Author's Note: I realized several key pieces were missing here, as I've been contemplating Jacob's relationship with Illana alot over the past couple days, for some reason. And I realized I'd left out a proper nod to Ben. Several things are still very much off-canon, and I'm taking Jacob's relationship with Illana the father-daughter route (biologically, I mean) only because I think it's sweet - without puzzling over the logistics of who her mother was, of course! ;) I do like the revisions/additions, even though it ends up being slightly out-of-character in places... anyways. I'm babbling.

"I don't really know where to start."
What do I say to you,
With fleeting lives
And existences just as tumultuous
As mine -
What do I say to bridge the gap
Between the half-eternity of my days
And the fleeting moments of yours?

Memory.
Being young, careless,
Brother finds a game in the sands
And speaks like a crazy man -
Defies what Mother's said.
Across the sea, there are people.
What people? More than us?
More than the three of us
On the island?
Isn't the island the world?
He fixes me with
Maddened eyes,
Makes me promise not
To tell her.
"She'll take it away."
I watch as he leaves, and worry.
What is this, that eats him alive?

"I don't really know where to start."

Remember.
Fury boiling, blood boiling,
The pain of my being so great
As to multiply the pain of his.
WHAT -
Jump, quick, like lightning,
Like a spark struck from flint,
Crash against him,
Throw him to the ground,
Scream, raw cry, raw sound.
Agony of the soul.
He has stolen my world from me.
DID -
Stars dance before me;
Fist catches flesh and
Fury - FURY - erupts;
My rage is insatiable.
YOU -
He coughs blood, protests;
Ha! - feeble words, Brother;
She gave us everything, gave us our lives,
Gave us all of herself, her love.
What deal did she strike,
And with whom,
So that we could never hurt each other?
DO?
Want to leave this place?
Want to leave
The paradise that was given?
You chose your path;
I had no choice in mine.
No - I did not. How could I possibly
Say no to her?

What do I say to you,
With fleeting lives
And existences just as tumultuous
As mine -

Meeting Ricardus -
Ah, my friend, Ricardus!
How innocent you were, like me,
And how quickly you learned, like me,
That innocence in good measure
Often bears awful pain.
How the specter of my closest kin -
Dearest Brother, how long gone,
How much I've missed you,
I'm sorry, I'm so sorry -
Would take the form of your wife,
And torture you;
How you'd come to me with
Half-shed tears
And beg for me to withdraw my gift.
Gifts, once given, are irrevocable, Ricardus.
A thousand times, I am sorry.

What do I say to bridge the gap…

Again, Ricardus -
Oh yes, again him, because he,
The second stuck with me here,
For however long I can keep the first at bay -
He was good beyond measure,
A better man than me.
Seeing him I saw a thing that stirred me,
Moved me, like the inexorable forces
That shift the stars in the sky.
So we loved. In some way, I suppose,
It was cruel of me. So long by himself,
How could we not somehow find such comfort?
It was my desire,
Not entirely his.
But there it was - there we were -
Come nightfall, firelight,
Anxious breath and hands shaking,
A tender touch or a piercing cry,
Again - again - again -
How many mornings, come dawn,
Curled up by a fire, arms about the other?
The stars, our flesh, the sands, the sea,
These were our comforts.
And then, once, after many years,
I asked if I could kiss you -
For we had never done that, though often found
Comfort in hands and touch and movement.
I did not say I loved you, but
You, with eyes that saw and understood much,
Must have seen;
Because you left -
And I realized you had never loved me,
But had never told me no,
Had gained just as much from me as I from you
On those nights together
Because we were so inextricably bound,
And still -
You had already known love, and lost it.
Through you I, too, lost love.

…Between the half-eternity of my days
And the fleeting moments of yours?

Illana, sweet daughter,
Flesh of mine, blood of mine,
Every moment of mine would be to love you,
More even than Ricardus,
Because you and I were the same, dearest one.
How I neglected you -
You were a pawn, in the end,
In the end, you were nothing -
Or were very close, yes, for how I acted,
How I treated you,
How I did not warn you
That I was weary
And longed for death, in my own way.
Two thousand years
Is a very, very long time, child.
My Illana, forgive me!
They cannot know -
They will never know -
Even you had sense enough
Not to disclose truth to them.
But oh, dearest,
My Illana, my child,
Flesh of mine, blood of mine -
I weep for you,
Yes -
I do weep.

Benjamin.
Name that has both
Been blessed and cursed
As it crossed my mind -
Better things than any I have offered
Will come to you.
I remember when Illana died
Suddenly, in that dark-between
Of the place I found myself -
The haunted hiding-places of the Island -
I saw myself as kin to you,
If only for a second.
My pain was suddnly yours,
Yours for when Alex died,
Mine for Illana.
You have twisted my words,
My instructions,
You have more blood on your hands
Than I would care to reckon,
And more lies have sprung from your lips
Than I could fathom - for I,
I do not lie -
Man creates lies, man creates reality,
What have I done, but been
A catalyst of greater reality than yours?

Hm.

Ben, know this:
I am sorry for your pain,
And I would consider you,
In some fashion,
As much my brother
As the monster -
The one, once blessed,
Whom I cursed.
He is because of me,
So you, too, are because of me...

(What blood have I on my hands, now?)

And John - oh, John,
The fallibility of the human soul!
I miss you, I miss you. You knew more
Than even I, after so many years,
Dreamt of knowing. Poor man,
That was your weakness, your downfall;
Now the specter of my brother
Bears your face, and still your name.
I weep, almost, for his cruelty,
Because you - you understood.

As for the rest - all of you -
Here, now -
I am sorry your friends died.
They did not die for nothing.

Kate - dear Kate, little misused, misled girl
From a rundown store
In a sleepy town in Iowa -
Take good care of Aaron. And Claire.
You will find her, I know.
(Some things, I still know…)

James - good man,
Carry always the memory of Juliet
With you; I too know love,
I know what it is to lose it -
Be well, James Ford. Peace unto you.

Hugo - my thanks for your help,
I could not have accomplished this
Had it not been for you.
Take good care, Hugo. Good care.
You will get help from another,
An unlikely one,
Who is good - who is good, still,
Despite the darkness so often shown.
Nevertheless, the mantle, soon,
Will be yours - and there, Hugo, is my regret:
As I could not say no to Mother,
You could never be asked
To say no to Jack.
In that I have failed, and for that I am sorry.

Fire crackles, ashes stolen, scattered.
Four pairs of eyes stare. Four faces,
Fixed; some angry, some awed.
One knows exactly what must be -
Though he hasn't yet realized it.
Slowly I lift my head.
"I don't really know where to start…"