Castiel watched Dean as he slept, looking down at him Cas could tell that the hunter was not sleeping peacefully. Dean looked troubled, even while asleep. He looked scared, no. Terrified. He even looked to be in some amount of pain. He was not just dreaming he looked to be having a nightmare. Hell. Cas thought sadly, wishing he could do something to help him. Suddenly, Dean's eyes shot open. Cas looked at him a moment longer before turning away so it wouldn't be so evident he had been staring.
"Hello Dean. What were you dreaming about?" The angel said turning back to face Dean. He looked at him, startled, Cas couldn't exactly blame him he would be startled too if he awoke to someone watching him sleep. That is, if he slept. After a moment or two Dean seemed to regain his usual composure, he looked rather agitated at waking up to see someone in the cheap motel room who was not Sam. Dean rolled his eyes and began to sit up, pushing the makeshift blanket off of himself, which was really only his jacket.
"What? Do you get your freak on by watching other people sleep?" Dean asked giving Cas a reproachful look as he continued to wake up more.
"W-what? No. That is not what I was trying to do-" Cas began to stutter out but Dean cut him off.
"Cas. It's fine. I was using sarcasm." Dean said his voice full of his usual confidence, the angel couldn't help but admire that about Dean, he was never afraid to say what he felt. Cas admired many things about Dean; his confidence, the way he always seemed so layed back, how he could make a joke in any set of circumstances, his goofy and mischievous ways. Some things that Cas admired about Dean were his physical traits, Dean had these beautiful green eyes that had captured the angel's attention-
"CAS!" The angel was suddenly brought back to reality by Dean's voice, He focused his attention back on the man that sat in front of him.
"Sorry... I was... thinking.." Cas said rather hesitantly. Lately he had been feeling more and more fond towards the hunter, who after all was was only his friend, his brother. At least that's how he should have seen it but he couldn't help but find him self feeling more attracted to Dean. He wondered about what it would be like to be able to touch Dean freely, not even in a sexual manner, just to be able put his hands against Dean's chest would be enough for him. He wondered, perhaps, if this is what it felt like to... fall in love?
Cas felt his shame rising up. These were not the things he should be thinking about, he was an angel. A warrior. He was not supposed to harbor such emotions, especially not secret desires to be with someone, not romantically. Not at all. He brought his gaze back up to meet Dean's. The other angel's would have scoffed at him and his absurd need for the human, the need to feel that he was safe.
"Dude, you really shouldn't just- Hey Cas!" Cas looked up at Dean, he must have looked quite upset at the moment because Dean's features softened a bit.
"Cas, is something wrong? You look kind of upset." Dean looked genuinely concerned for his friend, he seemed to look right past the facade and into the real Cas, the one riddled with worry and doubt.
"No." Cas said firmly. Dean looked skeptically at him.
"Cas..." The angels resolve not to say anything crumbled a bit.
"No, I just... I just find myself lost in thought more and more lately. But the things I'm thinking they are... not what an angel should be thinking about.." He finished lamely. Dean continued to stare at him now looking curious.
"I think you should be able to think about whatever you want, angel or not. " He said staring at Cas. "You can tell me." He made it sound so, final.
Cas seemed to struggle for words. He couldn't possibly tell Dean what he had been thinking about, yet he wanted to. Dean always seemed to have all the right words, even now Cas found it hard to resist telling him. Dean would be appalled he would want no part of it. Then, very suddenly Cas stood up. He began to take a step when Dean spoke again.
"Cas, what's up? Is something wrong?" Dean looked at the angel. Cas hadn't realized before but Dean was now standing too. He looked at Cas with a worried expression.
" I can't tell you." Castiel said, refusing to look at Dean. He could feel his cheeks burning and he knew that were red from embarrassment. Dean laughed,
"What?" He said, looking at the humiliated expression on the angels face.
"What could be so awful you can't even tell me?" When Cas didn't answer still Dean decided to try and lighten the mood a bit.
"Let me guess, I have rendered you speechless with my charming ways, witty humor, and stunning good looks and you just can't help but find yourself madly in love with me." Dean finished, laughing, even topping the sentence off with a wide smile that, even in this state, made Cas want to smile back.
