David's Turn To Talk
Maddie's words were ringing in his ears and seemed to paralyze him, to freeze his guts: "He's perfect for me, you know?"
Sam. This is great. She was talking about Sam. David was completely taken aback and felt as if the whole air had been sucked out of the room. Helpless. His face, though, didn't show any of this. The established Addison defense mechanisms still worked, regularly as a clockwork.
And yet, his heart had leapt with joy and hope when he'd heard Maddie's voice through the door at 4 in the morning; deep in his heart he had known that this had to be very meaningful – Maddie Hayes wouldn't show up at his doorstep in the middle of the night, wearing only a nightgown and sneakers underneath her coat, if it wasn't for something really, really important.
The memory of two nights earlier flashed his mind, when he had be the one to show up at her doorstep at about the same time, having pulled all his courage together, determined to confess his feelings for her. Unfortunately, a half-naked, well-built and (as far as he could judge it) attractive man had opened the door. His guts had gone numb. Sam, had he learned later. Sam, an old friend. Sam, her date.
Hearing the next day that he was only a friend had relieved the shock a bit; he had scraped the miserable remnants of his self-confidence together, and before he had thought about it twice, he was headed to the restaurant where she had gone with Sam, without really having a plan B. She had looked so stunning in that low-cut black dress, and the radiant way she had looked and smiled at Sam when they talked had pierced him like a sharp blade right into the heart, and it had seemed as if his courage had started to trickle away through that little hole.
Sam had been the well-bred gentleman, of course, and had excused himself to let them talk about their business emergency, a feeble excuse David had made for interrupting their dinner. But the moment David had sat down at the table beside Maddie, his brain had gone blank, and his wit well run dry like the Mojave desert. He had been stumbling over his own words, starting to look like an idiot and just when he had been about to say it, Sam had returned to the table, with the worst possible timing. Back too soon? he had asked in his smooth, double-faced, goody-goody way, and all the words he ached to say to Maddie were stuck in David's throat, wouldn't go back nor forth, and in the blink of an eye she had told Sam no, without a second thought, maybe even with a hint of relief, without even a questioning glance at him. That had been the moment when David had been quite sure she didn't have further interest in what he had to say.
But now, she had come to his place in the middle of the night and was questioning him about exactly that. Now, seeing her in her disheveled state – and how adorable did she look? – had hit him right in the gut and incensed that spark of hope again that maybe, just maybe she wasn't lost to him.
And then she started to talk about Sam – Sam, the Yale graduate (he had learned that previous evening). Sam, the astronaut. The wine connoisseur. Sam, Mr. fucking Perfect. And on top of all that, only a few hours ago, Maddie had told him that she and Sam were an Us now. And how now he was perfect for her, suddenly, after two days – two days! – that man whose name David had never heard in the almost three years he had spent with Maddie was perfect for her. As if all the things they had gone through together didn't count anymore in the light of all his well-bred Yale splendor. David felt like he had just gotten a bucket of ice water emptied over his head.
"He's perfect for me, you know?" those words had pierced his heart again, and then, suddenly, Maddie added: "But you and me... " She paused and sighed deeply, helplessly, and that sound touched something in him, rang a bell. She went on in a very small voice: "We... we..."
She didn't know how to continue, obviously, and finally raised her gaze now to look at him with probing blue eyes, as if she was waiting for him to say something.
David's thoughts were racing at the same frenzied pace as his heart. What are you trying to say? We? We? Equally helpless, he just kept looking at her. We? What has become of the Us? C'mon, give me something more, don't stop here!
Suddenly, she got angry. "Aren't you gonna say something?" she blurted out.
He frowned, baffled by her sudden anger. "Aren't I?" he gasped and ruffled his hair. "Weren't you gonna say something? Didn't you come here to say something?"
Maddie's eyes narrowed. "Hey, I'm sitting here, trying to... to..." she raised her hands, fingers spread wide, as if she was trying to fish the words that wouldn't come to her mind out of the air.
"Trying to – what, Maddie?" David interrupted, a sharp edge in his own voice now. "So far all you told me is how perfect Sam is for you." He paused for a moment and the blurted out angrily: "And don't I know that!"
"Oh shut up, Addison!" she snapped. "Sam is not the subject here!"
David raised an ironic eyebrow, like so often, using his sarcasm as a protection shield. "He's not?"
"No, he's not!"
He shrugged, in a deliberately casual manner, trying to seem cool but miserably failing at it. "Well, I've only heard you sing his praise so far..."
"Because you only hear what suits you, as usual!" Maddie wasn't exactly yelling, but close. That man was driving her from madness to desperation, and then all the way back. How could one single individual accumulate so much stubbornness, stupidity and stupendousness? She hated him. Without noticing, she clenched her fists, as if she were ready to punch him wherever it hurt. "I came here in the first place to ask you a question, and you haven't answered me yet!"
"A question?" he echoed, in a feeble maneuver to gain some time.
"Don't play dumb, David!" she snorted and angrily punched his shoulder for starters. "What were you going to tell me the other day when you interrupted my dinner?"
He glared at her, and the green fire in his eyes almost took her breath away. Stupendous. Asshole. "Oh, now you wanna hear it! That's great!"
"What do you mean?" she pressed through clenched teeth in a guttural, dangerous growl.
"Yesterday you didn't seem to be that interested in what I had to say!" David lashed out, and Maddie was completely taken aback by that tremendous unfairness.
"What?!" her voice almost squeaked. "I tried to worm it out of you, but you..."
