"Sit on it and rotate you bitch
"Sit on it and rotate, you bitch!" Taki screamed at Jerry Springer, giving him the middle finger, "I am not gay, nor am I in love with Shinodu!"
The cast of Gravitation was starring on an exclusive episode of Jerry Springer "Rape Gone Wild", and Taki was the first on stage.
After finishing his sentence, Taki picked up a chair and held it over his head, and aimed it towards the infamous show host. Jerry quickly gestured towards Taki and a group of three security guards restrained him, and the chair crashed to the ground. Armed only with a microphone and a few witty statements, Jerry Springer once again silently thanked God for the power of security guards. He shook his head and sighed. Even he, who really has seen everything in the book, was having quick regrets about putting these animals in this segment. In less then a moment, Jerry had himself back together. He cleared his throat and continued on with what he was saying before such a destructive interruption.
"As I was saying, this special episode features one of the most bizarre love triangled homosexual rape filled situations ever seen by my eyes or yours. We will now bring in Shuichi, our rape victim, and lead singer of band Bad Luck." The crowd roared with excitement. People do love this kind of sick stuff after all.
Shuichi came through the door, waving like a madman. "THANK YOU CHICAGO!!" he called out, walking over to Jerry.
"Um... Shuichi... we're not IN Chicago," Jerry grinned, and motioned for the boy to sit down.
"Yeah I know, but I've always wanted to say that on television," Shuichi confided. "And uh... I can't sit down..." he said, rubbing the back of his head and glaring at Taki, who was trying to viciously bite the security guards, and screaming obscenities. Luckily, someone had turned his mic off.
"Uh... riiight..." Jerry conceded, turning back to the audience. "And now, Shuichi's secret lover, Eiri Yuki!!"
Shuichi screeched and jumped up and down and zipped around the stage, ignoring Taki who was shouting even louder then before at the hyperactive pink haired "boy". "YUKKKKII!" He screamed. "I LOVE YOU YUKIIIIIII!" He grinned from ear to ear and clapped his hands.
Jerry was very close to sending security after Shuichi as well, until Yuki himself gracefully stepped onto stage, cigarette in hand. "What a sad excuse for a TV show." he sneered, looking left to right and glaring at the audience members. He grimaced as the events from the night before came to mind. Not having wanted to come here willingly, Shuichi, Hiro, and Tohma came up with a very elaborate plan to kidnap Yuki here instead. It worked, but Yuki was still sore from the crate he was so viciously shoved into.
"YUKI! MY LOVE!!" Shuichi screamed and lunged out towards Yuki at full force, determined to get a kiss from the blonde wonder.
"Get OFF of me!" Yuki shouted angrily as he threw a screaming Shuichi off of his arm and across the stage, right into the lap of an audience member.
"Wahh!!" Shuichi cried, clutching at the audience member, "Why does he hate me?! Why does Yuki hate me?!" Looking up with tears streaming down his face, he noticed that he was not clutching at Hiro. "HEY! YOU DON'T GET TO RAPE ME! WHERE'S HIRO?!" he screamed, slapping the audience member, and running back onstage.
Jerry just sighed. "Remember, think big payout," he muttered to himself, inhaling deeply, before facing the audience with a big smile, "Hiro is RIGHT HERE!" he exclaimed as Hiro came rushing out, flipping Yuki the bird, to comfort Shuichi.
"It's okay buddy," he said, petting the other boy's hair, "He doesn't hate you. He's just a bitter old bastard. Shh."
The audience member stood up and scowled at Shuichi, but it only took one icy glare from Hiro to make him sit back down in silence. Yuki smirked at Hiro's comments and made himself comfortable in one of the few undestroyed armchairs on stage. He ignored Shuichi's sobbing and took a drag from a now lit cigarette. "HEY! PUT THAT DOWN! IT'S NOT GOOD FOR YOU AND YOUR KISSES TASTE BAD RIGHT AFTER YOU SMOKE YUKI!" Shuichi got up and went to swat the cigarette out of the hand of Yuki, who gracefully dodged the attempt. Shuichi growled and Yuki blinked at him and grabbed him, setting him in his lap. "Shut up and calm down or you're getting kicked out." Shuichi was more then willing to obey his lover and he sat down quietly. Jerry sighed in relief and took to the stage once again, as everyone fell silent and the cast returned to their seats.
"Okay...after all THAT, there's obviously some tension and drama around. Would SOMEONE, ANYONE but the pink haired child here fill us in on your..."situation"...?" said Jerry, as he held out the microphone to the cast.
Shuichi sulked, snuggling into Yuki and glaring at Jerry. Yuki was too busy stroking the boy and smoking to pay attention, Hiro was brushing his hair, and looking for all the world like an insanely beautiful girl, so Taki was the first one to answer.
