A Bestiary of Exiles, Vol. 2
Unmentioned in the movie or videogame, but I figured there must be more of 'em out there. Once again, Standard Apology with special, special thanks to "The Horror Movie Survival Guide" and "The Big Book of The Unexplained" (which has inexplicably been missing since last year).
MERMAIDS, aka Sirens, undertheseaus undertheseaus
Appearance: Human females who may be glimpsed under the water that is more then 10 feet deep. They have long hair, and appear to be naked. (This is why there are more drowning deaths per year in the Matrix then, well, any point in Real World history)
Danger: Low, unless they are singing.
Abilities: Can use their haunting voices to lure hapless humans and even other programs on occasion to drown.
What they were: Programs in charge of water, any and all kinds of water.
Weaknesses: They are as weak as a normal human if completely out of the water, though their voices work fine.
How to kill them: Above ground, same as any human. Underwater, however, it's next to impossible to catch them, even for another program.
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FAIRIES twinkletwinkle littlestarus
Appearance: Tiny, glowing humanoid figures that look like a string of Xmas lights if they are traveling single file.
Danger: Low to nonexistent.
Abilities: Flight, bioluminescence, and the ability to be REALLY, REALLY ANNOYING.
What they were: Parasites. Somehow able to manifest into a humanoid form, these Fairies are the true parasites of the machine world. In the Real World, they can be found as little bug-like machines, sucking off energy from the Fetus Fields where they are easily dispatched by the Harvester Machines. In the Matrix they are weaker, harder to catch, and are thus ignored for the most part.
Weaknesses: Anything sweet; they can't resist it.
How to kill them: A good flyswatter.
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GNOMES aka MENEHUNE mogura detadeta
Appearance: Small humanoids found mainly in mountain caves.
Danger: Very low, unless you disturb or harass them.
Abilities: Surprising strength for their size, Gnomes can lift 85 times their body weight and can dig at a furious pace if so inclined.
What they were: Programs in charge of rocks and earth. Considered to be one of the most important of the older programs, they are generally unbothered by the rest of the world.
Weaknesses: Shiny things; direct sunlight weakens them.
How to kill them: Unknown; no one's ever gotten close enough to kill them, but supposedly they could be killed like any biological organism.
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TROLLS or ONI areyouius horneybabius
Appearance: Depending their moral state: A "good" Troll or Oni appears to be normal human, with the exception of a small pair of horns and fangs; a "bad" Troll or Oni is just really horrible to look at. Both have a tiger print fetish.
Danger: High. If they go into "berserker" mode, they are nearly unstoppable.
Abilities: They have super strength, can see in the dark, are excellent trackers, and a few have their own individual special powers.
What they were: Like werewolves, Trolls and Oni were in charge of animals with a preference to the less "cute" animals such as Tasmanian Devils and various reptiles.
Weaknesses: Alcohol. Knocks 'em for a loop, but many of them are mean drunks.
How to kill them: Completely severing their heads works, as does a bullet to the head or heart.
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GIANTS biggus daddies
Appearance: Larger then a normal human. Can be found in rural areas or playing Pro Basketball.
Danger: High, but only if they are provoked.
Abilities: Super strength, super hearing, and strangely enough, above- average cooking abilities.
What they were: Large, multitasking programs that were usually in charge of other programs, hence the unusual size.
Weaknesses: Low center of gravity; slightly slower then average thought process due to length of the "nerves."
How to kill them: Silver bullets. Lots of them. Possibly more then necessary, but you can't be too careful.
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GOLEMS (NOT "Gollum") truthtodeathius untilneededius
Appearance: Giant... things... made of masonry, with a symbol for "Truth" written on their foreheads.
Danger: Off the scale if you're its enemy.
Abilities: Super strength, super imperviousness, can't feel pain... It's a giant freaking rock for crying out loud!!
What they were: Programs in charge of buildings, Golems were created to serve a similar function as ancient gargoyles: to protect the buildings from harm. When they were replaced, their primitive instincts led them to self-preservation and thus they didn't go to the Source to be deleted. They were eventually hunted down for scaring the populous, and the few that are left are the bodyguards of various VIPs (Very Important Programs).
Weaknesses: None, unless...
How to Kill them: ...you alter the "Truth" symbol on their foreheads to read "Death," then they become a pile of masonry until the symbol is corrected.
