Don't mix hard drinks with beer
Vanderwood inhaled deeply as the menthol cigarette between his lips partially turned to ash. It was a special night, to be sure, and his instincts told him that he needed more nicotine than usual to be able to survive the night.
Before you start thinking—no, he wasn't on a dangerous mission commissioned by the agency, nor was he on a stakeout, or was involved in any religious cult or terrorist group like what he did some time ago. Seven, that crazy bastard, quit the agency, and took him along too.
These days Vanderwood wasn't living as Vanderwood the secret agent man, but as some rich ex-pat from Ireland with an unremarkable name who invested in Saeyoung Choi's toy enterprise. So, no more hacking or compromising national security or explosions or any of that dangerous shit anymore. He was thankful to have a chance at a boring life, to be sure, but…
Before he knew it, the cigarette in his mouth was consumed. He sighed and neatly placed the cigarette butt in the ashtray placed neatly on a table in a flower garden surrounding the Chois' new home.
Why do I feel like my nice boring life will be challenged…
He dusted off his black V-neck, lifted the liquor he promised to bring, and stepped towards the door, fumbling for his Arabic dictionary with his free hand.
He wasn't RFA, of course, and apart from Seven, his crazy twin, the dude with bad eyesight (V, was it?) and the pretty girl who always hides her eyes (M.C., but he knew that was an alias Seven made for her since she was 'the main character of the video game where they all exist as AIs'—Vanderwood reckons that Seven is one more Honey Buddha Chip away from the loony bin), he wasn't really familiar with everyone else. All he knew from the group was that they were a group of bourgeois who liked throwing extravagant parties to help the needy, and somehow that ended up in a dangerous crisis that almost resulted in a number of fatalities.
But they're okay now, apparently. They're laying low, and now they just like throwing small parties for themselves, like tonight, where they were celebrating Seven's engagement with MC.
"Ah! My maid has arrived from the liquor store! Welcome, Mary! Where's your maid outfit?" Of course, that would be none other than Seven. Vanderwood scowled at him, but tried not to act out this time.
"You're the one who enjoys maid outfits, not me. Anyways, congratulations to you both," he said, nodding at Seven and his bride-to-be. MC, he thought, was too cute, much too cute for Seven. Her neat and tasteful pink sweater and pants outfit almost clashed with Seven's usual messy hoodie and rumpled shirt and pants, which probably haven't been washed in a couple of days or so.
"You're too kind, Vanderwood! You look good tonight, too!" MC gave him a big smile and helped him with the liquor in his hands.
"You're so nice, MC… but you have to be honest, V-necks are super cheesy!" guffawed Seven. Vanderwood scowled again, but allowed himself to be introduced by the couple to everyone else he wasn't familiar with.
The first person they ran into was a good-looking guy who was taking selfies of himself in the mirror and sighing about how pretty he looked. Zen, or something. Apparently he was gaining recognition on the small screen and will probably land a movie soon, but Vanderwood wasn't too keen on Korean showbiz so he probably wouldn't remember it if he tried.
Next, Seven dragged him to where a whiny guy with bleached hair was being directed to set up a few nice decorations by a strict librarian type woman who was in her office clothes. The whiny kid introduced himself as Kim Yoosung, aka Shooting Star, and he had dog fur on his clothes because he was training as a vet.
The office worker was Kang Jaehee, and Vanderwood could tell in their short interaction that she was probably the one he would get along with the most, since she was tidy and organized and also didn't like that Seven was so messy that she ended up giving him a short spiel on how he had to keep things tidy if he wanted to remain happily married to MC.
V just had a number of procedures done on himself in the past few months, Vanderwood learned, and he was looking better, but the sunglasses on his face told him that his eyesight wasn't back to normal yet. Next to him was the Han Jumin, the guy he was hearing so much about that time they were trapped, the one Seven relied on when it comes to money and man power. He was a surprisingly young-looking guy, although he talked like a middle aged man, and the small bit of cat fur on his clothes told him that he was probably a crazy cat dad.
