Writer: Oddcompass
Pairing(s): None
Warning(s): Possible Spoilers
Disclaimer: Shingeki no Kyojin/Attack on Titan does not belong to me. It belongs to Hajime Isayama. This was made purely for fun, not profitable purposes.
A/N: It's been a while since I've updated, huh? Well, this is more descriptive practice with one of my favorite boys. I also drenched this in my headcanons for how Bertl was raised to see humans growing up. But you can ignore this. I just hope that my practice is helping me in the slightest. Well, please excuse any spelling mistakes and if you read this I hope you enjoy!
They are so weak, so fragile. They are easily deceived and too trusting. Whatever they see on the outside is what they perceive to be on the inside. Flesh and skin is what they see, not the monster that lies underneath, always kept under lock and key.
Humans are hopeful.
Everything they do, everything they say, it is all hope. Hope that they'll survive, that they'll see the end of titans. The Colossal Titan especially. That monster, that vile, evil freak of nature, the humans hiss. It destroyed our homes, murdered our families, they cry. We must destroy it! Kill it! Kill it! Kill it! And they believe that it'll happen.
Bertholdt believes that they'll achieve this.
When he first broke the wall, he instantly regretted it. He knew he was supposed to feel detached and unsympathetic. But the twelve year old version of him watched the fear and all the death that he caused. It chilled him to the bone. He was surprised that the humans showed such emotion. They cried over all the dead bodies, destroyed territory, destroyed homes. He could practically taste all the desperation and despair that blanketed everyone around him.
This was something he couldn't fathom. He was told that humans were bad, merciless, evil, unemotional. Ever since he could remember he's been told to hate humans. It had been ingrained into his brain to feel like this and he did. Or at least he thought he did. How could anyone hate a people with so much emotion?
He couldn't fathom it.
That's how it all led to this. He found himself falling for humans in general. He loved how they were all different. They have different backgrounds, different morals, different everything. This wasn't how he pictured humans. He pictured them as a mass of people with only one look, one identity, no individuality.
Bertholdt loved the humans, this he couldn't help but to do. He tried to distance himself from them and it worked for a short while. He then tried to talk himself out of it. He constantly repeated the mantra he grew up with; "Humans are the enemy. Humans are the enemy. Humans are the enemy." Somewhere along the line his mantra stopped giving him the desired effect.
His five years of coexisting with the humans had changed him, if only in slight ways. His view, his standing point, his everything changed. The only thing that stayed a constant in his mind was the mission. It was the sole thing he didn't need to repeat to himself. He knew that no matter how close he got to the humans that he will have to betray them. Or possibly kill them. His reluctance to do this was high, too high. But he will not fail. He will sacrifice himself if need be. Reiner would think it's out of the question but Bertholdt has accepted this truth. He has a higher chance of dying from his slow-moving titan form. It wasn't built for fast movements.
Bertholdt inwardly cringes every time he is forced to spar against a human. He always forgets just how fragile they truly are. He constantly litters them in bruises long before sparring is over and sometimes the occasional cuts from his too strong attacks.
It reminds him of how fragile he is. Everyone is trained to kill him, Reiner, Annie, and so many more like him.
He just wants to go home.