Your Final Moments

Horaki Hikari

2002-2015

Rest in peace my child. May your innocence

grace the heavens with your everlasting goodness.

Quivering and shaking, are you? You must want nothing more than the blade caressing against your supple neck to stop touching you. You want the tip to stop trailing your face. Ah, you're trembling in fear at the reflection of your own mangled and gagged face. Pretty blade, isn't it? It's your favourite butchering blade, or shall I say, it was your favourite butchering blade. You can cook well, they say. Asuka often bragged about how your cooking was more sublime than anyone else's. But in a few moments, that would all change. You see, in a few moments, this blade will hack your limbs to pieces and sever your neck, like the pig you are.

Don't look with such stricken eyes. You know exactly why you deserve this.

Acting like a confused, innocent girl, are you?

Don't lecture me on who's innocent and who's not.

Your teary eyes won't persuade anyone anymore. You won't find your protective Touji in here. You won't find your sisters or your father anywhere either. All alone, bound and beaten, and all you're thinking about is that you're innocent? Don't be such a hypocrite.

Everyone sees you as a normal girl, who happens to be a class rep, and who has a crush on Touji. Your father works at NERV in a boring desk job, and spends much time with his girls at home. Your older sister Kodama is quite an independent girl. You should look up to her, pig. At least she isn't a monster like you really are. Then there's your younger sister, always the innocent angel. You always knew she looked up to you. Too bad her favorite role model will be nothing but a bag of chopped meat by the time you're done.

Your skin is so soft… if you weren't so abominable I would have let you live, at least. But no. You just had to do those unspeakable acts. You just had to manipulate each and everyone around you. And how you wrapped Touji around your finger, made him your boy-toy, and order him around for only your benefit. You don't even deserve to live on as a pleasure toy. The only thing you'll look forward upon is the moment I cut out your eyes and boil them for you to eat. Let your wasteful sins wash away in the suffering that is about to come.

If you just hadn't done what you've done, if you just continued to play the role of an innocent girl, you wouldn't be in this situation, with death just around the corner. Your fake attempt at having regret won't fool anyone. You just deserved a new bruise.

Oh, don't be such a crybaby. That was just an appetizer. The main course is about to come.

You wonder how anyone would know those secrets you worked so hard for to conceal. It is obvious in your stunned expression. Why, how, when, you ask through the gag. Heavens hope your tongue relishes in the taste of your last victim's dirty briefs. It was hard to obtain after you so ruthlessly dealt with him. But you never had the compassion to pity him. You never wrapped up your loose ends. Did you think all the fun you gained would come so easily?

You're just an idiot.

You never noticed the shadow that followed your trails, the dark passenger who sat in the carriage next to you, or the window that was always open. You've been followed longer than you thought, girl. In fact, it was even easier to follow you around than anyone else. So carefree, so cautious, so certain, you never looked beyond your own calculated possibilities and think outside the box. No, you're just as nearsighted as Kensuke without glasses.

That was also your fault, wasn't it? How scrupulously you replaced Kensuke's glasses on the day of the gym examination. As you know, and as you expected, he failed miserably in all points without his sight. All intended to further your gains. That wasn't the only thing you've done to him. Did you never check behind the teacher's desk if anyone was there, when you oh so casually slipped the answers for the upcoming history exam under his personal desk? Everyone must admit, you had done some convincing acting when you acted like a proper teacher's pet. Flinging your hair around, and yelling and pointing at a suspicious white slip protruding from under Kensuke's desk. It produced exactly the consequences you desired. Thinking no one was peeking around the corner, you made a victorious twirl and put up a huge grin at the news Kensuke would be expelled for the entire week, missing all his exams.

It was even worse when you visited his apartment. Again, you were unaware of watchful eyes following your every move. And again, you were not suspicious enough to wonder why the window was open. With hidden ears listening just behind you, you made a supposed compassion-filled speech to your supposed dearest friend Kensuke. Gullible as he was, he was enthralled by your gesture of friendship. What a snake you are.

Were your words not something like this?

"Kensuke, I'm terribly sorry for you.", you started with your sniveling play.

In near desperation, Kensuke replied, "But Hikari, I didn't do it! It wasn't me! I never stole the answers from the teacher's room at all."

"Look Kensuke, it's no use denying you ever done it. You should take responsibility for your actions and just.. start over again."

"But I didn't do it! Someone.. someone must have set me up! But who could do such as thing to me?!"

Oh how oblivious Kensuke was.

"Stop it now. I don't care how badly you deny for what you've done, but you got to face it like a man. Look at me."