"Funny," David interrupted acidly, "I had the impression you were quite eager to get rid of me the moment spaceman returned to the table..."
"I was what? That's not true!" she defended herself.
Slowly, David got up from his sitting position and took a few steps away from the trunk, as if he was trying to put distance between them, his anger suddenly evaporated, recalling the feeling of defeat that had washed over him that evening at the restaurant. He shrugged again, helpless this time. "Well, you pretty much made it look like we were through when he asked if he was back to soon and you couldn't wait to say no."
"I? You said no!" Maddie contradicted. "You..." She interrupted herself and took a deep breath. This wasn't going to lead them anywhere. She raised both hands again, palms turned to him, a soothing gesture. "Listen, David... this is childish and immature, even for you." He glared again, and she sighed. This wasn't going to lead them anywhere either. "For us," she added. "Whatever went wrong yesterday, I'm here now to rectify it." She tried to sound calm and emphasized every word. "So tell me, what did you want to tell me yesterday?"
David looked away. Why bother? he thought in a rush of defeatism.
Maddie bent a little forward, her gaze searching for his eyes. "David?" she urged.
Silence was her only answer.
I can't take this any longer! She jumped up and shot at him furiously: "Fine! I really don't know what I came here for if even now you don't have the guts to say..."
"Probably the same thing I was gonna say the night before when I came to your house!" he blurted out and pierced her with his stare.
Maddie's eyes almost jumped out of their sockets. "What? What are you saying?" she put her hands to her hips in a menacing way. "You never showed up at my house!"
"Oh yes, I did," David replied quietly, his eyes fixed on hers now.
Maddie furrowed her brow. "But I don't understand..." she shook her head slightly, no longer angry but deeply confused. "Didn't I hear the doorbell? Why didn't you bang on the door when I didn't open it?"
David looked away again. Maddie still frowned and for a moment her temper wanted to rise again, but then, slowly, it dawned on her, and her eyes grew wide like huge blue marbles. She couldn't believe it.
"You did bang on the door," she said tonelessly, "and Sam opened it."
David's eyes were still fixed on some spot on the floor, unable or unwilling to meet hers. His jaw tightened, and his facial muscles twitched. He desperately tried to control his features when he involuntarily relived that moment, so far one of the worst and most painful moments of his life. Then he took a deep breath.
"Not very wide," he said, "but who could blame him? It was chilly, and he was a bit...", he shrugged, "...underdressed."
Maddie briefly closed her eyes and slowly sank on the trunk again, her legs suddenly feeling numb and useless. Sam... an unpleasant feeling crept up her spine, but she would deal with that later, she decided. Now she had other things to focus upon, important things. She suddenly felt that here and now she was at a crucial point of her life. She opened her eyes again and took a deep breath.
"David," she broke the silence, struggling to find the right words, "I haven't... I hadn't..." She fell silent again when she saw the hurt in his eyes. "David," she finally tried again, "what were you going to say to me, had I opened the door?"
He shook his head. "You want me to tell you everything, but you don't say anything. I might have already said too much."
"I don't say anything?" she repeated, her voice full of disbelief. "David, I came here at four o'clock in the morning, looking like this" – she tugged furiously at her coat – "and that doesn't tell you anything? Really?"
"Well, what do you think it means that I've shown up at your house at about the same time," he shot back, "and I wasn't in a much better state, I might add!"
"How would I know?" Maddie snorted, throwing her arms in the air in a theatrical gesture. "Maybe you wanted to do my dishes? Tell me you were a murder suspect? Bring over a fairy for a pajama party at my house? Pick one!"
"Leprechaun," David interjected dryly.
"Fine! Whatever!" quickly, she rose from her seat again.
"See?" he said in a very low voice. "You don't take me serious. You never have, and you never will. I show up at your house, and you're ready from the get-go to dismiss it as one of dumb David's disturbances."
She gave him her best ice-queen stare. "And you seriously want to blame me for that?" The moment the words were out, Maddie regretted them. Too much!
"No, I think I shouldn't,"he replied in a deadly quiet voice that chilled her to the bone. He seemed to spit the words out. "And I really think you shouldn't waste any more time with a loser like me and sneak back to your perfect boyfriend." He turned around and took a few steps towards the door.
Maddie didn't move an inch. "He is not my boyfriend," she growled, and David stopped dead in his tracks. After a few moments that seemed to last an eternity, he slowly turned around to face her again. His eyes were as icy as hers.
"Well, let me rephrase that," he said with venom, "the guy who's probably sleeping an exhausted sleep in your bed right now, the one you told me only a few hours ago you were an "Us" with."
"Oh, to hell with you, Addison!" Maddie raged. "Again, you hear one word and ignore the rest! Yes, I said we were an us, but I also said I don't know right afterward!"
"Well, if you don't know if you're an Us with him, I surely can't help you with it." his voice sounded final.
She snorted, but there was a touch of despair in that noise instead of her usual disdain. "I was a fool to think you would care to," she stated and straightened her back, preparing herself mentally and physically to leave.
Suddenly, David knew that he would regret it for the rest of his life if he let her leave now. "Maddie," he almost pleaded, his voice very soft now, "I'm not a mind reader. What do you expect from me?"
"I want you to tell me that you love me!" she blurted out just as suddenly, and David felt like punched in the gut, but in a good way – and that was a more than weird feeling. She had said the L-word. Well, not exactly in the way he had hoped for, but yet, she had played that card. Pick it up.