"There's no situation. Sad Fuck made up some stupid rumor about me attempting to rape their singer, the blonde asshole beat the shit out of my band mate, and some random girls shipped us to your show so they could write a shitty story. There's nothing else to it... OW!!" The last comment was triggered by Hiro stepping on his head.
Jerry sighed again, and motioned for the security guards to pull them apart.
Yuki pushed purring Shuichi off of his lap and stood up. Ignoring the uke's whining and cries, he stepped over to Taki who was being sat on by a rather large security guard. "Rumors, eh?" He said with a smirk, "Lie to people who care. Preferably ones who don't want to kill you. Though, judging by your singing, there's probably not many of those," Yuki chuckled and bent down to a helpless growling Taki, and put his cigarette out in between the eyes of Taki, who yelped in pain in response.
A guard lunged at Yuki from behind, but, thinking it was Shuichi, Yuki threw him off, and the poor guard went flying into Jerry, who toppled to the ground.
Please note: We actually have no idea how a scrawny-esque blonde romance novelist is actually able to throw off a fully trained security guard who is used to restraining white trash, but details aren't important. It's fanfiction. Logic and/or consistency have no place here.
By now, the audience was roaring, and the rest of the cast were in complete chaos. Shuichi ran to Hiro and buried himself in his arms, whimpering. Not because a bunch of crazed audience members were now getting up from their seats and turning rather… violent, but because Yuki's attention was now focused somewhere other then himself.
Hiro sighed as he wrapped his arms around Shuichi. "Shu, he's just trying to protect you. He'll pay attention to you in a couple of minutes."
Jerry got to his feet unsteadily, kicking aside the body of the security guard. "Fuck, I hate this job," he moaned to himself, before turning to the audience, "HEY! DUMBASSES! SIT THE FUCK DOWN!"
When THAT failed miserably, Jerry signaled to his security guards, one of whom hit a gong, which magically made everyone, even the sobbing pink haired buffoon, shut up.
"BACK TO THE INTERVIEW!" Jerry ordered, seething, "That means you too, Blondie," he glared at Yuki, who shrugged and sat down, sighing apathetically as Shuichi glomped him.
"Good! Now. I'm sure America wants to know all about the relationship between Shuichi and Yuki. How about someone tells us about that?" Jerry asked, a vein in his temple still throbbing minutely.
Yuki shoved Shuichi off his lap again before he could say anything and glared at Jerry. "What relationship? This moron keeps following me home because I told him his writing was shit. He's nothing but trouble for me; I can never get my work done with him around."
Shuichi, enraged by Yuki's bad ass behavior, immediately attached himself to Yuki's face and starting beating him up like a cat on crack. "Give me back my virginity! You're just a little alligator shit that no one cares about!" Shuichi sobbed.
Yuki sighed as he pried Shuichi off him, "Shut up," he commanded, leaning back in his chair, and rubbing his face, "Just shut up."
Shuichi, being an obedient little bitch, shut up, but did that funny little anime crawl/shuffle on his knees over to Hiro, who was one again grooming himself. "HIROOOOOOOOOOOO!!"
Jerry sighed, about to end the segment, thinking, 'To hell with the payoff!" when Taki stood up, and announced, "I'm totally hawt for Yuki! And Tohma!"
The cast looked around, "Tell us something we don't know," Yuki sneered. Taki blushed before ripping off his pants, "WHO WANTS SUMMA THIS?!"
Shuichi, showing as much rage as someone as...uke...as that can show, Stood up, and flew at Taki. "STFU BITCH! YUKI IS MINE! AND... AND...Are you really a guy?" Shuichi asked honestly, groping around Taki's non existent lower parts..."I can't find anything here. Wow man, I'm sorry. I had no idea. No wonder you're such a bitch to us. /" Shuichi stood up and hugged Taki, who was very confused and WTFing, sympathetically.
Hiro glanced over to the two lead singers and caught on to what was happening. "LEMME SEE!" he screamed, before shoving Taki in front of him for inspection. "Wow...Shuichi's right guys! There's nothing here! Wow...Dude...no wonder you couldn't rape Shuichi by yourself...you poor guy." Hiro gave Taki a very manly hug.
"WTF! THERE IS SO SOMETHING HERE!" Taki sobbed.
"No man, there really isn't. " whispered Shuichi in a serious tone.
Soon, the audience was back to normal and the cast was surrounding Taki, offering their condolences.
Jerry sighed, "This is totally not worth a million dollars."
Fixing his grin back in place, he turned to the cast, "Hey, assholes, sit the fuck down! It's time for the audience to humiliate you!"
