Jace POV
Even though I had a girlfriend, I knew. I always had. I was not straight. I didn't want to be gay, but there was no way around it. I wanted to be safely in love with Clary, the way everyone thought I was. I'm sure that Alec suspected, but I had never outright told him. I was in love with someone else, and I couldn't avoid it. Simon. By the Angel, that boy was hot. Before, when he was a mundane, he was hot, but not an option. When he was a vampire, he was gorgeous, but still unavailable. Which was devastating. When he Ascended, he was finally available. And I was thrilled, but by that time, I was dating Clary. I felt like hurting myself. I felt like no one understood what I was feeling. Then I realized, Alec. I wanted to talk to him, but then he and Magnus broke up for the first time, and he spent his days in his room, crying and texting Magnus. I couldn't tell him anything. I was having trouble keeping myself together most days. Sometimes, I would spend hours in the bathroom, trying to convince myself that I was strong enough to not cut myself. It generally worked. I would think of Simon, or Alec. Alec usually worked best. I would exit the bathroom, to find Clary, eyebrow raised, asking if I was okay, with a little teasing in her voice. I would say something witty, making her kiss me hard. It made me want to cry. Every time. I loved Simon, not Clary. It was too bad, because Clary was cute. Simon, on the other hand, was gorgeous. He was a god. Muscle-y, great cheekbones, tall (ish) and great looking. Clary was pretty, but had no cheekbones, not very muscle-y, and short. Like, really short. But anyway. She's cute, but he's amazing. I can't help but want to kiss him. I decide to tell Clary. Clary. Alec. Clary. Alec. I can't decide who to tell. Finally, I decide on Alec. I walk to his apartment, and I take a deep breath. I ring the doorbell. I know that it's Alec who answers, because it's a normal "Who is it?". Magnus usually says WHO DARES DISTURB THE HIGH WARLOCK AT WORK? I answer Alec, telling him it's me, and I'm buzzed in. I meet Alec in the hallway, and he takes one look at my face, and asks me what's wrong. "Uh. Can I talk to you. Privately?" He narrows his eyes. Then his face lights up. "Of course! No Magnus?" I nod, unable to say anything, because I know he thinks I proposed to Clary. Alec runs to find Magnus, and I almost start to cry. I hear a door close, and know that Magnus is gone. Alec comes back in. "So, what's up?" I look down. "Jace? Is everything okay? I thought you'd be happy. Because you did propose to Clary, right? And she said yes?" I flush, and I know he feels me embarrassment and pain. "Jace, please just tell me what's wrong! I may be your parabatai, but I can't read your mind!" Finally, I raise my head. Alec looks at me expectantly, and I almost lose my nerve. "Alec, I'm… I'm gay." His intake of breath is hard to hear. "Alec?" He looks up at me.
"Jace. I hope you didn't think that I would be disappointed. Whatever you do, unless you kill and or kiss an innocent bystander, will make me proud. Anything. So if you are gay, I support you." And he pulls me into a hug. I flinch, because I was never comfortable with male-to-male hugs, because I was paranoid I would make people suspect I was gay. But I know that Alec will never think badly of me, and I relax into his embrace. Finally, Alec speaks. "Jace, you know you have to tell Clary. By the way, I know you would never tell me unless you loved someone else. Who is it?" I blush, and he laughs. "Wow, you really like some guy. You never blush." Him saying that makes it worse, and I turn bright red. "Fine. Fine! Simon." I mutter, very quietly, that last part. Alec breaks into a grin. "Simon?!" He starts to laugh, then sombers. "Izzy." He says, and I nod, still unable to talk. "You don't want to break up with Clary, or tell Izzy or Simon." I look down and nod. He ponders my problem, then tells me tentatively about some ideas. I veto them immediately, and finally he admits he's out of ideas. "I could… ask Magnus?" I start to shake my head, but then stop, and sigh. Magnus got a shy boy into a proud, loving man. He could help. "Fine." I say, and Alec grins.