He took a deep breath and ruffled his hair. "How could I know you wouldn't laugh at me?" he asked, not denying what she had claimed. "Look at me – I'm nothing like what you expect from a man, am I?"
Maddie shook her head in disbelief. "You know damn well I would never laugh at you! Do you think I came over here to laugh at you?!"
He shrugged. "Well, its not that you never made fun of my morals, my culture, my religion, my mental skills..." – for a moment, she looked away from him, embarrassed about the many times she recalled she had done exactly that – "I have nothing to offer of all those things spaceman can offer you. I didn't go to Yale, I don't have a spectacular career, I don't have a sophisticated background or a huge income, and we both know that I hate the symphony. Hell, you just said it – I don't even have furniture." He paused for a moment and slightly shook his head. "I'm really not sure what it is that you are looking for in a man."
He had a point there, of course, and to hear him enumerate all those things he could not give her disarmed her somehow. Although Maddie still thought that he should have known that she wasn't that superficial, he should have – well, she wouldn't give him any room for excuses any longer. Cards on the table it was now – or never. "I want someone that I can rely on, depend on!" she promptly answered him, "someone who I can trust and who loves me and only me." She found, surprising enough, that once she had started to talk about her feelings, it was easier with every word. She drew a deep breath and voiced her ultimate fear: "Someone who I know will never run around and leave me."
What are you saying? I never would! "Are you saying that in three years I haven't always been there for you when things were difficult?" David asked, and she averted her eyes, knowing that he was right. "What about when I followed you to Buenos Aires to prevent you from losing your existence and your dignity? When I followed your father for you? When I threw my chances of having my own agency to the wind so that you could get Blue Moon back from that shark LaSalle? All the things we've been through, aren't they worth anything in your book?" He paused for the fraction of a second before he quietly asked: "Where was Sam then?"
She didn't answer him; of course, she didn't have an answer to that question. It was true. She opened her mouth to say something, but David didn't seem to have noticed. He took one step nearer, standing very close to her now, and went on:
"You want a guarantee that I will never run around and leave you?" he asked, and her head snapped back to him to look into his eyes. She saw a whirlwind of emotions, pretty much mirroring her own confusion and inner turmoil. David slowly shook his head. "I can't give you any guarantees. Not even spaceman can give you a guarantee, well-bred 'n' all. In life you have to take risks sometimes."
"But I'm not a risk taker," she admitted, "you know that." She went on in a small voice: "I'm scared."
David put his left hand to her cheek and was happy to see that she leaned her face into his palm. "I'm scared too," he replied softly and leaned a little forward. Maddie did the same until their fronts were touching, and for a brief, wonderful moment they both closed their eyes, at peace with each other right there and then.
When they broke the physical connection and looked at each other again, Maddie said very seriously: "Yes, I do appreciate a man who knows how to organize a perfect date, and yes, I do want the good things in life." She drew a deep breath and decided to take a risk right now. "But not at the expense of losing you."
Wow was all David could think in the moment Maddie sent all his doubts about her feelings out of the window and felt the need to do the same for her now. "And how could I ever run around and leave you, when I need you to live?" he finally replied in a hoarse whisper. "You are my lifeline, Maddie Hayes, don't you know that?"
Suddenly, she felt tears sting and prick her eyes. She swallowed a few times, trying to get rid of the lump in her throat that was making her unable to speak, and speaking now was so important!
"Is that what you were going to tell me when you came to my door?" she finally managed to ask, her voice barely more than a whisper. Their faces were still very close.
David nodded. "Not in so many words, but basically – yes, that's the message."
Surprisingly, a little laugh bubbled up to the surface of the sea of tension they were still navigating on, and the tension was gone – they both had the feeling that they were dancing up and down on uncontrollable waves, but on safe grounds at the same time.
"You're the master of words, as always," she teased, still a bit insecure though.
"I know," he replied sheepishly, "I know. But when I saw that half-naked guy – Sam – in your house, I was in shock, and then, when I came to the restaurant, and I saw you and him together, so comfortable, and how you were looking at him..." he shrugged helplessly. "I just couldn't. I couldn't." He drew a deep breath. "I know I'm an idiot. I'm so sorry."
She could only nod. "Me too."
David put both hands on her upper arms, and she shivered. "Hey, you came here to ask a question. Let me give you a straight answer." He smiled, a lopsided, but honest and irresistible smile. "I love you. That's what I wanted to tell you that night. I – love – you." he nodded as to affirm his words, and he looked like a huge rock had tumbled off of his heart. There, I've said it. "I need you, and you need me," he added. "Let's make this work."
Maddie couldn't believe her ears, this was almost too good to be true. Almost.
"I love you too," she replied firmly, without any hesitation, jumping on the occasion. There, I've said it too.
David briefly closed his eyes, so great were his relief and his happiness. When he opened them again, he found Maddie's fixed on his face with a loving expression. Too good to be true.
"What about Sam?" he asked.
She shook her head. "I don't love him."
"I'm relieved to hear that," David smiled and thought it was safe now to pull her gently into his arms, and he was right – she eagerly followed, leaned her temple onto his stubbly cheek and allowed herself to let her mind wander back to the man she had left in her house to run to David's place in the middle of the night. Sam. She remembered now what had been said when she had introduced the two men the previous evening at the restaurant. David had said "Yes, we've...", but Sam had cut him off with his handsome smile and his jovial "Nice to meet you." Grimly, she pressed her lips together when she thought of what had happened after that memorably disastrous evening between her and Sam. How had Bert Viola said the other day – a night of betrothed bliss? More like half an hour of bedroom boredom.