Finally, Seven introduced Vanderwood to his crazy twin, Unknown. Although he was called Saeran now. Instead of the snow-white hair he had before, he seemed to have gone back to his natural red, and instead of his leather crap he wore all the time before his rescue, he was in a tame looking sweater and pants, almost like he was modelling for Uniqlo. Even though he wasn't punk in style anymore, the death glare in his eyes told Vanderwood that he could still go bananas and shoot everyone in the face any given second. Seven didn't seem to think so, though, and he tried to give his brother a messy smooch on the cheek, but was stopped when Saeran shoved him in the face.
"… nice to meet you," Vanderwood said for the umpteenth time. Saeran glared at him as if he were a leper and turned away.
"Gya~ Saeran! Rejecting my brotherly kiss again! Oh well," Seven shook it off and guffawed, eyeglasses flashing. "Anyway, since everyone's here, we can start the party! Can I hear an uhhhh, yeaaaahhhhh?"
"Uhhhh yeaaaahhhhh!" Yoosung, and MC jumped up and cheered. Everyone else either laughed awkwardly, cringed, or took a swig of liquor.
They started eating dinner, and Vanderwood had to admit, it was a pretty fun party. It was a potluck, so there was Korean barbecue, seafood, fried rice, kimbap, steak, garlic soy chicken, salad with sesame dressing, cake, and some exotic sweets and meats care of the C&R people. There were also heaps and heaps of that blasted Honey Buddha Chips that Seven liked so much, and free flowing PhD Pepper, red wine, and beer. The RFA acted like they haven't seen each other for a long while, and Vanderwood actually enjoyed just listening to them excitedly talk to each other.
Heck, even that crazy kid who was glaring at him earlier strangely looked like he was enjoying himself, although he has not talked and has only been eating sausages and cup after cup of ice cream. Are weird eating habits the norm in this weird family?
More importantly, he realized, Seven was happy—genuinely happy, not fake random happy like he was before—having that MC girl by his side. He smirked to himself. If that messy bastard can be happy in his life, then maybe there's hope for him, too…
"Mary! Maid Mary. Why are you smiling to yourself and blushing like a schoolgirl who just received a confession?" said Seven.
"Tsk," said Vanderwood as the others laughed. "I was just thinking of how lucky you are that you got a nice girl like this to say yes to your dumb undeserving face!" He raised a glass of wine for a toast, and everyone followed suit.
"Cheers! To Seven and MC!"
They each took liquor (maybe except for the sullen Saeran), and almost simultaneously set their glasses down.
"You know, this gives me an idea," said Vanderwood, surprised at himself at how at ease he felt with this group of people. "Why don't we play a drinking game?"
"Ooooh, buddy, you're on to something there," said Zen. Automatically, he turned to Jumin with a challenging look in his eyes. "I'd like to get this bastard as wasted as humanly possible! This is where you die, Han Jumin!"
"Hmph. Still obsessed with me, are you, Zen?" said Jumin calmly, sipping his wine classily. "I wonder why you're never over me?"
"Ugh! Don't talk like we dated or something you jerk! What the hell!" Zen angrily slammed his beer on the table. Vanderwood faintly heard the sound of Jaehee's excited whispers about his passionate rage or something.
Jumin's lip curled upward sardonically. "Or so you say, Zen. I never implied anything of the sort. I only say things as they are. If anything, I'm more worried about you putting more meaning into my words." He put his fingers together in front of him, almost like a villain. "If we are to play these games, why not make it more interesting with a wager?"
"What is it?"
"Whoever gets more inebriated – or wasted, as you say – can demand something from the loser. In my case, if you lose, Zen, I expect you to finally take my contract to act as a model for the Elizabeth 3rd Brand cute Kitty Cat Munchers." He swirled his wine glass, his smile getting eviller and eviller. "You can be sure this involves complete Elizabeth 3rd cosplay—catsuit, ears, meowing voice, and all that."
