Summary: Loki realizes just how crazy his mortal truly is and tries to pawn him off to Steve, much to Tony's irritation. Oneshot.

Fandom: Marvel's The Avengers

Rating: T

Pairings: FrostIron – Loki Laufeyson x Tony Stark; ThunderShield – Thor Odinson x Steve Rogers

Warnings: slash, gross amounts of confetti and glitter, snark, fluff, and general sass

Author's Note: Uh hi everyone *meek wave* So, yeah, this isn't the final chap of Just a Rose. I'm so sorry for the delay with that. Between school and life sucking in general, I haven't had any time to myself or steady inspiration to write. I actually haven't really written anything substantial for over a month. But that chap is nearly finished and I'm hoping to find the time for it soon. In the meantime, I hope you don't mind this little bit of nonsense. Just a random idea that was too good to pass up. Proof I'm still alive and getting back into the swing of writing woop woop. All comments and commentary are most welcome. Enjoy the silliness.

Inspired by So Far by james on AO3.

Not a Fool (Just Upside Down)

"Aint got no care; I aint got no rules

I think I like living upside down."

~Paloma Faith, "Upside Down"

They hadn't even made it to the bottom of the stairway when Pepper stopped cold on the threshold to the workshop, Tony's name falling from her lips. A good stride behind her, Loki couldn't see what Tony had blown up that time, but her face said it all really.

"Stop staring like this is the worst thing you've seen me doing," he heard Tony snark and Pepper pinched the bridge of her nose, breathing deep.

"What did he do this time?" Loki asked. Instead of answering, she sent him one of her Looks as he sidled up next to her, leaving him to take in the scene for himself.

From his position hanging from the ceiling, his left leg snagged on what looked to be a purple curtain, half-naked and covered in tiny bits of colored paper, Tony had the gall to point at his unimpressed expression as though he was responsible for the mushroom cloud of confetti that covered the entirety of the room. No, it wasn't just confetti he realized; a rain of glitter of varying flowery shapes fogged the air, peppered on Tony's skin and dark hair like stars, twinkling merrily in the light. There was a small cannon of all things stuffed in the corner, smoke creeping out of the barrel still pointed directly to where Tony hung, and honestly, only his human would be stupid enough to jump in the line of fire from a cannon. And Midgard was determined to claim him the insane one.

"I know you've seen me in worse," Tony bit out like a defiant child. As though Loki would've even been able to deny that.

Silence stretched for a brief second. "Nope," was all the warning Pepper gave him before she dumped the load of paperwork she'd been carrying into his arms. Not even ten minutes and she was already done. Not that he could blame her. Still, Loki sent her a Look of his own.

"You may have him back anytime," he offered and Tony's indignant squawk was most satisfying indeed. Pepper was already brushing past him, a smirk on her lips.

"I've had my fair share of Tony Stark," she called down the stairway. "Not my fault if you didn't know what you were getting into!" Then she was gone and Loki was left with the mess, as usual. He figured he should've felt more annoyed about that than he was.

Tony tried for sheepish but fell short at unashamed. "In my defense, I wasn't expecting such a big boom."

Loki made a show of sighing at that and crossed into the room, ignoring Tony's pout. With a wave of magic, confetti scattered off the nearest workbench and Loki set down the papers.

"Two years with you and I believe I should be used to this by now," he shook his head in amusement.

"You love it," Tony countered easily, swinging side to side. The arc reactor formed faint streaks of light with the movement, the blue glow adding further highlight to the glitter. "You'd get bored of me otherwise. I have to keep you on your toes."

Loki turned to regard him then, unable to keep his smile down any longer when Tony grinned at him, red faced and forever not sorry. He hummed and leaned against the table, folding his arms over his chest.

"While I will admit this particular arrangement is rather alluring," he tilted his head, "I fear I must draw the line at fluttering rainbows." As if to prove his point, a clutter of glitter came free from a fold in Tony's sweatpants and cascaded over him in a baptism of sparkles. Tony made a face.

"None of this was my idea," he stressed and started reaching for a nearby stool to halt the sway of the curtain. Loki raised a disbelieving eyebrow and he floundered, missing a solid handhold completely.

"Okay, so maybe the cannon was, but only because I'm just that awesome," Tony tried again, flapping madly for the stool. Loki caught his toes around the nearest leg and pulled it out of his reach, earning a positively wounded stare for his efforts.

"Only the cannon?" Loki taunted, unconvinced. Tony huffed but finally started looking guilty.

"Fine… maybe the glitter too," he muttered after a moment and, oh,wasn't that just glorious?

"Glitter. Shaped like flowers," Loki deadpanned slowly, reigning in his laughter with absolute glee. "And rainbow paper used as ammunition… for a cannon."

"It always sounds bad when you say it like that," Tony whined. "It was Barton's idea for confetti, okay? He wanted me to build a confetti fountain. Why? How the hell should I know? The guy spends his free time perusing ventilation shafts; I've stopped expecting rational requests to come out of his mouth. Be proud though. I talked him down to cannon. I'm pretty sure he only went with it for the chance to blow something up, but at least we won't have some fairy fountain wafting glitter up the vents. And since I have some degree of responsibility when it comes to my own inventions, I had to make sure the confetti didn't catch fire and rain down on everyone like a colorful explosion of stupid."

