Zim For President
AN/ This is my first fanfic. Comments are much appreciated.
Chapter 1: Video
Dib, you're a genius! He thought to himself as he rushed home from skool just before lessons had begun. A terrific idea had just occurred to him. But this idea was even more terrific than all his others, as this one would actually WORK. He rushed down the familiar street as he had done on so many similar occasions. He rounded the corner and stopped several yards in front of Zim's house.
He knew by now how to get past Zim's surprisingly lax security measures. Other than the gnomes on the lawn, nothing posed a considerable obstacle between him and the odd purple building. So he sneaked in through the back window and set to work. Although simple, his plan was flawlessly brilliant; he'd thought of and tried rigging the alien's base with bugs and cameras many times before, but Zim had surveillance cameras of his own, which made it very difficult for him to place the bugs and cameras without him knowing. So he thought of using the Irken's own surveillance system against him. This way, he would leave no trace of having been in Zim's house to begin with, and Zim would have no way of knowing that he was being watched. He began hacking Zim's computer so that it would send all its surveillance footage to Dib's TV.
Alien computers were actually not that different from normal ones, except for the fact that normal computer firewalls didn't involve ACTUAL fire. But a few first-degree burns were a small price to pay in return for getting to watch what Zim was planning 24 hours a day. Dib hadn't yet figured what he'd do with the footage, but he'd find some way of getting someone who actually gave a rat's ass to watch it. His hacking done, he quickly set up a link to his TV and stopped to admire his handiwork. Soon he'd get people to see the truth. Then he'd prove himself as a hero to mankind.
Before leaving, curiosity compelled him to take a longer look at the workings of the alien computer. It seemed to be several times faster than the latest earth models, but the screen resolution was terrible. I suppose making things prettier isn't really a priority of the Irken race, he thought absentmindedly as he turned the monitor off after deleting any traces of his meddling.
Meanwhile, at skool….
Zim yawned. Dib-worm wasn't here today; making things even more boring, if that was even possible. He wondered absentmindedly what his arch-rival was doing, but didn't really care. Inferior human affairs were of no interest to the mighty Zim. But still, Dib was probably plotting something. Probably another futile plan to expose Zim to the other humans. Hadn't he realised that no-one would ever listen to him?
Miss Bitters was blathering on about some human election-thing that was coming up this summer and how America would undoubtedly elect a leader who would start a nuclear war, thus dooming us all. Zim was vaguely interested by the fact that humans chose their own leader, rather than have it already decided by height. He decided that a human could not possibly lead other humans unless it had some form of giganticism, and that any human who voted for a leader that was not unnaturally tall was a huge fool even by human standards.
The Skool bell rang, thus ending the lecture. On his way home, Zim noticed that one of his windows was wide open. He dismissed the small abnormality as Gir's doing. Speaking of Gir, the small robot was sat in front of the TV watching The Scary Monkey show.
"Gir! Status report!" ordered Zim.
"CHEEEZZZ!" Gir screeched, getting up and running around the room. Interpreting this as an ordinary response, Zim threw off his disguise and headed to the base.
Dib stared at the Irken from his TV screen, revelling in the knowledge that he had no idea he was being watched. He couldn't help but let out a small evil laugh.
"This victory is mine, Zim!" He yelled –pretty loudly- at the TV. He soon regretted doing this after receiving a death stare from Gaz, who was sat across the room. Gaz didn't usually look up from her video games, but when she did it sent a chill through Dib's very soul. Needing a distraction from Gaz's evil glare, Dib resumed watching the CCTV footage of Zim.
"Haha…look at him, Gaz. I'm watching him 24/7, and he's none the wiser!" Dib chuckled.
"Crazy obsessive stalker." Gaz muttered.
Dib ignored her and stared back at the TV. Zim was now ranting loudly about world domination and the general stupidity of humanity. Dib decided that this was a good opportunity to reveal his identity to the world. Feeling too mentally drained to do anything more elaborate, he just stuck the video on PooTube –the video sharing site- and hoped that some other nerds would notice it.
"Filthy inferior humans and their filthy inferior political hierarchies!" Zim ranted. "These so-called 'politicians' are far past the point of mental retardation! They know NOTHING of how to rule a species properly, NOTHING!" He yelled, turning around and pacing the floor. "They're doing it all wrong! But if I were in their smelly inferior human shoes, there'd be some MAJOR changes!"
"Firstly, I'd abolish those primitive slime-pits know as skools. What with their demonic teachers and poisonous meals. Second, since those filthy human worm-babies are no longer having their time needlessly wasted on education, I'd send them out with loads of weapons to CRUSH this incompetent country's uncivilized ememies. CRUSH THEM I SAY! CRUSH THEM WITH THEIR DISGUSTING PRIMITIVE HUMAN WEAPONS!"
"Then I'd abolish the worship of these lowly human deities known as celebrities, FOR ALL GLORY SHALL BELONG TO ZIM! ALL OF IT! Then, those annoying human celebrities shall be EXECUTED! EXECUTED BY BEING EATEN! BY EACH OTHER! And their executions shall be broadcast publicly as the GREATEST REALITY TV SHOW OF ALL TIME!" He continued on and on, shaking his fist in annoyance every so often, unaware that his rant was quickly shooting to internet fame on the vast and oddly named video site, PooTube.
AN/ AW YEAH, finished mah first fanfic! I know it's kind of rushed, but I hope you enjoyed it! Stay tuned for the next instalment (if you can be bothered. More importantly, if I can be bothered). Later, doods!