The Most Cliché Story Ever
The Most Cliché Story Ever
By: Corey Suggs
Disclaimer: All the characters are, in fact, not my property, but the legal matter of all the authors that created them. I hope not to die by their awesome powers.
Opening–It's a peaceful day in Nerima. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and there isn't a cloud in the sky. All the local residents are on edge, fearing that this calm is going to be detrimental to their health. In the distance, a noise is heard.
Out of nowhere, a familiar battle cry is heard. "RANMA NO BAKA!!"
With that sound, and the ever approaching Ranma, the residents all sigh at once, happy that some chaos has come again. However, none of the birds are very happy, all of them squawking their displeasure as they high-tail it out of the area.
We watch as Ranma comes crashing out of the sky, landing on the ground, different from every other time when he would land in a fountain, or maybe some river that magically appeared under him. Creating a crater in the ground, and earning a large lump on his head, Ranma lies limp on the ground.
Slowly, he sits up, studying the ground around him, muttering to himself. "Damn. Couldn't she have at least knocked me onto something soft? And I don't understand why she hit me out of there. I finally say that she looks cute, and she snaps, calling me every name that I know of, bringing that damn mallet of hers out. Next thing I know, here I am. It don't even look like Nerima anymore."
A nearby shout, shrill in nature, catches his interest. Running to the location of the noise, he chances upon a giant creature, not unlike Taro in his cursed form, but a woman. Holding a crystal sword, wearing a toga and winged shoes, it looks like an ancient Roman statue. It lashes out with the sword, attacking a group of girls dressed in very short skirts. One guess as to who they are.
Ranma, being who he is, jumps to do battle with the creature. He lands, smirking at the creature, but quickly loses it as the creature ignores him. This was new to him, as every enemy that Ranma had fought had always grown mad at Ranma. When the creature spotted him, instead of attacking, it suddenly grew hearts in its eyes, as did all of the girls – except one, who didn't care for guys as much as everyone else – who were attacking it a couple minutes ago.
Ranma groaned, turning tail to run away. More women to deal with. Instead, he spotted Shampoo and Ukyo walking towards him. Instead of fighting each other, they were actually acting like friends. When they saw Ranma, though, they jumped, attacking each other with vigor. When they saw all the girls, though, they nodded to each other, and then completely annihilated all the others, except Mercury, who happened to be sitting on a bench at the moment.
When the carnage was over, the statue crumbled to dust, and the girls all groaned as one, while Ranma was trying, ever so slowly, to inch his way away from the two fighters in front of him.
Ranma hailed to the two girls. "Shampoo, Ucchan. Why ya guys out here? What did ya do to all of them?"
Shampoo, a Chinese girl with purple hair, and what most men would describe as a gorgeous body, started speaking in her pigeon Japanese, as if what she said was the most obvious thing in the world. "Shampoo beat up stupid girls so Airen take Shampoo on date."
She glomped onto Ranma, who instantly stood rigid. Ukyo was fuming though. Pulling out her spatula, she flattened Shampoo, creating yet another crater.
Ukyo, a girl who presently looked like a boy – although she always did – started to growl at the Chinese girl. "You Chinese bimbo. Ranchan is going to go on a date with me. Why would he ever consider going out with some crazy girl that can't even speak properly? I am a much better choice; besides, I'm prettier," she gloated.
Shampoo pulled herself out of the crater, attacking Ukyo. This resulted in Ranma getting beaten up in less than two seconds – a new record, by the way – and flying over to the only barrel in the area. Just his luck, it had water in it.
Getting out of the barrel, Ranma-chan wanted to wring out her shirt, but there were people watching, and despite what everybody thought of her, she had modesty. Unfortunately, she was being watched by Mercury, who was either very used to weird things like this happening, or else very good at hiding her emotions. She also happened to be walking over to Ranma-chan at the moment.
Mercury had a look of concern, and intrigue, at the boy-turned-girl in front of her. She gave a helping hand to Ranma-chan. "Are you okay? Do you need some help? And why, all of a sudden, are you a girl? I'm positive that you were male just a bit ago."
Ranma-chan, wanting to get out of there, just sighed, figuring she could tell her story, which she did. Starting at when she was younger, and going all the way to the present, or as much as she could remember, even the messed-up wedding, then the attempted eloping, and all the attempts by the parents, even her mom, to get her married, she got all of the facts off her chest. This made her feel better, but she regretted it when she saw the tears forming on Mercury's face.
Ranma-chan cringed at the tears forming in the girl's eyes. He was always a sucker for teary-eyed girls. "Damn. I made her cry. Why, Kami-sama, do ya always have to do this to me?" He didn't realize he had said that aloud.
Mercury heard this statement, and quickly tried to convince Ranma-chan otherwise. Nonetheless, it involved a little flailing of the arms, and a startled expression on her face. "It's not your fault. It's just saddening that there are actually adults that are dumb enough to go to such lengths just to make themselves happy. I couldn't imagine that they would do that to someone they either care about, or in the case of parents, love. It's amazing that you have been able to cope for so long."
