Brendon's POV

I'm trying not to talk since what happened this weekend while at home. I swear this is the most difficult thing I've ever experienced, behind learning guitar all by myself. It was really hard to see people that cared about you, agitated and, trying to get an explanation out of your mouth. It's like, you're hungry, and you have plenty of good things to eat in front of you, and you know that eating them would make you feel better, but you just CAN'T touch them since you promised yourself not to. Yeah, that's exactly how it felt, except that now because of this thought I was also hungry... I don't understand what you're trying to say with this last line.

I hadn't seen Spencer for the two first school hours, but I was used to it. You know, Spencer is the kind of dude that attracts most of... Wait. Every single pretty chick that sees him, and he likes to ''hang out'' with them in the morning, or... Most of the time. I was suddenly awaken from my thoughts by this -Bang bang bangbangbang bangbangbangbang bang bang- thing Spencer did every morning on the class door when he arrived. He came and sat next to me as always, with his usual morning smile that meant "Crazy night, bro".

"Hey dude!" He whispered, not quietly at all. I looked at him, quite amused by the fact he was calling me 'dude'. I half-smiled, but didn't answer. He poked me in the shoulder. "Brendon, I said hey dude!", but still I didn't gave him any answer. "You know, most of the time, when someone say 'hey dude' to somebody, the somebody concerned gives him an answer, just saying-" I looked at him again, faked an exhausted look, and saw a smirk appearing on his face. What was wrong with him? I saw him take out a piece of paper. "Piss off Brendon, done!" I couldn't help but let out a little laugh out. "Now," he said, "what about talking, would you talk a little bit? Talking is good you know? Just talk Brendon! I know you're dying to! Talk, talk, talk, talk, taaaaaalk…" He truly knew how to piss me off enough to make me 'taaaaalk'.

"SPENCE! What about shutting you goddamn mouth right now, yeah?" Not talking to Spencer was, as you seen, impossible.

"Sure!" He took back his piece of paper, "Fucking piss off Brendon, done!" He was smirking again.

"Screw you, Spencer." I said with a smile that wanted to turn into a laugh.

The rest of the hour passed by really fast since Spencer and I were trying to communicate with our hands. With weird moves of course, we couldn't do anything the normal way, or not ridiculously. We were ridiculously weird. There was nothing to do about that.

So the hour was done and it was lunch time. We made our way to our table, yes our table. We were kind of popular in here, well Spencer was, and I was the so called 'cutie' guy that's by his side. I've never appealed anybody though. Or not enough to make this person come and talk to me. I didn't mind, I had my music, Spencer and, food. Damn I was hungry, so hungry the food they were giving us this noon, well if it was food, satisfied me.

"So! What's the matter Brendon? Do you want to talk or something? You know I'm not good at listening people so take your chance while I'm all-ear." He said. I could see he was a little bit concerned about how I was acting. There was a war in my head between the feeling of telling him everything, the feeling of keeping that for me and reassure him, and the feeling of not answering at all. I chose the second one.

"No, I'm ok, trust me!"

"Fine, I'll stop bothering you with that, but know that if you feel the need to talk I'm-" He'd been cut by one the girls of a singing class staring at him from the beginning of the lunch. I think her name was Sewssen or something like that, and her voice was like an angel one, I swear. Anyways, I wasn't listening to what they were saying. Spencer put his hand on my shoulder, "I'll be back!" he said. Obviously he wouldn't be back, so I spent the rest of the day with… me? That made it easier not to talk anyway.

The last hour was music, and that was why I loved Mondays. I was probably the only one that loved Mondays in the whole world, but I truly did, because of music. The class started, as I noticed a kid I've never seen before, surely because I was too busy with Spence, with black hair and hazel eyes I think, next to a really curly haired guy. They were both holding their electric guitars, and playing silently. I decided I wanted to talk to them, and as I was approaching I saw a boy just behind the curly haired guy. I don't know what happened at that moment, but I swear couldn't keep my eyes out of his face. A pure face, with a bright smile on it as he was watching and mumbling some lyrics of a song I didn't recognize at that moment. His blue eyes and his sweet facial expression were holding me. I didn't even know what to think of my thoughts. Was it gay to think like that? Was I gay? That could explain a lot, like how during a party I was dying to kiss Ryan Ross. I hated thinking about that because I shivered all the time. But whatever, I was kind of drunk, so I don't think I'm gay…I just may be weird…I took my acoustic guitar, and when I made my way to them, the boy was not there anymore. I checked all over the room, he was nowhere. Fuck. I didn't stop though and went to the curly haired and black haired guy. I leant against their table, and they looked up in a synchronized time and had the same surprised look on their face. As if I was some kind of an alien or something. I decided to break my silence, again.

