Because I didn't like that the show never said a thing about the absolute horror Donatello witnessed in SAINW...I needed to make something for myself. Donnie rarely gets the physical injuries, but he deals with a whole lot of mental stuff. Time and dimension travel, witnessing his family's death, turning into a big monster and trying to kill his friends, dealing with his brothers on a daily basis... The poor poor genius...but he takes it all in stride. No biggy.
Ah, but making the turtles reach their breaking point is just more fun.
Leonardo sometimes had reasons to sneak up on his brothers. He found good humor in using his ninja training to get back at his youngest brother for one of his jokes. Michaelangelo seemed to have a sixth sense for pranks when they were directed at himself though, and proved to be a challenge for Leo at times. Indeed, Mikey had made an art of his jokes as much as Leo had of their ninjitsu training.
He found less joy in the reasons he had to hide his presence from Raphael. It didn't happen as often now that Leo would tail the hotheaded turtle when he went out. Raph had come to expect it often enough, and so Leo backed off, not wanting Raph to lose trust in him. At first he wondered if it was such a good idea, but in the end it had proven better for their relationship, and that affected the entire team.
Donatello was the one that Leo almost never creeped up on. He didn't dare risk startling the brainy turtle while he was focused on a project. With Don, Leo would knock and call out to announce his presence at the door of his lab before entering, and adjust his step so that he was not moving silently through the room. Don was still a ninja, but he had a tendency to get lost in his work.
Leo was standing in that doorway now. He'd already knocked, and received no answer. He called his brother's name, and still there was silence. The quiet wasn't too strange, Donnie could just be reading, though he would normally answer by now. But Leo was worried. It wasn't uncommon for Donnie to hide out in his lab for days at a time, much to his brothers' patient frustration when they had to remind him to eat and sleep. Don would just laugh that he'd forgotten, and join the family for a meal with a book or notebook to continue research or notes. Lately though, their brother had been almost unresponsive to them. When he was, it wasn't like him at all.
The day before had been a rare occasion in the last month where they'd seen Donnie outside the lab. He was reading on the couch next to Mikey, who was excitedly playing through a new video game. Leo was holding the punching bag for Raph while they had a heated discussion over the lack of activity from their usual enemies, the Foot.
"He's obviously hidin' out, gettin' his army stronger than ever," Raph was arguing. "Don't ya' remember last time we fought those goons? They're gettin' too good."
"I remember," Leo responded calmly. "But we can't just go out and stir up trouble."
"And why the shell not?"
"Listen, Saki is clearly keeping a low profile right now. He's protecting his public image, cleaning up the city from the mess the Triceratons left," Leo grunted from a particularly strong punch from Raph and gave him a look.
Raphael ignored it. "And what exactly is he tryin' to do? Run for president?" he growled. "I don't like it. I don't like him gettin' all this alien tech, I don't like him gettin' all this good publicity, and I really don't like bein' down here jus' waitin' for the next attack!" He threw another punch that made Leo let go of the patched punching bag and put his hands up. "We should be out there gettin' the beat down on them Leo, not lettin' them hide away gettin' stronger."
Leo scowled at his brother, then took a breath. "Raph, we need to keep a low profile too. After all this alien invasion business, people are still on edge. Exactly how do you think it's going to look if we go knocking down the front door of the savior or their cities?" He crossed his arms. "I don't like it either. I'd rather have an idea of what's going on. Maybe we can try to contact Karai and-"
"Ohh no," Raph groaned. "Don't start up with this Karai business again bro. She's with the Shredder; she's trouble!"
"Raph, she went out of her way to save all of Beijing with us!"
"Yea, jus' helpin' Daddy look good," Raph jabbed a finger at Leo. "I'm tired of tryin' to put it through yer thick skull Leo, she's gunna betray ya."
Mikey sighed as the argument escalated, but continued with his game until Don suddenly stood up next to him, dropping his book on the cushion. He whirled around, a look of anger on his face that made his little brother freeze with worry. And then he yelled.