"Gya~ Jumin went full furry mode~! Am I the only one creeped out about this?" side-commented Seven. To be honest, Vanderwood was thinking the same thing, but no-one else seemed to pay mind to this comment.
Zen's face distorted angrily for a bit before he sneezed uncontrollably. "What kind of a—dude, you're still holding on to that project? Hasn't it been over a year now?"
"Yes," he replied simply. Jaehee sighed, looking exhausted all of a sudden.
Beside Vanderwood, Yoosung was nervously laugh-crying, and V the blind guy was smiling amusedly and serenely over everything. He was beginning to wonder whether it was a good idea to bring up drinking games in the first place…
"Urrgh. Fine. And if I win, you… you let Jaehee off those weird-ass cat projects that you keep on pushing," said Zen.
Jaehee's eyeglasses flashed in excitement, but this soon died out when Jumin said, "One cat project."
"just one? That's not fair."
"One commercial, one project. One is to one is a fair ratio. Although, if you want me to let go of all cat projects if I lose, you would have to agree to participating in all of my cat commercials if I win. And trust me Zen, were I to have that privilege, I would certainly maximize it."
Wow. What a cold-blooded businessman. Vanderwood didn't like where this was going.
"Urggghhh. Fine! Let's go one is to one. I'm not risking my career over this." Zen crossed his arms in a huff over his chest, and turned to Seven, who was LOL-ing liberally over the whole exchange. "So, Seven, this is your party. What game are we gonna play?"
"O-ho-ho! Are you sure that you will allow me, Game God Seven, to decide on what could be a potentially LIFE-THREATENING and DANGEROUS and HOT and COOL drinking game for ALL THE PERSONS IN THIS ROOM?"
Amidst the looks of horror on everyone who didn't want to get super wasted that night, MC chirped cheerfully, "God Seven! I'm ready!"
"What~? All of us?" whined Yoosung. "I—I'm gonna lose for sure, Seven! And I have classes tomorrow, so…"
"Nonsense! It's time to be a proper college senior, Yoosung! Getting hopelessly drunk in frat parties then taking the midterms with the worst hangover in your life the following day is a rite of passage that all educated young men do!"
"Still… I have a bad feeling about this…" the college student said weakly. "The only rite of passage I need is to take midterms after two days straight of LOLOL," he mumbled.
"I'll watch everyone else, so everyone, please have fun," said V serenely.
"Oh no you don't!" said Seven, a mischievous glint in his eye. "When I say all the persons in this room, I mean ALL THE PERSONS~! And for trying to escape, V, you will have to take a shot right now!"
"Luciel, wait," interrupted Jaehee. "I'm not sure we should let V play these games too… after all, I'm not certain that we have medical clearance to do so…"
"It is as Jaehee said," said V, shrugging.
Jumin interrupted him by waving a doctor's note in the air, and placing it with a thud in front of Vanderwood. "V-neck. Please read this for V," he commanded.
"It's not V-neck. It's Vanderwood!" he grumbled, but complied. "'To Whom It May Concern: Kim Jihyun may drink as much as he likes and/or get hopelessly drunk for as long as he is under the supervision of his legal guardian, Han Jumin. Signed, Dr. Lee, Ophthalmologist.' Oi, is this irresponsible note really from an M.D…?"
"NEVERTHELESS!" declared Seven. He did an exaggerated gesture, and MC, with a chillingly kind smile on her face, overenthusiastically slammed a shot of dark gold tequila in front of V. "You must now take this shot of Cuervo as punishment for your misdeed!"
V laughed and took the shot. He didn't even flinch. Vanderwood blinked in admiration—this guy must be a serious drinker.
"All riiight! The Thirsty Games have officially begun!" cheered Seven. "Let's begin with a game that I arbitrarily just made up right now, GOD 707 CUP!"
Oi. Isn't it almost copyright infringement to say Thirsty games? Thought Vanderwood incredulously, but to his surprise, after seeing V drink his tequila so calmly, everyone suddenly got fired up and started yelling for their damn liquor.
