Madness
The faint light of a tired, setting sun barely light up the damp ground. Wet, moist…beneath his feet.
Sun. After the rain.
He thought… how strange, how irrational. But how wonderful. It didn't matter how much one life could turn into a living hell, or how much pain one heart could contain, or at least how the heavy rain could drench your clothes. The sun would rise up again.
Always.
Again.
And again.
Shining above the pain.
A sudden, cool wind woke him up from his thoughts, playing with his raven, silky hair, several strands falling on his now black brilliant eyes and all over his pale, almost angelic face. The sun was slowly disappearing behind the horizon , the taste of autumn sweet against his skin and in his mouth….
How many autumns had passed since that night…
Five bitter sweet , lonely autumns…
He took a few more steps forward treading upon the yellow carpet of death leaves sweetly creaking under his feet … until it was there : the wooden swing where he used to sit when he was just a child. A child grown up too soon.
Only a child.
Turned by someone's hand into an angry, hateful, beautiful young man, against his will.
That hand.
Belonging to…
That man.
Stop…
Stop thinking.
Stop.
Thinking of him…
No, this was a nightmare.
No. this was…
Madness.
Without even thinking, this time he noticed his shaky hand grabbing one of the ropes that held the swing: it felt rough under his soft palm, but that was nothing compared to the roughness he felt inside.
Pain. Just use pain to take away the pain.
He bit his lower lip to hold back the cheeky tear that threatened to escape his eyes, his eyes, the same eyes. That man's eyes. Eyes to be proud of. Eyes to develop in something powerful, in something beautiful. Eyes that didn't and wouldn't see what they saw five years ago.
Eyes forced to take in the sight…of…blood on the streets…on the walls…and on the carpet…of his very house, his home….
Madness. Thinking about that now was pure, nude, horrific Madness.
Swallowing the thick lump in his throat he blinked away the tears, closing that eyes and letting the autumn breeze caress his delicate features.
Uchiha Sasuke didn't cry.
No one never had seen him crying. And never will.
Though…one person had the privilege to see his tears. That man. The reason of this increasing Madness.
Stop…make it stop…
Uncertainly he took a sit on the swing , his holds on the ropes tightening, watching the coming night with clenched lips and liquid eyes. Silence and the pale white moon up in the black sky. Only silence around. The moon, still the same, full and shining on his throbbing pain.
"Why? Why am I denied to be loved by the ones I loved….?"
He started swinging a little , a creaking sound filling the air, his right fist clenching the rope.
No. Sasuke Uchiha didn't cry.
"If only things hadn't gone this way…"
A life he never asked for, but that he was gifted with by the one who he truly did love the most. A gift he never ever would receive, by the hand of that man. The man that was nothing but ….
His brother.
The night was silent, no sound was to be heard once he stopped his swinging motion, only the brushing of the tree leaves, black under the dark stars-filled sky. There, in the little playground where at day, happy, normal children spent their sunny lives, the smell of youth still permeating the place.
The same youth he never had the chance to live, a time he would never get back. A time that he spent in some other ways. A time to train, a time to forget bonds and friends, a time to forge hate.
Hate forged through pain.
"This pain… I can't take anymore…make it stop…end it all…please…"
Hate.
Pain.
Without love there is no hate, but why if you loved someone is it so difficult to hate??
"Why did you do that to me?"
Didn't he love him?
If you can't hate,,, does it mean that you still love?.......
No.
Stop.
"get out of my head…please…I can't take anymore…"
And than Sasuke noticed, he was falling into that madness he always feared, even if he would never admit it, he feared falling down into the dark abyss his mind turned into every time he thought of him. His brother.
He had refused to watch in a mirror for about five long years.
Since that night.
His brother.
Whose body was so similar to his, same skin, same hair, darker than midnight, same eyes , red as fire, and that hands…long , slender fingers, shinobi skilled ones..same blood flowing in their veins..and that voice, low, warm breath searing his right ear as his back pressed against the ruined stoned wall:
" yo…"
He wondered after all this time how he would look like…how his body would have developed,,,, sometimes he also wondered if their bodies felt the same under that cool autumnal wind, if his skin trembled the same as his own now in the night…if the same human needs affected him as well as himself…after all…
They were brothers.