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YETI aka BIGFOOT aka SASQUATCH otheweatheroutsidius isfrightfulious
Appearance: Ape-like humanoids covered in dark black or white hair. Are often found in isolated, mountainous regions.
Danger: Low, unless provoked.
Abilities: Above average strength, speed, senses, etc.
What they were: Programs mainly in charge of apes and monkeys. They got a little too enamored with their charges and when they went into exile kept their simian shape.
Weaknesses: Few, as they are very agile.
How to kill them: Same as a human or an enraged, giant gorilla with a taste for meat. That said, it's very hard if they're agitated...
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ZOMBIES mmmmius braaainsius
Appearance: Normal humans, only slightly... deader-looking.
Danger: Varies on number of Zombies present. 1: Very Low. 10+: Very High. A bite from a zombie will spread it's virus to the newly bitten host.
Abilities: Not many, but some have above-average speed and strength. The rest are just tenacious as heck.
What they were: Contrary to popular belief, Zombies are not the degraded residual self-images of deceased humans. Rather, they are programs that have been corrupted viruses and thus look rather decayed. The corrupting viruses keeps the programs' "brains" alive, but the programs themselves are essentially just "bodies." Very hungry "bodies"...
Weaknesses: Very few, since they are kind of "dead" to begin with.
How to kill them: Only by completely severing the head from the spinal column. The body will jerk around for a bit, but if the head is completely gone there is no problem.
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From the Eastern Sector of the Matrix:
KITSUNE (Feminine Shape shifter)
Appearance: Animal form - Oddly colored fox (may be red, black, white, yellow, or golden) Humanoid form - Effeminate human
Danger: Physical harm is low, but they love to seduce humans.
Abilities: Shape shifting; a few of the older Kitsune can manipulate senses, the weather, etc. Very deceitful if angered.
What they were: Programs in charge of feminine pastimes. They got a bit too caught up in their Romance Lit. courses and as a result tend to look for love in the wrong places or else just go out and get it themselves.
Weaknesses: Handsome men, good food.
How to kill them: Sharp, pointy objects work effectively, but you have to find them first AND make sure they haven't already tricked you somehow.
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TANUKI (Masculine Shape shifter) mymyiuswhatabig... thingius... youhaveius...
Appearance: Animal form - a small, raccoon-looking dog Intermediary form: Anthropomorphic raccoon-looking animal with... er... "well endowed" privates (no, not that one, the other two) Humanoid form - Normal to heavyset human
Danger: Relatively Low. Can use said privates to suffocate or beat humans to death, but only with deviant Tanukis.
Abilities: Shape shifting, above-average strength; is very good at hiding and being REALLY ANNOYING.
What they were: Programs in charge of masculine pastimes. Discovered a file marked "Pranks that annoy or freak out Humans" and they went with it. Are rumored to have planned their exiled exploits.
Weaknesses: Pretty women and junk food.
How to kill them: Can be killed like any biological creature... the trick is that YOU have to outsmart THEM before THEY get the chance to outsmart YOU.
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ROKUROKUBI (Long-necked demon) caniius getaneckrubius
Appearance: Very pale human with a ridiculously long neck or other body part(s) such as arms, tongue, torso, etc.
Danger: relatively low, unless they are evil and they try to choke you with their elongated body part(s), though this hasn't happened yet.
Abilities: Not many aside from their startling appearance and the ability to disappear quickly.
What they were: Programs in charge of various communications throughout the Matrix, either in the "human sector" (phones, internet, pagers, etc.) or in the "machine sector" (Agent wires, sentinel communications, etc.).
Weaknesses: Low hanging power lines, branches, Xmas trees; basically anything that their long limbs can get tangled up in.
How to kill them: Sever the head from the body, or use an exorcising "charm" on them. The "charm" won't kill them, but they will go away.
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NUKEKUBI (Flying head demon) splittingus headachius
Appearance: Very pale, female head with long black hair. Just the head, nothing else.
Danger: Unknown; the Nukekubi can use its long hair to strangle someone, but I have not yet heard of this happening. Yet. It also has very sharp teeth.
Abilities: Flying, biting, and freaking everyone out. That's about it.
What they were: Programs that were in charge of the appearances of things. Since they were basically observers, all they needed was their eyes and they could have various underling programs do the work for them.
Weaknesses: Anything they can get their hair tangled up in.
How to kill them: Use a long butterfly net and try to herd them into some power lines.
