Hi, everyone! I noticed there were a lot of fics that had Blaine speaking a romance language... So I decided to do my own humorous take. :) I really hope no one beat me to this (I don't think they did) because I felt like an utter genius when I came up with it. Please enjoy!

Slightly uncanon because it's during the school year and they already said I love you to each other (speaking of which, AHHHH!).

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee.

It happened on one beautiful spring day, when Kurt and Blaine were stretched out on the couch in Kurt's living room. Blaine's tie was loosened and the first few buttons of his shirt were undone, the windows were open, and the curtains were blowing gently in the breeze. The boys lie facing each other, wordlessly enjoying each other's company with loving eyes and broad grins, pressing slow kisses to cheeks and chins and lips.

And then Blaine breathed, "Ich lieb' dich."

Everything stopped. Kurt pulled his head back until it hit the couch cushion, fixing his boyfriend with the most bewildered look he could manage, and snapped, "What did you just say?"

Blaine returned the confused expression and said it again: "Ich lieb' dich."

Snapping his body into a sitting position, Kurt said, "Oh my god, Blaine. Is that German?"

"Ja."

"You speak German?"

"Ja. Ich spreche Deutsch," Blaine responded matter-of-factly, reaching out with a bemused smile for Kurt's hands. Reluctantly, the taller boy let him lace their fingers together.

"Blaine, that is the least sexy language that exists. Put it away." And his bitchface was out in full force. "Don't you speak Italian or French or something?"

"Nein."

The word literally made Kurt flinch. "Ugh! Blaine, seriously, stop it! It sounds so weird and guttural and ugly."

Slowly, slowly, a devious grin spread over the curly-haired boy's face. Above him, Kurt's face slowly turned wary to match.

Then, suddenly, Blaine vaulted and squeezed his boyfriend tight to him. Kurt let out a sort of squawk that was equal parts shocked, indignant, and delighted, struggling against his grip.

"Blaine Anderson! Let go of me!"

The shorter boy leaned forward, a sultry smile pulling at his mouth, and breathed, "Kurt, ich liebe dich," into the shell of that gorgeous pink ear.

The ghosting of air over his skin sent a shudder down Kurt's spine. His struggling decreased a little bit and his eyes glazed over, but he still managed to cry, "Oh my god, you are literally hissing at me! Stop it!"

All he got in return was a low, throaty chuckle and another whisper: "Kurt… du bist so schön… Ich will dich küssen…"

"B-Blaine…"

"Mein Schatz… Ich liebe dich von ganzem Herzen…"

"Ohh, oh god…" Kurt had pretty much melted in Blaine's embrace, ceasing his struggle completely and closing his eyes as his body tingled and shivered.

Blaine stopped speaking then in favor of pressing kisses, slow and intense, to the delicate flesh just below Kurt's earlobe, releasing his strong grip to run his hands softly up and down his boyfriend's torso. There was no danger of Kurt trying to escape anymore. The boy had his fingers loosely clutched in Blaine's uniform shirt and the muscles in his back and arms were taut, arching toward his love's warm body and pulling them closer together.

Blaine pulled back then, planting his hands on Kurt's waist, and grinned widely. The taller boy made a strained sound of frustration and hissed, "Come back here."

"German's not sexy, huh?" was the teasing reply.

Kurt groaned, leaning forward back into Blaine's personal space and kissing him gently. "Only when you speak it."

HEY. Okay, so here are the translations:

"Ich lieb' dich"/"Ich liebe dich": I love you

"Ja": Yes

"Ich spreche Deutsch": I speak German

"Nein": No

"Du bist so schön": You are so beautiful

"Ich will dich küssen": I want to kiss you

"Mein Schatz": My treasure (a common pet name in Germany, or so the internet tells me)

"Ich liebe dich von ganzem Herzen": I love you with all my heart

All of my German knowledge is due to the internet, a textbook, and one semester of German class. So, even though I used pretty simple German here, it might not be right.

Hope you enjoyed!