"Stop fighting!" he bellowed first. The feuding brothers did stop, more out of surprise that Donnie's voice could reach that volume, than out of obedience to the demand. "How do you two expect to ever be able to defeat the Shredder like this? It wouldn't matter if we did know what he was doing right now when you meatheads are at each others' throats all the time!"
Raph stood dumbstruck and Leo stepped forward before he could react. "Donnie, we're sorry, but we weren't-"
"Save it Leo," Don continued angrily. "What kind of leader trusts his enemy for information? And with you two fighting, what kind of team is this anyway?!"
"Dude..." Mikey said, staring wide-eyed at his usually peaceful brother. Don looked sidewise at him, and a faraway look washed over his face.
"I'm going to my lab," he muttered bitterly, and left, ignoring the call of his eldest brother.
They had agreed to let Donnie be, to allow him some time to calm down. Later, Mikey tried to bring Don some dinner. He'd also taken the book the brainy turtle left on the couch. Afterward when he could get nothing more than a couple words out of Don, the youngest turtle went to Leonardo, worried that something was really wrong. The eldest agreed, and it was then that Mike and Raph brought up something that made them really wonder what was bothering their brother. Something he'd said to them when they were reunited after being spread across time and space.
After that last encounter with Draco and the Daimyo's son, everything seemed to right itself, and things went back to normal. Everything but Donatello.
Though the lab was dimly lit, Leonardo could see the genius turtle lying forward on his desk, seemingly asleep. He stepped closer, eyeing the tools and robotic parts strewn across the desk, the table next to it, and the floor. It was another telltale sign that something was off. Not that the lab was always in perfect condition, but it certainly never looked like this. There was no order to anything, just confusion.
"Donny?" he said gently. Don didn't stir, and Leo put a hand on his shoulder, holding his breath. He could feel his brother's deep breathing, and the gentle beat of his heart, but was only relieved for a moment. He could suddenly smell, and soon after saw a thin trail of smoke rising from the desk. He followed the wisps to their source and gasped. All at once he wrenched Donnie upright by his carapace, and with his other hand grasped the ends of his purple bandana tails, snuffing out a tiny flame that had started there.
Don yelped at the sudden movement and flailed slightly. "Leo wha-HEY!"
Leo had reached down again and grabbed up the small soldering tool that was now burning a hole into the desk. He switched it off and found a holder for the tool and pushed them to the other table. He leaned there for a moment then breathed again. Don watched him, wide-eyed.
"What. The. SHELL!" The older turtle finally exclaimed whirling on his brother. "Donatello, are you TRYING to kill yourself?!"
Don stared at him, confused. "No Leo," he blinked. "Of course not."
"Then explain to me what you're doing falling asleep on top of your burning equipment!" Leo snarled. For the second time, he grabbed the tails of Don's mask, this time holding them so Don could see the singed ends. Donnie took the fabric in his fingers, putting everything together.
"Oh shell," he muttered and looked up at Leo sheepishly. "I-I thought I turned it off, I swear. I got a little dizzy and I was just going to shut my eyes for a minute..." Leo was standing over him now with his arms crossed and a fire in his eyes Donnie was not used to seeing directed at him. "I-I'm sorry bro. I should have been more careful, but...no harm done right?"
Leo exhaled frustratedly. He still looked frightening when he spoke again, though his voice was softer now and held an emotion that Don could not name. He'd never seen his older brother like this before.
"Don, when was the last time you slept?"
"What?"
"How about food?" Leo went on. "When did you eat last?"
"Mikey came in with food earlier, I'm fine."
He flinched when Leo snapped his arm up, pointing at a plate of untouched food on the other table. The plate Mikey had brought in. Donnie scowled at the floor. "Alright, alright. I'll go eat something ok? But everything is fine Le-"
"One last question brother," Leo interrupted, his voice low, and fierce. "What day is it?"
"...Really Leo?"
"Answer me Don."