"I've tried to," she said soberly, "but how could I love him?" She looked directly in David's eyes and smiled shyly. "He's not you," she simply stated with an adorable shrug, and he felt like his insides were going to melt on the spot. She enjoyed his expression for a moment, then she added: "He asked me to marry him a few hours ago, when I came home from work."
David's eyes widened, shock flickering over his face. "What did you tell him?" he demanded, his voice full of alarm.
The ghost of a smile brushed her lips. "That I needed time to think."
David chuckled happily. "Thank God you're not spontaneous!"
She snorted out a feeble laugh. "At least I wasn't before I came to this weird place at this weird time in order to..." she swallowed and then went on, bravely: "...to get this weird guy to tell me that he loves me." She threw him a nervous glance. "I guess that was about the most spontaneous thing I ever did in my life."
"Oh yeah," he agreed, "guess it was." He grinned. "Weird, huh?"
She smiled openly. "Pretty weird."
David was amazed at how easy it all suddenly seemed. "I like that," he purred and pushed a lock off of her face. "I mean you, being spontaneous."
Maddie averted her eyes in an adorably coy way and seemed to shift slightly uncomfortably in his arms. "David?"
"Maddie."
She looked at him again. "What are we gonna do now?" she finally asked, feeling nervous but at the same time feeling the sudden need to urge David to carry on and not stop here.
Stand here like statues? All the right words have been spoken. Aren't you going tomake a move? We've been waiting for so long to set this straight, I don't want to waste one more minute.
He looked into those cornflower blue eyes of hers, and all his fuses were ready to blow. Right now? I'm gonna tell you. Right now I want to grab you, kiss you senseless, rip all your clothes off – which are not many anyway – and make wild and passionate love to you right here on that trunk. David blinked, and for a really scary moment he was afraid he had said that out loud; but the unaltered expression on her face showed him much to his relief that he hadn't. Focus! He chastised himself. You don't want to scare her off, do you? She's not supposed to think you're just a sex driven Neanderthal. Behave. Act like a mature adult.
He cleared his throat and slightly shook his head to clear his mind of the pictures that had been forming. "Ah... I think what you should do now is go back to your house, wake up Sam and tell him you can't marry him because you're..." he paused for a moment, looking for the right word. "Involved with somebody else?" he finally offered and added in an overly serious voice: "He deserves that much." He deserves to be dragged to the moon by his spaceballs. Yeah, right. Sounds very mature, doesn't it?
Maddie nodded slowly, a slightly grim look on her face. "I will tell him that I can't marry him because I'm in love with my weird partner."
That had caught him totally off guard, and he stared at her with a completely stunned, openmouthed expression. "You will?" he finally managed.
"I will," Maddie repeated and added in a determined voice that left no room for doubt: "And I know what Sam deserves." The tone in which she had said that made David smile, and the only thing he regretted was that he wouldn't be there to see Sammy's handsome face go chalk-white when Maddie would send him the space off. "I'll deal with it tomorrow," she said. "I don't..." she drew a deep breath and looked directly into his green eyes again. "I don't want to go home now."
Wait a minute, wait a minute... "You don't?" She can't possibly mean... he stumbled over his own thoughts, and that every ounce of blood in his veins started to boil didn't help either.
"Uhm... no," she confirmed and added: "That is, unless you... want me to go." Come on, can I make it any more obvious?
"No!" he replied quickly. "No," he repeated softly. "I... ah... I don't want you to go. I'd really, really like you to stay."
She smiled openly. "Good."
He smiled back. "Good."
And then she asked: "Do you still want to..." she swallowed. "...take my coat?"
For a little eternity, their stares were just fixed on each other, speaking volumes, the air between them buzzing with electricity; finally, David released her from his embrace, took one half step back and answered in a very hoarse voice: "I would love to take your coat."
Maddie just stood there impassively with her arms hanging down on both sides, in that ugly grey summer coat over her satin nightgown and sneakers, no makeup except for a bit of mascara and her hair not fixed, and David thought she had never looked more beautiful to him. Slowly, almost like he was in trance, he raised both hands to the button fly of her coat. She dropped her gaze and looked down on his hands that were slowly starting to work on the first button. Maddie remembered how many times his hands had touched her; he always had seemed eager to lay his hands on her, brush them against her hair, grab her elbow or her hand to drag her to or from some spot, touch her back lightly when they went someplace together, to guide her in the direction he was heading for. She had never really thought about it, but looking back now, she always had loved the feeling of his hands touching her and also always loved the sight of them. Mostly, there had been a barrier between his hands and her skin; tonight, that would change.
His fingers worked thoroughly, meticulously and skillfully. Somehow, that thought made her feel a wave of both embarrassment and excitement wash over her entire body when she imagined what his fingers could – and soon would – do to her other than unbuttoning an old coat, and a blush spread from her face over her neck, crimson red.
When all the buttons were undone, one by one, he raised his hands to her shoulders again and pushed the coat off; with a dry rustle, it fell to the floor where it was forgotten at the same moment. David's eyes were lavishly wandering up and down her deliciously curved body that was hugged so perfectly by the silver grey satin nightgown, held only by thin spaghetti straps on her well-rounded shoulders. Maddie had the impression that she could feel his stare go right through the satin and directly touch her skin. She was barely looking at him, and that combined with the slight blush that was covering her nearly drove him wild. But he willed himself to act deliberately, slowly; he fought with all his might to control the primal urges that were trying to take control over his body.
