Title: Hope
Category: Books » Twilight
Author: Lady Gwynedd
Language: English, Rating: Rated: M
Genre: Tragedy/Angst
Published: 09-05-11, Updated: 01-11-12
Chapters: 2, Words: 5,678
Chapter 1: Chapter 1
This is a one shot I wrote for a Labor Day Weekend Contest I entered on A Different Forest 9/5/11
I don't claim ownership of the Twilight Saga. I am just feeling awfully broken hearted for Charlie Swan had it gone the way Bella expected at the end of Eclipse.
Hope
The house stood alone at the end of the road, solitary and silent, much like its inhabitant. Leaden skies drizzled a continuous mist that dulled the paint, mildewed the siding and loosened the shingles.
Now, the forest almost engulfed it on two sides, reaching greedy green fingers ever closer to claim it. One day it would. There had been a time when the man fought a war with the woods, taming it into submission with pruning hooks and shears. He'd cleanse the walls and re-shingle the roof but now it didn't matter anymore.
Nothing mattered.
He went through the motions of life, reporting to work like an automaton. Doing his duty. Putting in his time. It was fortunate being the Chief of Police of a podunk little town wasn't the most demanding job in the world. It was consuming enough to keep his mind occupied for eight hours a day. There were times he purposely stretched those hours to ten, twelve, sometimes eighteen until Gladys, the dispatcher for the station, would catch him at it and sternly send him home.
Every day he came back to the lonely house, destined to be eternally empty. He would open the door, sort through the junk mail, then nuke a frozen dinner. He would hang up his service revolver on the rack in the kitchen hallway. There once was a time, he'd carefully empty the cartridge and hang it high up out of the reach of toddler fingers.
That precaution wasn't needed any longer.
More recently he had thought of something else he could do with that gun but he feared doing it. If he sought his end in a self-inflicted bullet, there was no hope he'd ever be reunited with her again because everyone knew where suicides went and it wasn't where she was now.
He went upstairs and carefully avoided looking at the closed door next to the bathroom as he passed. That door hadn't been opened in ten years.
He'd never open it again.
Ten years ago, they came to tell him she was gone, dead in a fiery crash along with her new husband. The fire was so bad, they couldn't be identified at first but the DNA tests proved who they were.
Ten years ago, for all intents and purposes, he died too, at least the part of him that mattered.
The room behind the closed door was a shrine—a shrine with no worshipers, acolytes or priests, unless you called the dust that settled on the single bed, and dresser, the sturdy desk, and lamp supplicants to memories too painful to recall.
He heard the microwave beep just as he buttoned the top button on his threadbare flannel shirt and he followed the sound downstairs to the kitchen, tucking his shirt into his jeans as he went. He retrieved his steaming dinner, carefully peeling off its cellophane cover and grabbed a plastic fork. He methodically ate the Swanson's meatloaf, or the Salisbury steak, or the chicken Alfredo. It didn't matter what it was. They all tasted the same.
They tasted like ashes.
Sometimes, he ate standing over the kitchen sink as he stared out of the window. At other times, he ate at their table but it was hard trying not to stare at the empty place across from him.
After dumping his tray and fork, he would pop open a beer, then go to the living room and channel surf until it was time for bed. He drank only one beer per night. He knew if he let himself, that one beer could easily become a dozen as he tried to escape the pain. He didn't want to end up a sad, old drunk. She wouldn't have liked that.
So, one beer a day was all he would allow.
Sometimes, Billy would come over with his son but they never stayed long. His silence had a habit of chasing off even the most committed friends.
He didn't even fish anymore. There was no pleasure in it.
The mantel clock would finally announce the time for bed. He gratefully stumped up the stairs and got ready. The shower felt good but the bed felt better. He pulled up the covers and rolled over to sleep and to dream.
A lot of times, he dreamed about her. She was happy and beautiful. She was cooking in the kitchen or studying at the table. Once, she was fishing with him and another time, she was walking down First Beach, squatting now and again when something caught her eye. Her hair was caught by the gentle wind and she reached up to hold it out of her face as she crouched on the shingle, searching for treasure. It was only during those times that he was at peace.
It was too bad his dreams couldn't last.