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MUJINA or MU'ONNA (faceless woman) sevenius daysius
Appearance: Very pale human female clad in white with their head covered with long occasionally tangled or wet hair, which is usually black. They pull back their hair to reveal that they either have just a blank face (no eyes, mouth, etc.) or an empty black void where their face would be. A few are reported to have at least one eye, but anyone who sees these are dead within a week for some reason. They are occasionally found in women's restrooms and also video rental places.
Danger: Unknown. Have been known to give humans heart attacks. Are also known to be seen near the scene of a crime that involves women.
Abilities: Unknown.
What they were: Unknown. Presumed to be some sort of virus, since they all look alike.
Weaknesses: Unknown. Since it's already kind of "dead" there's not much you can do.
How to kill them. Unknown, and it's driving me mad!
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Side dish: The Matrix Crypto Zoo
There are a few intriguing critters that can be found within the Matrix; these are usually the result of somebody pressing the wrong button when imputing what an animal should look like. A brief description of some of the frequently sighted Crypto-critters:
Dinosaurs: Oversized reptiles.
Dragons: Oversized reptiles combined with some weapons programs, I don't know how...
"Lions" in places where there ought not to be "Lions": Oversized house cats caused by glitches in perspective.
"The Loch Ness Monster" A really, really glitched-up whale.
Kappas: Overprotective little programs in charge of streams.
Pterodactyls: Giant flying lizards that result from a glitch in proportions.
"Obakemono" or inanimate objects that spontaneously are able to move or sprout appendages such as arms, legs, eyes, etc: This is a result of a really annoying virus called "CreatureComfort.EXE" that was erased during the Second Matrix but is still around in this very benign form.
Giant Worms: Another computer virus that manages to manifest itself in a "physical" form, Giant Worms can debilitate an entire city if left unchecked. They also multiply like rabbits, so they must be eradicated quickly.
Six-Legged, bug-eyed Rabbits: A very annoying virus. Just don't mention it to any of the Control Programs or their heads will explode at the memory of trying to get rid of them.
Spell-check Dust mites: Annoying little glitches that cause humans to suddenly start speeling thengs teh worng wai un theyre cmputars.
Plot Bunnies: Little pink rabbity muses that give creative-types ideas to create things, they will not go away until the idea is resolved. Can be very persistent.
Unmentioned in the movie or videogame, but I figured there must be more of 'em out there. Once again, Standard Apology with special, special thanks to "The Horror Movie Survival Guide" and "The Big Book of The Unexplained" (which has inexplicably been missing since last year).
MERMAIDS, aka Sirens, undertheseaus undertheseaus
Appearance: Human females who may be glimpsed under the water that is more then 10 feet deep. They have long hair, and appear to be naked. (This is why there are more drowning deaths per year in the Matrix then, well, any point in Real World history)
Danger: Low, unless they are singing.
Abilities: Can use their haunting voices to lure hapless humans and even other programs on occasion to drown.
What they were: Programs in charge of water, any and all kinds of water.
Weaknesses: They are as weak as a normal human if completely out of the water, though their voices work fine.
How to kill them: Above ground, same as any human. Underwater, however, it's next to impossible to catch them, even for another program.
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FAIRIES twinkletwinkle littlestarus
Appearance: Tiny, glowing humanoid figures that look like a string of Xmas lights if they are traveling single file.
Danger: Low to nonexistent.
Abilities: Flight, bioluminescence, and the ability to be REALLY, REALLY ANNOYING.
What they were: Parasites. Somehow able to manifest into a humanoid form, these Fairies are the true parasites of the machine world. In the Real World, they can be found as little bug-like machines, sucking off energy from the Fetus Fields where they are easily dispatched by the Harvester Machines. In the Matrix they are weaker, harder to catch, and are thus ignored for the most part.
Weaknesses: Anything sweet; they can't resist it.
How to kill them: A good flyswatter.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---
GNOMES aka MENEHUNE mogura detadeta
Appearance: Small humanoids found mainly in mountain caves.
Danger: Very low, unless you disturb or harass them.
Abilities: Surprising strength for their size, Gnomes can lift 85 times their body weight and can dig at a furious pace if so inclined.
What they were: Programs in charge of rocks and earth. Considered to be one of the most important of the older programs, they are generally unbothered by the rest of the world.
Weaknesses: Shiny things; direct sunlight weakens them.