Maddie's eyes were glued to anywhere but his face, but she nevertheless drank in the sight of him, torn and rumpled as it was; his baggy sweatpants, his ruffled out-of-bed hair, spikier than ever, and his holey black t-shirt which, obviously, he had grabbed and pulled on in a hurry because he was wearing it inside-out. Equally obviously, he had been sleeping without a shirt on. Involuntarily, she licked her lips, and then she raised her gaze to meet his eyes again.
She was still simply standing there, as if waiting for a move, and finally he put his hands on her hips and pulled her gently, but firmly to him. Eagerly, she took a step forward, and then she was in his arms again, her hands on his shoulders, and their stares locked for the fraction of a second before, finally, they moved forward as one and simultaneously leaned in for the kiss.
When their lips touched, a jolt of electricity ran through both of them, and if they hadn't already been sure about it, now it became clear that their mouths matched perfectly, as if they had been modeled to fit onto each other. They had kissed once before, but that had been a hurried, sudden, raw kiss, surreal somehow, fraught with despair and fear, and it had been over before either of them had realized what had happened and what it really had meant. Nevertheless, Maddie had caught a glimpse of how amazing it could be between them, and it had confirmed her deepest suspicions. She never had been able to help but watch David's mouth when he was talking, pursing it into his half-smile, or – worst – licking his lips. The sheer sight of it had always been magnetic to her and evoked feelings in her she hadn't been able to understand. Hadn't wanted, dared to understand. Now she was ready to embrace them completely.
The kiss had started really slowly, painfully slowly almost, and when David finally, boldly deepened the kiss, Maddie slid her arms around his neck and pulled him really close, pushed her body into his, kissed him back with all that pent-up fervor not only from the last days or weeks, but the last two years, if she was honest – and tonight was the night for honesty. She felt his lips, felt his tongue taking possession of her mouth, making it his, and she wanted to be his. She felt the blood rush through her body and she ran her hands through his spiky hair, again and again.
Suddenly, his hands were at her hips again, and she was a bit confused at first when she felt he was pushing her away a bit, maybe an inch. Then he turned her around in one quick surprising move and pulled her body close, oh so close into his again, her back to his front, and she gasped when she felt the unmistakable sign of his desire. It made her pulse rise to maximum speed. She threw her head back, eyes closed, and sighed shakily when she leaned into him even more; partly because she couldn't get close enough to him, partly because she didn't trust her knees to hold her upright any longer.
Quickly, his left hand went upward to hold her throat in place, tenderly but firmly, fingers spread, his index finger at her chin, tilting her head slightly to the left so he had better access to her neck. David brought his mouth down on the side of her neck, just below her right ear, and let it run South, following the line down to her collarbone. The sensation of his breath on her neck drove her nearly insane, and her left hand grabbed his wrist as to make sure he wouldn't loosen his possessive grip at her throat. He could feel her jugular vein hammering madly against his palm, and this spurred him on even more. His right hand was free to travel over the whole front of her body, and it did so, gliding over the silky material of her nightgown, exploring, roaming, seizing, caressing, and Maddie started to squirm madly under his touch. She gasped again when he kissed his way to the back of her neck and reached a spot right below her hairline, slightly right from the middle. When he brushed his lips against that spot, she couldn't stand it any longer to be held so passively without the possibility of touching him, kissing him back. She moaned his name and turned around in his arms again, bringing her hands back to his shoulders where her fingers clenched his shirt while she kissed him as if the world around them was falling apart, as if she wanted to devour him.
The blood was rushing in her head, and a wild desire was raging through her body when she tore so frantically at his shirt that suddenly a sharp sound was heard, and the hole at the right shoulder of his shirt was ripped further. Maddie jumped out of the kiss at that sound, and David was surprised too for a second. She was staring at the rip with her mouth hanging open in shock and embarrassment and then looked into his eyes. The green flames she saw swirling there in deathly combination with a delighted and heart-stopping lopsided smile burned her up inside.
"Alright, already," he managed in a croaky voice and let go of her, and in one smooth move he took the black t-shirt off and threw it aside. Maddie looked at his tanned, well-toned chest and knew she wouldn't be able to hold herself upright on her feet much longer. Her knees felt like jell-o, and she swallowed.
Making an involuntary, guttural sound deep in his throat, he grabbed her and simply swept her off of her feet, up in his arms, making her completely feel like she was defying gravity, and carried her over to his bed. She sank into his body for a moment that seemed to last an eternity, her eyes closed and focusing her other antennae on the sensations washing over her – the feeling of his hands on her back and in the hollows of her knees, the tickle of his chest hair against the skin of her face when she leaned her cheek onto him, and his smell, that delicious smell.
When he gently lowered her on the crumpled sheets, carelessly thrown back by him only maybe half an hour ago, she suddenly became aware of the fact that she was still wearing her sneakers, and slightly shyly, she propped herself up on one elbow and motioned to her feet.
"David," she managed breathlessly, "I have..."
"Relax," he shushed her in a hoarse voice, "don't worry." And, with one deft move, he pulled off her left shoe and remarked almost casually: "I'm gonna take care of you." He pulled off her right shoe too. "Real good," he added, and she'd be damned if he was talking about her shoes. His eyes were feasting on her body, still covered by the grey silk of her nightgown that was clinging so tightly to her curves that it left very little to the imagination. He still had his left hand on her right ankle and let his fingertips wander upwards her shin in a slow, provoking stroke. Her sharp intake of breath showed him that she knew where he was aiming at, and he purred in that voice: "Nice and slow."
