One shot crack fic. Regina has a little too much to drink at Emma and Mary-Margaret's Welcome Home party..

Enjoy!

Overflowing glasses of beer clanked together throughout the night, and cheers erupted as toasts were made to celebrate the return of Emma and Mary-Margaret, and welcome them home.

When no one was paying attention to her, Emma slipped through the crowd and made her way to one of the booths by the window, where Henry was sitting by himself. She sat opposite him, grinning widely at her son.

"Hey, Henry."

He smiled, but he looked sheepish. "Hi."

She gave him a quick suspicious glance before asking, "Where's Your mom? Wasn't she here with you a minute ago?"

Henry sighed. "She's in the bathroom." He paused and Emma raised her eyebrows waiting for an for him to continue. "Throwing up."

Emma furrowed her eyebrows. "What?"

"She's kind of, uh..."

It was at that moment when the brunette came stumbling out of the bathroom and staggered across the diner, just about keeping her balance. Her usually tanned skin was now pale in colour, and her jet black hair was sticking up. Her eyeliner was starting to run and her lips no longer painted a deep red. She tried her best to compose herself and walk with her usual elite manor, but the excessive amount of alcohol in her system making it nearly impossible.

Emma put her head in one of her hands in embarrassment. "You can't be serious." She muttered to herself.

After several attempts at trying to pull herself onto one of the bar stools, Regina finally sat down, legs crossed and arms folded on the counter.

"One large whiskey please." She drawled.

Granny shook her head. "Sorry, Regina, but I think you've had enough, don't you?"

Regina narrowed her eyes. She was swaying slightly on the stool. "You know what?" She leaned an elbow on the side and pointed a finger in the air. "I have had enough." She swivelled around so that she was facing the rest of the people in the diner, and pointed in their general direction. "Enough of these bitches." Her speech was starting to slur more and more with each sentence.

She grinned at the gasps and whispers coming from the patrons. Mary-Margaret and David looked at each other with their mouths open and an angry Leroy shouted. "Then leave, we don't want you here anyway! Emma inviting you was a bad idea." He was holding the knife in his hand that he had picked up when Regina first walked in.

Grabbing onto the counter side she tried to manoeuvre herself off the stool to get to Lerory and tell him exactly what she thought of him. But instead, the completely inebriated and disoriented mayor lost her balance, and went crashing onto the floor.

"MOTHERFUCKER." She shouted.

The word choice caused Mary-Margaret to put a hand over her mouth and her eyes grew wide, almost popping out of her skull.

It was time for Emma to intervene. She quickly slid from the booth and knelt down beside the the brunette, who was rubbing her forehead (there was no doubt going to be a bruise there tomorrow) and cursing under her breath.

She put her hand around her silk covered arm. "Regina-"

"DON'T" she snatched her arm away, "touch me." She lifted her head in an attempt to regain some of her authority, and looked down her nose at Emma. "Do you know who I am?"

"An embarrassment." Emma retorted.

"I am the Queen."

Emma rolled her eyes. "Yeah, okay." She reached out and took Regina's arm again and dragged her to her feet, this time ignoring her protests. "Come on."

"Miss Swan." She slurred.

Emma practically dragged the older woman outside and sat her down at one of the tables. "You're a really vexatious drunk, you know that?"

"And you're fucking annoying without being drunk." Regina remarked.

"Wow, verbally abusive too." She shook her head and threw her hands up in the air. "Seriously, Regina? I invited you here to spend time with Henry, not get completely wasted!"

The brunette groaned in pain. "My head hurts."

"Yeah, that tends to happen when you face plant a hard surface."

Regina started to stand up.

"Where do you think you're going?" Emma asked.

She ignored her.

Emma watched, amused, as Regina tried to walk back towards the diner. She was extremely unstable and was so intoxicated she didn't realise she was only wearing shoe, the other discarded from her fall from the bar stool. It was when an invisible gravitational force appeared to pull Regina almost to the other end of the outdoor dining area, that Emma had to run up and catch her before she went crashing onto the ground for the second time that night. As expected, Regina pushed her away and slipped back into the diner, Emma following behind with her bottom lip between her teeth.

Leroy was the first to turn around and see her. "Not you again!"

"Shut up, Leroy." Emma spat back.

David quickly made his way over to the older, drunk woman. "Regina, why don't you come and and sit down-"

She jumped back and threw her arms up in the air dramatically, as if something vile and terrifying just touched her. "Get back, Shepard boy."

David put his hands up in surrender. The atmosphere in the diner started to grow quiet and slightly awkward as the brunette stumbled around, verbally abusing anyone in her eyeline.

She made her way over to a table, tripping and almost falling onto it, and picked up a half empty glass of beer, and started tapping a spoon she had also found on the table against the glass. "I would like to make a toast." She announced.

"To the residents of Storybrooke," She held up the glass in front of her. A few people also held up their glasses hesitantly, feeling pressured to do so by the glare she was giving them. She then grinned, her Evil Queen grin and said with the upmost sincerity in her voice, "Fuck you all. Thank you, and goodnight." She then downed the glass and without warning fell, once more, onto the floor. This time unconscious.

Emma cringed as everyone looked at her, gob smacked. And she couldn't help but giggle to herself as she watched the peacefully sleeping woman on the floor. "Well, shit."

Thanks for reading! This really wasn't to be taken seriously haha. Reviews would be greatly appreciated! xo

P.S I may write a part two for this, haven't decided yet though.