"Wait, what the hell is God 707 Cup first?" said Zen, even as his fired-up fist was still in the air.
Seven's eyeglasses flashed menacingly, and a mischievous grin spread across his face. "I'm glad you asked, Zen. Basically, the rules are this!"
Vanderwood's frown deepened by the second and Seven explained all the rules. Basically it was a bastardized and more dangerous version of King's Cup. They would be playing with seven decks of cards, and for each card that is opened, a designated player will have to take a shot. Instead of the original rules, however…
Vanderwood's eye twitched as they were herded into teams by a coolly smiling MC. She set a menacing tray in front of each team filled with shot glasses and cans of beer.
"A red card means Team Narcissist, Zen takes a shot, while a black card means Team Old Man, Jumin and V, take a shot each! All even numbers, one person from Team Younger Brother, Saeran and Yoosung, must take a shot! Odd numbers, Team Neat Freak, Jaehee and Mary Vanderwood must take a shot! For Jack, Queen, and King cards, all of you take a shot, except for Jumin and Zen, who will take double shots, and V, who will take a triple shot! If you pass out, your teammate will have to take all the shots for you!"
"What~ that's super unfair, Seven! What about you and MC?" whined Yoosung, already at the verge of tears as MC poured shot after shot of wine, vodka, soju, whisky, and tequila in front of Team Younger Brother.
"Moreover, doctor's note or not, aren't you going to kill the blind guy with that kind of rule…?" mumbled Vanderwood.
"Silence! As a responsible fiancé, it is my duty to protect the purity of my number one love!" Seven blushed annoyingly as he looked at MC. "My princess only takes a shot whenever a seven is drawn!"
MC giggled. "It's so sweet how you always try to protect me, God Seven! I'm excited to see how this pans out for everyone else~!" she said cutely.
"And as for me, I will only take a shot whenever a Joker card is drawn," said Seven. "Furthermore! Apart from all the rules I have mentioned thus far, I can make up new rules as I see fit!"
"tsk… leave it to Seven to go mad with power… it can't be helped, since it's his house and it's his party," muttered Jaehee, giving a serious side glance at Vanderwood. "Furthermore, looking at Zen's beautiful, warrior-like aura, in contrast with Mr. Han's cold, calculating, but equally powerful aura, no-one is going to be able to stop this game from happening…"
Vanderwood observed Zen and Jumin as the serious assistant described them. She was right, of course. Zen appeared like a character from a manga who was facing the final boss, his teeth clenched, his muscles tense, and what appeared to be silver flames burning from his very soul.
Opposite him on Team Old Man, Jumin sat in a typical villain pose, his head cocked to one side, his curled fist cradling his chin. A dark purple aura surrounded him, and Vanderwood felt very very uneasy sitting near them, although the calm V who was sitting with Jumin in Team Old Man didn't seem to mind anything that was happening in his surroundings.
Jaehee gave a short sigh, pushed up her glasses up the bridge of her nose, and looked at her teammate. "I suppose we both must do our best to remain standing, Mr. V-Neck."
"Um. It's not V-Neck, it's Vanderwood."
Jaehee didn't seem to pay this any mind, as she only gave him a thumbs up while her eyeglasses flashed.
"Let the games begin! Hrrrnggggg!" Seven pulled a card from the deck with much bravado and slammed the first card on the table.
The Jack of Spades looked at all of them. Everyone took a shot of tequila.
Ugh. This stings, thought Vanderwood, setting the shot glass down on their tray. While Jaehee coughed and Yoosung whined about how he felt like barfing already, Zen and Jumin barely flinched as they slammed their shot glasses down on their trays. V as well didn't seem fazed, as he set his three glasses down calmly as if he was given three shots of water.
"Oi, Seven, don't slow down. Make sure the next cards are all black so this CEO-in-line loser goes down crying like a girl," said Zen, giving Jumin his best evil look.
