Hello people here! This is my first FE fic ( first ever fic actually) and... uh yeah.

Purple pikmin: And no doubt it sucks

Well, it's a humour fic, so it's not THAT bad i suppose

Purple pikmin: I bet it is

Just get on with it!

Purple pikmin: Oh yeah! The discalimer, how could I forget...
Hell's assassin does not own FE and does not really want to either...

And on with the story!

Chapter one: Dart and the melon ( Has nothing much to do with melons or Dart)

" Raven, is your Guitar ready yet, because wer'e on after Matthew" Called Jaffar, from back stage
" Yeah, you really need to get ready because you're not even changed yet. By the way, where is Matthew? I havent seen him today" Sain Queried
" Well, If he doesnt come soon, then somebody will have to stand in for him" Said Lyn, the main singer of " The blood-stained swords
Raven secretly prayed that matthew turned up. The reason why? He alsways gets picked on when it comes to stand-ins. Raven heard the pegasus sisters finish their Pegasi tricks.
" Ok," Called Hector, the host of the talent show " we now bring you... Matthew, king of commedy!" The crowed roared.
"Matthew, king of commedy! Ahem, where is Matthew?" Hector called to everybody backstage. The band members shrugged.
" Well somebody stand in for matthew!" Hector hissed. Sain pushed raven forwards.
" Well done for volunteering Raven!" Hector gave him a pat on the back, which almost knocked raven over. Raven Smiled sarcastically. Then, hearing the queries of the audience, Hector ran out to the stage.
" Ahem. We will have Matthew, king of commedy after a short interval" A little jazzy music played as everybody filed out of the hall.
" Right, where is matthew's costume?" Called Lyn " We need to get raven ready before the end of the interval"
" Oh, whoopee, lets go chums" Said raven as sarcastically as possible. " You KNOW i cannot make people laugh, you know I suck at everything anything to do with commedy! Why are you making me do this! " Groaned raven. He could of swore that sain smirked at him.
" Oh quit your moaning, and go find matthews costume." Sighed lyn.
" No. I refuse" Said raven, sitting down on a nearby chair.
" Somebody go and get priscilla. If anybody can convince him, then it's her." Sighed Lyn.
" I'll go" Said jaffar brightly, but still in his deep tone of voice. " I know where she'll be, with Nino" He ran off. Lyn giggled.
" He tries so hard to cover up his love for Nino, but it is so blatently obvious." Giggled lyn again
" Well said" Muttered Hector, grumpy about the performance

About two minutes later, Jaffar re-appeared with Nino and Priscilla.
" Um, you didnt need to bring Nino" Giggled Lyn, failing to stifle her laughs. Jaffar blushed and shot evils at Lyn.
" She WILL stay" Hissed Jaffar. Lyn found this so funny that she excused herself and ran off. Seconds later roarous laughter filled the back stage.
"Annnyway," Started Hector " Priscilla, you know what you are doing?
" Um... yes" She went up to Raven, who was sulking in the corner. " Raven, you can do this. I belive in you" Soothed Priscilla
" What would you know! You dont know how much people hate my jokes, to them, I am just a stone figure that fights battles, I dont HAVE a personality to them. Iam just a fighter, and band member who nobody has feelings for." Raven was close to tears, but they never came. Lucius, who was sorting out the lights with Erk heard all this and felt sorry for Raven. Being his best friend, he had to do something. But that would come later.
" Steady, Erk" He called
" Oh no, I'm slippping!" Cried Erk hanging upside-down from the iron stage above the stage
" Heath!" Screamed Hector! " Get ya bum here now!
" Yes, coming, coming..." Came the reply of heath, who was the security advisor. He gave a whistle, and Hyperion tried to come through the door.
" Wrong way, Boy" Heath said to hyperion. The dragon nodded and went outside. 10 seconds later, an almighty crash was heard as a dragon shape appeared through the door frame
" Aint he great" Sighed heath, holding back a tear. Hector sighed. " Oh, right, Erk. Gotcha" Heath jumped on Hyperions back and flew up to the top of the tall hall. " Hello, Erk, Whatchya doin in this awkward position?" Heath asked
"... Help..." Erk managed to whimper." Tut tut tut... .thats not good" Heath shook his head.
" HEATH!" Roared hector
" Oh yeah! Right. Here ya go, little dude" Said Heath, holding out a rope. " Grab on" Erk Managed to do this only just. Heath hauled him up onto Hyperion, and flew him down.
" Here you go" Said Heath, setting Erk down. " Well, i'll be off then" Heath quickly flew through the newly made wyvern-shaped door. Screams could be heard through the door.
" Hey, that was my burger!" Said an angry Bartre
Hector sighed.
Erk started to speak " Man, you have no idea how many times I casted elfire to make that torch light

Raven looked stupid. He was wearing a black tuxedo, which lookd really silly with his red hair. How Priscilla had convinced him to this, he did not know.
" Well, if you dont get any laughs from the jokes, you will from the costume" Chortled Sain. Raven shot him evils. He then heard hector.
" We now present you... Raven king of commedy! Silence. Hector briskly walked behind the curtain and pushed Raven out.
" Um... Hi?" Said Raven meekly. He heard a dragon snort. Heath kicked hyperion at the back of the hall. Raven sighed. "Like boy and his dog" he thought.
" Um... knock knock"
" Who's there" crowed the audience
" Boo"
" Boo who"
" No need to cry, it's just a joke" Said a meek Raven
" Boooooooooooooooooooo!" He heard a shout
" Get off the stage!" Said another voice
" Take that!'' Raven narrowly missed a tomato
" And that!" He ducked an egg. Raven was getting pelted by food. Then he got hit by a huge watermelon. He wiped it off and saw Dart, dorcas and Bartre laughing. He then got hit by an extremely painful wine bottle that smashed on impact with his face. He stumbled, and fell forwards off the stage.
" Whoops" Sniggered Legault
" Alright, out the way" called Heath " If not, Hyperion here can help" Hyperion growled. Heath was followed by Fiora and Florina with stretcher between their pegasi. Heath jumped off Hyperion and picked up raven in his strong arms. Heath looked at Florina briefly, but Florina sank back into her saddle. Fiora groaned. Heath looked up at Florina as he put Raven on the stretcher, before jumping onto Hyperion and again, plowing through the hoardes of people, followed by the pegasi knights. Florina was still feeling a bit coy about heath, although he didnt seem to hear her uncomfort. Hector roared at the audience
" Please take another short break while we sort this out. He ran back stage, as Heath escorted the pegasi knights out.
" nothing to see here, nothing to see.." Heath muttered.

END CHAPTER

Purple pikmin: What the HELL was that?

Uh... the first chapter of my story

Purple pikmin: Well it sucked

Shut it, fat ass. R&R please!

Purple pikmin: Pah! Like you would get any reviews! And haul your'e ass up and update!

Hey! I've only just posted the first chapter!. Ok, please, just review