A/N: I have never written for The Good Wife before. It'a show that I find way too complex and out of my league. The Kings are masters in writing and I very rarely have something to add. Yet, here I am. I had a recent marathon of the last three episodes and this is what came out of the thoughts I had afterwards. I apologize if either Will or Alicia seem OOC. As I said, I sadly don't have the talent that Robert, Michelle King and their writers possess. The quotes that you don't recognize from the show are in order from Lord Byron, Virginia Woolf and Joseph Addison.
"How do you stop being jealous?"
"You stop caring. You start seeing other people. Like anything it wears off after a while. Or you tell the person I don't want you to see other people. But then you have to ready to back it up."
Or you faked. Especially when you had been ready to back it up and the person left you and returned to her philandering husband. Then you faked.
When said woman would be spending Thanksgiving with her children, her husband, their families, you faked. You stood at a bar with one of your best friends sincerely (for once) asking about how to get over jealousy and you lied. You used that act perfected over a millennium that had become so good that even the sharpest PI could be fooled.
"Yet he was jealous, though he did not show it, For jealousy dislikes the world to know it."
Jealousy could be taken only in two ways. It could be seen as the silly worry of a lover or as the sad ornament of an unrequited love that just refuses to go away. Will Gardner's jealousy was the worst type. It had become the bitter taste of the palate-cleanser after an incredibly satisfying dinner. The one that meant that the feast was over and it was time to go back to reality. He couldn't possibly wear that emotion on his sleeve. But it was difficult. Even for a consummate liar like he was. It was difficult not to exercise a bit of wishful thinking when it felt so natural to kid around with her brother. It was difficult not to flinch when she sported that utter panicked look at the simple idea that their affair could be found out. It was difficult not to scream when she rejected offers of help. It was difficult not to cry when she subtly rejected his instinctive declaration of love.
It was difficult but Will did it. It was difficult but Will was used to it. It was difficult but Will had no other choice.
When he casually asked ASA Hellinger out for a drink, it was more the thrill of competition that motivated him. He is fascinated by smart opponents. It's just who he is. Dullards and yes-women bore him. He wants the chase, he wants to hunt and be hunted, he wants to keep and be kept in line, mentally and physically. That's why Kalinda is his best friend, that's why Alicia is the love of his life, that's why he was not shocked that he wanted to have a drink with Laura.
"Our case is over. Our guy got convicted...Our duty is discharged, so that if we have anything that can help that guy on his appeal, we can use it."
It was ok to show her that his job had transformed into a morally gray character but that didn't mean that he was completely heartless.
"To the next one!"
"I can't wait!"
And he felt like answering "Me, too". Laura was smart, beautiful, fun and seemed to find him predictable in court. He recognized an extended challenge and he thrived in it. If, in the meantime, the dance of their challenges transformed into something else, something that made him stop thinking about Alicia and Peter, he would not shy away from it. She had been clear. He had been her dirty, little secret that was fun while it lasted (Regret was a card she hadn't played yet. He hoped she never would) but nothing more. He would always care about her driving safe but he still clinged to the idea that one day his jealousy would go away.
"Like anything it wears off after a while". He expected this while not to last forever.
""Fear no more," said Clarissa. Fear no more the heat o' the sun; for the shock of Lady Bruton asking Richard to lunch without her made the moment in which she had stood shiver, as a plant on the river-bed feels the shock of a passing oar and shivers: so she rocked: so she shivered."
The utter sensation of cold at the sight in front of her caught her off-guard, unprepared. For a second she felt off-balance, rocked by a wave of emotion she hadn't felt in a while.
Will had told her to bring him the final paperwork on the case that they had just won much earlier in the day but she had been caught with the umpteenth campaign drama and when she had gone to find him in his office, he was already gone. His secretary had told her that he probably was at their usual bar and Alicia had decided to give it a try. She could use a drink and the bar with Will was a fantastic stress-reliever after a long case. She hadn't expected him to be there with Laura, in what felt more like a date and less like a drink between opposing counsels.
She racked her brain for signals from Laura of this budding connection. She had told Alicia that she had enjoyed squaring off against Will in court but she had thought nothing of it at the time. It was hardly a piece of news that cases with Will were fun. But now she saw her words in a different light. They were two smart, interesting, remarkable, attractive and unattached lawyers. Things were bound to happen.
She waited for the terrible sensation of betrayal that had washed over her when that PI had told her the name Laila.
It didn't come. It made sense. Laura was fun to be around, she could easily call her a friend but she was no Kalinda. Captain Hellinger didn't have the power to truly rock Alicia Florrick's world.
Her drinking buddy did. Chicago's 16th most eligible bachelor did. The guy that, according to her mother, she wanted but she wouldn't let herself have most definitely did.
He was using it right now. Not consciously, for sure. He didn't even know she was in the bar. She suspected that he didn't even know the power he had over her. Nonetheless, he was using it. And what she felt wasn't betrayal, it was that green-eyed monster that Iago had warned Othello about.
She approached the pair, intent in giving Will the file and finding out something more about the situation.
"Hi Will, Laura", she said trying to appear as nonchalant as possible.
"Alicia, what a surprise! I thought Eli had kidnapped you for one of his shenanigans."
"I wanted to bring you the final McDermon file."
"Thanks, I had forgotten about it. Join us, won't you? I was just telling Laura here that she'll rack quite a tab at the bar if she insists on paying every time she loses against us. I'm worried she can't afford it."
His eyes twinkled, and he was playful as he had seen him with Tammy. Laura while maintaining her composure was smiling indulgently, as to forgive the narcissistic child that had spoken too soon. She felt like the third wheel and she wasn't sure why it hurt so damn much.
"You two get drunk for me too. I have to get home." I am about to break. I can't stay and watch. I don't want to cry here.
She slipped swiftly out of the bar and towards her car. She was just about to let go when Will's voice reached her.
"Alicia? Is everything ok? You seemed rattled in there!"
Damn him! Damn him and his continuous care for her. Damn him and his understanding. Damn him because he knew her enough to sense when something was wrong but he was clueless as to the cause.
"No, don't worry. Just tired. Long case, I need to get home and take a bath."
"Are you ok to drive? I can take you and then come back here."
"No need, Will, thanks. Say hello to Laura for me."
"As you wish. Goodnight Alicia. Get some rest."
"Goodnight Will, see you tomorrow!"
Tomorrow, when I will be put together again. Tomorrow when the jealousy won't sting so much. Tomorrow when I'll have dealt with this thunderstorm.
"Jealousy is that pain which a man feels from the apprehension that he is not equally beloved by the person whom he entirely loves."
How harsher the pain was when jealousy was the one feeling that made you realize that you were still in love in the first place. How harsher the pain was when you had practically kicked that person out of your life. How harsher the pain was when you knew that his drinking companion could be a serious threat.
Alicia drove and cried, her mother's words ringing in her ears:
"The older you get, the more you realize. There is only one thing: happiness"
It looked like Will held the key to hers after all. It was up to her now to convince him that even with two kids, even after sport-journalists, heiresses with a penchant for the law, and ASAs with a military past, she still held to key to his.
It was up to her now to stop being good and start being happy before it was too late.
A/N: I am not against Will getting with Laura if this leads to Alicia finally realizing that Will is going to move on sooner or later and then it will be too late to change her mind. I am hoping that something like this will happen but I don't truly believe it will. A girl can dream :)