It didn't matter how much Sasuke tried to deny this bond to himself; probably this was the only bond he would never be able to delete. But even if genetically they were almost the same, he refused to think that genes could decide the shape of a soul.
No.
Their hearts, no. They weren't the same.
"I don't want to be like you…don't make me be."
Suddenly something snapped in Sasuke now tired , obsessed mind : it was getting late, maybe too late. Something in the air told him that no one was around , he was lonely , as always , even that night. The wind stopped and his black loose shirt was now dry from the rain fallen the last afternoon. He was tired for real now that the moon was high and he only wanted to go back to his house (the place that Sasuke never called home) and resting his head on the pillow, closing his eyes and sleep all the night long until next morning.
So he stood and started walking through the desert path that leading to the center of Konoha, where his new house was, empty and with no one to wait for him in five years.
Only that thought made Sasuke shiver so he braced himself quickening his pace, his hands stroking his cold arms, his untied hair falling loose on his shoulders, the forehead protector left at home on the bedside table…after all that day Kakashi didn't assign their team any mission and for once in his life he could think of himself not as a skilled shinobi with the ungrateful role of the avenger , but simply as Uchiha Sasuke.
The boy whose family was killed by the hand of his "family": his brother.
And then he refused to continue thinking about that due to the increasing headache.
His biggest desire was now only sleep in his bed for the rest of the night after a chamomile tea to calm his dry throat.
And so he heard them.
Footsteps.
"No it can't be…"
Sasuke started freezing after hearing that barely audible sound, that seemed so far…Maybe it was his imagination, or, worse, madness.
He focused his ears again stopping walking.
The distant cry of a owl.
The sound of a death leaf falling on the other ones fell earlier.
His gulping sound filling his own ears.
But…
Nothing.
Nothing more.
He was not scared…was he?
No …it was only his imagination playing tricks to his already tired mind. He slowly turned around and saw nothing more than the solitary dark path he was walking. So he turned back again and started again his quick pace to home.
"Hurried…aren't we??"
And so Sasuke felt his own blood freezing in his veins. He was sure now. He was not alone. That was a voice, a real voice coming from behind his back, low but not enough to not be heard there in the silent night. He could almost swear that he felt a sharp breath on his neck and than he realized he had carried no weapons with him that afternoon of complete relax after the rain.
And so a thought hit his mind. With a sudden movement he tried to form seals with his hands but soon he found himself pressed back by a strong arm encircling his torso and immobilizing his , it was clear that he was not scared. He was terrified. And then when he was about to scream his heart out he could feel a big hand pressing against his mouth, muffling the horror cry that escaped his lips.
This wasn't madness.
This was a nightmare becoming reality, Sasuke thought as he felt his head being pushed backward , resting now on a real shoulder, presumably belonging to a real body standing behind him and holding him ten centimeters above the ground, his feet hanging with nothing firm to hold on to.
"You're shaking…are you cold or is just your fear that makes this beautiful body of yours trembling so much….?"
Sasuke eyes widened at the feeling of that hot breath searing his right ear and then noticed the hand on his mouth stroking his skin almost gently while the unknown face behind him dipped in the conjunction between his neck and shoulder, the breathing becoming more labored.
And so Sasuke realized.
He didn't want to die. Not now that he hadn't even come close to make his dream of vengeance becom reality.
He didn't want to die. Not without even putting a fight against his unknown adversary.
Maybe it was true, he was weak.
" I almost forgot how it was like to hold you…tight…in my arms…"
Sasuke gulped, his eyes wider than before…
What did this man mean? Did he know him? Or was he just mocking him?
He tried to wiggle free from under the hand that prevented him from giving an answer, but to no avail.
He really felt weak. His face trapped under the much bigger hand , fingers cruelly dipping into his pale flesh.
"…and you know…Sasuke…I've always dreamed about the time you would be so limp, scared and trembling against me…"
Sasuke…how did this man know his name?
"Pl- Please…j-j-u-st let m-me g-go…" Sasuke menaged to say, the hold on his mouth loosening.
He really sound weak. Defenceless. Not still a man, the man he thought he turned into, but the same child that five years ago lied on the ground near his parents' corpses.
