Some of the weird stuff they say is stuff I used to say that drove my friends and family nuts. I tried to make sure it wasn't too crazy, crackish, or OOC; though everyone interprets things differently. This will be a 2 shot.
Disclaimer: I don't own Young Justice, Disney, or any other books/shows/movies referenced. I just own the randomnicity of it all.
Please enjoy and review.
Part 1: How to Break a Superboy
Mount Justice:
Conner was alone in the living room, watching his favorite static channel on the flat screen. He didn't know why, but the white noise of the static calmed him. It drowned out the background noise that was constantly around him, thanks to his super sensitive hearing. The clone always picked up random bits and pieces of nearby conversations, sometimes they would say things that he didn't always fully understand. The G-gnomes only taught him the basicsame of English fluency. But since the Superboy was created to be a weapon, and not to partake in typical mainstream human interaction, they didn't bother teaching him much about pop culture references, similes/metaphors, or sarcasm. Fortunately (or rather, unfortunately) he now had friends who could teach him.
It was a slow day at Mount Justice. Red Tornado was on an off world mission with the other mentors, leaving Red Arrow to step in as temporary 'den mother' to the Team. While the Team was at school, Roy was out trying to chase a lead on Speedy in Star City, though his errand ran a little later than he had planned.
Artemis was at home in Gotham, working on a project for school. Raquel and Kaldur went to the movies and Megan was at cheer practice. Normally Conner would watch her practice; but M'gann insisted that he go home and try to relax, after the Boy of Steal almost pummeled a freshman at lunch for looking at his girlfriend the wrong way.
Aside from the calming static of the TV, the Cave was silent. That is until Kid Flash and Zatanna arrived.
"Pssstt…. Supey!" Wally (in his civvies) exaggeratedly whispered from behind the doorway he was peering through.
"You do know I heard the Zeta Beam announce your arrival, right?" The annoyed clone asked.
"I know. We just wanted to see if you were busy." The speedster replied, referring to himself and Zatanna, who was still hiding behind the wall. "But since you aren't, we got something to show you."
The ginger haired teen and the ebony haired girl entered the living room.
"So much for relaxing." The super teen mumbled under his breath, too low for typical humans to hear, as he turned off the TV.
"I know you have a habit of adopting strays." Zatanna stated as she set the box on the table and opened the top. "Well, how about these little cuties?"
The box contained three kittens: black, white, and orange.
"I don't think a cave with a pet wolf would be an ideal home for kittens." Conner commented.
"In a house full of heroes, there's no safer place for them to be." Zee replied.
"Besides, Wolf is actually pretty friendly… for a wolf." Wally replied.
As if on cue, Wolf entered the room as a response to his name. Zatanna and Wally were ready to pounce the giant carnivore, if need be, to protect the kittens. Wolf cautiously approached the box and sniffed. A fluffy white kitten popped out of the top and sniffed the large white wolf, before licking his nose. The wolf responded by licking the top of the kitten's head, in a grooming manner, as the kitten purred in bliss.
"Aww…" Zatanna and Wally responded in unison.
"It's like Wolf is their mama." Zatanna cooed as she lifted the purring white kitten out of the box and patted Wolf on the head before he walked over to his blanket in the corner.
"Wolf is a boy." Conner replied.
"Are you sure about that?" Wally probed "After all, you assumed Sphere was a boy at first, too."
"Positive. Batman and Superman made me get him fixed." Superboy replied, "Well, after we found a vet willing to neuter a rare giant white wolf."
Just then, Conner heard the Zeta Beam announce Robin's arrival from the hangar. Robin was in his civvies with sunglasses.
"Wally, I got your message." Robin, who still hasn't told anyone on the Team (except Wally) his real name, broadcasted as he entered the common room. "What's the surprise?"
"This." Wally said as he lifted an orange kitten from the box.
Robin, the protégé of the infamous unemotional Batman, couldn't help but to awe at the cuteness. He walked over to the box and picked up the black kitten that was still in the box.
"Where did you get them?" The Boy Wonder inquired.
"My backyard." The ginger boy holding the ginger feline replied. "They've been hanging around for a while, but there's no sign of their mom."