Maddie made a very small noise in her throat and closed her eyes, and by now the feverish heat had spread over her entire body, absurdly enough, causing her to shiver all over. David was aware of that and lazily drew a circle around her knee with his left index finger, and another one, and a third one. She had gotten very aroused by then and furious at the same time, because he still had to tease her, making love to her damn knee with his finger when she really was aching for him to continue his path all the way up over her inner thigh. She wanted, needed to feel more of him, to have more skin contact than only that of one fingertip. She opened her eyes again and looked at him, how he stood there beside the bed, definitely eye candy, naked from the waist up, his eyes roaming over her body, his sensuous lips slightly parted, totally lost in touching her.
She swallowed and reached out with both arms. "David..." she pleaded.
He looked at her and saw the love and longing in her eyes and how she reached out for him. This gesture alone made him feel like he was on top of the world. The fact that she was squirming under his touch wasn't bad either, of course. David quickly got rid of his sweatpants (and was rewarded with a very appreciative glance) and stretched his body out beside her and into her welcoming embrace, his hand now resting on her thigh shortly above her knee. She pulled him close, and he didn't have to be asked to kiss her. He did it thoroughly and with the right mixture of tenderness and passion. His right hand went into her hair while the left had resumed its steady path up her thigh again.
Her breathing quickened as fast as her pulse, and although she was lying flat on her back her head started to spin. Every end of her nerves was tingling again from his touch, and the way his fingers were creeping, sneaking up her thigh, pulling the seam of her nightgown up with them, slowly baring her, was driving her insane. The moment his hand reached the lace-trimmed edge of her silken panties, she felt goose bumps spreading all over her body.
"Hot damn!" she whispered, and David was pleasantly shocked by that; he had never heard her utter that expression, and it seemed not very Maddie-like to his ears, and it made him feel utterly elated that he had been the one evoking that. It made him dizzy to think what more he could maybe evoke in her. He couldn't wait to find out.
"David..." she urged and, much to his delight, lifted her hips a bit from the mattress so that he could pull her panties down – slowly, inch by inch, making a big tease of it (although it cost him all of his willpower not to unceremoniously rip them off her body), so that she was once more writhing under his hands. He felt that Maddie was getting very impatient now, he could tell that by the way she tugged at his boxers, and her eagerness was giving him goose bumps and spurring him on. He knew he wouldn't be able to continue like this for long – his self-control was slowly, but steadily crumbling away; but obviously, she wasn't expecting him to. With a strength and determination that didn't surprise him at all, Maddie pulled him on top of her, welcoming his weight that was pressing her down on the bed, and her greedy lips were at his throat again. It was almost too much now, almost. Things were getting dangerous... he lifted his head a bit to look in her eyes, to see if she was as ready as he was. Her eyes were closed in something that, judging by her facial expression, the flush of her skin and the way her lips were slightly parted, looked suspiciously like ecstasy. She was ready. Boy, was she ready.
"Maddie...?" he managed in a croaky voice, and she opened her eyes, almost reluctantly.
"David," she urged in a breathless, guttural way like he had never heard her use before, "please... now."
He happily obliged and was instantly rewarded with a soft moan and a sharp, precious pain at his back when she dug her nails into his skin. He was climbing the stairway to heaven, and Maddie didn't look unhappy either as she allowed herself to get completely lost in his increasing rhythm.
David considered himself a sexually experienced man, so he had guessed he really shouldn't expect anything groundbreaking new here. But boy, had he been wrong... During the past two years, he had imagined many, numerous – no, countless times how it would be to feel Maddie's body pressed under his like that (although David's fantasies had never been limited to only one position), to make her his, to take possession of her completely, in every possible way. Turned out, not once had his imagination even come near the real deal.
He had always known that, despite Maddie's icy exterior, there was lava running through her veins, and he had half suspected, half hoped she'd be a hellcat in bed, clawing and purring and spitting fire – and she wasn't disappointing him. And the fact that he knew now that she loved him and that he had embraced the fact that he loved her deeply too, was making this discovery all the sweeter. David was clearly in charge and dictating the pace, but Maddie was keeping up with him easily and eagerly and by no means only succumbing to him.
So this is it, she thought, and that was the only coherent thought she was able to form in her mind. All her blood and energy were concentrated elsewhere in her body, ever fiber tingling, singing and vibrating with these sensations she hadn't even dared to picture yet. She had always been attracted to him – since day one, if she was honest – and yes, of course had she tried to imagine how it would be to get intimate with him; but also, the more she felt attracted to him, the more her emotions for him grew stronger, the more also her fear had built up. Because she could never be sure about his feelings towards her, she could never give in to her own attraction.
But these doubts had finally been destroyed in the past half hour, when he finally had confirmed to her what she had been suspecting already for a long time: that she would not only be a notch in his belt, but that he deeply loved her. And now, without fear or shame, Maddie was able and allowing herself to go with the flow and to get completely lost in her pleasure and in his, squirming and sighing under his body, enjoying the feeling of him all over and inside her. She heard the blood pound in her ears, louder and louder, and she knew she had to silence it somehow or she would go crazy. Her eyes popped open, and she saw his face right before them.
"David," she cried out, "I can't..."
