I do not own Metalocalypse. Just having some silly fun with the boys ...

And I really can't do the accent thing. Cut me some slack please.

That's not gay!

The sight that presented itself when he opened the door despite the crudely drawn „Do Not Disturb"-sign would have shattered lesser minds.

But to Charles F. Ofdensen it was just another of his every day working-trials with the boys.

After the hurried disentanglement of limbs had finished, they stood glaring at him expectantly with the air of people who are thoroughly pissed to be disturbed and want to know what the hell is so fucking important.

But if you are the manager of Dethklok you have to have nerves of steel and you could have bounced rocks of Charles' perfectly blank expression when he stated matter-of-factly: „So, you are gay then."

Nathan's eyes spit fire in indignation when he roared: „Whaaat? We are the most brutal band on earth! If there is anything less gay ..." The lead singer was lost for a moment. „Well, there isn't." he finished lamely.

„But you were having sex." his manager, who hadn't moved a face-muscle, pointed out dryly.

„Scho what? Schex ischn't gay." Murderface countered.

„With each other." Ofdensen specified as if talking to a grade school class.

„So?" The whole band looked at him in genuine confusion.

„Two men having sex with each other is not gay?" Charles asked, the faintest hint of exasperation climbing in his voice.

Immediately the boys were shouting at him in unison: „That's not gay!" „How is that gay?"

The manager raised a skeptic eyebrow. „Some would say it's the very definition." he ventured carefully.

„Well they sure as hell never tried." Nathan responded, conviction in his words.

„Gay is being whimsical and soppy." Pickles elaborated.

„Likes der ladies." Skwisgaar threw in.

The drummer nodded. „Right like that."

„Like, writing love letters to each other." Nathan explained.

„Or dancing together to real schlow music." Murderface added

„Watching der romantics comedies and crying when ze puppies die." Toki suggested.

This earned him a contemptuous look from his Swedish bandmate: „Yous always cry when zer puppies die."

Instantly the two men were nose to nose shouting at each other.

„Dids not!"

„Dids too!"

The rest of the band ignored them, trying to think of more examples for gay behaviour.

„Looking each other in the eyes all the time and giggling." Pickles offered.

„Giving each other flowersch." This was Murderface.

„Cuddling." Nathan stated grimly.

This got Toki's attention. „I likes der cuddling."

„Well, that's totally gay!" the lead singer rumbled.

„Is not!" the Norwegian shouted at him angrily.

The other man was unimpressed: „Sure is."

„Um, I like cuddling, too." Pickles volunteered before they could get into a fight.

Nathan stopped, looking at the drummer grumpily for a moment and then rolled his eyes, murmuring „God damnit ..." and turned to Charles again. „All right. We're not sure about the cuddling, but two guys fucking each other in the butt, ripping their sore arses open – that's definitely not gay! 'S fucking brutal!"

Ofdensen had given up on talking them out of their often unorthodox world outlook long ago.

As long as they kept selling records and concert tickets he couldn't care less what kept them going.

So he just sighed. „All right. Whatever. Just keep it to yourselves, ok? You fans might not be too happy ..."

And with that he left, while Nathan's attention had already drifted elsewhere. „Hm, 'Ripping your sore arse open' – good title!"