The purple masked turtle opened his mouth to answer, but stopped, realizing he did not know. A flash of worry crossed over his face, and he tried to hide it. "Just leave me alone."
Leo frowned, and before Don could turn away, he grabbed the little brother by the arm, pulling him out of his chair.
"Leo sto-"
He hesitated for only a second, then bent down, wrapped his arms around Don's lower waist, and gently, but forcefully hoisted the turtle over his shoulder. Again Don hollered in surprise and instinctively tried to push himself off, but Leo had him secured in place with a strong arm wrapped around the back of his knees.
"What in the shell are you doing?!" Don bellowed. "Really bro, put me-"
He stopped struggling suddenly, feeling dizzy. Leo noticed.
"Don?" his soft tone was back.
Donnie bit back the nausea. "Will you please put me down?" he pleaded, annoyed.
"...No."
Don groaned as his brother carried him out of his lab. Raph and Mikey were standing just outside, both stunned at the strange sight.
"Uhh, Leo?" Raph started hesitantly. "What are ya' doin'?"
"I just thought Donnie could use a little family time." There was that dangerous tone again. "Michaelangelo, please get some water and something light to eat for him."
Mikey, still wide-eyed, nodded and darted away to the kitchen.
"Leo really," Don protested again. "This is completely unnecessary!"
"We'll see," he said. Don grumbled again, furious now. Raph followed behind as Leo walked Don over to the couch. He carefully dropped the brainy turtle onto the cushion, and immediately Don started to stand, glowering and embarrassed.
"Oh no," Leo warned leaning over him. "You stay."
"I'm not a child Leonardo," Don said bitterly.
When Leo didn't respond, Don sank back into the couch again, folding his arms tightly over his chest. Mikey returned then, and nervously sat on the other end of the couch. He set a plate of toast on the coffee table, but held the bottle of water out to Donnie instead. Don ignored it, clenching his teeth and not looking towards any of his brothers.
"Uhh, are we all pretending to Raphael today?" Mikey asked lowering the bottle. "I missed the memo, but I think we could've picked a better turtle to be."
Raphael shot the youngest a look, but Donatello just huffed. "No Mikey," he said glancing up to glare at the oldest. "Leo just wants to disturb all my work today and tromp me through the lair like I'm in a parade."
Leo shrugged. "What else can I do when you're acting like such a princess?"
"Excuse me?" Donnie hissed. He unwrapped his arms and sat up, hands slowly squeezing into fists.
"Whoa," Raph muttered. He looked back and forth between his angry brothers, still trying to piece together exactly what had happened between the two.
"Guys?" Mikey asked for him. "What the shell is going on?"
"Yea," continued Raph. "I get that we gotta remind Don to take care of himself sometimes, but ain't this a little...overkill?" He glanced at Don, who was still glaring daggers at Leo, but it seemed he was also shaking. Either Donatello was pissed at a level that Raph had never believed was possible for him, or there really was something else very wrong. How long had it been that he'd seen Donnie eat?
Leo noticed Don's trembling form as well, and loosened his stance in front of him. Don only dropped his stare, glaring instead at the floor.
"There's something more here, right Donatello?" Leo asked quietly. Concern was evident in his voice now, but it was still demanding an answer. He took the water bottle from Mikey's hand and untwisted the cap.
"You've been off since we got back from the battle nexus. Talk to us bro, we're here," he held the bottle out for Don, and again it was ignored. Leo sighed. "Sometimes it just feels like we're losing you bro."
Don's scowl had turned into a pained look, and he squeezed his eyes shut at these last words. Losing him? That's what he was preparing for. Ever since his experience in the horrible future where the Shredder ruled, he could concentrate on nothing else but what he could do to prepare his family for it. It was because he himself had disappeared that the future turned out that way. He never found out exactly what happened, but he had to do whatever he could to change the outcome. He had to make things right.