But he didn't, he sat there, mortified. Cas still had no real grasp on sarcasm, and now he had no idea what to say. How did Dean know all of that? Was it that obvious that he had feelings for him and desired more than to be just friends? The angels mind kicked into overdrive and raced through all the possible outcomes of this situation, they all seemed grim. But he couldn't help but think about what it would be like if things went his way for a change, what would it be like to merely kiss the hunter. He was still thinking about this when Dean spoke again.
"Uh... Cas?" He was looking over at the angel while a look of insane worry and doubt played across he handsome features.
"Huh?" Cas mumbled dazedly, still mildly stuck in his fantasy.
"You do know I was joking... right?" Dean said looking at Cas with a look that seemed very much to be a look of pity. Cas felt a sinking feeling in his stomach and right then he wished that he was anywhere else but in that motel room with Dean, but he couldn't just leave. He looked at Dean for a few moments longer and then he dropped his gaze to his feet. He could still feel those green eyes on him.
"Cas... you don't actually... like me.. do you?" Dean asked, he sounded, for once, hesitant, but he still seemed to move closer, Cas had to have imagined it.
"It seems to be that way, yes." Cas said quietly. He should have known this would happen, he never should have started this conversation, he shouldn't have even been here. Yet when Cas finally looked up, Dean was standing in front him.
"Dean? I-" But Dean stopped him.
"You have feelings for me?" He asked. His green eyes never left Cas's blue one's.
"Yes." Whispered Cas shamefully. The guilt he felt caused an awful burning cold feeling in the pit of his stomach. Cas tore his gaze away from Dean's and resumed looking at his feet. He heard an odd noise come Dean a mix between a gasp and a low growl. Cas still didn't look up, he was terrified of what Dean would think of him from now on. Suddenly he felt Dean's hand under his chin gently lifting his face up, what Cas saw astounded him. Dean was closer than he had ever been, so close in fact Cas could feel Dean's warm breath on his face. His breath caught in his throat.
"Dean." Cas's voice was barely audible now.
" I thought that maybe I was going crazy for a while, you know?" Dean said quietly.
" I just thought that there was no way you could feel the same way about me. I'm usually so fucking confident when it comes to flirting with anyone. But you... something about you makes me nervous."
Dean chuckled. They stood there for what seemed like an eternity to Cas, finally he realized Dean was waiting for him to make a move. He stared up at the hunter, Cas was in wonder over how something could be so beautiful slowly Cas closed the space between them slowly, moving up and gently pressing his lips to Dean's. Dean let out a gentle sigh. After a few moments he moved away from the hunter and opened his eyes. Dean was staring down at him, seemingly at a loss for words. Suddenly Dean brought his lips crashing back onto the angels, he couldn't help but be forceful, he had been waiting to do this for a long time. Cas knotted his hands in the front of Dean's shirt bringing him closer. Cas could feel Dean's hands on his hips, Dean's fingers were digging into the fabric, he was clutching Cas as if afraid he would disappear.
Cas tried to take a step forward but he found himself tripping on his own feet, luckily Dean stopped him from falling. Dean pulled away from Cas slightly and began to trail kisses down his jawline.
"Dean, I'm having a hard time standing at the moment." Cas said, his voice cracking. Dean looked down at Cas.
"That's okay. If you want we can lay down." Dean seemed to realize what he said only a few moments too late.
"No! No. Wait, what I meant to say was... well... I-if you like..." Cas had never seen Dean so flustered and to be quite honest he had never seen anything as cute. Cas stared up at Dean for a second and then he finally responded.
"I'd love to." Cas said, for once in his life he was absolutely positive that was what he wanted. Dean relaxed a bit, and smiled down at the angel. No. His angel. Dean's arms wrapped around Cas's body and he brought him into an embrace.
"Dean?" Cas said quietly.
"What's up?" Dean asked looking down at Cas.
"I think... I think I love you..." Cas said. His voice was barely a whisper but Dean still heard what he said.
"I think I love you too, Cas." Dean said this with no hesitance in his voice.
For the first time in a long time Cas found himself smiling wildly. Nothing was close to perfect but at least he had Dean, and for once everything was quiet.