"Uhm... Hi." I said. They looked at each other, and I didn't even know why I came there anymore. The curly haired one finally decided to answer.

"Hey, I don't know what magic power made you want to talk to us, but I'm Ray and he's Frank!" Frank smiled at me. An adorable smile, to be honest, I couldn't help but smile back at this.

"And I'm Brendon ." I said, still smiling.

"Yeah we know that! You're Spencer the heartbreaker's best friend!" Frank said in a sarcastic way. I was quite surprised at that, Spence didn't break hearts, at least, that's not what he was telling me.. But whatever, I wanted to know about the blue eyes guy.

"Apparently yes..?" I said a bit disoriented. "But hum, there was a dude right here with you five minutes ago right?"

"Yup!" Frank immediately replied. "Dallon Weekes!" Dallon was his name. It fit perfectly. I repeated his name in my head like ten times, until realizing what I was doing. What the fuck was happening? I ended up repeating 'I'm not gay' to myself twenty times. The teacher called for silence. Ironical, uh? So yeah, today, we had to be in groups of three, and compose something that sounded a bit burlesque. I loved burlesque. But considering the face Frank and Ray were wearing, they mustn't like it... I thought a bit and decided they could be useful later as friend, so to gain them, I walked up to the teacher.

"Excuse me, sir. I really fancy the burlesque thing, but I was wondering if we could mix it up a bit with some modern thing such as punk, or just sound a bit rock?" I wasn't sure about how my question sounded like but he didn't seem confused.

"You know Brendon, I said it has to sound burlesque. So it doesn't matter if you mix it with Jazz, Rock or even Rap, as long as we find the burlesque side of the song!" He smiled seeing my face bright smiling to this answer. I nodded as a 'thank you' and walked back to my group.

"What did you ask?" Ray said frowning.

"Well, I saw your faces when you heard the word 'burlesque' and so I asked if we could mix it with other styles, and as long as it sounds burlesque we can!" Frank suddenly became really excited about doing the thing.

"Oh dude that's so cool! I hate burlesque so much that even saying the word makes me feel-" He stopped as he saw my embarrassed face. "Oh, you... You like it. Well sorry, I guess Ray and I can try out with burlesque."

"No, it's okay, I'm open to all sorts of music!" I said smiling friendly.

We started working as I knew exactly how it had to sound. There were all these ideas fusing in my head. It was going to sound good. The class was about to end, and we were all packing our stuff, but not Ray. He started playing guitar with so much passion it felt like the guitar was one of his organs. It was flawless. Frank and I were staring at him, but Frank wasn't amazed, he might have been used to see his friend play. When he stopped I clapped with enthusiasm and then slowed down as I realized no one else was clapping. Oh man, this was awkward. We got out of the class and as I was telling good bye to Frank and Ray, I saw Dallon coming to them, and felt my heart beating so hard I didn't know if could handle it any longer.

"How was music, guys? Did you get some applause this time Ray?" he laughed and turned at me. "Well hello! Can someone introduce this boy to me?" He said looking straight to my eyes, with a look everyone would fall for.

Frank giggled and looked at me "This is the signal, he's going to get you no matter what." he whispered. I didn't get it at first. Get me? What was that supposed to mean? And well I came to the conclusion he must be gay. Or bisexual… But you don't get a boy when you're straight except if you're a girl, and he definitely was a boy.

"I'm Brendon, and you must be Dallon?" I finally said, without breaking the eye contact.

"Oh so you asked for my name to Ray and Frank? May I know why?" he asked with an amused smile.

"I-"

Ray cut me off. "-Don't bother Replying to that Brendon, he's having fun trying to turn people upside down, uh Dallon?"

"Well." Dallon said. "I am pleased to meet you Brendon!" He hugged me, which I found pretty odd, but less odd than the beat of my heart that got so fast at that moment. Frank and Ray left with Dallon and I left in my own direction avoiding the other students looks.

