In the depths of my darkest memory, there she is, holding my hand in an attempt to relinquish this debility that had me pinned in the corner of my bed. I live a life in shadows after…
"Bart, I know this is something you don't want to deal with but you have." She said, gently stroking my hand in a heavenly fashion.
"You don't know what it's like. I am reliving it every day, that one moment when my life changed." I was going to school, I thought it would be a normal day but it wasn't, it was a day that changed my life forever. Lisa had gone to school on the bus but I had been late because I was studying for an upcoming assessment on that very day.
"I don't know what you are going through Bart, I couldn't imagine to have something like that but how much longer are you going to dwell on the bad memories that have taken place in your life?"
"Dwell on the bad memories? If I could stop the memory from entering my mind I would, it's all that's ever in my mind." I say tightly gripping the pillow, it seems that even in the night this is all it is good for, it is a friend that I can talk too but just like all of them they can't help me.
"I'm sorry but I mean… it's been a month since…" She was right, it had been a month but how can someone get over something so painful in only a month? Something like this would take more than a lifetime to get over, there is no way you can heal mental scars that have been inflicted so deep.
"Bart… you got to move on. I know it sounds like a scary thing, in fact I must sound like an enemy when I say this but you can't let the bad things get you down in life." She says, trying to pull the sheets off of me, the warm blankets that are inviting but they can't help me either.
"How…How can you say that? She was killed… in front of my eyes." I return to letting my emotions spill out of me in tears, something I would have never done in the past. I was only 10 and I saw something so horrible, something so painful that no grown adult could deal with.
"I understand Bart, I'm going to have to go now… it's getting late, I have to be home by 11 but you got to take these." She gives me two Zopiclone and lithium; they can't help me with my problems because nothing can. Shove all the pills down my throat, all I can feel is the same things I felt before. The Zopiclone barely get me to sleep, no dreams of swimming in the ocean with the gentle dolphins or flying high above the reach of humanity, instead all I see in my sleep is darkness, something that imprisons me daily, something I have had enough of.
"Don't leave," She couldn't help me but I wanted her near me, I didn't want to be alone, if I was alone all I could thing about was what happened. When all alone all I feel is a hollow feeling in my heart, something that I can't fight no matter how hard I try.
"Ok sweetie," She said taking a seat; she had spent the day locked in with me, being restricted to living her life because of me. She was a good friend I have to admit, but she couldn't relate to me, no one could.
"How is therapy going?" She asks with a concerned tone.
"Well they are shoving these pills down me, supposable it's helping me but I feel the same, my psychiatrist is no help, she tells me what you tell me." She looks at me with a sad look. She didn't know what it was like for me to see that happen in front of my very own eyes.
"Why was it my mother that died?" I ask her as I return to crying, she holds me tightly and tells me to stop crying, it's hard to stop crying sometimes.
"God chooses very… harshly," Is all she could say and I have to admit she was right.
"Bart, you have a good day in school today." My mother said as we are nearing Springfield Elementary.
"Ok, I'm sorry that I had to make you drive me here. I mean if I had prepared for my assessment a little earlier than it would have been all sweet."
"Don't worry about it; tell Lisa I'm going to pick her up tonight after her hockey practise."
"Sure mum," I say as she gives me a warm smile.
"Don't forget I love you Bart," That were her last words, a car struck us. The window shield totally smashed, in pieces that covered my mother's body. Her body was distant from her head and her flesh was dripping her in blood.
"Bart…" She says, my tears damping my bed. I can't believe something so cruel took place in my life.
"Do you have an idea what it's like? I had to see it in front of my eyes, her last words were… Don't forget I love you Bart… almost as if she knew it was her time." I say, warm tears dripping down my chin and onto her shirt as she holds me tightly.
"Bart, I can't help you if you won't help yourself." That's what everyone has said but coming from her mouth it sounded so sinister, so life stealing something that I couldn't bare to hear.
"I'm sorry but… you need to start moving on, living each day as they come and slowly forgetting about that day…" She was right but it's so hard, all I want to do is lay within my bed, I'm not able to sleep and my soul is neither alive nor dead. My energy is drained, stolen from me just like my mother. Sometimes I question God, does he enjoy the sick jokes he plays on me? Why does he continue to torment me with his sick greed of sadistic pleasure?
"Jessica, I'm afraid you have to go home." I hear, she is forced to leave me as I am forced to swallow down sleep.
A/N: The death in this story is something that happened to a friend of mine, I did one of those… "Your mum is bitch" arguments and I never knew about it and he got really, really pissed. He told me about it and I thought he was lying, then some friends told me it was true. He goes to another school and I never knew about it but his mother had been decapitated. It's been a while since I have talked to him but this idea just kind of popped up in my head so here is the fic. R.I.P Matt's mum.