A/N: So, I was really bored, so I wrote this. It's just a one timer, so don't be too harsh. I also wrote it in twenty minutes or so. I just had this image in my head about Thor and Tony going to the grocery store, and I thought it would be hilarious. I hope this at least made you smile. :)
Tony parked close to the entrance, wanting to get this over with. Thor had expressed desire to see what a supermarket was and Tony had lost the bet. He climbed out of the car as Thor followed him inside.
"So this is a grocery store?" Thor asked, looking around at the people and the building. Tony sighed as he hated to go shopping.
"Yes, this is it. Now, we're only supposed to get the essentials. Pepper wants milk, eggs, the likes. Got it?" Tony warned as they walked in. He put his glasses on and grabbed a basket. Thor nodded, understanding. Tony handed the basket to Thor before he got out the list that Pepper asked for.
When they passed the second automatic doors, which Thor awed at and praised, Tony headed for the fruits and vegetables section. Thor picked up nearly everything near him, wondering how mankind created such strange things.
"We didn't make it, Thor. The pineapple grew on a tree. Everything is plant based," Tony informed as he looked at tomatoes.
"This spiky fruit? On a tree?" Thor laughed as he returned the fruit to the stand. "What about this? Does this grow on your trees?"
"No, Thor. Watermelons don't grow on trees. Look, I'll be glad to show you a neat video of different fruits when we get back home, but we need to get moving," Tony urged before Thor put the melon back down. "Now stop touching things."
"I am sorry," Thor whispered, putting his hands in his pocket. Tony sighed and placed the tomatoes in the basket.
"Come on," Tony exhaled, grabbing Thor's arm as he started to examine the starfruits.
Tony took Thor to the freezer section next, which might have been a bad idea in retrospect. As Tony went to find the frozen peas, Thor went to find the Frost Giant. When Thor opened the freezer door, he looked all around for what was causing the cold. When Tony turned around, he found Thor stuck inside the freezer. Sighing, he opened the door and let Thor out.
"How do they keep the food cold? There is no sign of a Frost Giant living in there," Thor informed, brushing off the frost. Tony sighed.
"Magic, Thor."
"I did not know that your people practiced magic!" Thor exclaimed, surprised. Tony counted to ten in his head before dragging Thor away again. "This a truly fascinating place."
"I bet it is. Let's get going before we start attracting attention again," Tony whispered, guiding Thor away again.
"Where are we going now?"
"Bakery. And then the dairy section. Then we're going back to the Tower," Tony informed as Thor sighed.
"Do all these trips go by so fast?"
"I wish," Tony mumbled, hurrying to the baked goods section. Thor willingly followed, glancing around. Tony took a deep breath, trying to keep his annoyance under control.
After they got there, Tony began to look at the bread options as Thor wandered off, looking at the pastries. When Tony found the bread he was looking for, he found Thor tasting the donuts. Tony closed his eyes as Thor noticed him looking.
"These are excellent," Thor whispered, handing Tony a donut.
"I know they are. How many did you eat?"
"A dozen, I believe," Thor smiled, feeling good about himself. Tony shook his head.
"No more, Thor," Tony instructed as he put the bread in the basket. Thor stood up and followed obediently. As they walked away, Tony could hear a few shoppers snicker behind them. He had never been so embarrassed in his life.
Tony shuffled to the dairy section, as promised, hoping that he didn't lose Thor along the way. Occasionally, he would glance back and sigh. Thor would either be mesmerized by a display or peanut butter oreos. Tony would walk back and drag him away while Thor explained what a fascinating thing it was.
"Okay, we just need eggs and milk. Then we can go home," Tony whispered, growing frustrated. When he didn't hear Thor's reply, Tony took a deep breath before turning around again. "Thor- Oh God."
"Look, Stark!" Thor exclaimed as he picked up a lobster from a tank.
"Thor, put that back. Now," Tony scolded as Thor examined the creature.
"Why is it still alive?" Thor asked softly before shouting out in pain. He threw the crustacean back into the tank as the butcher watched, amused, behind the counter. Tony ducked his head and dragged Thor away. "What was that thing? Do you actually eat that?"
"Not when it's alive, no," Tony hissed, growing angry and annoyed. "Okay, stay with me. We're almost done."
"Really?" Thor asked before Tony nodded. He grabbed the eggs and milk and put them in the basket.
"Alright, let's get out of here before you start a fire or something," Tony sighed, walking toward the front of the store. Thor nodded, slightly disappointed that it was such a short trip.
They approached the checkout line as people from all directions stared at them. Tony could decide whether these people recognized them or if they had seen Thor play around like a two year old. Tony dipped his head before rushing to the shortest line. He placed the basket on the conveyer belt and walked over to the cashier, who was wide eyed and shocked.
"You okay?" he asked before she nodded.
"You're Tony Stark," she whispered, suppressing a squeal. Tony couldn't help but grin and casually take off his shades.
"Yes I am," he replied with a wink and a smile. The woman almost swooned, then she remembered that she had a job to do.
"I didn't think that you went to the grocery store. Don't you have people who do this for you?" she whispered, her cheeks flushing red.
"Yeah, but I lost a bet to a friend. Had to take Thor to the store," Tony answered, gesturing to the Asgardian browsing the magazines with shocked faces. The cashier gasped, surprised and speechless.
"Oh my god," she whispered, dipping her head so Tony couldn't see how red it was. "That will be twenty seven fifty six."
"Alrighty," Tony answered, swiping a card on the machine. After he punched the pin number, he glanced over at Thor, just to make sure he wasn't ruining anything or escaping. The cashier handed him the bags. "Thank you."
"No problem, Mr. Stark," she whispered with a soft smile. Tony winked at her before calling Thor over. Thor looked up at walked briskly toward his friend, nearly knocking down a stand. Tony grimaced, glad that this nightmare was almost over.
"Time to go," Tony whispered before leaving. Thor nodded and took one last look at the strange place called the 'grocery store'.