Turning to the audience, he asked, "Does anyone have a question for the Gravitation cast?
A man in the second row stood up. He was dressed rather… flamboyantly, meaning he was wearing pink short shorts and a halter top that was quite obviously designed for a woman. "I totally do!" he squeaked, sounding oddly like a Valley girl, "I was, lyke, wondering, if lyke... OMG this is soooooooo embarrassing... Yuki, will you lyke... be my new luver?"
Shuichi started twitching uncontrollably as Yuki sat in the chair, petting him, seemingly considering the offer. As Yuki opened his mouth, Shuichi let out an animalistic scream and jumped the "man", tearing and kicking and biting.
Jerry sighed, and, holding his head in his hand, gestured for his security guards to pull the hyperactive, overprotective psychopath off of the "man". 'There is no way,' Jerry thought, 'That I am ever doing this shit again. The lawsuits are going to cripple me.'
Twenty minutes and one dead Valley girl-man later, everybody was back onstage, and Jerry had a half empty bottle of whisky in hand. "Anybody else?" he groaned, trying to think of what this would be doing for his ratings, and succeeding only in wishing for more booze.
Suddenly, a strange-figured...thing stood up from the back of the audience. Jerry automatically regretted asking if anyone else had anything to say, the moment the thing turned around, and revealed itself to be none other then Britney Spears herself.
Foaming at the mouth, she pulled two infants out of her insanely huge purse and aimed at Jerry. "How DARE you put my number one fan in danger!!11" After that, everything the washed up celebrity 'said' came out in splurges that sounded something like "RAWWRRRSEGESSHHAHAAHGH" She threw the first baby, and to everyone's horror, hit Yuki right in the face, smashing his badass glasses and giving him a nosebleed from hell.
The stage and studio were in utter chaos. Yuki was bleeding, and exchanging expletives with the washed up celebrity, Shuichi was curled up on the floor, growling and muttering, Hiro was grooming himself, Taki was still trying to convince people that he was endowed, and the audience was beating the living crap out of each other. Jerry had had enough.
"THIS IS IT!" he screamed, pulling out a remote control with a large red button on it, "I'm so SICK of you idiots! We're all going to hell, NOW!"
Everyone stopped what they were doing to turn and look at the man who, in all reality, should have had seven nervous breakdowns by now. "Just chill man," Hiro said, speaking slowly and quietly so as not to incite the rage of the now very angry Jerry, "Nobody needs to go to hell…"
The highly exhausted and hardly sober talk show host slowly declined from his breaking point, and the tension started to lessen a little. "We're going to take some deep breaths now...And you're going to be a nice talk show host and hand me the remote..." Hiro continued. The audience was now silent and focused on Jerry's hand, which still wasn't all that far from pressing the button. Hiro started to lead Jerry to the least destroyed arm chair on stage, and after settling him down, reached out to grab the remote with caution. Suddenly a figure in rather frightening bear bodysuit jumped out from under the armchair, propelling it, along with Jerry, into the wall at the back of the stage. "SOMEONE NEEDS A HUGGGGG!!"
"Oh for fuck's sake," Yuki cursed, dropping his head as Shuichi, fickle and easily impressed ADHD psychopathic pink-haired Ritalin(TM)-impaired child that he was, jumped up and started screaming. He ran over to Hiro, who had just barely managed to grab the remote before Ryuchi (because yes, it was he in the bear suit) jumped out, and clutched his hands, his thumb milimeters away from the button. "Omigawd Hiro, let's totally embarass ourselves so Ryuchi will like me!" he screeched, dancing with his friend who was just trying to keep the button from going off. As Shuichi leapt for Ryuchi, a man in the audience jumped up, screamed something in Pig Latin, and hit the button. Everybody paused, bracing for a terrible explosion.
After three minutes, they started to relax. The Pig Latin guy swore as he was carted off-stage by the security guards. Shuichi jumped back up and started worshiping Ryuchi as if he were Buddha as Yuki looked on in jealousy, annoyance and apathy. Hiro sighed, and Taki once again started screaming about how he had genitals.
Suddenly, rubble and stone and wood and metal started flying from the back corner as Jerry Springer threw the crap off of himself. Screaming like a madman, he intoned "I, JERRY SPRINGER, AUTHORIZE THE COMPLETE AND TOTAL DESTRUCTION OF THIS PLACE AND EVERY SINGLE FUCKTARD INSIDE OF IT!"
Two short seconds later, the building blew up.
Everybody inside died.
Ha ha.
That's the build up. That's what you read 6 pages of crap to get to.
They're all dead.
Hee hee...
REQUEST THINGS!! We worked for like... 4 months on this thing. Help us help you.