Author: T. Slanzar

Summary: Alternate Universe. Shuichi and Yuki parted ways threeyears ago. As Shuichi is cleaning out his apartment, he finds something addressed to him from the past.

Notes: I got this idea from my friend's ramblings and a personal experience. The whole 'girl and guy in the book' thing comes from a Gilmore Girls episode that my friend made me watch when she was nursing a broken heart. I'm sorry, Caity.

Let Yourself Be Happy Now

Chapter One

Shuichi Shindou groaned. He hated cleaning. He hated taking out boxes, going through their contents and throwing useless things away.

Most of all, though, he hated moving.

Boxes and papers littered the hardwood floors of his apartment.

"I hate you!" The pink-haired boy screamed crazily at a box. He picked up the object in question and dumped everything in it out onto the floor.

He immediately regretted this action.

Sitting there on the floor, oh-so-innocently, was a pack of cigarettes that Shuichi had been hiding from...

"Oh," he murmured, grabbing the flurry of papers along with the cigarettes and depositing them back in the cardboard box. "Oh."

Sniffling, Shuichi kicked the box away from himself with his foot and stood shakily. "Still...haven't gotten over it, have I?" With a maniac grin, he moved towards the door, but found that the world was spinning, so he steadied himself on his bookshelf.

And said shelf promptly fell forwards, spilling books and breaking glass trinkets.

Shuichi gasped in surprise and slid down against the wall, his hand finding something strangely coarse in his hand.

Looking down, he found that it was a white envelope covered in a thick layer of dust. Furrowing his brow, he brushed the gray off to find that it simply had his name on it in dark blue ink.

'Shuichi Shindou'

Ever so slowly, he peeled back the cover flap to find two pages of paper bleeding of the same blue ink.

The slightly yellowed pages crinkled as he unfolded them.

'Shuichi,' the letter read,

'Funny how I'm supposed to have all of the answers; how I'm supposed to know exactly what to say. I'm a writer and my words cause ripples through people's minds every single day. And yet, I can't seem to explain to you... It's not as if I left it that way on purpose. And there I go again, not being able to finish one fucking sentence. Either way, I thought...no, you wouldn't, but...it was selfish. I wanted to tell you that...but...'

Here there were scribbles and blanked out words.

'It was just me, you know? And I know that I shouldn't be writing you or calling you or...but I'm not doing so great right now and...I was just wondering if you remember in that book that I wrote, Let Yourself Be Happy, and how the girl and the guy broke up because his friends had made fun of her and he hadn't said anything, and everything was crashing down around them and he was leaving so she yelled at him, so he broke up with her and she was so upset. And she wrote him a letter just like this one and asked him if he would come over and sit with her because he was her best friend and she needed him and he did. And they talked all night and he asked her to go away with him and it was alright for a while, but later it was a complete disaster but they were together so they thought it was okay...don't feel stupid if you don't remember because I'm sure you probably didn't even read it because you were so busy with your singing and I'm sure you're too busy now to be reading this so I'm not even sure why I'm...and I didn't know anything about it. When you asked me...and I couldn't answer and I couldn't make you stay when you asked because I didn't know and...and I was just sitting here thinking about it because I was just...sitting here and I couldn't stop thinking about and I just...Could...I thought of calling you and I...please...'

There was another section of blotted out words and sentences, bleeding holes in the paper.

'I'm so sorry,'

Shuichi nearly dropped the paper in shock. Tears were already making their way down his face.

'I'm so sorry, Shuichi. I will never, ever bother you again. I was hurting and I knew...I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. I just...It's not okay. It's not okay. It won't ever be okay. But I'm not it, Shuichi. I'm not it. I could never be the one who falls apart and calls his ex-boyfriend to come and save him. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have even thought...It could never be me. I'm not it. Never it. I couldn't tell you from before, but now it's over and it's done and...I'm not it and I'm sorry, but I thought you'd probably know that already and...'

The letter was cut off and Shuichi noticed the unevenness of the paper at the end and the clearly dried ink that had blurred the end of the message.

Drops were already falling onto the sheet and Shuichi recoiled quickly, shoving the paper out of his hands and wiping his face with his sleeve.

Biting back more tears, he picked up the second piece of paper. It wasn't anything like the first, written neatly in black ink and clearly had no water marks on it, nor any cross-outs.

'Shuichi Shindou,

If you're reading this right now and completely confused as to why I'm writing to you, never fear. I'll try to be brief. My name is Maiku Takajima. I'm twenty-four and I've been married to Eiri Yuki for two weeks. The 'engagement' lasted for about one year.'

Shuichi's eyes widened as he read on.

'I'm sure you're probably thinking that I'm crazy. After all, you were Yuki's lover and I...I'm sorry; I'm not quite sure how to put this. Touma Seguchi told me not to write to you, but I found the first page stuffed underneath Yuki's mattress at his apartment (yes, that's right; Yuki and I do not live together. I'll explain more in a moment) and I supposed that you should know the truth.

My husband is in love with you. Completely.

My, not exactly what you were expecting, right? Well, I was. Although we are technically married by law, we are not in love. I...I apologize; this is not exactly easy for me.

Yuki has been a dear friend to me since before he met you, so I'm completely aware of his past. I believe the only reason he agreed to marry me was because Touma said something stupid and cruel (as per usual).

The letter this note is attached to is from one month ago, when I gave birth to my little girl, Nina Takajima. She...her lungs collapsed a little over ten minutes after she was born. She died in her father's arms.'

Yuki, Shuichi mused.

'He fell into a depression not long after and would not come out of his room for nine days. Didn't eat, didn't sleep. He just cried and called for "Shuichi-kun." It was similar to his reaction when you left (I was not there at the time, for I was not fully communicating with either Yuki or Seguchi).

Touma informed me that he'd written a letter similar to the one I've sent you after your departure, but that Yuki had taken it to the park and burned it with his lighter.

Another instance similar happened a few days ago. Yuki set the curtains in his living room on fire.

Since then, Touma and I have decided to take him to the hospital. I have no way of helping him, and Touma has told me that it's no use. Not that I trust his views by the manipulative strings he has on everyone, but I myself have no idea what to do.

In case anything comes up, Eiri Yuki is staying in the Tsukujima Hospital, room 134. In case...you wish to visit or...

Either way, I apologize that this letter is so informal and most likely rude to you.

Have a happy day,

Maiku Takajima'

Scanning over the letter, Shuichi searched for the date.

September 17th, 2002.

Gasping for air, he thrust the paper away and scrambled to his kitchen for some water.

"What the hell is going on?"

Shaking, Shuichi grabbed his phone and punched in a few numbers. The moment the other line had been answered, he screamed, "Why didn't you tell me! Why didn't you call! Damn you, Touma!"

"Calm down, Shindou-san. What is this about?" Came the smooth reply.

"I hate you," Shuichi hissed, "You…what happened to him? Is he alright?"

Silence.

-fin