"This worries me, Zen. You admitted just now that you imagined me as a young, helpless woman. How often do you do that, I wonder…?"
"Argh! Stop twisting my words, you jerk! Seven! Draw that card now!"
Again, with a weird battle cry, Seven drew card after card, his eyeglasses flashing excitedly as the RFA took shot after shot. When everyone was still standing, Seven required double shots for certain cards, but this only resulted in Yoosung turning as red as a tomato and everyone else getting louder and rowdier.
Even though he was feeling light-headed already, the obsessive-compulsive Vanderwood couldn't help but keep count of all the shots that people were taking.
The highest count, of course, was V, who probably had more than ten shots of hard liquor running through his body. Jumin and Zen, who were already struggling to keep their composure, seem to have an equal number of shots. Team Younger Brother probably had ten or twelve shots between them, and Saeran wordlessly took a majority of them since Yoosung already threw up in a baggie he wisely kept beside him. Vanderwood also tried to take more shots than his teammate Jaehee, compelled as he was to be a gentleman, but she was having none of it, and they probably had five shots of mixed drinks each. MC was able to drink 2 shots of soju after Seven unfortunately drew two sevens in a row.
And Seven, that bastard, has not had a single drop of liquor yet. Vanderwood narrowed his eyes, his feelings of suspicion growing and growing.
But, as luck would have it, the next card that Seven drew… was a Joker.
"Gya~! I thought I took all of them out—oops. Wait, what's this evil shadow suddenly looming over…" Seven stared at the card in his hand grew darker and darker, as the shadows above him overlapped. He turned around, a ridiculous expression on his face as Team Younger Brother loomed from behind and gave him dangerous looks.
"What do you mean, you thought you took them all out, you cheating bastard. Kill yourself right now," growled Saeran, his eyes glowing an evil shade of green.
"You were having the time of your life watching us get wasted and barf into small doggie bags, you bastard. Kill yourself right now," growled Yoosung, who was probably drunk off his ass and had given up the role of the cutie-pie in the group.
"Ah… ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! B-but you forget, this is the GOD 707 cup! And… and I decree that I, God Seven, am not required to drink a shot with—"
However, his words were cut off as Saeran and Yoosung simultaneously poured an entire bottle of Jack Maniels and Blue Pibbon beer into Seven's open mouth. After struggling not to aspirate and choking down all the liquor, Seven instantly passed out.
MC sniffed cutely, placed a blanket over her fiancé, and placed a single blue rose in between Seven's hands. "Ah~ to be widowed so early… I'll love you forever, God Seven!"
Wait. He isn't really dead, is he? And why are you just calmly accepting his death after witnessing his murder?!
Vanderwood looked to everyone else for their reactions, but it seems that after Seven passed out, everyone else calmed down. Everyone was still red in the face, though.
"So… next game?" said V. Even though he drank the most due to the triple shots rule that Seven gave him as punishment for trying to bail out on drinking games, he appeared to be the least drunk of them all. Only a slightly pink colour was seen on his cheeks as evidence of the alcohol in his veins.
"Yeah. –hic- I'm not done with this jerk face yet. Someone suggest something!" slurred Zen, before mumbling, "Shit… I shouldn't have had a beer before the games… it's not good to mix beer and hard drinks…"
Jumin gave an evil laugh. "You had that filthy plebeian drink before challenging me? Now I am very sure that I will win tonight. You better start getting yourself in character as the second cutest Persian cat in the world, next to Elizabeth 3rd."
"That is so effing creepy, you damned furry!"
He saw the potential for violence in the quiet Team Younger Brother. What more for the others? As tensions rose in the room, Vanderwood felt that if he didn't try and intervene, he would end up witnessing or participating in an all-out brawl. He racked his brains for a more benign game. All he could come up with was, "Truth or Dare."
Everyone stared at him.
"Lame," said Saeran, turning away disinterestedly, choosing to have another bowl of ice cream instead. Is that bastard sprinkling honey Buddha chips over his ice cream?
