The Raven Tap, Tap, Tapped on the (Dance) Floor
Chapter One
Disclaimer: I do not own the Teen Titans. I do not own the Teen Titans. I do not own the Teen Titans. I do not own the Teen Titans. I do not own the Teen Titans. I do not own the Teen Titans. Nor do I own Buzz Cola and Doritos.
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"ANCHOVIES?! DUDE! I've been an anchovy! That's like- that's like- that's like you're eating me!" Beast Boy exclaimed as his forest green face radiated an angry bright red. His arms flailed as he continued to yell at Cyborg. "Can we get something that has no cruelty involved in it whatsoever?!"
A sadistic smirk crossed Cyborg's face. "But Beast Boy, what do you think happens to the veggies when you pull them out of the ground? They die! Don't you think they're screaming 'DON'T EAT ME!' on the inside, too? That's cruelty, too!"
Beast Boy fished an ice cube out of his blue-vanilla Slurpee cup and heaved it at Cyborg. Cyborg ducked and it hit a stranger passing by.
"Watch it, loser!" the stranger sneered.
Beast Boy ran the stranger's face through his internal face-recognition machine. "Melissa?! DUDE! Why didn't you call me?"
Beast Boy's failed date pointed to a male friend to whom her arm was linked. She smirked. And with a teasing you-can't-have-this toss of her blond hair, she was gone. The rest of the Titans snickered.
Starfire, however, was bewildered. "Friend Beast Boy, why did the one called 'Melissa' attempt to liberate her tresses from her cerebrum-storage device?" she pondered aloud as she attempted a hair flip of her own.
Unfortunately for Robin, who was seated adjacent to the alien, Starfire's extensive orange mane knocked over his piping hot herbal tea ("Let us all sample a new beverage!" suggested Starfire with a toothy grin. Robin examined the menu. "Hmm, the herbal tea sounds interesting." Raven twitched. "I guess I'll have a soda." Beast Boy, after much hesitation, decided on a mocha latte. Cyborg's eyes widened as he eyeballed his teammates. "Oh hell no! Y'all are not leaving me with the wheat grass smoothie!")- spilling it onto his lap.
The Titans counted down, "5, 4, 3, 2, 1."
"AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" Robin rocketed from his seat and flailed around the massive terrace of the local pizza joint, knocking over whatever obstructed his path. After a few moments of utter and severe pain, Robin was back in his seat.
The Titans looked around in horror. Robin cocked an eyebrow. "What?"
Raven clutched Robin's chin and jerked his head around, allowing his to take in the full extent of the mayhem he left in his wake. His destruction included, but was not limited to: overturned tables, spilled beverages, broken glass, and injured civilians (including a fallen elderly woman who pleaded, "Help me," and was answered by an eager young man who replied, "Coming!" But when he dragged her away, she exclaimed, "You're not my grandson!" To that, the young man replied, "That's good! 'Cause then it would be incest.").
Robin shuddered. "That's just wrong," he muttered as he shook his head.
"What?"
Robin spat on a napkin and wiped the herbal tea remains from his uniform. "Never mind."
Beast Boy's emerald eyes darted from The Boy Wonder to the mechanical hybrid. "Are we gonna get pizza or what?"
"ANCHOVIES!"
"VEGGIES!"
Barefoot green feet lightly grazed the fibers in the lush crimson carpet in the Titans' gathering room. Light footsteps quickly gave way to primal, rhythmic stomping. "Everybody! Move your feet and feel united! Ohhhhh!" sang Beast Boy, white iPod ear buds firmly planted in his ears, rendering him horrendously tone deaf- as if he wasn't already. His minuscule pelvis thrusted and gyrated to the insatiable beat that pounded out of his green mp3-playing device. "D-d-d-don't stop the- HEY! YOU STOPPED THE BEAT!"
Robin grimaced. "I could hear you from the training room. Could you be a little quieter?" he asked, returning the iPod he had hastily snatched from Beast Boy.
"WHAT?!" Beast Boy yelled, ear buds still jammed in his ears.
Robin winced as he yanked out Beast Boy's ear buds. He cleared his voice. "I said, BE QUIET!!!!"
Beast Boy smiled weakly. "Okay," he squeaked. He watched his leader as he made his exit and, as soon as he was out of reach, he blew a raspberry in his direction. Beast Boy delicately wrapped his earphone cord around his Nano with care and then... tossed it over his shoulder. With both hands, he grasped the back of the Titans' massive arched black sofa and propelled himself over. He had already made himself comfortable (stretched out, one leg propped up against the top of the sofa, one arm behind his head, the other grazing the floor, drool streaming out of his mouth...) when the thought occurred to him- "I wanna watch a movie!" Realizing his dilemma, Beast Boy groaned. He pulled his leg off of the top of the sofa and-
"BOOYAH! THE BIG SCREEN'S FREE!" That being said, Cyborg sprang over the couch and landed on top of a very mortified Beast Boy. He stretched out his robotic legs and positioned his massive arms behind his head. But much to his bewilderment, he still could not get comfortable. "Who tampered with my pillow?" he wondered aloud as he reached underneath himself and retrieved a panting Beast Boy.