Certainly the sight of a tear-stricken Kensuke, with his leaking nose and his awful expression must have delighted you inside. Careful of slipping out any secrets, you continued to assume the role of a class rep and a friend. How despicable.

"Look at me Kensuke and tell me right in the face you did it. Tell me, Kensuke."

"But.."

"If you won't admit now, I'll never talk to you again. And Touji might think the same after I have a little chat with him.."

"No! Nonono.. how could this happen to me?!"

"It was your entire fault. Say it."

"I.. I-I.."

Making a soft face, soothing him with gentle touches, you slowly lured him into your lies. Careful, measured pats to his back, and his arm, slowly enticed him. After all, it was not every day that a girl would make skin contact with him. You whore.

"Please, Kensu. I'm here for you. It'll be alright.."

"A-Alright Hikari.. it was me.. It was all me! I did it, alright?! Oh I don't know how but I was the one who did it.."

"There there Kensuke-kun.. Shhh…"

It was a disgusting sight. You manipulated his downfall, and afterwards you tactfully seduced him into admitting a crime he hadn't done. The sounds of his sobs were overshadowed by your careful pecks on his red cheeks. Delirious, Kensuke leaned even closer to you, hoping to capture some warmth from a monster who never possessed warmth. To add to the touch, you even stroked his unwashed hair, his feeble back, his gauntly legs. Yes, Kensuke was completely in your control, and you could make him believe anything you tell him, and do everything you want him to. Oh I've seen that ungodly smirk when you hugged him. It was the smirk of a devious victory.

Well, let's wipe off that quivering expression of yours. It's time you pay for what you did to poor Kensuke. Look, over there, over by the corner. See that lovely array of blades? Your butchering blade isn't the only thing that's missing from your kitchen. What tool would be used for your next torture.. hmm…

Ah, this one here. A slim one this is, but stiff nonetheless. That's quite suitable for what is about to happen to you. Do you want to take a closer look? Here, have a good look at your first torture instrument. It wasn't one of your favorites, was it? Well, such won't matter. After all, this is not your turn to cook.

See the gleaming silver that is about to bring you pain? Relish the sight, for you'll wish you were never born after I'm through with you.

Ah, hold still! Don't scream, and don't shake around like that. Stop now, or I'll make this endure ten times as longer!

…

There. Just bear with it, will you? After all, it isn't like you don't deserve it. Hold your arms still, like this.. don't move, or else it'll go wrong and you'll be in much more pain. Can't have that, eh? You mustn't suffer too fast. Where is the fun in that?

You must be feeling the smooth, cool surface of the cold blade sliding over your arms, your wrists, circling your fingers before finally arriving at the tips. How does it feel to hear the grating sound of this blade casually caressing your nails? It feels horrid, doesn't it? Can you feel the slight pressure being exerted on those nails? It must be excruciating. You're anticipating now. It's obvious in your silent expectation you have on your face. You know exactly what is about to happen.

Well, let's not disappoint you.

Oh, the screams! Shut up, witch! It isn't that awful having a nail pulled out from your finger! Don't wail on me now. You're splashing the blood all over yourself. Stop it, now.

There. Now lets move on to the next finger.

Oh, c'mon, it's the same what happened with your other finger! Don't shake and shiver like that, you'll make the mess even worse!

Bear with me, Hikari. Only eight more fingers to go. Pop, there goes another one. Pop, another one. Isn't it such a pretty sight, seeing all those blood soiled nails flying around the room before settling on the cold metal floor? Keep crying, dumb pig. You don't deserve anything else. Now there, we're finished with this hand. Let's move on to the next.

Your hands were always so small, so soft. In another time, and if things would have happened differently, you'd be dreaming of caressing your sweet husband's face. Touji, the perfect man. Just the stallion you always wanted. You'd feed him strawberries, and pop them right into his mouth. You'd sliver those delicate fingers all over his chest, going lower and lower…

But that will never happen. Touji would never want these broken and blood stained fingers to touch even an inch of him. Keep crying, keep crying!

All finished now. That wasn't so bad wasn't it? Let's wrap up your nail-deprived fingers. Wouldn't want you to bleed to death before your punishment is complete, wouldn't you?

How pleasurable it is to wrap your fingers. It really is quite delicate. So easy to.. break. Oh, don't shake at me like that. Oh, so you really want it to..? Yes, that's an excellent idea Hikari. You'll get exactly what you want. Just hold them still and it'll be over quick.

What a lovely sound that crack was. You never expected your finger to break so easily, did you? But don't you think all that screaming and sobbing is getting a little tired? Rest your throat. You'll need it later.

