Dear Mommy,
today was one of the longest days of my life.
Today I lost my best friend, I lost my job, my team and friends.
I saw the empty spaces of the CBI, and I felt like when dad threw all your clothes away.
Today I felt really alone.
My best friend killed the man who destroyed his life many years ago.
You always used to tell me that revenge is like a drop of poison you drink every single day, until it will eventually kill you.
I always tried to keep that in mind in my job, mom.
And I tried to avoid that kind of end for my best friend.
But at a certain point, I had to choose between being his colleague and partner at work, and being just his best friend.
And when he asked me to give him my gun, I felt like he was asking me to be just his friend. And when I had to choose if I had to help him escape the FBI, I knew the answer all along.
I know killing a man is wrong, and I will always have to deal with the fact that I helped my best friend doing so. But Jane didn't deserve to find his little daughter and his wife dead, either. So you see my dilemma.
I prayed and I thought about you so much, mom. I asked for your help, and in the end the only decision I could take was that I had to help my best friend.
By helping him, I lost everything. It's incredible how your life can change so much in an instant. It was like when dad told me you weren't coming home, not that day, not ever.
Looking at my empty office, I suddenly missed you so much, mom.
And I wish you could be here, I wish I could listen to your soothing voice telling me that everything is going to be all right. That I will find another place to stay, that I will see my team and friends again. That I will see my best friend again. I hope he is alive, he is all right. I hope he didn't give up on life. And one day, who knows...
You always used to tell me that miracles happen the moment we decide to make them happen. That if I have faith, if I am strong, everything is going to be all right, eventually.
It's just that today, today it's been such a long, exhausting day. I have little faith today.
I'm so sorry, I know you don't like seeing me like this, mom.
I promise I will face this hard time, like I did in the past. And I will take care of myself. I promise. I won't disappoint you.
Tonight, I will keep your cross a little closer to my heart.
I wish you could be here right now, mommy.
I love you always,
Reese.