"Let go, baby," he soothed in a deep voice, "do it for me. I love you." And he brought his lips on hers, and then she went over the edge, but instead of tumbling down into a dark abyss she felt like she had died and gone to heaven, and suddenly she knew why the French called this La Petite Mort, the little death. With what felt like her last breath, she gasped his name again into his mouth, and that heavenly sound and the feeling of the uncontrollable shivers running through her body were enough to catapult him into his own private heaven.
Then, for a few moments, they lay absolutely still, entangled in each other, both unable to move so much as a single finger. They eyes closed, they were listening to the frantic beating of their hearts subside, and their breaths slowly found their normal rhythm again. David let his forehead rest against Maddie's and simply enjoyed the afterglow of their passion. When he had mustered up enough strength, he lifted his weight off her body and glided to her right side; only very reluctantly did she release him and deliberately kept her right leg touched to his left, not ready yet to break the connection completely.
When the normal amount of blood had reached her brain again and she was able to form any clear thought besides "W – O – W", a little anxious voice inquired ...and now?
Maddie swallowed, a little nervously, and slowly turned her head to the right, to face David. She hesitated for a second before she dared to look into his eyes, but when she finally did, she was delighted to see – in spite of all the right words that had been exchanged between them – a shadow of her own anxiousness mirrored in those green depths.
His smile was a little insecure when he asked: "Are you sorry you came?"
Of course, he could not clarify that by saying to my place – and that little innuendo was not enough to sound really dirty, but naughty enough to make her smile at this typical pattern. It made her feel at home, on safe grounds. No, she wasn't sorry at all for coming, not to his place, not in his bed.
"Do I look like I'm sorry?" she replied and batted her eyelashes in a coquettish way. Pure happiness spread over his face, and he propped himself up on his left elbow, turning to her with his entire body, barely covered by the crumpled sheet. Without noticing, Maddie breathed a little heavier, just a little.
"No, you don't," he agreed. "You look like..." he pretended to search for the right words and then, encouraged by her flirty ways, pursed his sensuous lips into his half-smile and her stomach fluttered pleasantly, "...like you've been pretty well entertained."
Maddie chuckled, propped herself up on her right elbow and faced him. They were so close that she could count the glittering beads of sweat on his forehead.
"I was," she confirmed and laid some longing into her voice, "pretty well."
"Me too," David purred, and Maddie felt a strange sensation in her toes.
"I'm happy to hear that," she answered and tried hard to keep her eyes on his face instead of gluing them to his chest and in particular the area below his collarbone where more tiny beads of perspiration were glittering. She swallowed again, and the strange sensation crept from her toes up her legs. Again? How can that be? I mean, we just...
"Good..." David paused and licked his lips, and Maddie almost mirrored the gesture, because she was watching his mouth like she was hypnotized, "because I'm planning to make this a habit."
She couldn't help but chuckle. This innuendo filled conversation was so David. But now it was not only him, it was them. The strange sensation crept over her thighs now and made her feel all warm and fuzzy inside. "But not a bad habit, I hope?"
Their light, playful and yet sexy bantering and the way she seemed to be so easy with it, encouraged and fueled him, and his insecurity faded away. He smiled tenderly. "The best of habits, Blondie."
Maddie's heart leapt when she heard him call her by that old nickname she hadn't heard from him in a long time. Somehow, that gave her a proof that this was all real. "Then I'm in," she replied lightly but also earnestly, and happiness lit up his face. "As long as we can still be... spontaneous," she added, and her blue eyes were twinkling stars.
"We will be," he promised and raised his right hand and brushed a streak of damp hair clinging to her forehead from her face, "as I know now that you do believe in spontaneity and in passion."
She laughed softly. "You made me a believer tonight."
This remark touched him deep in his heart and soul, and he understood what it meant for her to open up that much to him. "You won't regret it," he assured her and let his hand wander from her ear where he had neatly tucked away her hair down the side of her throat. She shivered.
The strange sensation had reached her very core now, and suddenly it wasn't strange anymore but very familiar, and Maddie knew she'd better get used to that sensation. Name it: desire. And what was the point in hiding it? She had been crazy about him, loving him for a long time, and now she was already addicted to his lovemaking, and knowing that they would do it over and over again, lifted her spirits to cloud number nine – and he knew it. And, hell – so what?
A sultry smile curved her lips. "Good." She felt very bold and wonderfully free and reached out with her left hand to wipe away a tiny droplet of sweat from his right temple. "Just for the record," she purred, "from now on I'd better be the only one you entertain here."
He laughed and caught her hand and kissed the inside of her wrist, and a hot flash shot from the spot where his lips had touched her skin right through her entire body and hit her right where it hurt. She was almost shocked to find out that her body had so many more erogenous zones than she ever had imagined. Maddie had a feeling that David had planned to find and take care of them all, one by one, and she had already caught a glimpse of his remarkable skills in that department.
He pulled her close, her hand still captured in his, and brought his face very close, so that their noses almost touched. She could smell them in the air.
He chuckled with delight. "You want all the good stuff for yourself, don't you? Aren't you a greedy little girl," he whispered hoarsely and put her hand where he longed to feel it, and she eagerly followed the lead, enjoying this, enjoying her own boldness, and also the power she was having over him in that moment; she understood it was all a giving and taking, and it was okay to let go of her self-control, because not only her body but also her heart and soul were safe with him. The blood started to rush again in her ears.
She braced the last two inches that separated their mouths, and right before they touched, she sighed against his lips: "I guess you'll have to find out..."
