Title: Kiss Me, Tiny Feet
Author: Ellibells
Summary: One-shot - Chuck and Blair, Season 5. Tragedy, Hurt/Comfort. Baby Bass that once was. Settle down with me, cover me up, cuddle me in. Lie down with me… and hold me, in your arms
A/N: I was inspired by Ed Sheeran, an amazing singer/songwriter. Kiss Me needs to be played if you are planning on reading this, I strongly advise it, followed by Small Bump. I don't have much to say apart from that the overall meaning of this touches me deeply and writing this ached my heart so much, I cried the whole way through. I hope you feel the impact like I do. Thank you for taking your time to read my writing :')
He came to her. He always would.
Pushing the door open only slightly so he could creep into the overly darkened room, he found her figure slumped in the middle of her bed, curled into the foetal position as he watched the soft sobs expel from her shaking body.
His breath hitched when he saw her. It always would but in this particular moment, the air was trapped from his body for far too long and he truly couldn't breathe. He didn't know how.
He knew the implications as he approached her home. He knew what he was feeling was real because he heard it in his sisters voice when she called; he saw it now, gazing at the woman he loved and he felt it shoot through his body as he listened to her soft sobs; every other noise blanked from his mind, every other thought vanished as he stood numbly, not entirely sure what he was waiting for.
Settle down with me, cover me up, cuddle me in
Lie down with me… and hold me, in your arms
And your hearts against my chest, your lips pressed to my neck
I'm falling for your eyes, but they don't know me yet
And with a feeling I forget
I'm in love, now.
Pulling the suit jacket from his back and kicking the shoes from his feet, he started to maneuver himself across the darkened room, padding across the carpeted floor with a sense of purpose he couldn't quite put his finger on yet.
The thumping of his chest was enough to let her know he was close because she couldn't honestly feel hers anymore. She couldn't tell anymore. Her heart was thumping slower and slower with each sobs as she rocked herself into the darkness of her thoughts.
The dip of the bed elicited her to close her eyes tighter, letting the next few stray tears to part; no longer bothered that her silk pillows would be ruined with her mascara stains and heart ache.
Kiss me like you wanna be loved
Wanna be loved
Wanna be loved
This feels like falling in love
Falling in love
Falling in love
Slowly and deliberately, he wrapped his aching arms around her waist, pulling her petit frame flush against his thinly shirted chest as her legs slotted in between his, entangling them both against one another.
Flinching for a moment as his hands came to rest on her empty stomach, she replaced the sickening feeling with her hands on top of his as their fingers linked.
He didn't say a word as he attached his chastely weak lips to her neck, kissing her tenderly before repeating the gesture against her temple and into her disheveled hair.
Settle down with me and I'll be your safety
You'll be my lady
I was made to keep your body warm
But i'm cold as, the wind blows, so hold me in your arms
Oh no
My hearts against your chest, your lips pressed to my neck
I'm falling for your eyes, but they don't know me yet
And with this feeling I'll forget
I'm in love now.
Just when she thought she had cried as much as she could and all she could feel was numbness as his warmth wracked her body, she felt his tears drip against her neck, mixing with his kissing, encouraging her body to renew the emptiness with more tears.
She couldn't put a word on the stinging in her chest or the aching in her stomach, only her tears could support what she couldn't say as his did the same, whispering sweet nothings in her ears.
She hadn't needed to ask or tell him because she knew he would come without invitation in the blink of an eye. She wished she could apologise or even say a word that would erase what she had done. What she should have done, what she didn't do.
Kiss me like you wanna be loved
Wanna be loved
Wanna be loved
This feels like falling in love
Falling in love
Falling in love
"I wanted a little girl…" He admitted as she allowed a hard whimper to escape with the breath she had been holding.
He was mad for far too long when he could have been with her. He hated himself for it. He regretted every minute and would never be able to bring himself to hate her. Never could.
The silent tears that had once surrounding the room were now filled with deep cries of pain as she clutched his hands on her belly tighter; wishing she could replace the feeling of barrenness that held her body.
She hated herself. Her baby having to pay for her mother's mistakes; the only explanation she could bear.