"What if I say…no?"
Sasuke felt tears again stinging behind his eyes, but the thought of that fateful night made his mind squeezed his eyes shut and with all the strength in him he begun struggling trying to escape that vice grip suffocating him…
"Yes…struggle….Sasuke…let me see how strong you had become during my absence…"
And with a kick back Sasuke managed to free himself falling to the still damp, unforgiving ground.
Run.
Run away.
The only word his mind could come up with in that moment was running.
"Not quick enough…Sasuke…" that words spoken almost in a sickeningly sweet pitch contrasting with the sharp pain sasuke felt as he was pulled back by his hair.
"Gods…you're so beautiful…lying in the dirt as you are now…because…this is not the first time I see you this way, you know.."
The hand in his hair tightened slamming him face back into the groung.
"Who are you? What the hell you want from me?"
"Are you sure you want to know?"
And without even waiting for an answer , Sasuke felt himself being pulled by his shoulders and being roughly turned to finally face his assailant.
He was paralysed…his skin paler and paler as his red sharingan eyes took in the sight of that man.
That man who was love a long time ago.
That man who demanded hatred.
The man that was his simply, pure, horrific madness.
He wanted to scream, to cry out in horror, to call for help.
He wanted to react, to fight , to kill this man.
He wanted to run away, to find shelter in some faraway place out of this man's reach.
He wanted to die to not live again the pain of the loss.
No. Not anymore.
"Itachi…no…you are not really here…get out of my mind…"
"But I'm here Sasuke…you can't deny it" Itachi said hovering over his baby brother trembling slender ,covered in mud body.
"You are cold…Sasuke…are you not happy to see me after all this time?"
Itachi pushed again Sasuke by his shoulder to lie on the ground, his much bigger body covering the one beneath him in a scary, sinister way.
"Shut up Itachi!!How dare you be here again!! After all you done…I hate you, how could you only far think that I could be happy to see you again....you deserve to die!!"
"And so…why don't you try to kill me…Sasuke…I'm waiting…waiting to see how much you've improved…to see how much you have worked to become…just…like..me".
Sasuke shuddered at that words, like ice on his hot skin. He wasn't like him, was he? They may be brothers, they could share the same blood, the same needs, the same features, but the same heart…no …that was impossible. Sasuke tried to push him away, but none of his efforts were worth.
And then , when Sasuke begun to shake even heavier than before, when he looked his younger brother once again, Itachi remembered the reason he was there again. He simply could not accept his otouto's defiance. He wanted to see Sasuke scream, fight, struggle under him. He wanted to see Sasuke's desperation, the same desperation he felt when they lived in the same house, under the same roof simply looking at him or hearing him saying that word .Niisan.
He wanted Sasuke to yell for him.
He wanted to see his baby brother cry.
Sasuke noticed from his place under his brother the look of pure sickness Itachi was giving him and again tried to free him self…
"Itachi…" he said kicking his legs in the air attempting to push Itachi away.
"Get out!" but his legs kicked in the air not succeeding to hit his older brother resting in between them.
"No." Itachi's lips curving almost in a smile. Sasuke really was beautiful, with this pained expression, the light blush on his cheeks and nose, his eyes shut and his trembling dark lashes.
"I said get out Itachi…live me alone!!" Sasuke said, his struggling becoming more frantic as he felt Itachi's body grinding against his.
This was sick.
To feel your exactly alike flesh pressing in this too intimate way against your own.
Sasuke felt really disgusted in that moment, when he felt something rubbing against his right hipbone.
"Aniki…please…let me go.." Sasuke tried with his hands to press Itach's chest but at that word Itachi's mind snapped out of his trance.
"How did you just called me??" he said holding Sasuke's thin wrists in a vice grip.
"How did you call me…answer my question Sasuke…." He said grabbing with his free hand a shuriken and pressing it near Sasuke's inner tight. Itachi noticed his baby brother's watery eyes and the need of making the boy cry for his own sake made his way in his clouded mind. Clouded by the only madness that always affected him : to have Sasuke, to have his laughs as much as his tears. To have his soul as much as his body. To have his love as much as his hate. To mark him as his possession and his alone.
