A Prisoner of My Own Mind

by bmsnakia361991

Light Yagami was a victim of Kira just as much as everyone else. Perhaps the greatest victim. For he was trapped for years in his own mind forced to watch as Kira took over.

Honestly, this is just a one-shot that just suddenly came to me. Literally. I was just sitting there and then, BAM!

What if Light had been a prisoner in his own mind by Kira?

And this was born.

I hope you enjoy it even thought its so short. I was going to add on a happier ending, but it really didn't fit, so it's been removed. But it was actually a pretty cool little segment so I think I might use it for another story in the future.

SO here we are with:

A PRISONER IN MY OWN MIND

Summary: Light Yagami was a victim of Kira just as much as everyone else. Perhaps the greatest victim. For he was trapped for years in his own mind forced to watch as Kira took over.

I was once a man. A normal everyday young man with a lot going for him. I was intelligent and ambitious. My father's position in the Japanese Police Department nearly guaranteed my future as a detective. I even helped solve cases with them. I was at the top of my class and destined for greatness.

Until I turned 17.

I had no true idea of what my future held for me in that moment that I decided to pick up that single, solitary black notebook laying innocently outside of my high school. From the moment I touched it's pages, the pull of it should have warned me of the dangers. And it did, but I ignored my instincts and carried it away with me.

The Death Note.

What an amazing creation. And a terrible one as well.

I didn't realize it at the time. I honestly thought it was for the best. To rid the world of all the criminals. It was a police officer's finest dream.

But an unrealistic one as well.

But suddenly that far-fetched dream had become a reality for me. I held the weapon that would create a utopia for future generations. I should have known that this would not end well. A utopia where no evil existed was inconceivable. It couldn't be. Human nature would never allow it.

But I didn't realize that at the time.

And so, after weeks of usage of the Death Note, I find myself stuck in my own mind, a prisoner. I am no longer in control of my actions. I can feel everything however. Is this the pain and suffering Ryuk mentioned so long ago? The unstable loss of sanity that only comes from being a prisoner to yourself?

He has completely taken me over. I have no willpower. No force of control over what I do or say anymore. He has taken it all. So, I sit here, every second of every minute of every hour, watching.

He is cruel. He is vindictive and heartless. He is evil. A terror that I have unleashed upon the poor unsuspecting world. He treats life and death as a game, easily sacrificing one pawn to save his queen. A knight to save his rook. The queen itself in exchange for the King. And he forces me to watch this all, unable to stop him.

And then…there was freedom. It was so short lived. So blissfully, painfully short. And so cruel. To give me a taste of my freedom and then to snatch it away. And once I returned back to my corner, hidden away in my own mind, I realized.

Even free, I was under his every control.

I watch the events pass by with a heavy heart. I try to gather my strength, but I know that there is nothing that can be done. I was forced to watch helplessly as Ryuzaki, as L, my friend, died in my arms. The last thing he saw was a terrifying, confirming smirk dancing across my lips.

It will haunt me forever.

With L gone, I was finally alone. No one would ever stop me, would they? He was too intelligent. He would work as L and continue his murders for all eternity. And I his unwilling accomplice throughout it all.

All I could do, was wait patiently for a time when I was strong enough to attempt anything useful. And I did wait, for five long years as Kira killed thousands in my body.

When Near came in the picture, I felt a relief that I had not known since L. This child, this successor to his greatest rival would bring Kira down. Finally, I would be able to rest peacefully.

I waited, knowing that soon I would have the perfect moment to strike. Near would set up a moment and I would take advantage. I would force his hand if I had too.

Kira had to die.

I had to die.

One of the hardest things I had been forced to witness, the hardest thing I had been forced to witness since L's death, was watching as my father lay dying at my own hands, content in the knowledge that his son was not Kira.

Yet another memory that will torment my mind until I reach MU. Perhaps there truly will be nothing and I can finally forget these memories existed.

I pulled together every inch of my strength afterwards. It would not be long now. After Mikami's attempts at keeping the Death Note, I knew that Kira would be found out soon. Mikami was good. But he was not me. And Kira was only as powerful as the mind behind him.

A few times I have forced myself to wonder whether the previous Kiras were held prisoners like I am. If Misa had been hidden away, starved for life as I am. If Higuchi regretted being chosen by my imposter, trapped in his own mind, forced to watch his own death, at my hands. If Mikami was just now falling into his own self-laid trap, never to reemerge as Teru Mikami, but forever as another Kira.

I pray not. No one should have to endure this torture.

The moment has finally come. I can feel his unrest. Near was meeting with my double. Kira's carefully laid plans were in play and I hoped, begged, prayed that they would fail.

I watched the scene unfold. Near was younger than I expected. But oh, how those eyes so resembled my dear deceased friend. If only for his memory, I had to do what I had been unable to all those years ago.

I had to save this detective.

I used my gathered strength and gave a nudge, pushing Kira to admit himself before the results had been shown. I had hoped that it would be all it took, but when Near confessed about the replacement notebook, I had been shocked. Perhaps I hadn't needed to do anything at all to prove Kira's identity. Near was able to finally stop Kira.

But it was not enough. Kira needed to die, here and now. If he was not killed here-I could feel the plans forming already-then he would find a way out. He would keep killing.

I used every last bit of strength I had left to push my imposter into hysterics.

Open the Watch. I whispered in the ear of Kira. If Near wasn't planning on killing Kira here and now, then I would force his hand.

Write down Near's name. You know the Name. It is written right there.

Write Near's name.

He had almost succeeded when Matsuda, of all people, Matsuda reacted. A shot rang clear and I felt the bullet hitting my body.

The entire barrage of bullets. I hadn't known Matsuda was that good of an aim, but I had never been happier for such knowledge, even through the pain.

I felt Kira moving, and for the first time in so long, I could feel his power over me draining. Yes, I knew I was dying, but as long as Kira was gone, then it was worth it. I laid my broken body down on a set of stairs when I felt the pain rush through my heart.

I was in control again. I gladly welcomed that pain that wracked through me entire body as I lay dying alone on those steps. I deserved this death. This lonely painful death. All this death and destruction were my fault.

It was what I deserved.

But not how I wanted to end.

Then, suddenly, in my last seconds of life, I could see him.

L. My friend.

He was there with me. I could have cried tears of joy as I realized…

I wasn't going to die alone.

His presence relaxed my body. Through all the pain and suffering I dealt in my life. Unleashing that monster on the world. He was still standing here beside me during my last moments.

Finally, a memory that I can treasure.

And then, I died.

…

AUTHOR'S NOTE

So…What did you think? I was going to have an ending where Light ended up in heaven with L, but it just got soooo complicated that I just decided to take it all out and end it here.

It was a strange piece that randomly popped in my head. Of course that's how most of my stories get written. Strange ideas that just randomly appear out of no where.

The original ending was a LOT stranger.

Please review! I love getting feedback on my stories. I'm always trying to attempt new writing styles and so I need you're input on how I'm doing! But as always, review or not, I'm glad you read my story and hope that you enjoyed it!

~nakia