Dedicated to Charlotte, Laura and Emma. Don't kill me. Please.
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One day – in teletubby land, Po was the first teletubby to wake up.
'Eh – oh!' said cheerful little Po, in an incredibly annoying voice. 'Eh – oh!'
'Oh look Po!' said the narrator. 'It's a lovely day! Why don't you go and skip around in the sunshine?' Po looked out the window, then at Dipsy. 'Yes I know Dipsy is your boyfriend Po, but you can still skip around in the sunshine while he is asleep.' Po took 5 minutes to consider this astoundingly simple premise. 'Eh – oh!'
Po went outside, and skipped around in the sunshine. Then Po saw a sparkly blue light. 'Oooooh!' said Po, thinking It was yet another of those stupid animations. 'Oooooh!'
Suddenly, the sparkly blue light magically turned into a door. 'Ooooh!' said Po. Then, 4 figures suddenly appeared in the light. 'Oooooh!' said Po. Then, one of the figures started to talk. 'Where the shit are we?' it said. 'Ooooh!' said Po. Then, another of the figures began to talk, 'That's it, I am not eating school food again!'
'Oooooh!' said Po. 'Po shut up, that is getting on my nerves' said the narrator.
Then, the 4 figures stepped out of the doorway, and walked across the hill. It was 4 people. The first person was very short, she had stupid fluffy hair and an evil grin. The second person was slightly taller than the scary one, she had dark hair and had a panicked expression on her face. Another of them had brown hair, and was smiling at the rabbits. She was wearing pink trousers. And the other one was very tall – she had blonde, quite long hair and was kicking the rabbits.
'Oooooh!' said Po.
The 4 people walked over to Po. Po smiled at them, 'Eh – oh!'
The one with the pink trousers jumped and hid behind the tall one. 'Waah!' she screamed.
The short one walked right up to Po and prodded her stomach. The other one looked scared.
Po smiled again – then pointed at herself. 'Po.' She said. The short one pointed at the others. 'Katie, Laura and Charlotte. I'm Emma.'
Po smiled again. 'Emma?'
'Yes' said Emma. That's what I said.
Po smiled and pointed at herself. 'Po.' She said.
'We know.' Said Laura.
'Emma.' Said Po, quite pleased with herself.
'Are you an airhead or something?' said Emma.
'Po!' said Po.
Laura nodded, 'an airhead of the worst kind – a teletubby.'
'Oh shit!' said Katie.
'What?' said Charlotte.
'We're not going to be able to get back!' panicked Katie. 'We don't know how we got here – so how do we get back?'
'Um…' said Emma.
'Well…' began Charlotte.
But Po grabbed Emma and Laura by the hands and started skipping along back to the tubby house!
Laura screamed 'Don't touch me you freak!!'
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Dipsy, Tinky-Winky, La-la and Noo noo were all very pleased that they had visitors. Emma enjoyed teasing the teletubbies, but was scared of noo-noo – the vacuum cleaner. Laura liked to kick the rabbits and teach the baby in the sun swear-words. Katie became addicted to the 'tubby-tustard' and Charlotte ate nothing but tubby-toast.
Then, Charlotte remembered how they came to be In teletubby land. 'We were at Emma's house. Then she passed round some…ciggarettes.'
'Why on earth did you touch the ciggarettes? They are very bad for you!' Said the narrator. 'But Emma said they had no tabacco in them – so we all had a smoke' said Charlotte.
'Well they had no tabacco in them that's for sure!' Said Emma.
The teletubbies laughed.
Katie spoke up. 'Well I don't mind if we're stuck here forever.' She said, as she finished a bowl of 'tubby-tustard'. This sugary pink goo makes up for no chocolate! And its calorie free!'
'No it's not' said the narrator. 'I said it was calorie-full. 5000 calories a teaspoon!'
'Really?' said a panicked Katie. 'I've already had about 10 bowls. Oh – it doesn't matter, I can lose the weight skipping around.'
'No you can't' said the narrator. 'It is impossible to lose weight in teletubby land!'
'Why?' said Emma. Curious as always.
'Because the BBC thought it would promote eating disorders among two year olds! Haven't you ever wondered why the teletubbies are so pudgy?'
'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!' screamed Katie, 'Nooooooooo!!!!'
'Hehehe!' chuckled Laura.
'Mmm! Tubby toast!' said Charlotte.
'Damn Tinky-Winky stole my handbag' said Emma. The others turned to look at her.
'Trust you to make friends with the homosexual teletubby!' said Laura and Charlotte.
