent runs out and begins bawling.)
Serpent - Old Yeller! No!!
In flagship. "Soon, you will learn to appreciate me." Pandora (Leia) looks away in disgust. "I'd appreciate your taking a shower or using Tic-Tacs or something."
(On the ship, Harpuia looks at Prairie after she lets forth a Wookie growl.)
Harpuia - What? Where?
(He spins around, sending Vile flying off.)
Vile - Oh shit…
(He rolls into the monster's mouth.)
Vile - This fucking blooooooooows!!
On the Death Star II, Prometheus walks down in a dark cape.)
Prometheus - I'm back, bitches, and I'm gonna kick some ass!
(In Iceman's hut, Vent stands up.)
Vent - Well, it took five movies, but someone finally killed Yoda. I mean, he finally died.
(Later, Vent converses.)
Vent - A threesome? Count me in!
(Vent walks in and kisses Roll.EXE He then turns to the camera and gives a thumbs-up and a creepy smile. In the docking area, as Harpuia goes to walk off, but pauses.)
Harpuia - One more thing. That little metal thing on your shirt keeps switching sides.
(He walks off as Lan looks down.)
Lan - The hell?
(As the ship approaches the Death Star II, Prometheus looks at the ceiling.)
Prometheus - Has that stain always been up there?
(During the Speeder showdown, Vent throws a Storm Trooper off of the bike.)
Vent - Only you can prevent…
(Suddenly, as the Speeders fly by, Smokey is suddenly cross-bodied by the Storm Trooper.)
Smokey - That does it! I'm gonna beat your head in with a shovel!
(As the group looks for Roll.EXE, someone snaps a photo of Prairie.)
Random Guy - I did it! Proof that Bigfoot exists! I'm rich! I'm rich! I'm…
(Prairie walks up looking very pissed off.)
Random Guy - I'm dead.
(On the Death Star II, Prometheus is spinning around in chair going 'Whee!' when Grey walks up. Prometheus stops spinning.)
Prometheus - I told you to await my orders.
(As the group is being carried away by Mettaurs, Vent looks around.)
Vent - Well, this is embarrassing.
(Outside of the Mettaur building, Vent tells Roll.EXE that she is his brother.)
Roll.EXE - Somehow, I always knew.
Vent - So did I.
(Vent plants a big wet kiss, then is slapped. Vent turns to the camera and gives another thumbs-up and another creepy smile.)
Colonel - Incest! I am a witness to incest!!
(Times passes.)
Grey - The Emperor has been expecting you.
Vent - I know, mother.
Grey - So, you've accepted the fact that I'm a transvestite.
Vent - Whoops, I messed up. I meant father.
Grey - I didn't mess up…
(As a Mettaur goes joyriding on a Speeder, hippies watch as he flies by.)
Hippie #1 - Dude, I just saw like a Mettaur joyriding.
Hippie #2 - Sweet!
Hippie #1 - Totally.
(On the Death Star II, Vent meets Prometheus.)
Prometheus - Soon, you will learn to call me 'daddy'.
Vent - You won't do to me what you did to my father.
(Grey shifts uncomfortably. Then, on Endor, several Storm Troopers are walking around.)
Storm Trooper - Why do I have the feeling that we're about to be beaten up by midgets?
(Colonel laughs.)
Colonel - Oh, it's much worse than that.
(Mettaurs jump onto the Storm Troopers.)
Storm Trooper - Mettaurs!! Retreat! Retreat!!
(Dynamo walks through the forest and sighs.)
Dynamo - I sure am glad that I've been rebuilt. No more broken bones for me!
(Suddenly, Mettaurs begin raining on him.)
Dynamo - Why God?! Why?!
(During the battle between Vent and Grey, Vent kicks Giro. He continues flipping through the air until Vent gets annoyed and snaps the wires with The Force.)
Prometheus - Now, fulfill your destiny and replace your father to be by my side.
(Vent shrugs, but stops.)
Vent - Nice try, Darth Hideous, but I happen to know that my father owes my ten bucks. He ain't dying 'til I'm paid back.
(After a brief fight scene, Grey snaps.)
Grey - Oh, you did it now, bitch.
(Grey picks up Prometheus and throws him into a bottomless pit.)
Grey - I may be a bad motherfucker, but he's the son of a bad motherfucker. Never cross us, bitch.
(A few minutes pass.)
Grey - Nothing can stop that now.
(Vent takes of Grey's helmet.)
Vent - Old Man Jenkins?
Grey - Take this mask off too.
(Flash forward to an hour later…)
Vent - Steve Urkel?
Grey - Off.
(Venttakes it off and Zero's head appears.)
Vent - What the…
Zero - Well, now I can die. Nothing I haven't dealt with before.
(Zero dies.)
Vent - Um… Okay…
(Seconds before the Death Star explodes, Dynamo walks up and turns on a beatbox. 'Another One Bites The Dust' begins playing.)
Dynamo - Ah, fuck life.
(The Death Star explodes. Then, as Vent burns Gre… I mean Zero's body, Zero lifts his head.)
Zero - Kinda ironic, what with episode three and whatnot.
(Zero goes back to being dead. Moments later, the entire cast of all six series walk up and take a bow. Dynamo hobbles in and props a bazooka on his shoulder.)
Dynamo - And now, to go out with a bang…
Next time: I parody the first X series game. Almost.