Ah, another crack, and another, and another! What a lovely sight it is, seeing your own fingers completely bent in the wrong way, hanging by the skin in a limp. Let's wipe off those tears. It must be bothering you. There there, Hikari. It'll be all right. Hmm… your salty tears are delicious. Can you feel the tongue tracing your eyes, your cheeks, and your jaw? You wished it was Touji's tongue, right? Well, you don't deserve him. Be glad I'm even doing this favor for you.

Sigh.. you're nothing but a lowlife for what you did to Kensuke. You planned it all to happen. You achieved all what you wanted with Kensuke, exactly the way it was supposed to be.

And for what? For the extremely selfish purpose of making him do the same year over again, together with your lovely boyfriend Touji. Ah, Touji, he was never quite the same after what happened with his sister.

Oh, but that was supposed to be your greatest achievement, wasn't it?

Yes, you're not the only one who knows.

Those lurking eyes, always in the shadows, always behind you, had been looking into your past. How surprisingly easy it was to sneak inside Section 2's tape storage room, and sneak out with the right tape. You must be wondering which crime it was that exposed you on the camera. You were always so careful, so cautious. That a mere clip from a security camera could even expose you is a thought that must have never occurred to you. Well, you're too narrow-sighted. Sometimes, you just have to look up to see the eyes you never see.

Let's play the tape. You must be dying to see what and where it was being taped. Oh yes, quite literally dying when this session is over..

There, the tape is in. Look at the screen, Hikari. Do you recognize it now? The falling debris, the chaos of those streaming people, all franticly holding their children, entering the safe protection of the bunker you were in charge of. Keeping your face calmly composed, you ordered them to stop running. You referred them to several chambers, exactly as you were told to. Of course, your own relatives deserved the deepest and safest place within the bunker.

Then, Touji and his parents came. His eyes full of worry, he was nonetheless practically dragged to the safe shelter. You calmly directed his parents over to a corner, and then, hiding a small smirk, you pretended to blush and innocently asked, "Hello Touji-kun.. do you know what's happening?"

Unaware how fatal his words be, he replied, "There's something going on in the dark! They're telling us it's too late to evacuate, we had to head inside the shelter."

"What-what is happening?"

"Few hours earlier it was an N2 bomb that was dropped. That was what caused the explosion earlier. Turns out whatever they were bombing was still active, and it is right inside the city now."

"That's horrible!"

"I saw a glimpse of it in the distance. It looked, something like a human! A giant human!"

"Oh my!"

"I've got to get inside now.. and Hikari?"

"Yes, Touji-kun?"

"My sister.. she.. she's still coming. I don't know where she is, since she was at a friend's place. But she should be coming to this shelter.. Please, help her. I need her. I don't want anything to happen to her, you know. Just.. wait for her, okay?"

"Sure.. Touji-kun, anything for you.."

"Thanks.."

You even waved as he went inside, together with the trickle of other refugees. Wiping that smirk off your face again, you turned around and continued to direct the remaining refugees. Deftly and full of authority you directed all kinds of people, young and old, rich and poor. They were all the same to you, just humans. To you, they were nothing but cattle, to be used and exploited, until they don't have a penny left. Then, the only thing you can wring out some worth off them is to take them to the slaughter.

And that was exactly what you did to Touji's sister.

Oh, don't look like that. Your motives aren't hard to decipher. You craved for Touji. Always the idiot, he never took the first step. Also, how fond he must have looked when he spoke of his sister. Jealous of the fact his loving attention was directed elsewhere, you bridled a deep hatred for Suzahara Mari. So deep your hatred was, there were even rumors around school at that time of your intense dislike. Even though those stories aren't passed around anymore, they never do fade away.

And so when Mari showed up in the distance, you fumed before composing your face. Directing the rest of the stragglers away, you mentally prepared to face Mari. She and her friend ran closer and closer towards the shelter, ever aware that they were awfully late. Rubbing your fingers, you squealed at this perfect moment to do what you had always wanted to do.

Holding out your hand, you stopped the two from going through. Then, with a careful look, you steeled your eyes and prepared your manipulation.

"Hold it you two. It's full inside, and time's up."

Mari, seeing behind you that there was plenty of space, began to sputter, "B-But but—"

"No buts! Rules are rules!"

How easy was it to assume such a lie? It only shows the depth of your rotten nature.

"There's plenty of space! And—"

"No there's not! There's food rationing and oxygen to worry about. We've only got space for one more. Let's see… you there, get inside, now."

And not even waiting, you separated the two and pushed Mari's friend deeper inside. Turning around, you stared Mari down.