Maddie woke up at 7:30 am. At first, she didn't know where she was, but when she felt David's arms around her where she was safely wrapped it hit her: this hadn't been a dream. She had really come here to David's place in the middle of the night and had finally got him to confess his feelings for her, had found the courage to confess her own. They had become lovers. Lovers! Somehow she still couldn't believe it, but she also knew there was no turning back from here – and she was happy about it. She would never want to turn back, back to a time of deep confusion, denial and emptiness. David loved her, and she loved him, and the rest would fall into place somehow. What had David said? I need you, and you need me. Let's make this work. And that was exactly what they were going to do from now on. She smiled and enjoyed the feeling of his warm skin against hers for another few minutes, then she softly sighed and crawled out from under the crumpled sheets. She knew she would have plenty of occasions to enjoy lazy mornings in bed with David in the future, and she was looking forward to each and every one of them – she just wanted to get rid of some burden from her old life before she started to embrace her new one.
Picking up her nightgown, her panties and her sneakers from the floor where they lay discarded, she tiptoed into the bathroom to take a really quick shower before she got dressed – well, kind of. She smiled at the total absence of any feminine products in this so obviously male bathroom. We might have to change that, she thought happily and opened the bathroom door.
"Were you sneaking out on me?" David asked quietly, waking her from her thoughts, and made her jump.
He was sitting upright in the middle of the bed, more uncovered than covered by the sheet, his spiky hair pointing in all directions, wearing an almost puppy-like, worried expression on his face, but covering it with a little half-smile. Oh Lord have mercy, his eyes... Maddie felt her spider-sense tingle, but suppressed the sudden urge to throw herself right into his arms and cover him with kisses all over.
Instead, she sat on the bed, leaned over to him and kissed him tenderly and slowly on the lips, but when he made an attempt to pull her into his arms, she backed off a little, sweetening that though with a loving smile. "No, of course not!" she finally assured him. "But you know I have..." she shrugged a bit uneasily, "...unfinished business at home."
"Oh yeah, right." David ruffled his hair. On the one hand, he was a bit sobered by the thought of Sam sleeping in Maddie's house, probably in her bed, which he had pushed to the back of his mind somewhere last night. Now, this thought was making him physically sick. On the other hand, he was very happy to hear Maddie call Sammy-boy unfinished business. He pursed his lips into his half-smile again, though trying really hard to keep any smugness out of it. "Somebody waiting for an answer." He nodded, and when he saw that she was shifting uncomfortably, he put his left hand on her shoulder and asked softly: "Hey, do you want me to come with you?"
Maddie tilted her head and brushed her cheek at his hand for a moment, then slightly shook her head. "That's very sweet of you, but I have to do this alone by myself."
"Well... I understand that, of course..." he nodded with a little hesitation and let his voice trail away. Obviously, there was something on his mind bothering him. His hand slid off of her shoulder.
"But?" Maddie asked.
"But..." he sighed and paused. How do I say it without her getting mad at me? For a moment, he blew his cheeks in an insecure way. "Well..." he drew a deep breath and finally made an attempt: "I'd feel more comfortable if..." what? If I could control what you're gonna tell him? Helplessly, he fell silent again, avoiding to looking into her eyes. Damn, he had to get used to talking about his feelings. It wasn't easy to acknowledge that David Addison was not invulnerable...
But Maddie understood. "Oh, David," she quickly came to his rescue, "you don't have anything to worry about, really."
He still avoided her gaze, a little ashamed of himself that it took only so little to bring his underlying fears to the surface again. "I'd just feel a lot better if he wasn't so goddamn perfect," he mumbled almost tonelessly, hoping she wouldn't think less of him now because he had shown his insecurity, hoping she wouldn't take it as mistrust. But then again, she of all people should understand him, right? Maddie Hayes, who had elevated doubtfulness to an art form?
David had no idea how much exactly this display of insecurity and vulnerability had moved his woman, because he didn't see the expression on her face that mirrored how much her heart was touched with love for him right in this moment. "Life isn't perfect," she interrupted firmly, "and love isn't either."
He looked into her eyes again and saw everything there he had hoped for when he had come to that restaurant to crash her dinner with Sam. Her eyes told him I don't give a damn about Yale or the Space Shuttle. I want to fly to the moon and back – with you. "He might be perfect," she finally went on and smiled a wonderful warm, encouraging, reassuring smile and then lightly shook her head, "but he's not right. At least not the right one for me." She shrugged with a disarming simpleness. "I told you – he's not you. You are the right one."
David could only stare at her with his mouth hanging open, and she took his hand and brushed a kiss on it. "This is crazy," she then said slowly, and a happy, marveling smile lit up her face. "But it feels right."
Before he could say anything, Maddie broke the connection and jumped to her feet, eager to get back home and finish her unfinished business. When she passed by the trunk, she picked up her coat from the floor in a light, effortless move. "I'll see you at the office!" she threw over her shoulder in an almost girlish voice, and David woke up from his pleasant state of shock.
"Hey!" he called after her, and she turned around again. "You better be on time, kiddo," he said, almost sounding like his old self.
Maddie just laughed, touched two fingers to her lips and left.
THE END
Acknowledgements:
The idea to write this was born on a crazy evening on facebook when my crazy friend Sue and I were re-enacting the dialogue of the famous trunk scene in Maddie's Turn To Cry how it should have been. So I have to thank her for sowing the seed, inspiring it further, contributing a few of Maddie's lines (which I used with her permission, of course) and last but not least also for editing the whole thing – all remaining grammar mistakes are my own.