What has just happened? Why did I feel my heart beat so strong in my chest? I couldn't be gay! I mean, I had nothing against gay people, but I was sure I loved boys! Oh god. Did I just think boys? I meant girls. Or maybe I didn't. Maybe I was gay... I looked up to a pretty hot girl that was, to my own satisfaction, wearing a skirt, and felt relieved as I heard my second brain think 'Oh look this sexy bitch! What I would do to her.' Mmmh, should that relieve me or just reveal I'm a horny virgin guy that can't make up his mind? "WOW!" I exclaimed. I just walked into the door. THIS FUCKING DOOR HIT MY FACE! I was thinking so hard I hadn't see it wasn't an automatically door... Damn! "Focus on where you're going you piece of shit." I mumbled to myself. By the way, did you know that walking was almost as automatic as breathing? I just noticed I didn't know if I was ordering my brain to make me walk, or if actually my legs decided themselves... That fucked up my mind.

Once in front of my door I searched in my pocket for my key and found a paper in it. There was a phone number on it and under it said: 'Don't forget me. -D'. He must have put it there when he had hugged me... I surprised myself smiling and being happy about a boy running after me... This was official, I wasn't 100% straight, but I wouldn't tell anybody.

Later that evening, after finishing my homework, I took that piece of paper Dallon had given me and didn't know what I wanted to do. I wasn't ready to make my coming out even only for me. I wasn't even sure anymore about the fact there was a gay part in me. I tossed it in the trash and took my guitar. I played about an hour until my mother cut me.

"Honey, come downstairs for dinner!" She yelled from the kitchen. I wasn't hungry, I had a knot in my stomach. "Brendon?"

"I'm not hungry mom!" I heard her coming upstairs, what meant she wanted to talk. She entered in my room, and I sighed.

"What's wrong Brendon? You haven't been eating your dinner since Sunday. Is it because of what happened last week? Your father didn't mean what he said you know, I forgave him. And you can too. "

"It's not that mom. Can you leave me now?" Well it was a part of the reason why I wasn't hungry, but Dallon was 70% of the reason. I obviously couldn't talk about that with my mother.

"Well I'll put your plate in the fridge if you end up being hungry." She kissed my forehead and left.

Hours passed and it was now 11pm. I had been staring at the trash for almost two hours, not knowing what to do. But I was suddenly dying to text him. It was only a message after all. I took back the paper and there started the conversation. 'Hey, it's Brendon!' I sent. I was quite excited about talking with him, and couldn't wait for his answer.

'I thought you'd never text me. But now that I got your number, get ready to be spammed ;)'

'Well, I guess I can handle it!'

'Don't talk too fast, haha.'

'We'll see! It's getting late, only 7:30 hours of sleep left.. Will I see you tomorrow?'

'Maybe baby ;) Sweet dreams. xx'

Were we flirting already? I thought about it and felt slowly asleep.

I was walking down a dark alley, and it seemed like it was full of prostitutes and you could smell desire in the air. I didn't know what I was doing there, and my legs were walking even when I tried to stop. It was cold at first, and the more I walked, the more it was getting warm. My legs stopped when it became too hot to handle. I was sweating. I suddenly wasn't in the alley anymore, but in a room with a bed. Two girls arrived, and even if I wanted so much to follow them, my legs didn't move, so they slowly faded away. I still couldn't move, and I started to panic. Then, Frank appeared, got closer to me, and whispered to my ear, "He's going to get you, no matter what." he laughed and walk away. I finally managed to move, but a man pushed me against the wall and started kissing my neck. I assumed the man was Dallon. His lips made me shiver. He looked at me, bit my ear and said "You're mine…"

It was 6am when I woke up frustrated from that dream. What the heck was that, uh? Since when was I dreaming gay porn? I decided I would avoid Dallon, and everybody else today. And I succeeded. The day passed really fast, but I was a bit concerned about not having seen Spencer all day. At that precise moment I received a message, and I hoped it was Spence telling me why he wasn't there today. Obviously it wasn't. It was Dallon. It said 'You're not going to be able to avoid me much longer you know? If I have to block you in the corridors, I'll do it. You can't want to stay alone that much.' He was right. I had hated this day, being all alone, worrying for Spencer and most of all, this dream. I didn't answer Dallon, and fell asleep at 7pm. What a day, what a day.