He would awaken in the morning and would start the day over again. He figured there were only twenty-five years or so of this left and then he could finally die himself. Maybe he'd find her beyond the grave. Maybe she was waiting for him there.
Maybe.
Maybe not.
He could only hope.
It was all he had left.
Chapter 2: Chapter 2
Selfless (the epilogue of Hope)
Lady Gwynedd
Rating: T
Summary: This is set ten years after Bella married Edward and became a vampire. It is a continuation of Hope, a one shot I did for a contest that presupposes that there was no Breaking Dawn. We were asked to extrapolate the saga from the end of was my entry. I didn't win but I did get several requests to extend it and so, here it is. If you'd like to read Hope first, it's on my profile page.
"Don't tell her, Alice. I'm begging you." Edward paced the floor in front of his sister who was standing still as stone, her arms crossed in front of her, and a determined look on her face.
"Edward, you should see him. He's a shell of a man. She needs to know. It isn't fair."
"There's nothing she can do about it and it will only make her suffer needlessly."
"Don't you think it is about time she suffered about something?"
Edward angrily turned towards Alice and flung his hands in the air. "She's suffered! She's suffered enough."
"No, Edward. She only suffered the usual things, things we all went through: the burning, the eternal thirst, the aching need for blood. Those are selfish pains. I am talking about suffering for the choice she made, what she willingly turned her back on, regardless of the devastation it would cause other people."
"But to what purpose? How can knowing how miserably Charlie Swan exists make it better for Bella when there is nothing she can do about it? She can't reveal herself to him. The Volturi are watching for that. The minute she reveals herself, Charlie will be dead and we'd have to watch our backs forever."
"I don't expect her to do something about it, Edward. I want to give Bella a chance to grow up a little."
"Grow up? She's twenty-eight years old."
Alice shook her head. "She's emotionally stunted, just as you were stunted at seventeen. You didn't grow up until you fell in love with Bella and she with you. You know vampires need to experience strong emotion before maturation will come upon them. Look at your wife. She's still the careless, love struck teenager she was when she met you. Don't you think she deserves the chance to mature?"
"Listen Alice, I don't want her to be hurt."
Alice studied her brother thoughtfully and realized what a burden he carried. Of all of them, he was the only one whose mate chose immortality to be with him. It must be hard to know of all that she gave up for him even if she really didn't understand the extent of it herself.
"You know, Edward, sometimes pain is what pushes us to go where we need to be. Besides, there may be something we could do for Charlie. He is a good guy and his life has sucked through no fault of his own. I'd like to see something good happen to him."
"No, Alice."
Jasper rushed in the room at that moment with an arrested look on his face. "What's going on here?"
Alice held her hand out to her mate. "Edward and I are having an honest discussion, Jazz, nothing is wrong."
"I just sensed Edward was overwhelmed with fear. I thought we were under attack."
"No. We are safe," Alice reassured her husband but she looked curiously at her brother.
"What do you fear, Edward?"
He didn't answer.
Alice cocked her head and went on, "I bet I know. You fear that if Bella finds out what is happening to Charlie, she'll blame you and hate you for it."
Edward flung around and stared out the window into the forest that skirted their home in upstate New York. He didn't say anything but he was afraid. The longer time passed the more fear he had. He was sure she would one day realize the true consequences of her choice and then…then she'd leave him.
He was so focused on his inner turmoil he didn't hear Alice approach behind him until she put her hand on his shoulder. "Edward, listen to me…I've seen it…the longer you put this off, the worse the outcome. Please, do something soon or we'll all lose her. And if we lose her, the rest of us will lose you."
"No! I can't face it. No!"
They were at an impasse. The three vampires stood stone still and stared at each other for minutes. Alice and Edward were both firm in their resolve and were both determined to have their way. Jasper warily watched both.
Rosalie sat in her bedroom two floors above Alice's and Edward's confrontation and listened with a look of disgust on her face. Edward and his stubbornness were imperiling the well being of her family once again. She was getting mighty tired of it. She stood by all those times before and just let him have his way. This time, she was done with it. She shut the magazine she had been thumbing through and gracefully arose from her bed, opened her bedroom window and seconds later she was a mile away running through the forest, her face set determinedly.