"V-Neck, that isn't even a drinking game. Come up with something better," commanded Jumin.
And I keep telling you, it's not V-neck, it's Vanderwood. Damn, he thought in annoyance. "We could modify it into a drinking game if you guys are so intent on that stupid bet of yours. Like, I dunno, one shot if you get picked, double shot if you don't wanna tell the truth or do the dare."
Damn—all he wants was a simple game with fairer rules, and if he were able to manipulate the game with easy dares and simple questions for the truth option, maybe he could keep the mortality rate low…
"I think Mr. V-Neck has a good proposal. Mr. Han, I vote for this game," said Jaehee. She gave a small side glance at her teammate, and Vanderwood felt that he and Jaehee had a common goal.
"I, too, vote for this game," said the barely-tipsy V, who turned to Vanderwood and gave him a thumbs-up. "Us V's have got to stand up for each other, V-neck," he whispered to him, and even though Vanderwood felt a bit grateful for the support, he forced himself not to smack the blind man on the head with the back of his hand.
"Hmph. If Assistant Kang and V say so, I suppose we can try modified truth or dare," conceded Jumin.
"I agree," said Zen. He sat down on his seat and unsteadily picked up an empty bottle of soju beside him. "So, who spins the bottle first?"
This is my chance! "It's my idea, so I get first dibs. Any objections?"
Everyone shrugged and gave him the go signal, and Vanderwood spun the bottle around. Remember… the goal is to keep it calm and cool until everyone peacefully gets drunk and falls asleep without anyone killing each other.
The bottle pointed at Yoosung. "Eeh? Why me?"
"Can't be helped, bro," said Vanderwood. "So, take a shot and tell me whether you want truth or dare."
Yoosung pinched his nose, took a shot of vodka, and mumbled, "dare, I guess…"
"All right. So I dare Kim Yoosung to—" began Vanderwood, intending him to do something lame like wear Jaehee's glasses until the night is over, when Jumin interrupted:
"I dare you to create a research project that will cure Zen of his allergy to felines!"
"What the FUCK?!" yelled an inebriated Zen. "What kind of a fucked up dare is that?! That's just a cruel and unusual homework assignment!"
"Silence. It is the only way," slurred Jumin, hiccupping. "You should be grateful to me, you fool. This way, you will be cured of an unfortunate disease, and Assistant Kang will never stop me from bringing Elizabeth 3rd to any RFA event ever again."
"And to do it for such a selfish reason? Just pay someone to have it done in your company, you bastard!"
"Yoosung is a veterinary medicine student who, in training in his noble profession, has interacted with many noble felines. I'm sure he'll find a better way. By the way, Yoosung, I require the initial draft of your proposal to be submitted in my office at 5 pm next Monday."
Yoosung, who had his head bent down in a solemn manner, looked up at Jumin and opened his mouth to speak. "Jumin…"
Suddenly, he stood up, put his foot on the table, and overenthusiastically chugged down two cans of beer simultaneously. "I'D RATHER TAKE THE DOUBLE SHOT THAN TAKE YOUR STUPID DAAAAARE!"
"OI! I SAID DOUBLE SHOT! WHY ARE YOU DRINKING TWO ENTIRE CANS OF BEER?!" yelled Vanderwood, but it was too late by the time he finished his sentence.
Yoosung slammed the two empty cans of beer on the table in front of him, and wordlessly spun the bottle afterwards. He hiccupped drunkenly as all of them waited for the bottle to stop spinning.
It stopped in front of MC. MC gave a small worried gasp as she looked at Yoosung with some apprehension.
Okay. This is okay. They all seem to agree never to make a fool out of this girl, so at least this next round will be quiet without me trying to intervene, thought Vanderwood.
"So, MC, is it truth or dare?"
"Um, I'll take truth, I guess," said MC, blushing a little bit after she took a shot of soju.