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One day – in teletubby land, Po was the first teletubby to wake up.
'Eh – oh!' said cheerful little Po, in an incredibly annoying voice. 'Eh – oh!'
'Oh look Po!' said the narrator. 'It's a lovely day! Why don't you go and skip around in the sunshine?' Po looked out the window, then at Dipsy. 'Yes I know Dipsy is your boyfriend Po, but you can still skip around in the sunshine while he is asleep.' Po took 5 minutes to consider this astoundingly simple premise. 'Eh – oh!'
Po went outside, and skipped around in the sunshine. Then Po saw a sparkly blue light. 'Oooooh!' said Po, thinking It was yet another of those stupid animations. 'Oooooh!'
Suddenly, the sparkly blue light magically turned into a door. 'Ooooh!' said Po. Then, 4 figures suddenly appeared in the light. 'Oooooh!' said Po. Then, one of the figures started to talk. 'Where the shit are we?' it said. 'Ooooh!' said Po. Then, another of the figures began to talk, 'That's it, I am not eating school food again!'
'Oooooh!' said Po. 'Po shut up, that is getting on my nerves' said the narrator.
Then, the 4 figures stepped out of the doorway, and walked across the hill. It was 4 people. The first person was very short, she had stupid fluffy hair and an evil grin. The second person was slightly taller than the scary one, she had dark hair and had a panicked expression on her face. Another of them had brown hair, and was smiling at the rabbits. She was wearing pink trousers. And the other one was very tall – she had blonde, quite long hair and was kicking the rabbits.
'Oooooh!' said Po.
The 4 people walked over to Po. Po smiled at them, 'Eh – oh!'
The one with the pink trousers jumped and hid behind the tall one. 'Waah!' she screamed.
The short one walked right up to Po and prodded her stomach. The other one looked scared.
Po smiled again – then pointed at herself. 'Po.' She said. The short one pointed at the others. 'Katie, Laura and Charlotte. I'm Emma.'
Po smiled again. 'Emma?'
'Yes' said Emma. That's what I said.
Po smiled and pointed at herself. 'Po.' She said.
'We know.' Said Laura.
'Emma.' Said Po, quite pleased with herself.
'Are you an airhead or something?' said Emma.
'Po!' said Po.
Laura nodded, 'an airhead of the worst kind – a teletubby.'
'Oh shit!' said Katie.
'What?' said Charlotte.
'We're not going to be able to get back!' panicked Katie. 'We don't know how we got here – so how do we get back?'
'Um…' said Emma.
'Well…' began Charlotte.
But Po grabbed Emma and Laura by the hands and started skipping along back to the tubby house!
Laura screamed 'Don't touch me you freak!!'
***********************************************************
Dipsy, Tinky-Winky, La-la and Noo noo were all very pleased that they had visitors. Emma enjoyed teasing the teletubbies, but was scared of noo-noo – the vacuum cleaner. Laura liked to kick the rabbits and teach the baby in the sun swear-words. Katie became addicted to the 'tubby-tustard' and Charlotte ate nothing but tubby-toast.
Then, Charlotte remembered how they came to be In teletubby land. 'We were at Emma's house. Then she passed round some…ciggarettes.'
'Why on earth did you touch the ciggarettes? They are very bad for you!' Said the narrator. 'But Emma said they had no tabacco in them – so we all had a smoke' said Charlotte.
'Well they had no tabacco in them that's for sure!' Said Emma.
The teletubbies laughed.
Katie spoke up. 'Well I don't mind if we're stuck here forever.' She said, as she finished a bowl of 'tubby-tustard'. This sugary pink goo makes up for no chocolate! And its calorie free!'
'No it's not' said the narrator. 'I said it was calorie-full. 5000 calories a teaspoon!'
'Really?' said a panicked Katie. 'I've already had about 10 bowls. Oh – it doesn't matter, I can lose the weight skipping around.'
'No you can't' said the narrator. 'It is impossible to lose weight in teletubby land!'
'Why?' said Emma. Curious as always.
'Because the BBC thought it would promote eating disorders among two year olds! Haven't you ever wondered why the teletubbies are so pudgy?'
'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!' screamed Katie, 'Nooooooooo!!!!'
'Hehehe!' chuckled Laura.
'Mmm! Tubby toast!' said Charlotte.
'Damn Tinky-Winky stole my handbag' said Emma. The others turned to look at her.
'Trust you to make friends with the homosexual teletubby!' said Laura and Charlotte.