Not sure where this came from but again...I don't plan or plot. I just opened a document and started writing and this is what came of it. It's a glimpse into a moment of Merle and Daryl's life before the world went to shit. Daryl is twenty here and by what I'm figuring with the show that is putting Merle around his thirties...This is like a snap shot of the brothers in time really..Hope you enjoy.
Things were never what they seemed around you and that was a lesson hard learned early on in life. Think things would be okay when your mother told you to just go lay down that it was nothing? Sure. Think things would be okay when your brother would give you that sarcastic half smirk and shrug off every thing that was happening like it didn't mean a damn thing. Whatever.
But it was all lies. He'd been everyone's fool early on and when they had all left he learned real quick that nothing was alright. He was fucked and he knew the second that belt bit into his back that the world hated him just as much as his own daddy did.
If it didn't hate him then why did he usually wake up in the state he did. Why did he wake up having to rip his shirt over his head and reopening the nights wounds only for the bleeding to start all over again. Because that was his life and the cards dealt to him.
Merle had bailed the first chance he got and never looked back. His own mother took her life in what they were saying was an accidental house fire but everyone knew the truth. She was tired of her husband beating her to the point she blacked out every night. She was so tired of it and done with this life that she had opted out.
Daryl felt envious of her at times not having to feel the bite of that belt ever again. But then something in him would snap that he wasn't a pussy and wasn't just going to take that leap like she did. It was usually Merle's fucking voice of all things that was calling him these things and getting him riled up. Getting his fucking head lined out.
That thought alone had him laughing as he packed his new cigarette pack against his wrist. Fucking Merle giving him advice about not running, about not looking for an out when that was all Merle had done. Well it was done now either way it went.
The sound of the crisp paper ripping as he tore into the pack of cigarettes was loud in his own ears and he looked down. A smirk was riding his lips if anyone had cared to look more than a passing glance. If they had they'd thought something wrong with him or maybe they wouldn't. No one liked the Dixons and his father was hated more than the rest of them. They knew of Daryl but in his twenty years he had managed to skim just under the radar and not draw attention to himself. Now though that old bastard was dead and he was free of those demons. Free of that bruising burden that was breaking him down day in and day out.
The smirk was for the fact that he was dead. Oh no he was happy to see that man meeting his end in the most cosmic of moments. He'd gotten in a drunken bar fight that sent the old bastard to the hospital. Luck would have it that the trip to the hospital picked something up odd in the check up and then he was told his father had a type of cancer. Now he hadn't cared enough to listen as the doctors told him the sordid news of his father's condition only nodding when he felt it was necessary. But from what he gathered and the amount of time the man spent in the hospital withering away he knew the cancer had been aggressive.
Served him fucking right. The chemo hadn't done shit and in the end he was defenseless against the monster wreaking havoc upon his body now. He could see it in the man's eyes when he was around and he was around. He didn't want a miss a moment of this despite how bad that might sound of him and oddly enough he felt obligated. Blood was blood, right? But his eyes had told him he knew what he'd done to Daryl all those years...he knew just what hell he'd dished out to his family. He was in his own hell now a prisoner to his dying body and no way to fight back.
"Darylina."
Turning his head over his shoulder he blew a cloud of smoke as his brother walked towards him. It had been a few years since he had seen him really and didn't know what to say to him. He wasn't a talker and he wasn't much a people person in general before the shitty hand dealt to him but now? Now he just downright avoided contact with people. He felt more at ease on his own or in the woods. Things made sense there and he knew the system. Predator prey. Hunt to live and hunt to survive.
Nodding his head at his brother's words, "You just get here?" His voice was rough from disuse and he cleared his throat.
"He still in there?" Merle's eyes cut up to the hospital.
Daryl didn't look and just nodded his head. Merle looked at him for a moment and then made his way there. Merle knew the man was dead and why he wanted to go look at a dead man who was his own business. Not like he could talk back. To each his own. Maybe Merle just needed to see for his self that the monster of their youth was finally dead and gone. After all Merle had grew up in that house too before he got out first through juvie then through the military.
It didn't take long for Merle to reappear outside. By his count enough time for him to smoke three cigarettes. Setting down by him Merle snatched his cigarette and inhaled deeply, "You ate today?"
Snorting at the question, "I'll manage."
Merle growled under his breath, "I know we got issues but I'm fucking here aint I?"
Daryl looked at him for a moment and then nodded, "Yeah Merle...you're here." Pushing himself standing he felt the tail of his shirt lift and tensed when he heard Merle's breathing change. He knew what he seen and started walking away from the questions.
"Daryl!" Merle called his voice rough.
Not looking back he climbed in the truck and went home. Home? No it wasn't home and just as soon as this shit was handled he was leaving this shit hole of a town and never looking back. It was gonna be in the rear view mirror and Daryl had plans to kick that fucker clear off the windshield so he couldn't look back, ever.
It didn't take long for Merle to show up at the place Daryl was calling home. They weren't fighting but they weren't exactly holding fucking hands around a fire reminiscing. No they were more likely to knock the fuck out of each other before they'd ever hug it out. Wasn't how they handled shit and never would be. They spoke better with their fist than they did with words when it came to each other. Being brother's you'd think they were better about handling each other but that just went back to things were never what they seemed.
