Bella hugged her knees as a tear leaked out of her eye. She absentmindedly stroked the small charm on her bracelet with the tip of her index finger. A small wooden wolf…
It had been nearly two months since Bella had seen Jacob. She missed his smile, the true smile that was hers. Bella knew she would never see it again.
Bella sat in Edwards room, on his long leather sofa. He had lent out his room for her and Alice to use for the necessary wedding preparations. She stared at the closet where her gorgeous white dress hung.
Alice will be upset when she learns I haven't started getting ready, Bella thought, looking down at her plain jeans and simple green long-sleeved shirt she wore. The wedding was only an hour away. She knew Alice was busy enough downstairs setting up last minute things for the ceremony.
In the Cullen's backyard, Alice had spared no expense in designing Bella and Edward's perfect wedding. Well, Alice's idea of a perfect wedding. Jasper had helped build the ornate platform at the end of the aisle. Bella had snuck a peak at it earlier. A matching white wicker archway was above it, ivy weaving through the holes. She had also counted at least 120 white folding chairs divided before the alter, making the aisle Bella was to walk. It all seemed like it was from some Hollywood movie of the ideal backyard wedding.
Bella suppressed a sob. I'm just nervous, she kept telling herself. It's just wedding day jitters. But Bella knew that in the crowd of people who would witness her step into martyrdom, one face would be missing. And that was the face she longed to see.
There was a knock on the door. Bella stood up, wiping the tears from her face.
"Come in," She said, expecting to see Alice.
Instead of Alice, her mother, Renee, moved into the room, wearing a pretty light blue dress. In her arms, she held a small baby. Bella remembered being shocked when Renee revealed she was pregnant several months ago. It seemed her and her husband Phil had been planning on keeping it a secret for as long as possible. Then, just before Renee was about to catch a plane to Forks, she went into labour. Luckily there were no complications and within two weeks, Renee, Phil and Bella's new sister, Grace were in Forks.
"Bella, why haven't you started getting ready?" Renee said incredulously. Grace stirred in her arms, asleep.
"I don't know," Bella started. She sighed. "There's just a lot on my mind. I didn't realize the time."
Renee lead Bella back to the sofa and they sat down. "What's wrong, honey? Your not having second thoughts, are you? You and Edward seem perfect together."
Bella sighed again. "I know we do. And I love him. But…" She trailed off, staring at Grace.
The baby had her eyes closed, sleeping peacefully. She had brown hair that matched Bella's and Renee's. The small, calm infant brought back a vision to Bella's mind.
The day Bella realized she loved Jacob, she caught a glimpse of what their future could hold. One thing that she could not push out of her mind was the images of two little children running into the forest. Her children. The children she and Jacob had…
The children she would never have, Bella thought with a sick realization. Never before had she ever thought about having kids, but that could change. Give it a few years, and she may long for it. Bella thought about Esme.
Before Esme was changed, she had had a child. When the child died, she tried to kill herself. Even now, Esme still played the mother figure in the Cullen family. When I'm changed, I'll never get the choice of having kids, Bella thought.
"Bella?" Renee said, bringing Bella back to the room she was in.
"Sorry," Bella muttered. Then she smiled. "Don't worry, Mom. I'm fine."
Renee looked at her suspiciously, not sure if she believed her. "Ok. I'll go find Alice then so she can help you get ready. It's your big day Bella, and I'm glad you found someone to spend your life with. But you know the story of me and your father. Getting married young can sometimes end up going south. Only your heart can decide if this is right or not."
Renee kissed Bella on the forehead and stood up to leave.
"Good luck, Honey. I love you," Renee quickly left the room.
As soon as she left, Bella sobbed again. The tiny wolf on her bracelet stared at her with carefully carved eyes. The time and care someone would have to put into making this overwhelmed Bella. She hadn't felt this bad since…
"Since Edward left me," She finished. Whenever the thought of Edwards initial abandonment came to her, Bella usually avoided remembering the pain. But when he left, there was only one thing that healed her. And ever since then, Bella had needed that one thing.
Jacob had always been there for her, than and now. Even when Edward had returned, she simply could not give up the werewolf that had indeed saved her.
Bella put her head in her hands, torment winding within her. It had been arranged that she would be changed that evening, as soon as the reception ended. She had been convinced she was ready, to become a vampire and be with Edward forever. That was what she wanted, wasn't it?
