Stole… err Inspired by 8-Bit Theater and Slayers
Here comes… a new story from A.T. Productions
The Adventures of the Black Mage and Fighter
(Remember boys and girls, this is based on a Role Playing Game where the laws of space, time, and reality need not apply!)
A dark, hooded and cloaked figure stood at the summit of a mountain. As it looked down upon the lands below, it began speaking in a low ominous tone. "Look at that unsuspecting world. It does not know what's in store for its innocent residents; ignorant of the death and destruction that will soon be rained down upon it." The voice began to crescendo to triumphant conclusion, "Oh, the sheer devastation that will be unleashed upon it BY MY VERY OWN HANDS!!!" He began to cackle manically when someone came up behind him and tapped his shoulder. "GAH!!!" He spun around. "Fighter! Don't startle me like that when I'm ranting! I nearly blew your head off with a fireball," he said while composing himself.
Fighter ignored Black Mage's comment and asked, "Can we go on a quest yet? It's getting cold up here and I still haven't defeated any monsters!" Fighter, living up to his name was dressed as a warrior: steel-plated armor, large broadsword hanging at his side, a wooden shield strapped to his back, a steel helm topping his head, and wrapped in a cloak, which he attempted to hold close for warmth, while strong wind gusts kept pulling it out of his hands.
"Quest? I've got more important things to do, like sowing chaos and disorder in the land."
"But I want to get some experience." Fighter whined.
"Oh, why don't you go kill an ice dragon!" Black Mage shouted as he turned, took one step , and – to his great surprise – came face to face with an ice dragon. The dragon flashed its long sharp teeth in a nasty grin.
"Are you the onesss who made all that noissse and woke me up?" It hissed while licking its lips with its slimy tongue, giving the two adventurers a hungry look.
Black Mage gave a nervous chuckle, "Me? Make noise? Heh heh, I'm as quiet as a mouse." He whispered to Fighter, "How did he sneak up on me when you were watching?"
Fighter shrugged and whispered back, "It must be one of those random monster encounters."
"You have a bit more meat than a moussse on you."
"*Gulp* Well, it was all Fighter's fault!" said Black Mage apologetically as he somehow managed to teleport behind Fighter. He pushed Fighter forward despite his resistance. "Why don't you eat him?"
"I think I'll eat both of you."
Black Mage kept pushing Fighter toward the ice dragon. "Well, Fighter, here's your big chance to get experience."
"I think I've changed my mind."
"Nonsense! This is a perfect opportunity. Go get it!"
"But I don't think I want to!"
"Fighter, you don't think, you fight! Now GO FIGHT!" Black Mage decided to give Fighter some incentive and threw a small fireball at his behind.
"YEOWWW!!!" Fighter went flying towards the dragon, head first.
"How nice, my meal is roasting itself." The dragon remarked as it opened its mouth to catch Fighter within it. Fighter began to desperately windmill his arms in an attempt to slow his flight to no avail
The dragon caught Fighter in its mouth and snapped its jaws closed and smiled as it swallowed. Or tried to.
The dragon began to make choking noises as Fighter's body got stuck in its throat. It was not until its face started to turn to an interesting shade of purple before it finally managed to cough out an unconscious saliva-covered Fighter.
"Ow," The dragon was panting and holding its throat and with its free claw it pointed at the still form of Fighter, "That'sss the worssst thing I've ever tasssted."
Fighter – having passed out from landing on his head – couldn't defend himself from the allegation.
The dragon – still rubbing its throat – regarded the still form of Fighter. "Well, I guesssss if I can't eat him he'sss defeated me and deservesss a token of my esssteem." It took another look at Fighter and added in a thoughtful tone, "Or maybe it ssshould be a token of my pity?"
Black Mage stared at the sight. "Err, aren't you going to kill him?"
"Kill him? Goodnesssss no! I sssussspect he'sss already has enough problems with a taste like that. Besidesss, that taste has upssset my ssstomach, I don't think my tummy could handle sssseeing the blood," the dragon explained. "Asss for the token of my pity, I sssuppossse I could give him this old category Cee, model thirty-ssseven-b wissshing ring." With its clawed appendage it pulled an ornate silver ring out of seemingly nowhere and tossed it on top of Fighter's body. "Tell him that only he can ussse it and only oncsse, and don't even dream of usssing it againssst me or making wissshesss to extend its range. I sssugessst that he usssesss it to fix that tassste." With that the ice dragon gathered itself together and leapt into air, beating its leathery wings. It quickly became a speck in the sky.
Black Mage lost no time hotfooting it to Fighter. He eagerly grabbed the ring, held it up, and cried out, "I wish I had the power to destroy the world!"
Nothing happened.
He scowled, "Well, I guess only that stupid Fighter can use it, but, hey, maybe I can get him to wish for something that would help me." He kicked Fighter a few times to wake him up.
"Ow!" The pain roused Fighter into consciousness. He sat up with a groan. "What happened?"
Black Mage was now trying to wipe off the dragon spit off his boots, "Ugh, stupid dragon," he said before finally taking note of Fighter's consciousness, "Oh, you got knocked out when you ran into the dragon." Black Mage retorted with a snort.
Fighter had a puzzled look on his face as he tried to recall what happened. "I ran into the dragon? I thought you…"
Black Mage quickly cut off Fighter. "Ah, you apparently suffered some memory loss when you landed on your head," he lied. "But with your brave charge you defeated the ice dragon and your victory was glorious!"
"I defeated the ice dragon?" Fighter sounded as if he had trouble believing what he heard. He shook his head and noticed, for the first time, his state, "Err, why am I all wet?"
"That's not important. What is important is that you didn't slay him, of course, but you were obviously too powerful for it, because it ran off," said Black Mage with a smirk.
"Wow! Did the dragon leave any treasure? I want a shiny sword!"
Black Mage got an idea. "Well it did leave you this category C wishing ring with one remaining wish. But it did say that it will work only if you wish for something that will help both of us."
"Now that's tough," said Fighter thoughtfully. "How about if I wish for the dragon to come back so we can defeat him again and get more experience?"
Black Mage, grimaced at Fighter's stupidity, "No you fool! You can't use the dragon's own wishing ring against him. Why don't you wish for something like giving unlimited power?"
Fighter scratched his head "Uh, how does help me?"
Black Mage paused a moment while he could come up with a suitable lie, "Um, well, if I had more power, I could help you too."
Fighter looked a bit dubious, "Well, I don't k…" Suddenly, a brilliant thought hit Fighter just as a winged pig flew over head. "Ahh, I know!"
"You do? That could be dangerous."
"Yes, I wish that I, Fighter, and you, Black Mage, my friend, bonded to me as my obedient page and servant, would go on the longest, victorious quest ever known!" Almost as an afterthought he added, "With Black Mage eventually becoming as powerful he wants."
The mountain top was bathed in a flash of light. When it faded, the Fighter was sitting on a magnificent mount, outfitted in knightly garb, obviously from a top-line supplier. Behind him was Black Mage sitting on a donkey. As they both realized what the wish had accomplished, Fighter started beaming with delight. Black Mage, for some reason, started sobbing.
*Disclaimer* Black Mage and Fighter belongs to Brian Clevinger at 8-Bit Theater (http://www.nuklearpower.com/comic/). I'm not trying to make money off of them or anything. I just wanted to have some fun.