This fiction is inspired by the works of Dyna Dee and Krackensan...as well as others I'll mention as I go along...

CAVE DRACONIS DORMIENS

Exerpt from personal database of Relena Darlian, formerly Peacecraft.

Let me tell you, being the former queen of the world is no picnic. First, there's the endless sucking face, (that's Duo's term for being polite at parties) the celebration parties, teas, luncheons, meetings, public speeches, appearances, opening galas, champagne brunches, Senate hearings, addresses to the United World council, trade conferences, hearings, Sanq holiday events and, of course, did I mention the parties? Duo seems to think that it's a bigger endless waltz (drunken, if you're not careful at the champagne galas) than any war. I tend to agree with him.

Which is why I'm always careful to only nurse one drink per party, and take tiny fake-sips to avoid being a complete lush. In other words, not drink at all. Duo is of the opinion that if I did "get wasted once in a while, people'd expect a lot less of you, 'Lena." A fun idea, but just not feasible if I want to keep my job, and reputation intact. And while this may seem terribly pragmatic to you, I rather like being a force for peaceful, pacifist, and cooperative change in the world. Thus, I'll keep my job, no matter how insane it makes me, thanks.

With all that, and the fact that there's no possibility for a private life, nor a social life outside the sphere of politics makes mine a rather skewed reality. It's all politics, politics, politics, and I'm the voodoo doll for the world to poke at. Really, I pity the famous music and vid stars who choose this life. I think I was mostly just thrust into it (and no, Duo, do NOT even think about inserting that dirty joke there) in my more pessimistic, frustrated moments. Like now, today. Like everyday.

Heero, of course, doesn't say more to this than "Hn" when I wh—no, complain about it. That, and glare a lot. Reaaal helpful. You'd think a man that out of touch with his fun side would be a repressed pervert or something…I'm just hoping he figures out if he's an asexual sea-cucumber or space alien or what in the next few years, since he hasn't in the past. But really, this is not about Heero, is it? I'll come back to him later.

Really, is it so much to ask for a nice guy and a little romance? I'm 21 years old (finally), Vice Minister of Foreign Affairs, which is a nice title for general poster child of the peace revolution, buttonholed as the "princess of pink"—which I really started to hate a few years ago after I outgrew it, and grew a brainstem—which included stopping harassing Heero….and, of course, the media's darling.

I DO love my job, of course—who wouldn't? There's just so much good I can personally influence to make sure that Earth and the Colonies remain peaceful and work together to build their future. Unfortunately, all work and no fun means Relena is a dull, dull girl. Usually, I can call Duo for a pick-me-up vid session, but lately, with my other friends ( the other pilots, Sally, Noin and Une) or Dorothy I just can't seem to get excited about all that I've accomplished. I'm stuck in a rut, and don't know HOW to pull myself out, if I even can be salvaged. What a depressing thought.

And I HAVE accomplished a lot with a lot of help from others; peace (though occasionally fraught with peril and assassination attempts that thanks to Heero never make it to the actualization phase), pardons for the anonymous (except for poor Heero—he's infamous) pilots who actually won us the wars and subsequent peace, a working revitalization plan for the L2 and L4 clusters (Quatre was the mastermind and push behind that one, all I had to do was throw my name around and "bully" people—Maxwell style, so that they were champing at the bit to help)…. Sometimes I wonder if I'm burning the candle of my life at both ends, eventually ending up as "that spinster ex-princess with too many cats."

I don't WANT that, but if I could even manage to keep a cactus alive, let alone a cat, I would. Don't get me started on "Muffy"—the cactus that Duo found and left me after the last time he snuck in to visit me and cheer me up…He just loves to chafe Heero with his stealth skills and get threatened with death, or other words, "Omae o korosu," when Heero finally detects his infiltration. Muffy has a rather dangerous life, only getting watered when I remember, and usually at the point of death many times. I know, I know, it's almost impossible to kill a cactus, but somehow I manage to get pretty close. What I really need is one of those pet rocks or something—impossible to kill. The saddest part is that Muffy resides on my desk, the only living thing in an island of dead smashed tree guts (paperwork, how I hate thee). Yep, pretty sad. (Oh God, I said yep—Duo, you terrible influence!) The worst part is, I think Duo knows how bad Muffy has it, and jokingly asks after it every time he calls. My standard response for how it's doing seems to be "mostly dead, but not quite. It'll be glad you cared to know." Sad, sad, sad.

That said, I'll put it simply: I NEED A MAN. And a life. SOMETHING.

Otherwise, I'm going to drown in this pink, frothy, lacy hell that my life has become. Maybe I need a vacation. Or a bottle of vodka straight up. I'll take either at this point….desperation, thy name is Relena….

Review? Encouragement (reviews longer than a sentence, please) will prompt me to post more chapters/updates.

Cheers!