'I've Never Really Got It'

'Joey?'

'Yes Pacey?'

He leaned in closer, and she could feel the warmth from his arm that was draped around her shoulder. It felt nice, like a shelter from the cool evening air.

He hesitated, and she could feel the weight of his feet shifting. She turned her head slightly, and fixed her eyes on his.

'Pacey?'

His eyes turned around to the sea, and his free hand gripped the edge of the boat.

'This whole soul mate business...with Dawson'

'Pacey, I...'

'No, let me finish Jo'

'This whole soul mate business.' He said, his voice clear and strong.

'The way you two have always talked about it, I've never really got it. And now, since you chose to come away with me.'

He turned to face her.

'Me. Not Dawson. Since you chose to get into the True Love and sail away with me for the summer. Well, I don't get it at all'.

The inevitable Dawson conversation, she thought. Why couldn't Pacey just let it go? She had chosen him after all. Couldn't they just leave Dawson on dry land for now?

She shivered and wrapped her arms around herself, gently moving Pacey's arm away from her and turned to walk back inside.

'No, Jo, wait...'

He pressed his hand onto the small of her back. Damn it Pacey, she thought. The warmth of it, of him, made her slowly swing around and when she did his eyes were fixed on hers.

'Joey, what I never understood was why you two always thought you were soul mates. It was always Joey and Dawson this, Joey and Dawson that. When what it was really supposed to be, what it's been all along was Joey and Pacey.'

What could he mean? She thought. He took her hand and walked her gently towards the edge of the boat. The moonlight shimmered onto the water, gently rippling.

'Do you remember when we were kids Joey?' He said, looking out to the water. 'Before you'd moved in, and me and Dawson were about six years old. We were in Dawson's back yard playing, and Doug walked by, girlfriend in tow. Don't ask me how Doug managed to get a girlfriend...but anyway...they were kissing. And we, naturally thought it was gross.

Anyway, as we were playing, and we found a dead bird in the bushes. This we thought was cool, but we still didn't really want to touch it. Then Doug came over and started taunting us, daring whoever was manly enough should touch the bird. And me and Dawson just stood there, looking at this poor dead bird, each of us wanting to be the most manly to touch it. And then Dawson said, 'Whoever touches the bird is the manly man', and then he turned around and looked and Doug at his girlfriend. 'And whoever doesn't gets the girl'. It didn't even make sense, but being the boys boy that I was, I grabbed the bird and then dropped it to the ground again.

It was like in that moment, I had sealed my fate as the 'manly man'. And Dawson just nodded, his romantic little notions must have already filled his mind at such a young age, sealing his fate as the one who 'gets the girl'.

But the thing was, this the day that something else significant happened. Because this was the day that we both turned around as we heard the car pull up, as we saw the family with the little brunette girl get out. They one they told us was called 'Joey'. And although I was only six years old, I looked at her, and I knew. I knew how special she was to me.

And she looked at me. There was two of us boys standing there, blonde and dark, but she looked at me. And Dawson, for all he goes on about now about how romantic he is, wasn't occupied with her. He was more interested in all the things coming out of the car. But when Dawson saw the look on my face, and then looked over to the girl I could see that he liked her too. Not in the same way that I did, but more in a way of interest. She was a new thing. And I knew my place. I looked at Dawson and I nodded. He was the one who should get the girl, I thought. I couldn't be doing with girls, I was the manly one who had been so brave as to touch that bird.

And although it didn't make much sense, the feeling sort of stuck with us. He hung out with you, and I didn't much. Although you, and how I felt about you always lingered in the back of my mind, until I could hardly remember the whole thing with Doug and the bird. It was just how it was.'

Pacey paused, and turned around to face her.

'So do you see Joey? I know the whole story is sappy and ridiculous, but really, when you really look at it, it was always supposed to be me and you all along. That's why I've never got the whole song and dance you and Dawson make over being soul mates Jo.'

Joey couldn't believe what she was hearing. The whole story did seem sappy and ridiculous, but when she thought about it, she could remember it too. The two little boys in the back yard. But it was the boy with the scruffy chestnut hair and the large brown eyes that had caught her eye.

She looked at him, looking at her, and placed her arm on his, feeling that heat again. And her eyes rested on his. Those same large brown eyes. 'It really was you all along. Not Dawson'.

A wave of relief welled over her. The guilt about Dawson. Wandering whether she had done the right thing, with all the talk about her and Dawson being soul mates, when deep down she always knew that wasn't the case at all. Pacey was her soul mate.

'You know I always liked you too, right? I don't think I really knew it, but I did.'

She held onto his hand.

'That time when you kissed me after we had to wade through all the marsh together? You almost got me then, but I didn't quite realise it at the time.'

Pacey grinned, and his eyes closed for a split second and then opened and rested on hers. And then her leaned in, his hands cradling her face, and kissed her gently on the lips.

From above, you could see the two lovers, like two shadows, embracing in a kiss on the deck, as the True Love drifted softly on the moonlit sea.