"Yes!" He picks up his phone and goes into Favorites. He clicks on Magnus's contact, and when Magnus picks up, which takes about two seconds, Alec visibly relaxes. He says something into the phone, something about me having a problem, and needing me. I think I hear Magnus say he'll be here soon. Alec looks like a lightbulb that was dim, but was turned up just by hearing his boyfriend's voice. Jace had always loved that word, when it applied to boys. Magnus walked in. "Hey, Alec." he said, his voice soft, and full of love. Jace wanted to cry, because he wanted that. Finally, Alec, with Jace interrupting every once and awhile, got it all out, and Magnus thought about it. Finally, he proposed a solution, and as he said it, he was grinning. I want to punch him, but I listen. I have to admit, it's not a bad idea. "Fine," I grumble. "I'll try it." I walk out, and then, halfway out the door, I remember, and I turn around. "Oh, and thanks, Magnus." He winks, and I blush. Alec's little smile makes me want to die. Finally, he diverts Izzy and Clary off to some "mission" and I tell Simon we have to go another way. He raises an eyebrow, but doesn't care enough to argue. "So, where are we going?" Simon inquired. Instead of answering, I spun him around and kissed him. Simon looked stunned, and I'm sure I was blushing so hard. I turned around so he wouldn't see my embarrassment. I heard a stifled laugh, and I was confused. I felt a hand on my shoulder, and it spun me around. The next thing I saw was Simon's face. Then I saw nothing, because he was kissing me so hard I was blinded for a moment. Then I thought of Clary and Isabelle. I knew Simon thought of them too, because he looked down. "I knew you were gay." He admitted, his voice soft. I started.
"You did?" I said incredulously. He nodded. "How?" I demanded. He smiled.
"Well, for one, you always blush if I look at you, you are reluctant to do anything with Clary anymore, and you're always staring at me. So I knew." I cock my head.
"Fair. So, what about you?" He looks down, and is silent for a moment. I worry I went to fast, but he lifts his head, and pride is in his eyes. "I didn't know, but I know now. I'm bisexual. And… and I thought I loved Isabelle, but I saw her kissing some guy, and I was gonna end it anyway. I think that we should try this. I really do." I smiled at him, and in way of answer, I kissed him. "Uh- Jace? Simon? Uh, is this a bad time?" My blood freezed. "Clary! Uh, n-kind of." I give up on trying to explain. I'm not ashamed of who I love, and I won't let myself be. Staring at me, she ushers Alec and Isabelle out. I'm grateful for that. "So." I say, embarrassed. Simon nods.
"So. Yeah. We should go… explain." I nod slowly, hesitating. "That wasn't a question, Jace. Let's go." I blush, because he said my name. He rolls his eyes, then quickly kisses me, and I feel an electric shock go through my body. We walk into the hallway, and each respectively find who we need to talk to. I take Clary to the library, so I can hide if she tries to kill me. I don't know where Simon takes Izzy, but I feel bad for him. She can literally kill him if she want to. "Jace-" I cut her off.
"No. Let me explain. I'm… I'm gay, and although if I were straight, I would love you, I'm not, and I love Simon." The words burn me coming out of my mouth, but I continue. "I can't continue a relationship that I don't feel. Simon is ending things with Isabelle now. We decided to end things, to make it less painful later. I do love you, Clary, just not in that way. I'm sorry, but I can't." I can see the hurt in her eyes, and I feel so bad.
"How long… How long have you known?" I look down, flushing with embarrassment and sorrow. "A few years."
"So before you met me. And you kissed me first!"
"I didn't know Simon! And I wanted to cure myself, because it was just hurting me not to have a boyfriend, and I really did love you, but then I saw Simon, and it was just over. You get it, right?"She nods, and I'm relieved for a second.
"I do, but Jace, if you had just told me, instead of lead me to believe that we were still in love, everything could have gone better. You just needed to tell me!" And she ran out of the room, crying. Then Simon came in, and I broke down. His brow furrowed. "Hey, Jace, what's wrong?" Instead of answering, I collapse into his waiting arms. He kisses my forehead. "Izzy's fine. She was actually about to break up with my anyway, for the guy I saw her kissing. Okay? We're fine. I'm here. I'm here." And I fall asleep in the library, in my boyfriend's arms.