Yeah I've been feeling, everything from hate to love
From love to lust
Lust to truth
I guess that's how I know you
So hold you close, to help you give it up
"It should have been me…" Was all she could muster as a confession as he shut his eyes sharply, commanding the words out of his mind as they echoed.
"Don't you dare." Was his only warning as he kissed her cheek firmly, making her turn so he could see her face a little better, cupping her cheek as she did so.
"I-"
Denied from her lips as she witnessed him shake his head erratically, tears dripping anywhere, everywhere.
"Don't do that to me. Say you won't do that to me."
He pleaded with her heart as he gripped her drenched cheeks, making her look at him as he forced himself to hold her wary gaze.
Kiss me like you wanna be loved
Wanna be loved
Wanna be loved
This feels like falling in love
Falling in love
Falling in love
Kiss me like you wanna be loved
Wanna be loved
Wanna be loved
This feels like falling in love
Falling in love
We're falling in love
"I'm so sorry…"
Closing the silence with his lips, he held their mouths together as he felt her tears mix with his; the salty taste in his mouth providing him with a strange sense of comfort.
Letting her go, she slumped back into her previous position, allowing him to only just recognise the photo which lay next to her so innocently and unobviously handled.
Reaching out, he turned the square piece over to find a black and white framed picture. Her first, her last.
He let his fingers linger over the image, gripping it softly, not to leave it unbreakable; knowing if he held any tighter it would crinkle. Wanting to savour every minute of seeing her for the first time.
"She's so perfect."
Feeling her head nod in front of him, he pulled her in tighter, not able to take his eyes from the picture as it engraved his mind, his heart as it thumped slower in the rhythm of hers.
"Never let us go…"
It was her begging. Pleading him to stay this time, to fight for whatever they now had.
The kiss of her neck was as much as he had left as he dropped his hand to the mattress, still clinging to the only evidence left to show that she ever existed in their twisted world.
As they cried, clutched and shook, he knew she was thinking as he was. What if.
His mind wracked with thoughts as his puffy eyes closed, imaging a carbon copy of her running into his arms. The softness of her skin, brushing his cheek as he held his little girl tight; the woman they loved watching from a far with a permanent smile plastered so chastely against her features.
Sinking into his arms, she imagined what it would feel like to hold her tiny body in her arms. To rock her to sleep, washing away the fear as her tiny body slumped in her safe arms; her tiny feet flopping at the edges and her eyes closing from the days new adventures.
The untold memories didn't fill any gaps in their hearts or take away the pain that stained her body, it only made her chest hurt more but at the same time, the hurt comforting the stinging that could have been there instead.
She didn't know anything anymore. She didn't know how he could even touch her, look at her. The one and only thing she was sure of was that no one else would compare to him. She knew now, she had never deserved him. But still, he kept her. Always would.
He didn't let go as the room darkened further and the tears persisted. He held her tight as they grieved the loss of something they never quite had, a destiny they couldn't have controlled.
You're just a small bump unborn, in four months you're brought to life
You might be left with my hair, but you'll have your mother's eyes
I'll hold your body in my hands, be as gentle as I can, but for now you're a scan of my unmade plans
A small bump in four months, you're brought to life
I'll whisper quietly, I'll give you nothing but truth
If you're not inside me, I'll put my future in you
You are my one and only
You can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight.
Oh, you are my one and only
You can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight.
And you'll be alright.
You're just a small bump unknown; you'll grow into your skin
With a smile like hers and a dimple beneath your chin
Finger nails the size of a half grain of rice
And eyelids closed to be soon opened wide
A small bump, in four months you'll open your eyes
And I'll hold you tightly, I'll tell you nothing but truth
If you're not inside me, I'll put my future in you
You are my one and only
You can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight.
Oh, you are my one and only
You can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight.
And you'll be alright.
You can lie with me
With your tiny feet
When you're half asleep
I'll leave you be
Right in front of me
For a couple weeks
So I can keep you safe
'Cause you are my one and only
You can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight.
You are my one and only
You can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight.
And you'll be alright.
You were just a small bump unborn just four months then torn from life
Maybe you were needed up there but we're still unaware as why.