But now, Bella wasn't so sure. Wasn't sure that it truly was Edward she loved more.
Only your heart can decide…
Once she was changed, Bella would become Jacob's enemy. His life was dedicated to hunting and destroying what he openly hated and called 'bloodsuckers'. The only thing that kept the pack from destroying the Cullen's was the age-old treaty. Jacob wouldn't ever want to see her after she was changed. After she was changed, he had claimed she would no longer be Bella. She would be something dead and unfamiliar.
Is he right? Bella thought. When I become a vampire, my entire existence will be controlled by the thirst for human blood. I'll be a monster. It will take years before I can establish the control that will let me resist the scent.
But that wasn't what left Bella brokenhearted. It was the fact that she would no longer be able to see or touch Jacob without him recoiling. And he would no longer allow her to lie by his side when he was in wolf form and stroke his russet-brown fur. She couldn't wrap her arms around his waist to comfort him, or feel the warmth of his chest when she rested her head on him…
There was another knock on the door, but this time the person didn't wait for Bella to answer. Alice barged into the room, her eyes wide with worry.
"What's wrong?" She asked. Bella noticed Alice already wore her beautiful maid-of-honour gown. "I saw you sobbing up here then everything went dark. Why haven't you started getting ready?"
"I don't know what to do," Bella whispered, tears blurring her vision. "It feels as if my heart is torn into pieces."
Alice sat down next to Bella, putting an arm around her. "It's the werewolf, isn't it."
Bella nodded.
Alice sighed, thinking for a moment. Then she smiled. "Bella, I understand. You get the choice to turn or not. There are so many human experiences I would give my entire immortal life to have. When you live forever, you experience many things. Over, and over, and over again. They tend to blend together. But there are some things that humans go through that I never can. And these things are so special, they make life worth living. In a single lifetime, you can experience something once and it will mean the world to you.
"But there things I'll never know. Waking up in the morning next to the one I love, have children that are mine to take care of, growing old with the one who is everything. I don't know if you realize this Bella, but forever is a very long time. A very long time in which there are no true changes."
Bella sat silently, taking in what Alice just said. "My feelings for Edward will never change. I do love him. But I can't help feeling that being with him isn't my destiny."
Alice smiled again. "And that is perfectly alright. Your future is what you make of it, and it's for you to choose. It will break my heart to see my brother alone again, but as long as he knows you are happy, I'm sure he will be happy."
Alice stood up and walked towards the door.
"Where are you going?" Bella asked, leaping up from the sleek leather couch.
"I believe there is someone else you need to talk to."
The door swung shut behind Alice silently and Bella returned to the sofa. Within seconds, for the third time today, there was a soft knocking at the door. Like a ghost, Edward appeared beside Bella. He wore no suit or tie, just blue jeans and a black sweater.
She sat silently next to him, unable to meet Edwards eyes. Bella traced the stitching on the seat cushion. She felt him play with her hair, running the ends through his ice cold fingers. Bella knew he was watching her with his patient, topaz eyes. Edward then nuzzled her neck, taking in the sweet smell of her.
Without a word, Edward positioned himself so Bella was forced to stare into his eyes. He then pressed his lips against hers, and Bella wrapped her arms around him. This time, she broke away first. She dared to gaze into his eyes, expecting to find pain.
Instead, Bella found something else entirely. Understanding took the place of pain and sorrow, and Bella knew that Edward saw deep into her heart.
"Go to him," He whispered in her ear.
"I can't hurt you," Bella replied. "I love you too much to do that."
Edward shook his head, wearing a familiar crooked smile. "You could never hurt me, Bella. My existence is solely based on making you happy. And I know I cant do that."
Bella opened her mouth to object, but Edward put a finger to her lips.
"It would be so very selfish of me to keep you when I know you will never truly be happy. I have no soul, Bella. I lost it many years before you were born. In all actuality, I am a bit of reanimated human meat. Morbid, yes, I know.
"I've seen his mind, Bella. He would sacrifice his life for you, something I cannot do. For how could I sacrifice something that I already gave up to save myself long ago? We were not meant to be soul mates. And you've realized this. When you discovered this, Alice couldn't see your future anymore. We both know what that means. Your future lies with the wolves."