"W-why, Hikari.. we're friends, right? You know my Touji, right? He's in there, isn't he?"

Assuming a sympathetic tone, you replied, "Shh.. there there Mari-chan. There's plenty of other shelters about. You can go take the one on the north side over there, alright?"

"But I don't want to! I want to be with you! I want to be with my brother!"

Holding her crying face, you comforted her and stroked her head. Shaking your head, you continued, "Rules are rules, Mari. There's no other choice. You were late to begin with. Now, go ahead and run towards another shelter."

Oh how little Mari-chan kept crying. You even added some fake crocodile tears yourself. How utterly despicable you are. You're worse than any demon in hell. There's no limits to your deception.

Then, with the coming of the sounds of battle and broken debris falling down, you shoved her away, waved a quick farewell, and hastily stepped inside the shelter. The hard metal walls closed with a snap as Mari was just too late to slip in. Banging her knuckles against the surface, she feebly cried for her parents and her brother. More pieces of concrete began to fall around. The ground trembled as the great battle was occurring.

Why couldn't she enter?! Why did you leave her out?!

Suddenly, a terrible screech thundered above, and little Mari-chan tore her head from the closed gate to look above. Screaming, she attempted to run away, only to trip and fall. Then, a large slab of debris fell right on her leg.

Ah, this was the moment where the feed was cut off. Well, do you see how you're responsible for her hospitalization? How crazed you must be to deny that innocent kid a shelter, all because you were jealous of her for grabbing Touji's attention. You heartless murderer.

But this story doesn't end yet. Yes, act all surprised. Keep acting, monster.

You see, that incident with the shelter was not the only secret that's exposed. Yes, you're not the only one who knows. To even attempt it shows how vile you really are, and that you never deserve any compassion or relief. Don't deny it. It's certain you were the one who did it. This is why you deserve to be taken care of the way you are now.

You were never alone, Hikari. You were never alone when you vented your frustration on Touji, and on little Mari. You never looked behind your back as you were seething behind the windows of Mari's hospital room, even though you knew she was visited often. You never did really care for those who wanted to stay invisible. How blind you were.

Don't deny it. It was obvious many times that you stared at Touji playfully interacting with his sister. And it was also obvious that you were boiling inside every time Touji spoke of her sister at school. You're so open, you can be easily read like a book. A pity… I see you don't like me stroking your bruised cheek. Well, it is quite ugly.. but it's just perfect for you.

You seethed with rage as your little plan back-fired. Mari-chan was supposed to be dead. Mari-chan was supposed to be buried. Mari-chan was supposed to be forgotten, and Touji would be all yours. But no, her devastating situation only prompted him to take care of his sister even more. He had to be with her whenever she's sad, angry, or lonely. It was his mission to take care of her every need, that she won't ever lose hope. Touji was a good person, if not for what you did. You've broken him, Hikari. You can't predict everything. You being at someone's mercy now is just another proof of your fallacy.

It was at night when you acted. The hospital was quiet and deserted. You easily slipped past the receptionist and trailed the stairs to the top level. Many times have you looked back, just to make sure that no one was following the suspicious-looking girl. Nothing had indeed followed your path upstairs and deeper inside the building. But have you ever noticed the door to the men's toilet opening, then stopping, then slowly closing? No one followed your shadow that night, but you again forgot how much visits Mari-chan received.

Soundlessly you entered her room, perpetually unaware of the shadowy figure observing at a small distance. You slipped closer to her bed, where she was peacefully sleeping. There were less bandages over her this time around, and what had remained of her limbs were looking at least more like real limbs. Mindlessly you touched her face, stroked her hair. Your eyes spoke of no emotion at all. You were completely focused on the deed that was about to be done.

But you couldn't let her end like this without a kiss. Bending down, you pressed your wet lips on her forehead. It was one last kiss goodbye. Farewell, Mari-chan. Then you composed yourself and looked around. You spotted an empty syringe, next to some chemicals on a tray. You took it, and held it close. Eyes were blinking as you were utterly entranced by the metal needle. Then, with a grin only described as pure evil, you slowly pulled at the end of the syringe. When it was completely extended, you marveled at the pocket of air inside.

Turning around, you presented the tip of the needle against a small vain on Mari-chan's neck. Whispering some soft words, only heard by you and your victim, you penetrated the skin and you pushed at the end of the syringe, injecting the poor girl's bloodstream with pure air. She suddenly woke, shivering and choking, frantically flailing around her arms. Alarms began to ring from the monitoring machine besides the bed. With a deft pull you yanked the power cord from its socket, shutting down the beeping noise. As Mari-chan put out her last breath, her frantic eyes only staring at your maniacal grin, you quietly left her alone.