"Say it again …Outouto…" Itachi said sticking the shuriken into Sasuke's inner left tight.
"Aniki!!" Sasuke screamed in pain as finally all the tears trapped behind his eyes found their way out , streaming his face, cascading in salty rivers into Sasuke's ears and hair.
"Aniki…it hurts…take it out…" he sobbed uncontrollably as the pain made his mind reel.
He didn't want to feel this pain.
"Gods,,,Sasuke" Itachi said and then he kissed him taking advantage from Sasuke's sobs to slid his tongue into his baby brother's mouth.
Sasuke wanted to die when he felt Itachi's tongue in his was not prepared to the feeling of the same tongue who spoke sweet words to him when he was little now ravaging his mouth. He was not prepared to the taste of his older brother mouth , so disturbingly identical to the taste he had in his own.
Afterall …they were genetically similar.
Only that thought made Sasuke turn roughly his head to the side, a trail of saliva tracing down his chin, tears falling heavier from his swollen eyes. His brother had just kissed him.
"Why…why did you do that? Do you want to see me die? If so…why don't you just kill me?"
He menaged to say between his sobs.
"Because …I've always loved you. You always were the sweetest torment to me and the thought of not being able to have you was killing me every day…that's why I'm back"
"How can you say that you love me…look what you're doing! Now get off and leave me alone."
"No ..because now I'm going to show you how much I want you to be mine and mine only..."
Suddenly Sasuke panicked…what did he mean? He wasn't his and he will never be,..
"What are you going to do to me?"
"Sasuke…I want to make you mine…" he said lowering himself in between Sasuke's thights and started licking the blood from the wound the shuriken left on the pale milky skin that tasted purely like Sasuke.
"What…?"he said feeling that hot tongue trace light circles around his bleeding wound.
"I want what you due to me…" Itachi said licking the blood, that same blood as his , up to his tight, receiving a moan from Sasuke ." I want what I always needed from you" Itachi whispered lifting the boy's trouser to have better access to his groin "I want your virginity" his voice nothing than a barely audible moan.
"Why? Why me?" Sasuke said, his tears were back flowing in salty rivers over his cheeks trying with his hands to push his brother's head away from that sensitive spot that made his member hardening.
"Because...." Itachi said pulling harshly the hem of his pants and underwear down to rest around Sasuke ankles "…I'm in love with you from the first time I saw you" he said grabbing once again Sasuke hair and pulling him into a brutal, lust filled, deep , forbidden kiss. Sasuke's eyes widened and he gasped from the pain, but that was nothing to the pain he felt inside his heart.
His brother, his own blood and flesh, was in love with him…??
And was planning to go inside him.
"No…aniki please stop…" Sasuke broke away from the kiss coughing and still crying "don't do this to me"
It was then that Itachi took in the sight of his crying and bleeding baby brother, wearing only his black shirt that revealed his navel …and his sandals and leg wrappings. It was the first time he saw Sasuke this way, without his underwear.
He could not wait anymore. He needed to mark his brother with his essence, the only blood bond was not enough anymore, he needed to connect their flesh as well.
"You're so beautiful Sasuke…so fragile…now don't struggle " Itachi said lifting sasuke's trembling legs and throwing them over his shoulders. "Don't move and let me…" he reached inside his own pants with his right hand finally releasing his throbbing erection and positioning himself to Sasuke's entrance.
"Itachi…please…don't…" Sobs made Sasuke's chest quickly rise and fall.
Itachi would not listen to his pleas.
So he let his head fall to the side and squeezed his eyes shut. He didn't want to feel his brother flesh inside his own. This was wrong. Forbidden. This was incest.
"Let me…" Itachi said and in one quick fluid movement he thrusted inside Sasuke shivering body.
"Have you"
The scream that tore from Sasuke's mouth was the most beautiful sound Itachi had ever heard. He leaned forward pressing his brother knees to his chest to claim those abused swollen lips into another full of passion kiss, trying to not move yet inside Sasuke's suffocating heat, but waiting for him to calm down his crying.