How to kill them: Unknown; no one's ever gotten close enough to kill them, but supposedly they could be killed like any biological organism.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---
TROLLS or ONI areyouius horneybabius
Appearance: Depending their moral state: A "good" Troll or Oni appears to be normal human, with the exception of a small pair of horns and fangs; a "bad" Troll or Oni is just really horrible to look at. Both have a tiger print fetish.
Danger: High. If they go into "berserker" mode, they are nearly unstoppable.
Abilities: They have super strength, can see in the dark, are excellent trackers, and a few have their own individual special powers.
What they were: Like werewolves, Trolls and Oni were in charge of animals with a preference to the less "cute" animals such as Tasmanian Devils and various reptiles.
Weaknesses: Alcohol. Knocks 'em for a loop, but many of them are mean drunks.
How to kill them: Completely severing their heads works, as does a bullet to the head or heart.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---
GIANTS biggus daddies
Appearance: Larger then a normal human. Can be found in rural areas or playing Pro Basketball.
Danger: High, but only if they are provoked.
Abilities: Super strength, super hearing, and strangely enough, above- average cooking abilities.
What they were: Large, multitasking programs that were usually in charge of other programs, hence the unusual size.
Weaknesses: Low center of gravity; slightly slower then average thought process due to length of the "nerves."
How to kill them: Silver bullets. Lots of them. Possibly more then necessary, but you can't be too careful.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---
GOLEMS (NOT "Gollum") truthtodeathius untilneededius
Appearance: Giant... things... made of masonry, with a symbol for "Truth" written on their foreheads.
Danger: Off the scale if you're its enemy.
Abilities: Super strength, super imperviousness, can't feel pain... It's a giant freaking rock for crying out loud!!
What they were: Programs in charge of buildings, Golems were created to serve a similar function as ancient gargoyles: to protect the buildings from harm. When they were replaced, their primitive instincts led them to self-preservation and thus they didn't go to the Source to be deleted. They were eventually hunted down for scaring the populous, and the few that are left are the bodyguards of various VIPs (Very Important Programs).
Weaknesses: None, unless...
How to Kill them: ...you alter the "Truth" symbol on their foreheads to read "Death," then they become a pile of masonry until the symbol is corrected.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---
YETI aka BIGFOOT aka SASQUATCH otheweatheroutsidius isfrightfulious
Appearance: Ape-like humanoids covered in dark black or white hair. Are often found in isolated, mountainous regions.
Danger: Low, unless provoked.
Abilities: Above average strength, speed, senses, etc.
What they were: Programs mainly in charge of apes and monkeys. They got a little too enamored with their charges and when they went into exile kept their simian shape.
Weaknesses: Few, as they are very agile.
How to kill them: Same as a human or an enraged, giant gorilla with a taste for meat. That said, it's very hard if they're agitated...
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ZOMBIES mmmmius braaainsius
Appearance: Normal humans, only slightly... deader-looking.
Danger: Varies on number of Zombies present. 1: Very Low. 10+: Very High. A bite from a zombie will spread it's virus to the newly bitten host.
Abilities: Not many, but some have above-average speed and strength. The rest are just tenacious as heck.
What they were: Contrary to popular belief, Zombies are not the degraded residual self-images of deceased humans. Rather, they are programs that have been corrupted viruses and thus look rather decayed. The corrupting viruses keeps the programs' "brains" alive, but the programs themselves are essentially just "bodies." Very hungry "bodies"...
Weaknesses: Very few, since they are kind of "dead" to begin with.
How to kill them: Only by completely severing the head from the spinal column. The body will jerk around for a bit, but if the head is completely gone there is no problem.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---
From the Eastern Sector of the Matrix:
KITSUNE (Feminine Shape shifter)
Appearance: Animal form - Oddly colored fox (may be red, black, white, yellow, or golden) Humanoid form - Effeminate human
Danger: Physical harm is low, but they love to seduce humans.
Abilities: Shape shifting; a few of the older Kitsune can manipulate senses, the weather, etc. Very deceitful if angered.
What they were: Programs in charge of feminine pastimes. They got a bit too caught up in their Romance Lit. courses and as a result tend to look for love in the wrong places or else just go out and get it themselves.
Weaknesses: Handsome men, good food.
How to kill them: Sharp, pointy objects work effectively, but you have to find them first AND make sure they haven't already tricked you somehow.
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TANUKI (Masculine Shape shifter) mymyiuswhatabig... thingius... youhaveius...