You killed an innocent girl.

And for what? Not out of self defense and not out of money. It was lust, plain and simple. You lusted after Touji like an animal. You wanted nothing more than to have him look at you, and only at you. Is there nothing inside your head besides dreams of Touji ravishing your pathetic body? Well, look at you now. You're flooded with tears, purple with bruises, and your fingers are red with the blood you spilled. And it's not even over yet.

For you didn't kill just one person. You killed another one with your cruel acts.

Touji has never been the same again. Instead of making him completely devoted to you like you wanted, you cracked him instead. You pushed him over the edge and let him fall down in the deep pit of grief. You've broken him. You've completely broken him and there will never be a way to glue him back. The empty Touji you saw at school, minding his own business, apathetic at everything that's happening around him, is the Touji you created.

Is that your perfect husband? Is that how you wanted things to end, killing the sister of the one you love and killing his heart with it? It must have pained you to see your plans fail. Your petty attempts at comforting Touji was genuine, but not because you really cared about him, but only because you wouldn't want to see all your efforts gone to waste. Nobody could see it, except the one who witnessed everything. You've hidden yourself well, but it was not enough.

Don't pretend you're still in love with him. I knew you'd seen him as nothing but a broken toy after you saw what you did to him. You were at the point of giving up on him. He could jump off a bridge for all you care. And if you really did abandon him, that was exactly what would happen.

No, you really shouldn't push him to that point. Look, Hikari, look at yourself. Do you acknowledge it's true? That you really did plan on dumping him, and encouraging him to drop dead in the process?

…

How shameful you are. That you would kill your own crush just because he didn't grow up the way you wanted him to be, all because of your mistakes. You just wanted to clean the garbage that you made in the process. Tsk Tsk.

That was the point where you had to be stopped. You were going crazy, becoming even more and more reckless. Yes, you were seen muttering cold words, most of them directed at Touji. Everyone around you knew there was something cracking inside you. How soon would you just explode in rage and kill everyone around you in a mindless slaughter? You had to be stopped before you would turn in a deranged monster. Not that it makes you more of a monster that you already are.

No, you deserve everything that's coming for you. You might as well enjoy.

Your trembling eyes are already anticipating what's going to happen to you. Hmmm… you already heard about poking out your eyes, boiling them, and making you eat it all. Well, perhaps your tongue could be cut off and make you eat it as well.

Don't be so frightened, my dear. It'll be all right. It'll be over soon.

But it won't stop at that. You see, look at this little hammer here? It's quite heavy, you know. You wonder and wonder what that hammer is going to do to you, right? Well, it's quite easy. It's going to be used to bash in your teeth. Then, scraping the teeth from your bleeding mouth, they'll be stuffed in your ears. Oh yes, you'll definitely enjoy that!

Ah, you noticed the saw. Oh oh, what is going to happen then? Don't scream, shh… don't scream. Aren't you tired yet from all of this? It would be best for you to sit back and let it all be done. For this saw here will be used to sever each and every limb of yours, together with the butchering blade. Yes, you get to feel blood splattering all over, while your muscles are being torn and skewered. Then, if your ears are still working, you get to hear the buzzing sound of sawing bone. It'll be music, you bet!

After that, the stumps of your limbs will get taken care of, cauterized and wrapped in bandages. Wouldn't want to die too early, right?

Finally, do you see the meat hook hanging over there? What's left of your body will get to be impaled by the sharp hook, and you'll be left all alone in this room. You get to spend your last hours by yourself, all alone, full of regret, and wishing you had never done the things you did. Eventually, you'll starve to death. Your corpse will get to hang there for a few weeks, until enough bile and flies flock to your rotting corpse. Your remains will be carried outside and dumped on the street in plain sight for everyone to witness how dirty you really are.

Don't ask that. Don't ask why, Shinji, why! when you know perfectly well that it's your due. After all, you never gave anyone a chance yourself.

Look at this picture here. Aida Kensuke. Perhaps not your first victim, but you destroyed him nonetheless. Depressed, lonely, and wracked with guilt, you made him the terrible sight he is today.

Next, look at this one. Suzahara Mari. You tried to kill her once. That it failed didn't stop you from attempting again. You killed an innocent soul, who never deserved what she had gone through.

Finally, look at his face. Suzahara Touji. You haven't killed him yet, but you might as well have already. So empty, so full of grief. Never again will he smile. It's all your fault.

Now, enough with the talking. It is time to play.