"Okay! Since it's MC, I'll make it super easy!" said Yoosung, to Vanderwood's relief. "So, MC… have you been skipping any meals lately?"
The room fell silent, as if a gust of wind took away all the drunkenness. Everyone soberly stared at MC, whose face was stuck in a smile.
Out of nowhere, MC took two bottles of Dom Peri and chugged them down simultaneously. "I—I'M SORRY! I'LL TAKE THE DOUBLE SHOT INSTEAD!"
"OIIII! THAT'S NOT A DOUBLE SHOT! THAT'S TWO ENTIRE BOTTLES OF EXPENSIVE WINE GOING DOWN YOUR THROAT!"
Chaos ensued, as the indirect admittance of MC not eating food regularly seemed to shake all the members of the RFA to the core. Even so, I never thought that MC would be the type to skip meals… Vanderwood's heart was suddenly filled with sorrow.
A brand new MC, with sharp eyes and a menacing aura, replaced the sweet and cute MC that was sitting at the head of the table instead. "My turn," she said, with a sweet but dangerous tone, as the bottle spun round and round.
Vanderwood prayed to all the gods he knew that the bottle doesn't point to him. MC's new aura seriously scared him. His prayers seemed to have worked, however, as the bottle stopped spinning and pointed at Saeran.
Saeran, who had just finished his eighth bowl of ice cream with Honey Buddha Chips topping, glared at MC, who was unfazed.
"So, Saeran? Truth or dare?"
Saeran took a shot of tequila, slammed it down on the suddenly quiet table, and said, "Truth."
Oh—oh my god. The one with the most number of dangerous secrets fucking chose Truth. Vanderwood's eyes looked around the table in a panic, and he saw that everyone else were suddenly fixed on the crazy twin.
This… can't end well…
"Okay~ Since it's Saeran, my future and beloved brother-in-law, I'll make it super hard!" giggled MC. She looked him in the eye and asked, "So… what's your favourite thing to look for in a girl?"
Vanderwood sighed in relief. It wasn't an easy question, to be sure, but it wasn't dangerous. At worst, Saeran can just do a double shot and the game would go on, and Vanderwood vowed to take control of the game after…
"… oobs…"
What was that?
"… I said, boobs."
Everyone fell silent.
"I like boobs," repeated Saeran, looking at everyone dead in the eye. "The first thing I look at is boobs."
"Um, that's okay, lil bro, you don't have to elaborate—" began Vanderwood, but suddenly Saeran slammed his fist down on the table, a psychotic look on his face.
"Yes… that's right… Boobs are awesome. Back in Mint Eye, Rika wore clothes that showed just the right amount of cleavage… and her boobs were big and bouncy like, all the time. Man, those were the days. Now at home, MC wears tank tops and walks around the house in just a towel all the time so I see enough cleavage daily. But I'd like to see more boobs in the future, if possible."
To conclude his statements, Saeran's death aura died down as easily as it came. He quietly sat down and started spinning the bottle. Everyone suddenly fell silent, and then…
"Oh… is that so…?"
A dangerous aura, even more dangerous than anything Vanderwood has ever felt in his life, suddenly emanated without restraint from someone beside him. In horror, he watched as V stood up slowly from his seat, his sunglasses falling off his face, revealing a crazed look in his pale mint eyes.
"Saeran, did I hear you say you liked Rika's perfect, bouncy, sunlight-kissed boobs? How often did you watch them bounce all those days before your rescue, hm..?" V said this in his usual soft voice, but the death aura surrounding him spread around the room, so much so that Zen and Yoosung ducked under the table for cover and Jumin stood up behind V, ready to restrain him if possible.
Vanderwood swallowed nervously. To make things worse, though, a hand slowly rose from the floor from what was previously the worthless corpse of 707. It clapped threateningly around Saeran's shoulder, and his twin's eerie voice emanated from its corpse.