"Bella, let's go hunting. I have a yen for grizzly bear. It's been such a long time since I've had some." Rosalie was smiling and at her most charming.
"There aren't any grizzlies in the Appalachians. Where do you plan to hunt them?" Bella was flattered that her normally stand-offish sister was suggesting a girl bonding activity for just the two of them.
"I thought we could hop on a flight to the west coast. Maybe even go to Goat Rocks. There's great hunting there. You've never been there, of course. I think you'd love it. It's amazing. You can roam for days and never run out of forest."
"Sounds great! Thanks." Bella was flattered that Rosalie asked her but her conscience added, "I should tell Edward, though."
"I can leave a voice mail for the boys. They won't be back from the Shenandoah for several days. They don't have any cell reception where they are. Anyway, we'll probably be back home before they will be."
Edward and Emmett had gone off on an expedition to find the family's next place of residence. There were many factors that needed to be investigated before they settled on a new location and the only way they could get the information they needed was by personally reconnoitering the area. Alice and Esme were doing the same thing in Maine. Carlisle and Jasper were inspecting another location in Canada. Rosalie and Bella had already scrutinized a place in Vermont but had quickly decided it wouldn't suit, so they were the first team back at the family home.
"That's all good, then." Bella smiled in excitement. She still liked to surprise Edward by doing things that were unexpected and he would never expect her to go hunting for grizzly with Rosalie. Rosalie smiled, as well but for another reason. The fish was nosing the hook.
A few hours later they were flying westward.
They landed in Portland, Oregon in the early morning hours the next day, several hours before sunrise. Then, they caught a flight on a local carrier for a short hop to Olympia. When they landed, Rosalie rented an SUV with tinted windows. Alice had told them they would be in direct sunlight for most of the next day and they'd have to keep to the vehicle until night time.
Bella and Rosalie spent most of the journey chatting about inconsequential things until Rosalie mentioned something that happened when they last lived in the Pacific Northwest, something that Bella would have remembered as well, even though she had been a human at the time.
"Emmett and I loved to go to dances but the last time we ever went to one was the Prom at Forks High. Do you remember that? You were still recovering from your broken leg."
Bella knit her brows, thinking. "Those times are sort of fuzzy to me. It was before." She waved her hand up and down over her body to indicate her changed form.
"Duh. Of course it was—you were injured then. You wouldn't have been so vulnerable after. Don't you remember that hideous cast you had to wear?"
"I think I do. It's like looking through water, though."
"I remember Alice had to help you dress and bathe while you recuperated. She even had to carry you down those stairs in your father's house when he wasn't looking." Rosalie chuckled.
"Yes. I remember that." Bella wasn't smiling. Another memory came to her mind, this one was crystal clear. It was the face of her father when she told him she was leaving. It had all been a ruse to throw James, the tracker vampire, off. It was to protect Charlie but he didn't know that. Bella could remember the agony on her dad's face clearly now. All other memories receded into the back ground.
Bella was silent for a while and then she said, "Do you think there are grizzlies in the peninsula as well as Goat Rocks?"
Rosalie internally cheered. Bella'd completely taken the bait; now to reel her in. "Sure. They're all over the place in this part of the world."
"Could we go back there? To Forks? I'd like to see it again."
"Sure. We only have to turn right rather than left up ahead. It's about the same distance."
A few hours later, the ever present overcast made it safe for the two to leave the SUV parked at a rest stop. They took off through the surrounding forest, walking at first and when they knew they were out of sight of anyone, started running. It wasn't long before they were on the outskirts of Forks.
They had been racing through a thick forest and bounded over a river when suddenly they found themselves in a familiar place. The old Cullen house still looked pretty much the same but the surrounding field was hugely overgrown. Bella had never seen it before as a vampire. Her change had taken place in Canada and it had been deemed wiser not to return to places she had been as a human.
"Wow. I remember this now…" Bella gaped at the beautiful contemporary house with the large windows and wooden frame. But it looked empty—a shell. Lifeless.
A curious sense of melancholy started to overshadow Bella's heart. It reminded her of something else.
She turned to Rosalie and asked, "Do you think my dad is still in Forks?"
