A/N: Hey guys, this is different then my usual stuff. Be prepared for angst.
This is a collaborative effort with Kerry(bottomblainers). It's her story, I'm just writing it out! Please let us know what you think. Happy reading. Don't forget to review, my loves.
Chapter One.
Rachel did not, really did not want to go to this audition. She wanted to lay in bed for another day, or five. But Kurt pushed her to do it, and she's grateful. She needed the money. She really needed the money.
You don't have two incomes anymore, Rachel. She reminded herself as she passed by a stopped cab and went to the subway. Rachel really hated the subway. She hated going on it alone. It was underground, it was cold, there were creeps. Enough said.
Rachel kept in her earbuds and played her audition song over and over. She knew it inside and out, but you couldn't be too careful. Did she mention she really needed this part? Because she did. Rachel sighed as she signed in.
"Miss Berry?" The receptionist asked and Rachel nodded solemnly. "You have about 10 minutes. You can wait in there." She pointed to a small side room where other woman about her age were all waiting as well. She noticed a younger red headed, wide eyed girl, about nineteen. The girls eyes shot up at Rachel gave her a soft grin and the girl gulped awkwardly.
"You're Rachel Berry." She whispered. Rachel nodded and tilted her head in confusion, "I absolutely loved you as Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz."
Rachel tried to let her eyes brighten with her grin, but she knew in her heart the smile on her face wasn't reaching her eyes. She had to work on that. She needed to get her acting skills back, and fast. "Thank you, that's very kind of you."
"You inspired me." She beamed and moved to the stop right next to her. "Wow, there is no way I can compete with you. What are you going out for? I'll go out for something else." Rachel could see the wheels spinning in the girls head.
"Don't let me scare you, sweetie." Rachel laughed a little at the girls enthusiasm, "You know, you remind me of a young me."
The girl threw her arms around Rachel's neck, "Thank you! That means to world to me!" She cried as she squeezed Rachel.
Rachel should have felt proud. Hell, two months ago she would have been crying with her. She would have made this girl who new best friend. But, today she just patted her back and feigned delight.
"Rachel Berry." The man from the door called and Rachel tore herself from the girls arms.
"It was very nice to meet you." Rachel told the girl and she nodded with tears in her eyes and a huge grin on her face.
"It was a dream, seriously." She told her and Rachel made her way into the room.
"Rachel!" The bald, obviously gay director beamed, "I'm so happy you're here. What are you singing for me?"
"Les Mis from the musical On My Own." Rachel said confidently, the director tilted his head and Rachel realized her mistake. "Oh! I'm sorry Ryan. I meant On My Own from the seminal classical Les Mis."
Ryan nodded and gave her a curt smile and she took a deep breath, closed her eyes and tried to forget all of her pain.
On my own
Pretending he's beside me
All alone
I walk with him till morning
Without him
I feel his arms around me
And when I lose my way I close my eyes
And he has found me
Rachel's voice was shakier than she was anticipating. She tried to fix it, but trying only made it worse. And remembering why she was so shaky was bringing tears to her eyes.
In the rain the pavement shines like silver
All the lights are misty in the river
In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight
And all I see is him and me forever and forever
And I know it's only in my mind
That I'm talking to myself and not to him
And although I know that he is blind
Still I say, there's a way for us
A flash came back to her of the night that she left and the tears spilled over her eyes and Ryan seemed more moved then irritated, so she pushed on.
Rachel had a grin on her face from a great day at the farmers market. She couldn't wait to make Finn his favorite meal. She even decided that today would be a meat day for him. She normally only gave him one meat day a week, but after the mind blowing orgasm that she received that morning and how attentive he had been she decided her deserved it.
Rachel walked in calling his name, "Finny Bear!" She teased him, she knew how he hated that. She laughed a little, "Finn, babe! I have a surprise for you." She called again as she set the groceries down and saw a note on Finn's stationary. He must be out, Rachel thought as she grabbed the note.
Rachel,
I left, I won't be coming back. You can keep the apartment. Please don't come looking for me. It will be easier that way.
Finn.
Rachel let the tears fall freely, because stopping them would hurt worse.
I love him
But when the night is over
He is gone
The river's just a river
Without him
The world around me changes
The trees are bare and everywhere
The streets are full of strangers
When she had first read that note, she thought it was a joke. Calling his phone and leaving message after message about how it wasn't funny. Saying things like 'Is it April fools or something?' at first and resorting to 'baby, please come home.'
Rachel kept singing, because that is all she could do, her voice getting stronger with emotion and Ryan's mouth dropped in shock.
I love him
But every day I'm learning
All my life
I've only been pretending
Without me
His world will go on turning
A world that's full of happiness
That I have never known
Rachel finally realized he wasn't coming home after a week of denial, chalking it up to her controlling nature and the fact that she only would cook with meat for him one day a week. That boy loved his meat. The last lines in the song were more cried then sang.
I love him
I love him
I love him
But only on my own
She choked out the last line and gulped looking at Ryan, waiting for him to tell her to leave. But instead, he walked towards her and tried to hug her. Rachel let out soft sobs and Ryan tried to hold her but she just said a soft 'Sorry' and ran out of the building, covering her mouth and feeling like her heart was in her stomach. When she got to the street she leaned over and vomited. Off of the curb. Her emotions were so strong it was making her physically sick. She needed Finn, she missed Finn. She needed him back. She couldn't live without him, that was absolutely clear now.