"Are you keeping them?" Robin asked.
"I wish I could, but my dad's allergic." The speedster responded. "My mom wanted to call the shelter, but I can't stand the thought of these little guys being locked up when they didn't do anything wrong."
"Yeah, I wish I could take them; but we just got a dog and Batman doesn't want cats around." The Boy Wonder replied.
"I'm sure we can keep them here." Zatanna announced. "After all, the Cave is practically a home for orphans and strays anyway." She stated with a hint of sadness before her face lit up from seeing the white kitten yawn. "Look, this one has a face."
"Don't they all have faces?" A very confused Conner asked.
"Yes, but this one's is just too cute." The magician responded in a cutesy voice.
"But you said it 'had a face' like you were expecting it to not have a face?" The perplexed Superboy reiterated. "It doesn't make any sense."
Just then the other 3 teens exchanged mischievous expressions as they all seemed to have the same idea for a prank. They casually joined Conner on the couch before one of them spoke up.
"So Wally…." Robin said nonchalantly as he rested the black kitten on his lap. "Have you thought of any names for them yet?"
"Nope, not yet." The speedster responded calmly, as his kitten curled up in a ball on his lap and he started petting it. "But I did some online research and figured out that the white one is a girl and the other two are boys."
"Well, I want to name my cat Bunny." Zatanna announced.
"What?" Conner asked in disbelief. "I thought they were cats?"
"They are, but mine has big feet and big ears; she looks like a little baby bunny-rabbit." The magician explained.
"She looks like a cat." Superboy responded in a serious tone.
"Interesting fact: Did you know that baby rabbits are actually called kits, which is short for kittens." Wally, the self-proclaimed scientist responded.
This only confused Superboy even more.
"I don't know; I still kind of like Bunny." The girl said as if she was now considering another name.
"Well, mine looks like a baby otter when he washes his face." Robin claimed as he gestured at the black kitten that was trying to 'wash' behind his ears with his paw. "I think I'll call him Otter."
"But it's not an otter." Conner said; starting to grow frustrated at his friends' unusual claims.
"Another interesting fact: Did you that while baby otters are normally referred to as pups, they can also sometimes be referred to as kits or kittens?" The scientific ginger informed his friends again.
"Huh, you don't say..." Robin replied with a thoughtful look on his face.
"I'm almost afraid to ask what Wally wants to name his kitten." The super teen sighed under his breath, as the speedster rubbed his kitten's tummy.
"I think I'll call him Joey." The redhead responded to Conner's comment.
This surprised everyone. They all thought Wally of all people would pick something strange. Two of his friends looked disappointed that he wasn't playing along; however, the Kryptonian was relieved. Though it wasn't a name Conner would choose for a pet, at least Wally didn't name it after another animal. Then Zatanna thought of something.
"So what made you want to name him Joey?" The magician finally asked, with an evil grin on her face.
"Because when I rub his tummy he kicks the back of his legs and it makes him look like a baby kangaroo, which is called a joey." Wally explained. "But now that I think about it, he also has black tips on his ears and a white tip on his tail like a fox. I guess I could also call him Fox."
Conner sighed, 'What is wrong with all of them?' he thought.
"Hey, KF." Robin joined in the conversation when he caught on. "Did you know that similarly to an otter that a baby fox, which is usually referred to as a pup, can also be referred to as a kit or a kitten."
"Now that I think about it…." The ginger said, with a small grin, pretending to contemplate.
"You're all seriously considering either naming all of your kittens after other animal species or just naming them all Kitten?" The frustrated clone asked.
"Yep." They all answered in unison.
"So boys; what will it be: Bunny, Otter, and Joey; or Kitten, Kitten, and Kitten?" Zatanna asked.
"Kitten!" All the cat lovers claimed at once.
"Um, don't you guys think it will be confusing having 3 kittens named Kitten in the same place?" Conner asked.
"Good point." Robin replied thoughtfully. "But you know what they all remind me of…?"
The other two thought for a second before all three cat holders joyfully shouted: "Aristocats!"