With every sentence he started swinging with slightly more force, twisting the curtain worse around his leg. Tony didn't seem to notice and, with an affronted huff, crossed his arms and ankles, as though waiting for some reward for what was obviously thorough planning on his part. "So you're welcome."

Loki just blinked at him, carefully neutral, and stared. Tony glared back, rebellious.

His mortal was truly insane. How anyone could expect praise for that was beyond him. But it was nevertheless impressive, and how utterly hilarious Tony looked hanging upside down threatened to break through the calm façade he was holding. He felt equal parts exasperated and proud, because it was so very Tony to build a cannon and use himself as target practice. And only Tony would manage to find a way to get tangled up in a curtain in the resulting explosion and get stuck on the ceiling. The man had mischief and chaos in his veins and Loki loved it, but even he wondered sometimes just how Tony had managed to survive on his own for so long.

Two years and he was still a puzzle. That alone merited praise… after a healthy amount of teasing, of course.

Straight-faced, Loki walked over to the com set at the end of the workbench, brushing away confetti from the call buttons. Leveling Tony with a Look, he pressed the #1 speed dial with the best of his nonchalant grace.

Confusion wiped the boldness off Tony's face when the dial tone echoed throughout the workshop. Only when the rings came through, one by one, did he seem to realize who Loki had dialed.

"Hello?"

"Captain, I'm giving him back," Loki stated without preamble, amusement bubbling under his skin. Tony gaped in shock.

It took a second for Steve to respond. "Pardon?"

"Anthony Stark has gone to levels of insanity even my powers cannot reach," Loki said in mock-irritation, stomach clenching in mirth at the Look Tony shot at him. "I care not for recompense if you would but take him back."

Steve snorted over the line. "And what makes you think I'd take him?"

Tony turned his glare to the call button and Loki bit back his smile.

"Do not forget it was I who gave you a blessing to pursue your feelings for my brother," he pointed out. "I do believe that means you owe me one."

"Clearly you've forgotten that I've allowed Thor to move in with me," Steve volleyed and he sounded just as amused as Loki felt. "More like you owe me one."

Loki could hear Thor's protest over the static and it was far too easy to imagine his brother's sulking visage, especially since Tony was doing a perfect impression of it.

"If you take him, I promise I will take responsibility for any further damages caused by his lunacy," Loki said off-handedly and Tony actually looked offended.

"Implying further damages will be incurred."

"Then give me an address to ship him to," Loki leveled his tone to emphasize his reasonable request. "Surely SHIELD still has need of its Man of Iron, crazy or no."

"See, that's the problem. SHIELD policy doesn't allow for refunds." Steve was obviously unmoved. Or too busy trying to dislodge Thor's pout from his face.

"If you pet him, he does tricks," Loki felt obligated to mention and Tony stuck his tongue out at him, swaying in a circle. "He's hardly reliable for timed matters but still loyal despite his odd recluse habits. And he is always a handsome mess. Insists on wearing loud colors and rather shines in the right light. I can promise you an end to dull moments, which is more than I can say of my brother."

Thor had a whole new round of protests for that, but Steve held his ground. "Tempting, but not nearly tempting enough. Nice try, but you agreed to take him the moment you decided to sleep behind enemy lines. No give backs."

Tony smirked a little at that and Loki rolled his eyes. "I do not need to describe to you Anthony's talents of persistence and persuasion. I cannot be held responsible for my actions."

"Unless you can prove that, I'm afraid there's little I can do."

"How very unhelpful Captain," Loki sneered sweetly. "Perhaps others in your team will prove less so."

Steve mumbled something to Thor to quiet him long enough to finish, utterly calm.

"Well, Dr. Banner did say he needed a new test gerbil. Perhaps the possibility of turning him into a science experiment will win him over?"

"…that is slightly more helpful, thank you." And Loki ended the call as Steve's amusement finally came loose. He aimed a long sigh to the ceiling.

Tony looked positively smug.

"Looks like you're stuck with me," he puffed up.

"That remains to be seen," Loki drawled out, smirking when Tony pouted at him. "There is, after all, a chance the good doctor will take you to be his… how did the Captain put it? His gerbil?"

Tony looked appropriately scandalized. "You know, I really hate you sometimes."

Loki's countenance broke at that and the laughter felt good, warm in his bones.

"You love it," he breathed, stepping in close. The curtain was short enough that their faces were nearly level and Tony gave a good-humored scoff when Loki reached a hand into his hair to brush away the glitter. "I would say I keep you on your toes, but you seem adamant to keep sweeping yourself off them. The trouble that finds you never ceases to amaze me, but I will admit the view from here is rather spectacular."

"Ha-ha, oh my god you're hilarious," Tony grumbled, but managed to brush his fingers against Loki's brow with surprising aim and a lopsided smile. "Now are you going to help me down… or do I need to do a trick first?"

Loki glanced at the curtain. "You could always find a way to get yourself down, since you obviously had no trouble getting up there in the first place… and I may be persuaded to kiss you should you succeed."

Tony blinked in the face of his challenge before grinning wide.

"Deal."

el fin.

Have I mentioned lately how much I love these two idiots? *rolls around*

The next story up will be Just a Rose, I promise. This was just a writing exercise, something fun to get me back into the groove of things. Sorry for being so awful and taking forever. Until next time, stay awesome.