His stomach twisted, and a wave of nausea was over him again. He realized for the first time how weak he felt, and he let his tight fists loosen again. He should not have had a problem fighting Leo off earlier. Sure his big brother could wrestle him down, but Don could still put up a fight. When Leo was carrying him, he wasn't even able to properly think of a move to get away.
There was a hand on his shoulder, and he opened his eyes to see Leo, now crouched down in front of him. The anger from before was replaced with worry, and it was etched into every line in his face. He knew that beside him Michaelangelo was watching him nervously, and on the other side, Raphael.
"Donnie?" Raph asked. Don clenched his fists again, humiliated. There was no reason for his brother to worry like this when he was trying to make things better.
Leo tightened his fingers reassuringly on his shoulder. "Don't deal with this alone bro," he said. "We're here."
Damn Leo and his sixth sense for these things. Donnie knew he was right. It wouldn't solve anything if he killed himself working, but he could hardly find the words to explain everything to them. How do you tell your brothers of such a horrible future that was in store for them?
"What..." he started, uncertain. "What would you do if you went blind Leo?"
Leo didn't expect the question, and looked at Don, surprised. After a moment he answered. "Well, I guess I'd be pretty devastated," he said slowly. "It would change everything about my life. Learning Ninjutsu, fighting, being with you guys..." He stopped there and thought about how to continue. "It'd be difficult to learn to live with, but what else could I do if it happened? I would have to adapt."
I should have expected an answer like that. Don thought. If Leo really knew, what would his reaction be then?
"Donnie," Mikey said quietly when they were all silent for as long as he could stand. They turned to look at him. "What happened to you when The Ultimate Draco split us up? You never told us what you saw, just locked yourself up in your lab." He fidgeted in his place. "We're worried about you bro," he finished.
Donatello was sitting right there in front of all of them, but as he began his tale, Mikey thought he was more in the future that haunted him, than in their own home. His eyes settled on a low spot on the wall behind Leo, but they weren't seeing the lair. His voice was distant, and quiet. Mikey felt a need to touch his brother, to make sure he wasn't actually spirited away again, but he held back. He didn't like this story, but he didn't want Donnie to stop. He stared down his own arm when Don described the Michaelangelo of the future. When he looked up again Don had stopped and was watching him.
"I-I don't know how he lost it," he muttered in that far away tone. "He wouldn't tell me."
Mikey touched his arm. The thought of losing it freaked him out, but as he kept Donnie's gaze it made him more distressed that his genius brother, who had a solution to all things, was staring at him now looking so lost and so...guilty.
Leo spoke then, his gentle tone somehow still commanding. "Go on Donnie," he said. "What happened next?"
Donnie continued, eyes settling downward again. Raph shuddered, thinking about what could affect them all so deeply that it would push them apart. Then Don explained. Splinter's death. Raph noticed Leo shift slightly on the coffee table when Don said it. He knew Leo feared the loss of their master, they all did. And it sounded like the Raphael of this future blamed Leo for that loss. He glanced up at his older brother. If Donnie and Splinter were gone, he might feel harshly enough to blame it on Leo, and Leo would be crazy enough to allow it. As Raph caught Leo's eye, he say a flutter of something that told him he was right about that. He gave Leo a quick look of determination that said it wouldn't, and couldn't happen that way. The older turtle turned back to Donnie, but his face softened just slightly, the only outward sign that he understood.
Donatello fell silent again just as he started into the first with Shredder. His brothers waited but when he didn't go on on his own Mikey piped up. "We beat him right?"
"We beat him Mikey," Don said, his voice turning hollow. "But...all of you were killed. I couldn't do a thing to help you. Only April made it, and in the end, she could only smile, because the nightmare was all over for her. But you three were gone forever..."
His voice was hoarse now, and Leo picked up the water bottle again and finally he accepted it.
Mikey was sitting on his knees next to Don and looking down at his hands again. "That's why you said those things when you saw us again," he said quietly.
"We had no idea Donnie," Raph muttered. "Why didn't you say anythin' sooner?"