"I haven't heard otherwise. How old would he be now?"
"Fifty-six, I think. He's getting close to retirement age, I suppose."
"We can always go peek and see."
"Do you think we can? Will the Volturi know?"
"They won't care unless we reveal ourselves to him. That, you can't do. You know what the consequences will be if you do but there's no harm in checking on him."
So, Rosalie and Bella started running through the forest along a path only they could see but one that Edward used to run more than once a day while Bella was human. When they got close to Charlie's house, Rosalie stopped and let Bella go on without her.
"Be careful, Bella. Don't let him see you."
"I won't."
It was late afternoon so Bella didn't expect to find Charlie at home. If he had the same schedule he had when she lived with him he probably was still at work. She found she was eager to sneak into her old home and remind herself of her human past. She never cared to think about it before.
No. It wasn't that she didn't care. She had just never thought about it.
That was weird, wasn't it?
She had embraced the vampiric life so emphatically, she never looked back. She had Edward. The love she felt for him was still all encompassing; it was almost all she could think about. She didn't need anything else.
She hadn't thought that maybe there may have been others who had needed her.
She was surprised when she arrived in the clearing where her old house was. The lawn was ragged and the neighboring forest was encroaching. The house looked run-down, as if there was no one to care for it any longer. That was strange. Her dad had been so diligent at trimming the lawn and keeping the house tidy.
Frissons of worry started to nag at her. Was her dad okay?
There was no one around to see her, and figuring the doors were locked, she decided to enter the way Edward used to, through her old bedroom window. In a flash, she was up the wall and pushing on the window. It protested as it rose.
In another moment she was inside.
She stood in the center of her old room and turned in a circle. It was exactly as she had left it when she moved out the day of her wedding. The tags she had cut from a new shirt were still lying on her dresser. The old computer still sat on the desk with the serviceable lamp. The purple bed linens were spread across the bed. The only difference she could discern was there was a layer of dust on everything. She had the disturbing feeling that no one had entered her room since the day she left it.
She opened her bedroom door and looked out into the hallway. It was the same, down to the runner that ran from the bathroom down to her dad's room, although it was more threadbare than she remembered.
She peeked into the bathroom. Everything was the same, if a little grungy at the edges like a half hearted effort was spent in cleaning now and then.
The feeling of anxiety that had been growing since Rosalie mentioned Forks was now a real presence in her heart.
Bella slowly trod down the hallway, half afraid of what she would find in her dad's bedroom, or what she wouldn't find: a life that was growing and changing as time passed. So far it was as though her old house was a museum, no longer a home.
Once again, there were no changes in her dad's bedroom. Even the birthday card she had given him the month before she got married ten years ago was still propped up on his dresser.
"Dad, what is going on here?" Bella whispered.
Downstairs Bella found the same. There was no evidence that life was being lived in this house.
She peeked into the refrigerator and saw nothing but a six pack of Reiner and a dozen frozen dinners in the freezer. There weren't even any packages of frozen fish, a sure sign that her dad didn't fish any longer.
The living room was the same, as well. The only change she could see was the depression in the cushion of her dad's easy chair was deeper.
"Dad? What have you done?" Bella's voice was a soft wail.
Just then she heard the rumble of a car pulling up the hill that led to the house. She peeked out of the window and saw a police cruiser pulling into the driveway. Bella quickly ran upstairs and into her old room. She figured that would be the last place he'd go. She heard a car door slam and then his heavy steps come up the walk, then up the stairs and to the front door.
She hopped out of her old bedroom window. The sun had set now and the gloom was deep in the yard. Bella kept to the shadows of the trees and saw when he turned on the kitchen light. She could hear him punch the buttons on the microwave. She moved so that she could peer in through the window over the sink to see him once again. It had been ten years since she had last done so, when he waved good bye as she and Edward left on their honeymoon. She was ashamed that she hadn't thought of him once in the intervening years.
Suddenly he appeared in the kitchen window, seemingly staring directly at her and she was stunned.
He wasn't a man in the vibrancy of his manhood any longer. He was old. His once dark brown hair was grey and the wrinkles were deep on his face, along his mouth and his forehead. He still had a moustache but it was grey to match his hair. He looked drawn and haggard, but what was worse than his aged appearance was the look on his face—utter sadness.
