Pippin's Petition

This story is just a very silly one-shot I wrote that is really random. I'll probably regret posting it, but I don't know. I haven't posted anything in a while, and I feel guilty. :P So here it is! I hope you enjoy it!

'Merry!' yelled Pippin, running towards his friend and waving a piece of paper. 'Come here! I need your help.'

'What is it, Pip?' asked Merry.

'I need you to sign this,' said Pippin, shoving the paper in Merry's face. 'It's a petition.'

'A petition? Petitioning who?'

'Gandalf. I want him to stop calling me "Fool of a Took".'

'Ha!' said Merry. 'Good luck with that one.' He handed the paper back.

'Aren't you going to sign it?' asked Pippin.

'It won't do any good, Pip. It'll never work; it'll probably do more harm than good.' Merry left, and Pippin looked after him, disappointed.

'I'll have to try Strider,' he said, and off he went.

Several Minutes Later…

'Strider, could you sign this for me, please?' asked Pippin.

'What is it?' asked the Ranger.

'It's a petition,' Pippin explained. 'I'm trying to get Gandalf to stop calling me "Fool of a Took".'

Aragorn's face twisted into a strange expression. He was silent for a little while. 'I'm sorry,' he said at last. 'I don't think… Gandalf…'

'We could always try,' insisted Pippin. Just then Arwen flounced in.

'Oh, Aragorn, my Aragorn,' she breathed.

'Lady Arwen, will you sign the petition?' pleaded Pippin.

'Did Aragorn?' she asked.

'Not yet, but if you-'

'Then no. I'm sure it's a rotten petition, isn't it, darling?'

'Whatever you say, dear,' said the Ranger uncomfortably.

'Very well, then,' said Pippin, very hurt, 'I know who will do it. Sam is always obliging.'

Several Minutes Later…

'Sam! Come sign my petition!'

'All right,' said Sam. He got a pen. 'What's it petitioning?'

'It's to ask Gandalf to not call me names anymore.'

Sam started and dropped the pen. 'I can't do that!' he said. 'Gandalf will turn me into something unnatural if I do.'

'No he won't. But he may start calling you "Fool of a Gamgee,"' said Pippin helpfully.

'Sorry, I can't do it,' said Sam. 'You could ask Mr. Frodo.'

'I will,' said Pippin. 'Frodo, please sign here.'

'What is it?' asked Frodo wearily.

'It's a petition. Just sign it.'

'Why?' Frodo asked suspiciously.

'Because I need you to.'

'No, you can't have it!' yelled Frodo, jumping up and grasping at his coat collar. 'It's mine, my own!'

'Calm down, Frodo!' protested Pippin. 'I'm not asking you to sign away the Ring!'

Frodo fell back and sat panting. 'I'm sorry, Pippin,' he said. 'I still have symptoms of Ring withdrawal sometimes.'

'Well,' said Pippin hesitantly, 'could you sign it?'

But Frodo had fallen into a stupor.

Several Minutes Later…

'Gimli, Legolas, will you sign the petition?'

'Is it asking Elrond to serve more meat at Rivendell meals?' asked Gimli.

'Is it asking Lord Elrond to banish Dwarves from Imladris?' asked Legolas.

'No,' said Pippin. 'I want Gandalf to stop calling me "Fool of a Took."'

'It is a noble cause!' Legolas said, looking suitably inspired.

'Well, I suppose,' admitted Gimli grudgingly. 'I'll be the first to sign it,' he added.

'No, that should not be,' said Legolas. 'I'm older than you.'

'Stand aside! I have an axe!' yelled Gimli.

'And I have a bow,' responded Legolas, fitting an arrow to the string with lightning speed. There was a unanimous sigh from the fangirls.

'Legolas!' yelled Thranduil.

'Gimli!' yelled Gloin.

'You're grounded!' they yelled simultaneously.

'What did I tell you about fighting with Elf scum?' said Gloin.

'What did I tell you about consorting with Dwarves?' said Thranduil.

'We'll have to discuss this later,' Legolas said reluctantly. 'I will get back to you!'

'Just you wait,' said Gimli.

'Will you sign the petition?' asked Pippin desperately, as Thranduil and Gloin led their sons away.

'I'm busy,' said Thranduil. 'I have a son to punish.' He smiled significantly at Legolas.

'I haven't got time, laddie,' said Gloin. 'I have to deal with Gimli.'

Pippin watched them depart sadly. Then he went to find Merry.

'Merry,' he said, 'no one will sign my petition.'

'Sorry, Pip,' said Merry. 'Everyone knows that it'll do no good.'

'I'm depressed' said Pippin. 'Nobody likes me!'

'Have you asked Lady Galadriel?' asked Merry. 'She likes cute angsty Hobbits.'

'She's creepy,' said Pippin. 'Well, maybe I could ask Boromir's ghost.'

'That's even creepier. Have you tried Elrond?'

'I've decided I don't like Elves,' said Pippin, sighing, 'but it looks like there's no one else.'

Several Minutes Later…

'Lord Elrond!' yelled Pippin. He stood outside the window in front of Elrond's desk.

The Elven Lord started and gave Pippin the doomful glare. 'What?' he said.

'Could you sign this please?'

'Oh, you want my autograph?' asked Elrond, clearly touched. 'No one ever asks me for my autograph.' He wiped a tear from his eye with his Elven sleeve.

'Actually,' said Pippin, 'It's a petition.'

'Oh,' said Elrond, very disappointed. 'I think that once, just to make my life worth living, someone should ask for my autograph. Just once! I mean, come on! It's not like I'm not famous!'

'Lord Elrond,' Erestor interrupted, 'A letter has just arrived from Lady Galadriel.'

'Oh, yes!' said Elrond. 'The only person who cares about me is my creepy mother-in-law. Why is that? And then there's Arwen, who, just when I thought she was permanently out of my hair, turns up saying she and her no-good husband are taking an extended vacation here! Here, in my Rivendell! Why does everything happen to me?' Lord Elrond forgot about Pippin, as he enjoyed his rant.

'Will anyone sign my petition?' wailed Pippin.

'What petition?' asked a familiar voice.

'Uh, Gandalf!' said Pippin uncomfortably.

'What petition, Fool of a Took?'

'Well, er,' hesitated Pippin.

'Let me see it, Fool of a Took!' said Gandalf, hitting him on the head with his staff. He grabbed the paper and began to read it. His eyes widened.

'Fool of a Took!' he yelled, but Pippin was already running away at full speed.

The End

.Maybe.

Hope you enjoyed this! Please take a moment to review, and then go take my new poll. It's short and easy, I promise, not to mention fun. I actually already know what you're going to vote for, but still…

See you later! :)