Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. J.K. Rowling does. I do however own Violet Lovegood and all the original characters' reactions.

(A/N: The first chapter happens at the beginning of the third book. However the rest of the story takes place at the beginning of the fifth book. In the third book Harry misses the Sorting but Hermione and Ron are there.)

Chapter 1: The Sorting

……"Granks, Maureen," called out Professor McGonagall. A pale brown-haired girl ran up nervously. Another girl waved to her friend, Maureen and gave her a thumbs-up. McGonagall placed the old sorting hat on Maureen's head. "HUFFLEPUFF!" declared the Sorting hat. All the Hufflepuffs clapped. Maureen gave a slight smile to her friend and went to join the Hufflepuffs. "Higgins, Melissa," called McGonagall. A plump blonde-haired pigtailed girl ran up. McGonagall placed the old sorting hat on Melissa's head. There was silence as the hat pondered. Then it shouted "RAVENCLAW!" This time it was the Ravenclaws who clapped as Melissa blushed and ran to join the Ravenclaw table. There were many remaining students still left to be sorted. McGonagall consulted the list again. Then she called out "Jacobson, Eli." A tall ginger-haired boy came up. McGonagall placed the sorting hat on his head. Seconds after the hat left McGonagall's hand, it yelled out to the great hall, "RAVENCLAW!" The Ravenclaws cheered once more. Eli rushed over looking embarrassed and quickly sat down at the Ravenclaw table. McGonagall looked the list. "Jacobson, Irene." A ginger-haired girl who was obviously Eli's sister walked up. "HUFFLEPUFF!" shouted the Sorting hat. Irene sadly looked at her brother and sat down at the cheering Hufflepuff table. Once again, the list was consulted. McGonagall said "Violet, Lovegood." All the Ravenclaws turned to look at a strange blonde haired second year named Luna Lovegood. "She's my cousin," Luna said in a carrying whisper. The Sorting hat was placed on Violet Lovegood's head.

"Herm, difficult. Yes, difficult indeed," said the Sorting hat. "What's difficult?" I demanded. "You. Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, or Gryffindor? You would do well in either of the three." "Hufflepuffs out," I said. "Oh? You don't like Hufflepuff? Well, that's out. So, Gryffindor or Ravenclaw? I'll leave the choice to you. Since you will be stuck in the House you choose for seven years." "Gryffindor is supposed to be for the brave at heart. Nah, I'll take Ravenclaw. Better to be smart than brave," I decided. "All right. Your choice. You'll be the one to blame if you don't like Ravenclaw." "RAVENCLAW!" the Sorting hat announced to the entire hall. All the Ravenclaws led by my cousin Luna cheered. I felt a big grin sweep onto my face as I joined Luna and the other Ravenclaws at the Ravenclaw table. I stood up for a moment. "HEY, MAUREEN!" I shouted across the Great Hall "RAVENCLAW IS AWESOMER THEN HUFFLEPUFF! I PWN YOU!" I sat down and waited for the Sorting to finish. Everyone was staring at me except for Maureen, Luna, Ginny Weasley and Hermione Granger. Maureen gave me a big grin and winked. I could hear Hermione over at the Gryffindor table explaining. I heard Draco Malfoy asking people at his table if they knew what I was talking about. I took the opportunity. "HEY MALFOY! YOU DON'T KNOW CHATSPEECH IS? OR n00bs? OR ILLETERATES? LIKE OMG!" I knew very few people knew what I was talking. And that I had made my first enemy by making Draco Malfoy seem stupid because he didn't know what n00bs, chatspeech or illerates were. Heh, heh! But I didn't care.

Please R & R.

This is my first Harry Potter fanfic so don't flame.

Also, this is my first humor fanfic.