The Team never really watched Disney movies much when they were together. Mostly because, for some reason that only Robin seemed to understand, Batman had a list of movies that were banned from the Cave; half of them being Disney movies. But, of course, many of the teens had watched some Disney movies before they became heroes and joined the Team.
"Don't you mean 'aristocrats'?" The confused super teen attempted to correct, not knowing the reference.
"No, Aristocats." The speedster insisted.
"So they're like… fancy cats?" The discombobulated Kryptonian asked, trying to make sense of their nonsense.
"I think you mean Cat Fancy." The magician corrected, referring to a magazine that Conner has never heard of.
"I think he means they should only eat Fancy Feast." The redhead replied, referring to a cat food brand.
"I think he means they're cultured and we should take them to see Cats." The Boy Wonder responded, referring to the Broadway musical.
"I… don't know what I'm saying anymore." The Boy of Steel admitted, not sure what was going on anymore.
"So I guess mine would be Marie then." Zatanna stated, hugging her kitten.
"That makes mine Toulouse." The ginger said as his feisty kitten kneaded his lap.
"And mine shall be Berlioz." Robin broadcasted as he lifted his kitten up for a moment before placing the tiny feline back on his lap.
"And if Wolf is their mama, then that makes him Duchess." Zee added.
"Wolf is a boy!" A frustrated Conner defended his pet; he took a breath before he asked: "So are those their final names then: Marie, Berlioz, and Toulouse?"
The three jokesters looked at each other again with those notorious smirks.
"We're still debating." The Boy Wonder replied "I like the idea of naming them after the Aristocats".
"Well, I still like Bunny!" The magician proclaimed.
"I like the idea of naming them all Kitten." The speedster admitted.
"You wasted the past 10 minutes of my life trying to find names for your cats and you're telling me none of you has found one decent name?" The Kryptonian was starting to get angry.
"You're right, Supey." Batman's protégé considered. "You guys… I think we should name them after the Three Musketeers."
"Athos." Wally proudly dubbed his cat as he lifted the spirited orange kitten.
"Porthos." Zatanna broadcasted, lifting the fluffy white kitten into the air.
"Aramis." Robin announced as he lifted up his sleek black kitten.
"What is wrong with you people?!" Conner asked in an accusing tone. "Is there a gas leak? Why is everyone acting insane?"
The three teens brought their kittens back to their laps and all tried to maintain blank expressions.
"Us, insane?" Zee questioned innocently.
"That sometimes almost always never happens." The Boy Wonder, known for his mangling of the English language, added sarcastically.
"You people are impossible!" The Kryptonian shouted in frustration.
Conner stood up and stormed into the kitchen.
A few moments later
The Zeta Beam announced Captain Marvel's arrival in the hangar.
"Hello, anyone home?" Captain Marvel inquired from the other room as he walked through the Cave. "Red Arrow's running late and he asked me to check up on you guys; are you here?"
"Hi, Billy!" Zatanna called to the superhero/10 year-old boy.
"We're in the living room." Robin indirectly invited him.
The superhero walked in and saw the teens playing with their new pets.
"Cool, kitties!" Captain Marvel exclaimed in excitement.
The superhero with the Wisdom of Solomon always had a hard time controlling his 10 year-old personality, especially when he was around animals and the Team.
"Yep, found these little guys in my backyard." Wally informed the caped man.
"They're so cute." Captain Marvel happily cooed in baby talk at the kittens, focusing on Zatanna's cat. "Such a cute, itty-bitty kitty. And she has a face, yes she does!"
"UGH!" An angry grunt came from the kitchen, along with the sound of glass breaking.
Conner, who was fed up with all of the nonsensical awing, had crushed the glass of water that was in his hand. He didn't say a word as he walked straight to his room. Wolf got up from his blanket in the living room and followed the angry teen.
"What was that about?" Captain Marvel asked.
"Don't worry about it." Robin told him.
"So what are their names?" The chronologically youngest, yet oldest appearing, person in the room asked.
The troublesome trio exchanged their infamous grins.
"Why don't you ask Supey?" The ginger suggested.
"Um, okay…" Captain Marvel said confused with a hint of nervousness as he headed to the clone's room.
Moral of the story (so far): Sometimes friends can be jerks... really weird jerks.