Bella stared at him, unable to believe what he was saying. She put her arms around his neck. "I'm so sorry, Edward. You deserve better than me. I'm the selfish one, not you. My heart couldn't decide and I tried to keep you both. It's unbelievable how my feelings for Jacob grew so much when I knew I loved you. It took me by surprise."
"It's not your fault. And besides, it's not as if I will go away like I did before. If you ever need me, I'll always be there. I know he'll take good care of you,"
Edward stood up, taking Bella by the hand.
"I'll always love you. Nothing can change that. Even if you do reek like wolf." Edward said.
Bella laughed. "I'll always love you too, Edward. There will always be a bit of my heart that belongs to you."
Bella slipped off the engagement ring from her hand. She placed it in his open palm.
"And you will eternally have mine." Edward replied.
Edward kissed her forehead, and like a ghost, he was gone.
Bella started her truck hastily. She hoped to be in La Push before anyone knew she was gone. Alice had promised to take care of the ceremony. She was supposed to find a delicate way to tell the guests that the wedding was off.
As the truck raced down the Cullen's long driveway, Bella glanced at the large, beautiful house in her rear view mirror. This is probably the last time I'll ever see it, she thought.
Trees raced past her as the trucks speed increased. She didn't slow down until the first houses of La Push came into her view. She stopped the truck at a familiar red house.
Bella took a deep breath, anxiety taking hold of her. Would Jacob still want her after she had chosen Edward over him so many times?
Yes, Bella thought. He said he would love me forever. But that could change, couldn't it? What if Jake imprinted on someone in her absence?
Bella opened the truck door and slid out. The slam of it echoed in the silence that surrounded the Black home. She slowly walked up to the house and knocked cautiously on the door.
Billy opened the door and stared at her with surprise. "Bella," He said in disbelief. "What are you doing here? Your wedding started five minutes ago,"
Bella smiled. "Yeah, I know. Is Jake home?"
A wide grin crossed the old mans weathered face, a smile Bella was not accustomed to seeing. She could see Billy grasped the meaning of her visit. "I'm sorry, my dear, but he went out about half and hour ago. Mumbled something about the beach. Might want to check there."
Bella nodded. "I will. Thanks."
She turned away from the door. As Billy shut it, she could hear him chuckling to himself.
Bella turned away from the house and began walking towards the beach. Her steps were slow and deliberate. She walked into the trees, hoping to get cover so she could catch Jacob by surprise.
Sure enough, Billy was right. Jacob sat facing the ocean, letting the wind whip his hair back. She was down wind so he wasn't likely to catch her scent. Jacob sat on the large piece of driftwood that they had long ago dubbed 'theirs'. He must have just came back from a run, because he wore only sweats, no shirt or shoes. Quietly, Bella came up behind him.
Jacob didn't hear her approach, or if he did he acted otherwise. He just stared off over the ocean, deep in thought.
"You know, Jake, without the sun, life would be impossible," Bella said quietly.
Jacob's head whipped around, his eyes wide. "B-Bella?" He stuttered slightly.
Bella took another step towards him.
"Do you remember when I told you that you were my sun? That has never changed, and it never will. You said Edward eclipsed you from my life, but that isn't true. Eclipses always pass. When he left me shattered, you picked up the pieces and healed me. When he came back, I thought that I would be good again, as long as he was there.
"But when you weren't there to shine on my life anymore, and when I had to hurt you, it was unbearable, and even Edward couldn't fix that. I needed you. I had fooled myself into thinking that I could never love anyone more than Edward, and that wasn't true. I still need you, Jake. I want to have a life with you, a life that will change and mean something as the years pass. Like you said, being with you is as easy as breathing."
The words ran out of Bella's mouth like a waterfall, and she was unable to stop them. When she finished, she looked at Jacob, who still stared at her with amazement in his eyes.
He said nothing.
Oh no, Bella thought. It's happened. He imprinted an someone and doesn't want me anymore.
"What's wrong?" She asked, her voice barely above a whisper.
Jake leapt up from where he sat and stood by her in one bound of his long legs.
"Oh Bells, nothings wrong. I just thought for a moment that I went off the deep end and was imagining you saying those things," Jacob said, relief and joy flooding his voice.
He wrapped his arms around her, hugging her tightly. Bella held onto him, leaning her head on his warm chest. They stood like this for what seemed like hours to Bella and she never wanted it to end.
"Bella?" Jacob said quietly in her ear. "There's something I have to tell you."