She immediately knew who was to blame for this.
She was.
She did this to him.
She couldn't bear the guilt, so she turned and ran.
She wasn't aware of anything but the searing pain in her heart as the trees flew by her. How could she have forgotten him? How could she have been so wrapped up in her own desires that she wasn't aware of the agony she'd put her dad through?
What in the hell was wrong with her?
She ran without thinking the way she had come and was soon back at the old Cullen house but this time there was a truck pulled up to the house. A familiar figure was leaning against the hood, another was sitting in a wheel chair next to it. They both looked like they smelled something rancid.
She stopped as though she had run into a wall and stared.
Jacob and Billy Black looked intently back at her.
Then in a broken voice, she cried out to them, "I did that."
The two Quileute men just watched her, their expressions stern and uncompassionate.
"I did that to my dad." Bella put her head in her hands and sobbed, though she could shed no tears.
After a few moments, Billy signaled to Jake. The young man stood and walked closer to Bella and waited for her to notice he was there.
She looked up, her golden eyes gazing desperately into his dark brown ones.
"Bella, do you want to fix it?"
"What? How can I fix it? I can't reveal myself to him."
"No, but your 'spirit' can."
"What do you mean?"
"If you really had gone on your great journey instead of choosing the unnatural death you did," Jake couldn't hide his sneer, "You could have consoled your father from beyond."
"How? That's impossible."
Jake snorted and said, "I guess there was a time when you'd have said vampires and shape shifters were impossible, too."
Bella paused. "You mean I would have visited my dad as a ghost had I actually died?"
"You could call it that. You can do it now, at least you can make it seem that way."
"But how will that console him?"
Billy rolled a little closer."You can give him permission to go on with his life. Or kick him in the ass. Whichever seems best."
"How?"
Billy said, "The only thing Charlie has ever said about losing you is that he likes going to sleep because that's when he dreams about you. So, wait until he goes to sleep and then sneak into his room and talk to him. He'll think he's dreaming and then you can set him straight. Do it, Bella. Make it right."
Having said what they came to say, Billy swung his chair around and Jacob helped him into the truck.
"Wait, tell me how you've been." Bella was desperate to reconnect with them now.
Jacob turned to her, lifted his head and said, "We've been human, Bella. That's what we've been. How about you?" His words were filled with rancor and he stared at Bella as though he hated her. It was like she had been doused with a bucket of ice water.
"We were good friends once," Bella whimpered.
"Once, but never again. You made your choice. Now you need to live with it, not just for the rest of your life but for all eternity. Hope you have a wonderful time." The sarcasm was heavy and bitter as he stared her down. Then without saying another word, he climbed into the cab of the truck and drove away.
Another sob ripped through Bella's chest and she collapsed on the ground. For the first time since changing, she wished she could cry. She tore at the ground with her hands and pressed her face into the overgrown weeds that covered the once beautiful lawn.
"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god." Pain lanced her heart, her mind, her soul—if she really had one. "What did I do to him? What did I do?"
"Bella."
Bella lifted her head to find Rosalie gazing down at her.
"Did you know?" she cried.
"Did I know that you left desolation in your wake when you chose this life? Yes. Did I know you hadn't a fucking clue? Yes. Did I think you should? Most certainly."
"But why did no one tell me?"
Rosalie laughed grimly. "We did, but you wouldn't listen. You wanted to be with Edward forevah."
"I did. I still do, but I don't want my dad to suffer."
"Someone had to suffer."
"But not him. It wasn't his fault."
"You have to try to fix it."
Bella stood up and clenched her fists at her side and said determinedly, "I will."
It was just another endless day for Charlie Swan.
He came home from work and trudged into the kitchen, flipped on the light and opened the freezer. He didn't even look as he grabbed a frozen dinner and shuffled over to the microwave. He stood and watched the numbers count down until the beep.
Pulling the dinner out, he grabbed a fork, peeled off the plastic and stood over the sink to eat. It wasn't anything different than he'd done thousands of times over the years. And he'd probably do it for a thousand more before the end.
He stared out into the darkness and mechanically chewed his food.