" I love you…" Itachi whispered above his lips, lapping at them sweetly and caressing the boy's hair
"You're so beautiful " he leaned backward again and seeing Sasuke's body shaken by violent tremors and covered in sweat he stripped away his shirt leaving him completely needed to see all of his baby brother soft white as snow skin "You're so perfect…I'm sorry…but I promise it will stop hurt…I promise, love"
Sasuke felt himself being ripped apart from the inside. He had just given his virginity to his brother and did nothing to prevent it.
This was madness.
He felt Itachi pull out almost all the way out and slamming back until their skin connected. One side of Itachi's neck covered with the blood still flowing from his thight wound . The pain was unbearable, and Ssauke thought that if it didn't stop soon he was going to pass out.
Itachi repeated the earlier movements, his member throbbing inside that little slender body beneath him, his pace quickening , grunting and letting his sweating forehead fall on Sasuke's shoulder.
"Please Itachi stop!! It hurts too much, I can't take anymore…"
"No…." he said whispering against his skin.
And then Sasuke had ran out of strength to continue pleading, he simple rested his head between Itachi' s neck and shoulder and letting him violate his body. Every thrust was agony, every movement inside him was torture, the smell of blood running down his tights was intoxicating him. Now he was being punded so hard that his body was pushed backward with every slam of itachi's hips.
If this is not going to slow down I'm going to lose my mind.
Suddenly Itachi stopped his rocking movements and gyrated his hips as to search for something.
"Aaah!" Sasuke's whimpers only excited him more.
He continued moving inside Sasuke without pounding until Sasuke felt his brother touch something inside him that made him see white.
He couldn't hold back the moan of pure ecstasy that escaped his creaking throat, only making Itachi's smirk go wider and wider.
Itachi started to move back and forth again, and again, and again , his breath labored while hitting with every thrust Sasuke's spot.
Sasuke's moans turned soon into pleasure filled screams.
"Yes…Sasuke…enjoy it " he said nipping at his collarbone "moan for me…cry for me...." his hands brushing away some strands sticking to Sasuke's face. "Come for me " he said cupping his member and massaging it.
"love me…Sasuke…I don't ask nothing more…Come for me…Scream my name"
"It- itachi …" and with one single stroke to his member the violent orgasm hit him, tearing through his tired body while he released his seed all over their chests, some bead hitting his chin and lips.
"Itachiii!" he gave one last scream before letting his head dropping again on the ground.
Itachi slowed down his pace and his lungs were suddenly lacked of air.
He had never ever saw a most beautiful sight.
Sasuke, sweet little Sasuke with nothing more than his sandals on, leg wrappings earlier fallen to the ground, with his tears stained cheeks, black hair damp and sticking to his face and neck, white cooling seed covering his groin and chest and lips , slightly parted to took in air in rag breaths.
The adoration Itachi always had for his brother.
This could not be only lust.
This was love.
This was forbidden.
This was most of all madness.
"I want to release inside of you…"
Sasuke barely heard that words but menaged to give a slight nod of his head.
Itachi let his baby brother legs fall down on the ground, keeping them spread out with his hands. He gave a few more hard but passion filled thrust and spilled himself inside Sasuke still trembling form.
Some of the liquid dripping down Sasuke's left tight, stinging over the wound left by the shuriken.
Sasuke felt it all, though he was exhausted.
He felt that liquid pured inside him and wondered if it was the same that he spilled just a moment before.
Maybe it was, because they were brothers.
Itachi spread a little more Sasuke's legs to pull out from him and then lied himself near him.
"You did well." He said wiping some of the white stuff that still covered Sasuke's chest.
"You are mine , now" he licked his index finger tasting his baby brother unique taste.
" I 've just been your first… now you have to decide if you want me to be the second as well"
Itachi said grabbing his brother chin to face him.
And Sasuke thought about his madness.
Is it madness to love the one who killed his family only for saty with him?
Yes , he was mad.
Mad of Itachi.
Madly in love with him.
Aware of that when he realized he would never be able to hate him.
And while Itachi claimed again his lips for a kiss, Sasuke spread his legs again :
"Take me again. Itachi. Take me again, brother. I want you to be my first. And my last. I want you to not leave me again. Because if you leave me again , it's the same thing you kill me".
Madness.