Ranma-chan, conscious of the fact that Mercury hadn't once tried to attack, go on a date with, push her away like some freak, or even ignore her, felt herself develop feelings towards the blue senshi of ice. Of course, she would never say it aloud, but she had been noticing girls ever since she was ten years old. What could she say – she was an early bloomer.
Ranma-chan smiled that smile that got all the girls to like her, mostly in guy form, though. "Oh, that's good. I don't like it when pretty girls cry 'cause of me. Thanks for your concern. Bye."
She jumped onto the nearest building, and then stopped when she had no idea where she was. Dropping down behind Mercury, she tapped her on the shoulder, causing her to jump. Ranma-chan saw that she had a blush on her face, which made Ranma-chan wonder if she had a fever.
"Are you okay?" Ranma-chan asked. "You look like you have a fever. And d'ya know where Nerima is from here?"
Mercury shook her head, trying to get rid of the blush, but the memory of the guy from before and what Ranma-chan had just said wouldn't leave.
"No, I'm alright. It's just that no one has ever called me pretty before. And Nerima is over there. Is it really as bad a nutcase as I've heard?" Mercury questioned. If half of the things she heard were true, then she wanted to stay away from there at all costs: demons; trolls (though these happen to be really old martial artists); random destruction; freak water storms; and mallet wielding girls that hit anyone they deem a pervert.
Ranma-chan sighed, thinking of everything that happens in Nerima on a daily basis. "Yes, and more. And arigato." She bowed, showing some respect.
She was just about to leave, when she thought of something. She didn't know who the girl in front of her was. "What is your name? I wish to know so that I can find you in the future."
Mercury was currently having an internal debate, and even though her emotions played out on her face, Ranma-chan was, of course, oblivious to it. I know I can't, even though he is somewhat cute, and a she at the moment. Oh well.
"My name's Sailor Mercury," she answered aloud. "I would tell you more, but I can't due to enemies that we have. Gomen."
Ranma-chan shrugged, happy for a name to match the face, and she roof-hopped back to the dojo. Reveling in the speed, she pressed as fast as she could. When she got to the dojo, she was greeted by Kasumi.
Kasumi, a girl with a smile that is so infectious, a demon would start smiling at the sight of it(1), was currently sweeping the walkway. "Well, hello Ranma-chan. How was your trip? I hope you had fun."
Ranma-chan, again being who she was, felt herself become happier with Kasumi's easy-going manner.
"It was fine. I met a girl who was nice to me. Then I came back here." Ranma-chan stopped, and quickly looked around. "Akane's not here at the moment, is she?"
"No. She went out with some friends some time ago. It was after you left," Kasumi answered.
Sighing in relief, Ranma-chan entered into the house, going for the furo. Setting the "Do Not Disturb" sign on the door, Ranma-chan proceeded to wash herself. Slipping into the furo, and feeling the change occur, Ranma reflected back to his encounter with Mercury.
"Hmm. Mercury, huh? I wonder how I will be able to get her to go on a date with me. She seems nice, and smart, and above all, not violent."
Ranma started to relax too much, and he ended up falling asleep.
It is nearing nighttime, and Ranma has yet to exit from the furo. Of course, when Kasumi knocked on the door, calling "Time for dinner," Ranma woke instantly, practically teleporting to the table. After getting dressed of course. And, as well, Ranma was not prepared for the sight that came from the kitchen: Akane walking out, tray in hand, and apron on body. Unfortunately for Ranma, he happened to be the only one who was at the table. It seemed everybody else was a master at avoiding Akane's cooking.
When Akane set down the food, and revealed it, she flashed a smile that was part cockiness, and part death threat. After all, the food was good, and Ranma would die if he didn't eat it. There was also the threat of dying while eating it, but that didn't matter to the girl. All that mattered was that her fiancé eat her wonderful food. Now, if only it would stop trying to eat her oven mitts.(2)
Ranma looked at the glowing black mess, and knew something was wrong: Akane was experimenting. Besides, the flame on top of it was a sure-fire point that she was flambeing her creations now. So, slowly reaching out with his chopsticks, he took a small piece of it, thinking that just a small amount wouldn't do anything bad to him. Popping it in his mouth, and chewing slowly, he tried to figure out the tastes. Yep, garlic. Steak. Potatoes. Hmm, not too bad. Wait, what's that? Tastes familiar, almost like……gasoline. He noticed nothing else except Akane's glowing red body as he passed out, which led to yet another hole in the roof while he flew through the air.
Now normally, this wouldn't be a problem, but out of nowhere, a…thing, fell on top of Ranma. This caused a Ranma shaped hole in the ground, with someone coming out of it, not Ranma. "Dammit, what the hell?" Then said figure took a look around, and found a very livid Akane. The figure blink-blinked at that, then took another look around. He recognized Ranma in the hole, and the area they were. He fell to his knees, and actually started to cry, all the while praising someone. "Yes! The Goddess was right. Thank you Kami-sama! Thank you Belldandy." Then he quickly sobered up. "And thanks a lot, Urd. Stick to what you know best."