"Did I hear it right, Saeran, my own flesh and blood…? Were you thinking nasty thoughts about my beloved princess's top class breasts all this time…? After I have clothed you and fed you and provided a safe environment for your mental health…?" Seven's eyes were wide and empty, and his striped glasses fell of his sunken face.
Saeran tried to appear unfazed, but it was apparent that the mint-green death aura emanating from V and the blood-red death aura emanating from Seven threatened to engulf him and pull him into a new apparent layer of hell.
"This is bad—somebody, somebody stop them!" yelled Vanderwood.
However, as a response to his cries, a new deadly pink aura emanated from one side of the room. To his horror, a now-drunk MC wanted to join in on this weird-ass aura showdown. "Are… are you kidding me, little brother Saeran… while I agree that Rika's wonderful sideboob almost made me betray the RFA and ruined me the time I was in Mint Eye, I'll never forgive you… I thought you as my own flesh and blood too, so how could you say that…"
Her eyes were as wide and as empty as Seven's eyes, and a deathly shadow overtook most of her face. A teardrop unexpectedly flowed from one scary eye. "How dare you discuss boobs and not mention Jaehee's wonderful breasts even once in your monologue!"
"THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE ANGRY ABOUT?! OI, STOP THIS!"
But instead of stopping, a new strong aura emanated from Vanderwood's other side. His Team Neat Freak teammate, Jaehee, stood up, eyeglasses flashing, her strong yellow aura burning like a forest fire from her very soul. "Thank you for the mention, MC, but no-one will beat Zen's manly chest!"
"Those aren't even boobs! Are you sure you want to die fighting for such a stupid cause?!"
Suddenly, they all posed for a deadly attack, charged up, and all fell upon Saeran in one swoop. Saeran, not one to back down, suddenly released a burst of deadly magenta energy of his own.
Vanderwood, in an effort not to have any mortalities to save his stupid boring existence, ran straight in the middle of them, right into the eye of the storm…
In his vision, a powerful explosion took place in the bunker that night, followed by the serene picture of a blue sky, a single dove bestowing upon him the blessings of peace from the afterlife.
Jumin was already up the next morning, fixing his suit and smelling himself, making sure that he doesn't reek of alcohol. He'll never admit that he got so drunk that he passed out after the deadly fight over Saeran's remarks, but at least he didn't suffer from a hangover.
He surveyed the aftermath of the party the night before. Assistant Kang was sleeping on the couch, her glasses nowhere to be found. Yoosung, who must have curled up under the table while crying, had passed out on that spot, an empty sick bag next to him. Zen was next to him, snoring audaciously, and Jumin made sure to take a slightly blurry photo of him passed out. This would be enough evidence for him that he won…
V was already up and about too, and unlike the way he was last night, he was back to his calm self. His sunglasses were on again. "That was a crazy party, Jumin. Haven't had fun like that in a while."
"I agree," he said. V was looking over Seven, who was sleeping on the floor contentedly. He had his beloved fiancée MC in one arm, while he had his beloved twin Saeran, in the other. The twin was scowling in his sleep, while the girl had a calm, peaceful look on hers. They all looked comfortable, to be sure.
"I'm happy that they're getting married, and that we can have small parties on our own like this, Jumin. There was a time that I thought that I'd never see any of you like this…"
Jumin put a hand on his friend's shoulder. "Don't worry, V. This won't be the last time we'll have fun like this."
V nodded happily. "By the way, that guy," he vaguely pointed at the direction were Vanderwood was passed out like a corpse. He had bumps on his head, and at some point someone put a flower in between his palms and placed incense next to his body. "I think he's a good fit for the RFA, don't you?"
Jumin nodded. "As always, V, you have a good eye for people. I wouldn't mind if he becomes part of our team from now on."
They left and made coffee, and Jumin helped V make an account for their newest RFA member, alias V-neck.
End-
Notes: I miss drinking. Also it is true that Rika's lovely sideboob almost kept me from playing through Another Story's good end. If I had made you laugh or smile in any way, I feel like I have succeeded in my goals for this story. So thank you.