Disclaimer: I didn't invent Seinfeld.
A/N: I wrote this when I was 12.
Seinfeld: George, Meet Art van Delay
Scene 1: Jerry's Apartment
George: It's George
Jerry: Come on up.
George come up.
George: Hi
Jerry: Hi. M&M?
George: Yeah, okay. So how are things with Alison?
Jerry: Surprisingly good considering we broke up.
George: Have you noticed that you break up with women so often, it's becoming like a routine? It's like you do it every...what is it, every week?
Jerry: Something like that.
George: Let me guess. You have a new girlfriend.
Jerry: Yeah. You'll meet her; she's coming here soon and we're going to a movie.
George: Do you know her name?
Jerry: Yes, I know her name. It's Jill.
George: Is it the same Jill I went out with?
Jerry: No.
George: You know pretty soon you will have gone out with every woman in the city. You'll have to move or become gay.
Jerry: What's with you today?
George: Nothing.
Jerry: Here, want some gum?
George: Why, does my breath stink?
Jerry: Ah, THAT'S the George I know and hate.
George: Do you hate me because my breath stinks? 'Cause if it does, give me the whole pack of gum.
Jerry: Here you go.
George: Is it that bad, Jerry?
Buzz
Jerry: Yeah?
Jill: It's me, Jill.
Jerry: Come up.
George: (with mouth full of gum) So that's Jill, huh?
Jerry: What?
Jill comes in.
Jill: Hi, Jerry.
Jerry: Hi. Jill, this is George. George, Jill.
George: (mouth still full of gum) Hi Jill.
Jill: Uh…hi.
Jerry: Jill and I were just going to a movie.
George: Well, I'll see you later.
Jerry: Yeah, bye.
Scene 2: Jerry's Car
Jill: What was with all the gum?
Jerry: You mean George? He's a gumoholic.
Jill: He's addicted to gum?
Jerry: Gumphobia? I can't stand gum.
Jill: You know, my father hates gum. If he sees someone chewing it he goes crazy.
Jerry: So I guess he doesn't work for any gum companies.
Jill: No; he owns a latex company. It's not doing very well though. He's understaffed. People usually quit after a week. No one likes working with my father.
Jerry: Maybe I've heard of him. What's his name?
Jill: I'm pretty sure you haven't. My father is Art van Delay.
Jerry: Art van Delay? I think I've heard of him.
Scene 3: Monk's
George: Jill's father is Art van Delay?
Jerry: That's right.
George: But, but I made him up!
Jerry: Well, he's real.
George: If Jill finds out, do you think she could sue me for stealing her father?
Jerry: Don't be ridiculous. Oh no, it's Bania!
George: The comedian?
Jerry: It's comedians like him that give the rest of us a bad name.
Bania: Hi Jerry! Do you come here often, Jerry?
Jerry: Yes.
Bania: You know this is the only place that has a Big Salad.
Jerry: Really.
George: Well, I guess I'd better be going.
George leaves much to Jerry's dismay.
Kramer comes in.
Kramer: Hey, Jerry, I need your help. Newman wants to paint his apartment.
Jerry tries to decide what he'd rather. Newman or Bania…Newman or Bania…
Jerry: Look, Bania, I'm really sorry but I have to help Newman.
Jerry and Kramer run out of the shop.
Scene 4: Outside Monk's
Kramer: Right, the Post Office is this way.
Jerry: Post Office? I thought we were painting Newman's apartment.
Kramer: You aren't. We are.
Jerry: So what am I doing?
Kramer: Delivering the mail for Newman while we paint his apartment.
Jerry: Can't we paint his apartment while he delivers the mail?
Kramer: Don't tell him I told you this but I don't think he trusts you.
Jerry: So he doesn't trust me to paint an apartment but he trusts me to do his job?
Kramer: Actually, he doesn't know I asked you to do it.
Jerry: There's George, ask him. GEORGE!
George: Is that Bania guy gone?
Kramer: Do you want to help Newman?
George: With what?
Jerry: Delivering mail. Just put on a few pounds, wear a toupee and no one will notice the difference.
Scene 5: The Hallway in Jerry's Building
Kramer: Newman, what are you doing?
Newman: I was painting the door and then I closed it to see what it would look like from outside and when I tried to open it, it was stuck.
Jerry walks by.
Newman: Hello Jerry.
Jerry: Hello Newman.
Kramer: Here, let me try.
Jerry: What's wrong with the door?
Kramer: It's stuck.
Jerry: Stuck?
Newman: I painted it closed.
Jerry: Well, at least George is covering for you at work.
Scene 6: Post Office
Newman's Boss: Newman?
George: (wearing a toupee that looks nothing like Newman's hair) I'm here.
Newman's Boss: Are you Newman? You look different.
George: It's amazing what a little cosmetic surgery can do these days.
Newman's Boss: You chose to look like that? Well, I slight improvement, anyway. You'll be delivering mail between the Library and Van Delay's Industries.
George: Van Delay?
Newman's Boss: Yeah, you know, that latex company.
George: Yeah, I think I've heard of it.
