I'll be the first to admit, after everything I shouldn't still love him and I definitely shouldn't tell him that I do. But If I didn't say it. If I kept it locked inside, I'd feel it all the more, it would hurt twice as much, and where's the sense in that?
It's not my intention to make him miserable, I know seeing my face isn't exactly what he wants right now, It would just make him remember it all. I promise that I'm not trying to make his life harder, I don't want to go back to then, to when all we could do was scream, and hope we'd find our way back.
Don't get me wrong, just because I won't be around, that doesn't mean I'm falling out of love. There's not a force in this world that could make me forget, because for every bad memory, there's twice as many good ones. I know that when I left, after I accused him, that I couldn't take back all those words, I couldn't take back what I said. I knew it then too, I was fully aware of what I was doing. I can't go back, not even if I wanted to. Do I want to?
Even through all the good things, I didn't cause him anything but trouble. His friends didn't like me, and his mother didn't approve. I distracted him from his job, I caused all the fights, I made him crazy. I couldn't trust him. I destroyed him. I never wanted to hurt him, but that's what ended up happening.
When the day comes when we meet again, which I'm sure we will. When we run into each other at one place or another. I'll still feel everything I did then, and that I'm feeling now, but I'll hold it in, I won't say a word about how I miss the way he kissed me, or held my hand extra tight around his friends, when he knew I was insecure. I won't mention how I'm not sure I'll ever feel for anyone else what I feel for him. I will hold my tongue. I won't cause him any more pain, that's the last thing I want. Besides, who's to say he'd care? And he'll look at me, and think that I'm happy, he'll think I've moved on. He never could read me.
You can ask me in an hour, a day, a week, a month, or a year and nothing will have changed. I'm in love and I always will be.