"Abou-" Merle started and stopped his face hardening, "I had to leave you get that right? I'd killed him if I stayed."
Daryl chuckled and shook his head, "Don't need to explain yourself to me."
"Think I do I seen your back Daryl." Merle said his name for the first time in a long time without some snide remark tacked on. "If I had known he'd do the same to you..you were always his favorite." Merle looked off his face a hard mask of rage, "If I had known he'd done that I'd come back and put the bullet between his eyes years ago."
Daryl chewed that over not sure what to say to uncharacteristic words from his brother. Merle was sober and cleaned up. He was in the military and it seemed to be doing good for him. Maybe his words were genuine. Goddamn did Daryl want them to be genuine. He craved that from his brother. He'd idolized him growing up. His mother was nothing more than a memory, his father was a nightmare but Merle had been his hero. It felt like a brother's burden they both shared having come from that from fucking man and sharing his blood.
They didn't talk about it anymore after that and Daryl was grateful that Merle could still read him like a book. He picked up on him being uncomfortable and steered the conversation away from the subject of his father and his scars. Instead Merle chose something just as embarrassing for him.
"You gettin' any good pussy around here?" Merle waggled his eyebrows as he took a deep drink from his beer.
Daryl's felt his face heat up and looked down at the carpet. Merle laughed and kicked his booted foot trying to get his attention. Daryl hadn't had any friends really growing up and his brother had been gone for so long that the only person really around was his father. Wasn't the best person for talking to and sure as fuck not about women. Then there was how painfully shy he was around women and the fact that he had NO clue what in the hell to say to them. From what'd he seen women hated each other and were constantly talking shit about each other. They knew how each other thought and knew their feelings better than any one man could ever claim to know a woman and they fucking hated each other so why in the hell would he try to understand that only to realize he really fucking hated all of them even more. He'd take a pass.
"You aint some queer are you?" Merle cackled his head tipping back, "Talk about cocked and loaded."
"Fuck you aint no goddamn queer." Daryl snapped meeting his brother's eyes. "Just cause I aint saying nasty shit about every bitch that walks by with her ass hangin' don't mean I'm a fag."
Merle leaned over and tossed him a beer, "Loosen up little brother your ass needs to get laid is all." Merle leaned back spreading his arms over the back of the couch, "That'll work out all those kinks and burs real quick."
Daryl took a drink and despite his self he smirked around the lip of the can meeting his brother's eyes. Blue meeting blue he seen the same amusement in his brother's eyes too. They felt lighter without the shadow of their father over them and it was starting to feel like a second chance for him. Maybe he'd be able to see his brother more...maybe when Merle got out they'd actually be like a family instead of strangers. Daryl didn't hold out much hope though cause again he'd learned early on those valuable lessons that squashed all hope.
The night wore on and both set up. They didn't talk the entire time and when they did it was mostly Merle talking. Daryl was pretty sure Merle just needed to hear himself speak most of the time. Most of the shit was crack pot crazy and made him snort at the absurdity of it all but that was Merle. He would look the devil in the eye and tell him to suck his dick without batting an eyelash if it suited him.
The sun was starting to come up and the new light of the day was harsh against his eyes. Squinting Daryl sighed knowing arrangements needed to be made for their father. He hated this shit already and it wasn't even started. He didn't think anyone was really going to show up for the old man anyways and if they did they'd likely spit on his ass.
"I'm out of the service in six months. Time served." Merle started suddenly.
Daryl looked at him out of the corner of his eyes and doused that bauble of hope. He nodded along and stood up stretching his back and groaning at the sensation that washed through him. He was too damn young to feel so goddamn old and beaten down.
"I'm gonna take a shower and then head out to get that shit for him started."
Merle nodded his eyes on the window, "I say we stop and get breakfast first his ass aint going anywhere anytime soon." Daryl snorted at his crude joke and walked down the hall. Merle's voice followed him and he felt a smile spread across his face. "When I get out Darylina it's gonna be me and you...and then your ass is gonna drowning in pussy once you figure out how to use that Dixon charm."
"Nasty ass." Daryl called over his shoulder, "I remember the type of women you hung around and I'd rather not drown in that type of pussy."
"Fine you little cock sucker I'll get you a big ol' plate of dicks to drown in." Merle barked.
Daryl looked at him his face dead serious, "Merle it'd be a step up from the trench whores you were fucking."
With those words he was in the bathroom the door locked behind him as the bull of his brother barked and sneered down the hall. The sound of his bottle crashed close by and Daryl chuckled at getting one up on his brother as he showered. With each pass of the soap over his body and beat of the hot water he felt some of that muck that had held him down sluice down his body and down the drain leaving him bare. Stripped and clean of the sins of his father Daryl took a breath and let it settle in his lungs as he listened to Merle sing too loud to fucking early in the morning. He could do this. He could face the world and leave his shitty memories behind. He had too or he was going to suffocate under the weight and marks of them. He still had Merle after all and that was all he needed. Merle was always going to be his big brother and always show up at the right moment, a moment when Daryl hadn't even realized he had needed his big brother.