"DO YOU KNOW (pant) HOW (pant) UNCOMFORTABLE THAT (pant) IS?!" Beast Boy ranted, his expression was that of a madman. He snatched the remote of out Cyborg's grasp. "No TV for you!" he declared with a scowl. "Besides, I was gonna watch a movie. Now, if only I could remember what I wanted to watch..."
"NO! I'M GONNA WATCH TV!"
Raven quietly floated into the battlefield, armed with an icy brand of wit and a game plan: to retrieve a novel she had abandoned there a few days prior. Unbeknownst to her, however, she was about to get drafted into the war.
"RAVEN! Wanna watch a movie?!"
"RAVEN! Hey, girl! Let's watch some TV!"
Raven stopped in her tracks. Her royal violet eyes assumed the deer-caught-in-headlights expression. She about-faced and loaded her weapon. "Beast Boy, I will not watch, no- endure another juvenile film of your choice while you try to peer down my shirt."
Cyborg silently mocked Beast Boy's rejection. Beast Boy crossed his lanky arms and shot Cyborg a scowl.
Raven turned to face the hulking machine and reloaded. "And you, Cyborg. I will not take in another 'game' in which the 'players' beat each other senseless for the amusement of millions of mindless spectators. They just throw the ball in there to make it seem legit."
Cyborg scooped his jaw and his dignity up from the carpeted floor. He and the changeling exchanged looks of confusion, shrugged it off and plopped down on the couch. An aluminum can of Buzz Cola pelted Beast Boy's ear.
"OWW! DUDE!" Beast Boy retorted, rubbing his throbbing ear.
Robin stormed towards the couch. "Move over," he commanded as he was about to plop down. He snatched the can from Beast Boy and yanked the tab open. "What are we watching?" he asked as Cyborg channel surfed.
Cyborg groaned as he reached the last channel for the fourth time. "There's nothing on!"
Robin shrugged. "That's cool. Let's play a game. Hey Raven," he called as Raven was about to make her exit, prized book in hand, "Wanna play a game with us?"
Raven turned to face her teammates. "No, I want to read my book," she replied. The boys pouted. "No!" she stated again. The boys pouted even more and Beast Boy gave her the "puppy-dog face". Raven sighed. "Alright, I surrender," she declared as she made her way over to where the boys were sitting.
"I'll get Star," Robin announced as he jumped up and went to Starfire's door. He knocked twice. "Star, the Titans and I are gonna play a game of some sort. I wanted to know if you would like to join us. ...Star?" Starfire's earsplitting snores made Robin twitch. "Okay, never mind," he muttered to himself as he went to the kitchen. A few moments later, he arrived in the living room with two packs of Buzz Cola, the remains of that afternoon's pizza and a bag of Doritos.
"Haha, veggies," Beast Boy teased Cyborg. Cyborg socked him in the arm.
The Titans were lying on the floor in the center of the living room, their torsos propped up on their forearms. Robin set the refreshments down in the center and mimicked their positions.
"So what are we playing?" Raven inquired as she grabbed a cold slice of pizza.
Robin thought for a moment, his fingertips painting various patterns on the carpeted canvas. "Truth or Dare?"
"Um, okay," Raven said between sips of her soda. "Who's first?"
Beast Boy's hand shot up. "OOOH! Me!" He looked around. "Robin! Truth or Dare?"
Robin hesitated. "Uh, dare."
Beast Boy grinned. "I dare you to wear your underwear on the outside!"
Twelve Buzz Colas, seven slices of cold pizza, and two bags of Doritos later, the Titans were a wreck. Beast Boy donned a hot pink bikini, a half-buzz cut, and a black sharpie tattoo on his pelvis proclaiming his sexual urgings for broccoli and donuts. Cyborg wore a blonde pigtailed wig, had nearly gagged on a tofu salad, and had licked Robin's cheek. Robin sported cerulean eyeshadow, underwear over his tights, and had scrawled "I'm an Oscar Mayer weiner!" on his arm. Raven had on a dress- enough said.
"...Oh, I love you, Ken!" Raven wrapped up her rendition of Aqua's "Barbie Girl". The Titans were rolling on the floor, clutching their aching stomachs in explosive laughter. Two cans of Buzz Cola exploded, splashing brown carbonated goodness all over the carpet.
Beast Boy wiped a tear from his left eye. "That's classic." He cleared his throat. "Robin, truth or dare?"
"Truth," Robin replied with a smirk.
Beast Boy mimicked Robin's expression of control. "Welllllllll, ARE YOU MADLY IN LOVE WITH STARFIRE?!" he interrogated with a sly grin.
Robin cocked an eyebrow. "No. Not anymore, really. But guess who I am madly in love with."
"Who?"
"Your mom."
"Ha. Ha."
"Raven!" Cyborg called the startled empath. "Truth or dare?"
Raven's slender hands crinkled the pleats of Starfire's pale blue jumper. "Dare," she answered reluctantly. She inspected the silk violet bows that encircled the bodice. This is rather charming.
Cyborg pondered Raven's physical challenge. What does she despise most of all? What is the most horrible feat to put her through? Ah. He grinned a most cynical grin. The Titans gave their undivided attention to the mechanical wonder. "Raven," Raven looked up from the dress she was fiddling with, "I dare you to enroll in a ballet class!"
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Next chapter up soon. :D!
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