Something caught his eye.
Out in the yard, there was a shape, like a person was looking at the house, or more specifically, at him standing in the house looking out of the window. It was a woman's shape. It looked like Bella.
His heart clenched. He blinked his eyes but when he refocused, whatever it was, was gone.
Now he was having hallucinations? He shook his head in disgust. Lord, would this hell ever end?
He sighed, decided he wasn't hungry, dumped the remainder of his dinner in the garbage and grabbed a beer out of the fridge.
Tonight was ESPN. Maybe there'd be a decent game on.
Maybe not.
It didn't matter. He sat and stared at the TV as he always did, barely registering what he was watching.
Before too long, it was time for bed. Charlie went upstairs, did his usual, then climbed between the covers to sleep and soon he was dreaming about sun dappled woods and gurgling streams.
He was looking for something in this forest. He wasn't sure what it was but it was a lovely day and he could breathe deeply. He started to run, moving faster and faster. He had a feeling that what he was searching for was just ahead.
His heart was pounding, his mind spinning. In his dream, he felt excitement and anticipation for the first time in many years.
"Dad…"
Was that her voice?
"Dad?"
It was. Oh, God, it was his Bella. Tears began to seep out of his sleeping eyes and drip down his face.
"Bella?"
As far as he could tell, he was standing in the middle of his dream forest and her voice came from somewhere near him. He couldn't see her but he knew it was her. His heart could feel her nearby.
"Dad what are you doing?"
"I'm…I dunno…I'm in a forest?"
"No dad, what are you doing with your life?
What a strange thing for her to ask. "Living it, I guess."
"No. You aren't. You are wasting your life. I hate that you are choosing that. I hate it."
"I work," Charlie whined.
"And?"
"I…I work."
"Dad, you're making me mad. You still have a life. Don't waste it. Get out there and live it. Go fishing with Billy. Go to a ball game. Do something fun."
"Nothing's fun without you."
"That's not true. There are a lot of fun things you did without me before."
"Yeah. Well, knowing you were here made it fun."
"Dad…dad, I am still here. You can still talk to me. I still listen. I will always be there. Always."
Suddenly Charlie opened his eyes to find he was in his darkened bedroom. He sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed to rest on the floor.
Man.
That dream was so real. He could still hear the last words she said reverberating in the room. He shook as he put his head in his hands. Bella told him she was always there. She was mad at him for moping around. It's been ten years.
Maybe it was time.
For the first time in ten years, Charlie opened the door to his deceased daughter's bedroom. Week sunlight filtered in through the windows and he walked slowly around the room looking at what Bella had left behind the morning before she of her wedding all those years ago.
He sighed heavily and stared.
There were some small papers on the dresser. He went to look at them but found they weren't anything special, just price tags for something Bella must have bought before her honeymoon. He was turning away when he caught his breath. Something was written in the dust across the dresser top. Something in Bella's hand writing.
It said, "Go, Live."
And so, he went out there and did.
Six months later.
Bella sat in their bedroom that overlooked the north fork of the Shenandoah River and scrolled through a webpage on her lap top. For the first time since they married, she and Edward were living on their own. Though they weren't too far from the family compound, they found they enjoyed the privacy a small cottage perched on the side of the Massanutten Mountain afforded them. In this little house, they found they were finally completely in sync.
"Edward!" she called, a grin on her face.
In a second, Edward was at her side.
Pointing at the computer screen she said, "Look, Edward, my dad got remarried."
There was a picture of Charlie smiling into the camera as he escorted a lovely woman out of the doors of a church. The caption said, "Local police chief, Charlie Swan, married lifelong friend, Sue Clearwater, Saturday at the Forks Presbyterian Church. After a two week honeymoon cruise to Alaska, the happy couple will make their residence in Forks. Congratulations Chief and Mrs. Swan."
"How does that make you feel, Bella?" Edward was always concerned about how Bella would react to things. He was realizing now that sometimes he was a little overly concerned but, finally, he had learned to ask rather than jump to conclusions.
She thought about his question as she stared at the happy face of her father in the picture for a bit and then said in one word.
"Relieved."
Looking up at her devoted husband, she smiled happily and said, "Let's go hunt."