Bella became rigid. This was it, she thought. He can't be with me. She looked up at him, worry in her eyes. "What is it?"
Pushing a strand of her hair out of Bella's face, Jacob cupped her face in his hands. He swiftly bent down and kissed her. Jacobs lips moved fervently, and Bella matched his enthusiasm. Her hands moved up his firm torso, and she clung to his neck, entwining her fingers in his shaggy hair.
Much to Bella's dismay, Jacob broke away first. He kissed her neck, then faced her.
"I-I lied to you, Bella. And I wish I could take it back because it's about the most important thing," Jacob said. Grief was etched in his voice, and Bella's heart felt like it was going to explode with horror. She let her arms drop from Jacobs neck and she took a step back..
"W-what?" Bella whispered.
"It's not anything horrible, but it will make all the difference. You remember when I first told you about imprinting? Do you remember what I said when you asked me if I had imprinted?" Jacob said. Bella nodded.
"I told you I hadn't imprinted. And I lied.
"Even before I began phasing and learned about imprinting, I knew you were my soul mate. But that first day when you came to La Push after I joined the pack, all my feelings were confirmed. It's why I HAD to go to your window that night. Not just wanted to set things right, but HAD to set things right. Bella, I imprinted on you long ago."
Relief flooded through Bella. She couldn't believe it. Jacob truly was hers! She wrapped her arms around him again.
"Oh Bells, I wish I had told you before. Then maybe-" Bella cut Jacob off by fiercely kissing him. She could feel his lips pull into a smile under hers.
"Jake," She whispered in his ear. "I'm pretty sure if I was a werewolf, I would be imprinted on you."
They both laughed at this, Jacob's laugh like a warm thunder. He pulled her close again, enveloping Bella. For a moment, they just stood there, embracing. When he continued to hug her, Bella then looked up at him, curious.
"Uh, Jake?" She said.
Jacob popped his eyes open. Bella had not realized he had shut them. He laughed softly.
"Sorry Bells," Jacob chuckled. "But it's been awhile since I've been able to hold you and you actually hold me back without feeling awkward. I like how it feels."
This time Bella laughed.
"Well, now I'm yours so I suppose you can hold me as much as you want. But tell me this," Bella said. "How does this feel?"
She reached up and kissed him again, letting her delight take over her. When Bella kissed Jacob, she never had to be careful, like when she had kissed Edward. While Edwards kiss was tender and sweet, Jacobs kiss was warm and very enjoyable, and more satisfying than his. She leaned into his kiss, and tried to imagine a time when this was not what she wanted.
This time, Jacob's tongue parted Bella's lips, and she let him in. She enjoyed the taste of him, as their tongues worked naturally together. Jacob pressed her tight against his body, his gentle hands steady but delicate. Bella felt an exciting spark shoot through her when his hand brushed over the small spot of bare skin between her shirt and jeans.
Once again, Bella was dismayed when Jacob broke away first. Gazing up at him, she tried to catch her breath. Jacob took her hands and smiled. It was not his mask-like smile, but the sunny grin that belonged to Bella.
"I love you, Bella." He said, his voice unwavering. Jacob then quickly looked down the beach, in the direction of the house he shared with his aging father.
"I love you too, Jake." Bella responded, smiling.
Together, they walked hand in hand down the beach. To think, Bella thought, I always yearned to leave Forks. Now I can't imagine being anywhere else. She glanced over the water a few feet away. The sun was setting over the ocean. The last rays of light reflected off a shining object on her wrist.
The little diamond heart Edward had given her dangled off the charm bracelet Jacob had given her for graduation. For a fleeting moment, Bella contemplated removing it. No, she thought. Edward is still a part of me. The tiny wooden wolf stared at her approvingly, obviously willing to share space on the bracelet.
Bella then looked at the real wolf holding her by the hand. Jacob hadn't taken his eyes off her, and when she returned his gaze, he beamed wider. Bella couldn't help but smile either. Jacob bowed his head and kissed her lovingly on the cheek.
Bella inhaled the scent of him when he did this. She remembered Edward and the Cullens stating that Jacob and the Pack smelled bad. Bella could not disagree more. He had a woodsy, musky aroma that she found quite intoxicating.
She smiled to herself and desperately hoped Billy, for some reason, had gone out. Then she and Jacob could have the house to themselves.