By now, Akane was peering expectantly at the newcomer. Usually anyone that came here was either after Ranma, Akane, or a mixture of the two. For now, he was just placed under the pervert category, considering he was a boy after all. So, she spat out at him. "What do you want? Who are you? Why are you here?"
The boy looked at her, non-plussed at her attitude. "Akane, shut up. I'm here because I made a wish to be here, and it was granted. And you really need to control your anger." Now, most people would now place him in the Ranma category as being stupid and unknowing of the flaming girl who had now pulled out a revised version of her mallet, complete with steel head and nasty looking spikes. Again, the newcomer just looked bored. This caused Akane to shriek like a banshee, and rush to make the newcomer go splat. The newcomer just blurred, and the next thing Akane knew, was, she was hanging upside down, a rope around her ankle. She lost grip on her Death Bringer, and immediately tried to keep her skirt from showing off to the world.
The newcomer started to laugh, and then pulled Ranma out of the hole. Seeing he was still out of it, the newcomer splashed Ranma with some water from the pond. This caused Ranma to change, and start to sputter a bit. "Wha..what happened?" That was when she got a look at who it was that held her in his hand. 5'11", light brown hair pulled back in a ponytail, and blue eyes that bordered on green. Not overly skinny, but not exactly the strongest guy out there, or so would be the case if he weren't openly holding Ranma-chan in one hand.
The newcomer just set the redheaded female down and started his story. All in all, he had even forgotten about Akane until Nabiki came into the backyard, and immediately saw the new guy. "Who're you? Never seen you around, and I know everyone." The newcomer looked at her, and broke out in a glare that scared even her. It held the promise of bad things to happen. Not that she let it show.(3)
"I happen to be a guy by the name of Corey. Yes, I know. Weird name over here, but as you see, I'm not Japanese, even if I can speak the language perfectly. Now, Nabiki, why don't you run along and find some poor soul to torture and extort of their money." This caused Nabiki to rage, and she stomped away, intent on finding out about the new guy, and finding any dirt about him. Then she would wring him dry.
As soon as she was gone, though, Corey let out a sigh of relief. Then started to laugh, which was contagious, as the previously comatose Ranma-chan, at hearing how Nabiki was dealt with, started to laugh as well. Then, as it settled down, Ranma-chan had some questions of her own. "How do you know who everyone is? I haven't seen you around, and we don't get too many gaijin around here." (4)
Corey, for his part, just smiled. He was about to start talking, when out of the water, a beautiful personage arose out of it. Corey, seeing this, broke out in an even bigger grin, and ran up the woman. He gave her a hug that would rival Shampoo's, but was ten times gentler. "Thank you, Belldandy-neesan. None of this would be possible if you didn't help me out."
The woman, Belldandy, smiled back gently, and gave Corey a hug. "Good to see that you are adapting well over here. I just came to see if you liked the wish, or wanted to get it changed. But it looks like you are fine. And Father wished to say 'Good luck,' while Urd wanted me to tell you to 'shove it,' although that part was stated with a grin on her part. And while she wanted to come see you, Urd was too busy debugging, so she can't. Maybe later." Corey just smiled and waved it off.
Now, all this magic and everything was starting to scare Ranma-chan, and Akane grew scared at the aura of power around the new girl. It was powerful, but completely in check. Almost like a master martial artist. Yet all this magic had another side-effect. It drew the Senshi like a moth to flame. After all, the were the ones known to help with anything magical, although, they didn't quite understand why Pluto was with them as well, and in civilian clothing, no less.
When they showed up at the dojo, they were in for a surprise of their lives. Setsuna went up behind the new guy, and wrapped her arms around his stomach. This caused Corey to stiffen, until he knew who it was. "Setsuna! Wow. It's been a while, hasn't it? How have you been?" By now, the only person still standing was Makoto and the Outers, but even they fell over when they saw Setsuna and Corey share a passionate kiss. After all, it's not everyday that you see the Senshi of Pluto/Time go crazy over a guy, nor that she had her feelings returned. After this, the only ones still standing are Setsuna, Corey, and Belldandy. Ranma-chan had no idea what was happening, and Akane was still hanging upside-down, now shouting obscenities.
1 – Though this has been known to be a relatively bad thing. Demons don't have pleasant smiles, what with the razor-like teeth, and bad breath.
2-It wasn't trying to eat her oven mitt, but rather save its family from the crazy woman. Why do you think her food always attacked her? It wasn't because of it being evil, but rather scared for its existence in a world where it was considered healthy, at least by one girl.
3-After all, it is easy to hide the wetness that comes from wetting your pants, or whatever.
4- See, folks. Ranma isn't a moron. He is actually intelligent, but two things prevent that from coming to the front: too lazy to care about school, which leads to the second part; he lets people underestimate him so he has an easier time defeating them. After all, how could he learn those techniques so suddenly?
Author's notes: First ever fanfic, so tell me if this is actually good. If I get good feedback, I will continue with it.