Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Why Try If All I Get Is Pain?

Chuck Bass. That's my name. I use and people abuse it. When you hear the name Chuck Bass, drugs and sex and lots and lots of money fill your mind. You think of hookers and Bart Bass. Chuck Bass in the dictionary says: rich billionaire bad boy of UES, who has slept with almost every girl in New York, owns a strip club and is a notorious heartbreaker. Heartbreaker. What constitutes being a heartbreaker? Are there specific guidelines to being notorious?

People assume that I don't have a heart. Someone as detached and ruthless as Chuck Bass couldn't ever love. Couldn't ever hurt right? Chuck Bass is just Chuck Bass. He's loves himself and his money. So when he fell for Blair Waldorf people were shocked. Flowers? Presents? Devotion? Chuck Bass doesn't have a heart and if you don't have a heart how can you love someone?

When Blair and I got into fights people assumed that it was my fault. Serena threatened me and Nate called me worthless and some more Chuck Bass worthy words. When Blair and I broke up Nate and Serena hated me. Lily and Eric hated me. Dan and Vanessa hated me. Blair's family hated me. The only person who didn't hate me was Jenny.

I can't take it anymore. I'm giving up. What is the point in trying? Every time I put myself out on the chopping block someone cuts of a piece of me. I never realized how much pain it really was to love someone. Why give up casual sex when making love leaves so many painful reverberations inside me? Why try to give up my constant drinking when all it does is make the cruel words and heartbreaking stabs more visible? Why stop smoking and getting high when being on this planet, listening to everyone pick and poke at you like a slab of meat hurts more? Why try so hard for acceptance when no one will ever give it to you?

Why should I care what they want? Why should I want them to want me? It hurts when they reject me. When they decide they don't like Chuck Bass. It's painful when I find out that the real manipulative twisted Chuck Bass revolts them. That underneath the bow tie and the casual attitude is a selfish, messed up little boy who killed his mother. They all shy away scared that he'll rub off on them. Even Blair did. But she didn't run away because she was afraid of him but because she found out who he was. She got past the charity case and finally found out who Chuck Bass is. He's not the boy that could be fixed. He's not Nate Archibald in disguise. He could try to be the golden boy but all it does is come back and bite him in the ass.

So he sits at the bar of his Empire. His black bowtie tied neatly around his neck. His suit is impeccable. He hasn't combed his hair and he let it grow out a bit. Back to how his hair was in high school. His back is straight and his phone is vibrating on the table never stopping as call after call comes in. He ignores it and calls for another round of scotch. Scotch is his favorite. And no amount of change could move him from that. He's still Chuck Bass. He's still rich and famous. He can have anything he wants. Just because nobody wants him and he's being shunned. That's okay. He doesn't care. It's better this way. He likes it this way.

If nobody cares about him then he cares about no one. They preach and prod as if they actually care. But he won't fall. They won't break him down. He won't stand on the edge of roofs. He won't run off to Thailand. He won't be saved by Jack. He will stand tall and proud and be Chuck Bass. No where in the definition of Chuck Bass is there the word broken. He is Chuck Bass and he will make sure everyone knows.

He can feel her presence. He can smell her expensive perfume. He can hear her heels as she walks towards. Lifting herself onto the stool next to him she orders a martini. The bar manager seems to realize that maybe its best he leaves. He knows these two. Chuck Bass is explosive and Blair Waldorf knows how to fight.

Chuck Bass doesn't move and say anything. His face doesn't change and he makes no move to acknowledge her existence. He dimly notices that his phone hasn't stopped ringing. A small part of him aches when he realizes it wasn't her calling. Shooting down the rest of his scotch he smashes that small sober part of him. Climbing over the bar smoothly he grabs the bottle of scotch and pulls off the cap. Downing a gulp he stares at her face. She cringes and he doesn't care. His face doesn't change. It's time to become Chuck Bass again. It's time for her to realize who he is. That he's Chuck Bass and she's no exception to that.

"I'm sorry Chuck." Her words run through him like poison. He wishes to shove her words back into her face and walk off but he can't. He needs to reciprocate her words with his own.

"You're sorry for what? What did you do Waldorf?" He goes for the oblivious tactic knowing it will make her say it.

"I'm sorry for hurting you Chuck but Nate and Serena are worried about you." That same bitterly hopeful part of him aches again when he realizes she wasn't the one worrying about him. But it helps. It fuels the Chuck Bass fire and he smiles a twisted grin before downing more scotch.

"You can tell them both to go fuck themselves. I don't need their pathetic pity or their fake worry. And I especially don't need you checking up on me Waldorf. I don't need any of you." The grin never left his face and he gulped down more scotch. It burned through his throat and his grin got bigger.

"What happened to you Chuck?" Her eyes ran over his clean appearance then to the half empty bottle in his hand. Then to the maniacal grin on his face. He pondered this question for a moment. What had happened to him? There were many answers. Personal ones that would hurt her. She had happened to him. He had been abandoned by everyone. Those were true. It had happened to him but that is not what had happened to turn him back to the real Chuck Bass.

With a long drag of scotch he threw the bottle against the wall behind her enjoying the crash of glass and her frightened jump. "I gave up trying." He said before grabbing his phone dumping it into her martini and walking off. He grabs onto the arm of the nearest skinny blonde and leads her up to his room. He doesn't care if Blair saw. He's done. The game is over like she said it was. He was done trying.

Why try when all he gets is pain?

A/N

I feel so bad for Chuck. I never liked Blair and I always loved Chuck. PLEASE REVIEW!!! REVIEWS ARE CANDY AND I LOVE CANDY!!!