Appearance: Animal form - a small, raccoon-looking dog Intermediary form: Anthropomorphic raccoon-looking animal with... er... "well endowed" privates (no, not that one, the other two) Humanoid form - Normal to heavyset human
Danger: Relatively Low. Can use said privates to suffocate or beat humans to death, but only with deviant Tanukis.
Abilities: Shape shifting, above-average strength; is very good at hiding and being REALLY ANNOYING.
What they were: Programs in charge of masculine pastimes. Discovered a file marked "Pranks that annoy or freak out Humans" and they went with it. Are rumored to have planned their exiled exploits.
Weaknesses: Pretty women and junk food.
How to kill them: Can be killed like any biological creature... the trick is that YOU have to outsmart THEM before THEY get the chance to outsmart YOU.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---
ROKUROKUBI (Long-necked demon) caniius getaneckrubius
Appearance: Very pale human with a ridiculously long neck or other body part(s) such as arms, tongue, torso, etc.
Danger: relatively low, unless they are evil and they try to choke you with their elongated body part(s), though this hasn't happened yet.
Abilities: Not many aside from their startling appearance and the ability to disappear quickly.
What they were: Programs in charge of various communications throughout the Matrix, either in the "human sector" (phones, internet, pagers, etc.) or in the "machine sector" (Agent wires, sentinel communications, etc.).
Weaknesses: Low hanging power lines, branches, Xmas trees; basically anything that their long limbs can get tangled up in.
How to kill them: Sever the head from the body, or use an exorcising "charm" on them. The "charm" won't kill them, but they will go away.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---
NUKEKUBI (Flying head demon) splittingus headachius
Appearance: Very pale, female head with long black hair. Just the head, nothing else.
Danger: Unknown; the Nukekubi can use its long hair to strangle someone, but I have not yet heard of this happening. Yet. It also has very sharp teeth.
Abilities: Flying, biting, and freaking everyone out. That's about it.
What they were: Programs that were in charge of the appearances of things. Since they were basically observers, all they needed was their eyes and they could have various underling programs do the work for them.
Weaknesses: Anything they can get their hair tangled up in.
How to kill them: Use a long butterfly net and try to herd them into some power lines.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---
MUJINA or MU'ONNA (faceless woman) sevenius daysius
Appearance: Very pale human female clad in white with their head covered with long occasionally tangled or wet hair, which is usually black. They pull back their hair to reveal that they either have just a blank face (no eyes, mouth, etc.) or an empty black void where their face would be. A few are reported to have at least one eye, but anyone who sees these are dead within a week for some reason. They are occasionally found in women's restrooms and also video rental places.
Danger: Unknown. Have been known to give humans heart attacks. Are also known to be seen near the scene of a crime that involves women.
Abilities: Unknown.
What they were: Unknown. Presumed to be some sort of virus, since they all look alike.
Weaknesses: Unknown. Since it's already kind of "dead" there's not much you can do.
How to kill them. Unknown, and it's driving me mad!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---
Side dish: The Matrix Crypto Zoo
There are a few intriguing critters that can be found within the Matrix; these are usually the result of somebody pressing the wrong button when imputing what an animal should look like. A brief description of some of the frequently sighted Crypto-critters:
Dinosaurs: Oversized reptiles.
Dragons: Oversized reptiles combined with some weapons programs, I don't know how...
"Lions" in places where there ought not to be "Lions": Oversized house cats caused by glitches in perspective.
"The Loch Ness Monster" A really, really glitched-up whale.
Kappas: Overprotective little programs in charge of streams.
Pterodactyls: Giant flying lizards that result from a glitch in proportions.
"Obakemono" or inanimate objects that spontaneously are able to move or sprout appendages such as arms, legs, eyes, etc: This is a result of a really annoying virus called "CreatureComfort.EXE" that was erased during the Second Matrix but is still around in this very benign form.
Giant Worms: Another computer virus that manages to manifest itself in a "physical" form, Giant Worms can debilitate an entire city if left unchecked. They also multiply like rabbits, so they must be eradicated quickly.
Six-Legged, bug-eyed Rabbits: A very annoying virus. Just don't mention it to any of the Control Programs or their heads will explode at the memory of trying to get rid of them.
Spell-check Dust mites: Annoying little glitches that cause humans to suddenly start speeling thengs teh worng wai un theyre cmputars.
Plot Bunnies: Little pink rabbity muses that give creative-types ideas to create things, they will not go away until the idea is resolved. Can be very persistent.