To Be Continued…
A/N: I wrote this when I was 12.
Seinfeld: George, Meet Art van Delay
Scene 1: Jerry's Apartment
George: It's George
Jerry: Come on up.
George come up.
George: Hi
Jerry: Hi. M&M?
George: Yeah, okay. So how are things with Alison?
Jerry: Surprisingly good considering we broke up.
George: Have you noticed that you break up with women so often, it's becoming like a routine? It's like you do it every...what is it, every week?
Jerry: Something like that.
George: Let me guess. You have a new girlfriend.
Jerry: Yeah. You'll meet her; she's coming here soon and we're going to a movie.
George: Do you know her name?
Jerry: Yes, I know her name. It's Jill.
George: Is it the same Jill I went out with?
Jerry: No.
George: You know pretty soon you will have gone out with every woman in the city. You'll have to move or become gay.
Jerry: What's with you today?
George: Nothing.
Jerry: Here, want some gum?
George: Why, does my breath stink?
Jerry: Ah, THAT'S the George I know and hate.
George: Do you hate me because my breath stinks? 'Cause if it does, give me the whole pack of gum.
Jerry: Here you go.
George: Is it that bad, Jerry?
Buzz
Jerry: Yeah?
Jill: It's me, Jill.
Jerry: Come up.
George: (with mouth full of gum) So that's Jill, huh?
Jerry: What?
Jill comes in.
Jill: Hi, Jerry.
Jerry: Hi. Jill, this is George. George, Jill.
George: (mouth still full of gum) Hi Jill.
Jill: Uh…hi.
Jerry: Jill and I were just going to a movie.
George: Well, I'll see you later.
Jerry: Yeah, bye.
Scene 2: Jerry's Car
Jill: What was with all the gum?
Jerry: You mean George? He's a gumoholic.
Jill: He's addicted to gum?
Jerry: Gumphobia? I can't stand gum.
Jill: You know, my father hates gum. If he sees someone chewing it he goes crazy.
Jerry: So I guess he doesn't work for any gum companies.
Jill: No; he owns a latex company. It's not doing very well though. He's understaffed. People usually quit after a week. No one likes working with my father.
Jerry: Maybe I've heard of him. What's his name?
Jill: I'm pretty sure you haven't. My father is Art van Delay.
Jerry: Art van Delay? I think I've heard of him.
Scene 3: Monk's
George: Jill's father is Art van Delay?
Jerry: That's right.
George: But, but I made him up!
Jerry: Well, he's real.
George: If Jill finds out, do you think she could sue me for stealing her father?
Jerry: Don't be ridiculous. Oh no, it's Bania!
George: The comedian?
Jerry: It's comedians like him that give the rest of us a bad name.
Bania: Hi Jerry! Do you come here often, Jerry?
Jerry: Yes.
Bania: You know this is the only place that has a Big Salad.
Jerry: Really.
George: Well, I guess I'd better be going.
George leaves much to Jerry's dismay.
Kramer comes in.
Kramer: Hey, Jerry, I need your help. Newman wants to paint his apartment.
Jerry tries to decide what he'd rather. Newman or Bania…Newman or Bania…
Jerry: Look, Bania, I'm really sorry but I have to help Newman.
Jerry and Kramer run out of the shop.
Scene 4: Outside Monk's
Kramer: Right, the Post Office is this way.
Jerry: Post Office? I thought we were painting Newman's apartment.
Kramer: You aren't. We are.
Jerry: So what am I doing?
Kramer: Delivering the mail for Newman while we paint his apartment.
Jerry: Can't we paint his apartment while he delivers the mail?
Kramer: Don't tell him I told you this but I don't think he trusts you.
Jerry: So he doesn't trust me to paint an apartment but he trusts me to do his job?
Kramer: Actually, he doesn't know I asked you to do it.
Jerry: There's George, ask him. GEORGE!
George: Is that Bania guy gone?
Kramer: Do you want to help Newman?
George: With what?
Jerry: Delivering mail. Just put on a few pounds, wear a toupee and no one will notice the difference.
Scene 5: The Hallway in Jerry's Building
Kramer: Newman, what are you doing?
Newman: I was painting the door and then I closed it to see what it would look like from outside and when I tried to open it, it was stuck.
Jerry walks by.
Newman: Hello Jerry.
Jerry: Hello Newman.
Kramer: Here, let me try.
Jerry: What's wrong with the door?
Kramer: It's stuck.
Jerry: Stuck?
Newman: I painted it closed.
Jerry: Well, at least George is covering for you at work.
Scene 6: Post Office
Newman's Boss: Newman?
George: (wearing a toupee that looks nothing like Newman's hair) I'm here.
Newman's Boss: Are you Newman? You look different.
George: It's amazing what a little cosmetic surgery can do these days.
Newman's Boss: You chose to look like that? Well, I slight improvement, anyway. You'll be delivering mail between the Library and Van Delay's Industries.
George: Van Delay?
Newman's Boss: Yeah, you know, that latex company.
George: Yeah, I think I've heard of it.
To Be Continued…