Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon
I know you never saw me here. I always saw you though. All those nights I sat alone watching you, all those days I kept a timid eye on you, I always saw the true you. You are so like me it hurt to know you were there, out of my reach.
As I gaze into the dark sky it becomes so real I can't help but cry. I remember that night. There's something saddening, almost ghost like about the way the sky looks at night when it's quiet. I'd never seen it when it was quiet. I'd spent all of my life up until that moment in apartments in the city, and that night made me feel what I'd always known was there, but was clouded in static.
While they all slept I sat there, watching you. I felt critically isolated, I had never seen so many stars burn in that icy expanse, and felt the silence filling my ears, crushing me. You were alone, feeling what I was. I know you were. Although I'd never known you, that day when I saw your eyes I knew you and I were alike. The way you never hid made me wonder. You allowed yourself to be involved, I always silently applauded the way you kept your façade so perfectly placed.
Like me you allowed it to hurt when you think no one was watching. I know that that time was difficult for you though, especially near the end when allowing it to bleed through became so difficult. Cracks appeared. I worried when I saw that, I knew if the front crumbled mine would too. Silently relying on you to be strong to keep me there. I hid all I could. I had an excuse. I don't know how you managed without a barrier.
The stars in the picture as I look out the window are the same as the ones I saw that evening, but they don't have that silence. There were nights here too when I watched you see them and feel that. But as much as you managed to fit in you never saw beyond what you needed too. I was just a fleeting face in a train as it passed by you.
I don't know why I've felt like this all my life. I know I'm alone but even before that was confirmed I was that way. It's perhaps a double edged sword. Having to be with people stresses me greatly, yet there are some nights when I'm bleeding alone in a dark corner of my bedroom that I wish you were there, to just let me collapse on. I can't count the endless nights of insomnia with that hollow aching retching in me as the blood dried on my arms and fingers, to know that I could die there having never had the chance to feel someone care.
You could never see me. And as much as I don't blame you for it, I hope you will stay the way you are when you see me next. If I don't end up as a GIF image being traded over the internet as a testament to botched suicides I hope you'll see me as more than just the loser behind the computer.
Although we never really saw each other I always knew the you that was there behind the confident stance, the you that I saw in those amber eyes. Although I walked away, for a moment I knew there was someone else like me.
The stars in the sky are beginning to cloud and run together, and although they are disappearing the silence is finally here with me. The sounds of the city fade away as the last pain dies away from my arms and I begin to relax. The insomnia and the retching are not with me as I feel my breathing begin to relax. Before thought abandons me I think of her sitting there under the stars, surrounded only by the silence. And although she didn't see me there I saw her..
As ambiguous as this story perhaps was I have many fics I've started but never finished when I got lost in the description. And although I am acutely aware of the similarity between all of my fics posted here I…hmm…I'm sorry.