"I was just happy to see you," Don croaked. "But I could never get it out of my head. I can't sleep without seeing it all again, but I didn't want to worry you guys and..."
"And?" Leo prompted.
Dons eyes were starting to shine from unshed tears when he looked up at them all. "It was all my fault. I wasn't there, and then even when I was you all still...It-It's my responsibility to stop that from happening."
At these words, Mikey could hold himself back no longer. He threw himself at Don, wrapping him in a tight hug. Raphael stood and placed a hand on Donnie's head. He stooped down to look him straight in the eye.
"You idiot," he growled flicking him on the beak.
"Ow! Raph!" Don tried to rub his face, but his little brother had his arms pinned down. "Mikey..."
"No," Mike grumbled lightly, his face level with Don's chest. He squeezed tighter.
Leo took the water bottle from Don's trapped hand, setting it aside before it spilled. He was smiling slightly, but he spoke seriously. "You can't hold that kind of burden bro. We're a family. Everything that comes at us, we handle together."
Don grit his teeth. "I wasn't there for you."
"Your brothers are correct Donatello."
Mikey unlatched himself from his brother and sat up. They all turned to see Splinter moving towards them.
"H-how long were you listening Master Splinter?" Don asked.
"Something about a princess in a parade I believe," the rat smiled wryly.
Leo suddenly become very interested in a spot on the ceiling when Don shot him a look. He did not miss the corners of Leo's mouth twitching.
"Donatello," Splinter said gently, capturing his attention again. "You have taken on many great burdens for this family. You put your unique skills to work to make all of our lives easier and safer, and often we will put those same skills to the test."
He stepped closer, standing behind the couch. He place a furry hand on Don's shell and looked him in the eye. "You have a spirit of brilliance of generosity that knows no limits. However, most recently you have been driven by fear, and you have allowed this fear to become the focus in your endeavors. Do not allow it to consume you, my son. The future is indeed a frightening thing, but we cannot lose sight of the now or we may let our nightmares to become our reality."
Splinter moved around the couch. Leo shifted to the side so that the rat sensei could stand in front of Donnie. He then gestured to Mikey, Leo, then Raph; Don followed the movements. "Your brothers," Splinter said. "Are all here, and whole. I am here too, my son."
Donnie's felt his chest twist. His mask was wet around his eyes, and he tried to hold back anymore tears. He remembered when the one-armed Michaelangelo of the future showed him their father's grave. Until that point he had been wondering how to get back home, but when he realized his sensei was gone he knew he was trapped. If Splinter was gone, then who could pull him from the nightmare? He had always relied on all of his family, but in that future, his brothers were as lost as himself. Splinter was dead, and he felt then that there could be no escape. That's when he could focus on overthrowing the Shredder.
He looked up at his sensei now and shuddered at the thought that he had already mourned his death. But Splinter was right, he was right here, they all were. In the end it was Splinter that pulled him from that future, like he had hoped from the start. Donatello choked on a sob as he realized that he still hadn't felt freed from that world. He couldn't get his mind out of the nightmare, and he couldn't look at his family without seeing it. He had barely spoken to Splinter at all since his return.
"Donnie..." someone said with worry.
Donatello had no strength to stand up, but he shifted to the edge of the couch. Splinter leaned forward and wrapped his arms around his distressed son's shoulders, patting on hand on the back of his head. Don didn't move for a second, and then with a quiet desperate sound, he hugged Splinter back. He gripped the tattered robe, feeling the fabric. Fur was touching his neck and shoulders and he pushed into the hug to make it more real. His face was against Splinter's chest and he felt like a child, but Don had to feel him there. His father was tangible, he was alive. His tears couldn't be dampening the front of his robe if he wasn't. He felt more arms wrapping around him. Darkness was edging in, and he started to feel lost in it, but this time he was calm.
He could hear his family saying things to him, moving him. He wondered fearfully for a moment if he had imagined it all. He was calmed by the touch of a furry hand on his forehead. No, that was real. His family was fine, and he would be too. After he slept for a bit.